Whoosh! Just think of me as a yoyo ma -- sometimes I love you...sometimes I hate you...sometimes I love you...and so on
Erica reminds Kendall that Lena is there for her

Lena Kundera

January 13, 2004

(Lena mention)
Last update: 01/13/04

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Erica Kane
Kendall Hart
(No Lena)


Kendall almost spills the beans about her real relationship with Michael Cambias to Erica. While talking Erica actually says the word "Lena".


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

No Lena mention. (sniff)

From About All My Children

Strangely, no Lena mention.

From Soap Slut

No Lena mention. GASP!


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Kendall looks for thunder.
  • Erica wrings her hands.
  • Jack is not Travis.
  • Edmund breathes.
  • Greenlee wants to get a man.
  • Boyd sniffles.

The Set-Up – At Ryan’s, Greenlee wants to be tied up ‘cause Kendall is about to arrive and she wants to be ready.

At the hospital, Stompianca rushes in and tells David she won’t be having a foreign kid anymore.

Erica’s Penthouse – Erica crossed a line and Kendall wants to know what it was so that she can go there, stomp on it and magically understand why she pushes people away.

Kendall, look no further than Erica.

Erica says that one must weigh the risks and that she’s been fortunate to have "people in [her] life" who "were worth the risk."

Kendall: "People like Jackson?"
Erica: "Yes. And Bianca. And, believe it or not, you."

Oh sure, dangle that carrot in front of a hungry woman! You’re Kendall’s Holy Grail, remember? Stop teasing, you horrible woman. Also, kick her out ‘cause Jack’s going to be home any minute and…you know.

Kendall takes off her coat, Erica smirks at Faux!Belly and I howl at the perennial flower print but – growr: Alicia would make one hot looking pregnant woman.

Erica: "You seem to go out of your way to make people think the worst of you."

Hey, not everyone can do that as seamlessly as you; plus, Kendall has a lov…erm, sister to protect.

The House That Porn Built –Maddie and Sam vie for Chesty LaRue’s attention, but I don’t know why since Sam should know by now that adopted kids get the shaft and barely register as a blip on the furry screen.

The Hospital – Good news: Furrymund is still unconscious.

Outside, Bianca and David continue to chat about her "third trimester" pregnancy – and we get a due date, too: late March/early April.

Bianca: "I think that mom must have some kind of radar that goes off when she knows that someone is about to tell her something that she doesn’t want to hear."

She also has a gay-sex-is-about-to-happen radar: remember when you and Lena officially got together? She called and she showed up. Conversely, she never shows up at your apartment. Why? Say it with me: because Maggie lives there. The most she can do to that needle is make it confuse its cardinal points.

Erica’s Penthouse – Erica says that Kendall would need "both hands to count the number of people who’ve put themselves on the line" for her: "not just Ryan, but Bianca, Jack, Aidan, Boyd, Lena" and Erica herself.

How the h*** has Erica even noticed that Lena is helping Kendall? Bianca has barely noticed and she’s the one who asked Lena to help her sister. Oh, you know I only quoted that because Kym is anal-retentive and the Lena mention will end up in the Whoosh! AMC episode guide: if she’s going to upload the AGR, I might as well give her a quote. Hee, she loves me, I know it.

Erica: "No matter how much we do for you, it’s just never enough and if something just doesn’t go the way you want it to, then you’re back to believe that the whole world is out to get you."

Erica, are you looking in the mirror? Just how long will it be until you to realize that Kendall is your daughter in all the ways you wish Bianca were? ‘Cause Kendall? She’s just like you.

Erica asks Kendall to tell her the truth about the night Michael disappeared – and it would be touching if it weren’t for the fact that, every time Erica wears leather pants and sits, her voice is drowned out by the shifting sand. No, really: have you noticed? She sits and her pants groan the same way sand shifts in a bag.

Just as Kendall is about to open up, she sees the subpoena on Erica’s coffee table and learns that Erica told the police that she had the combination of Jack’s safe and, therefore, had access to the gun that was found in the duffle bag.

Remember the duffle bag? It was the last, real clue we got about the murder and that was, what? A millennia ago? While you’re all pulling your hair out over the latest Kendall/Erica tease, I’m thinking ahead and wondering just what Bianca will do to her mother once she realizes her lov…erm, Kendall’s freedom might have been jeopardized with that little impromptu confession to MiniTarzan. You like your hair now, Erica? I suggest you go make yourself a wig.

Please Make It Stop – Is Isabella’s Maria’s mother? I dunno, but she’s the worst actor on AMC and she’s up against some stiff competition – and I mean that literally. And the fuh with the nursemaid uniform?

Ryan’s Timeshare – Mia stops by for – well, I don’t know why, but she figures out that Greenlee sorta kinda wants FrankenBrow.

Greenlee: "You know Mia? You’re not as dumb as you look."

That’s right, she’s far, far dumber than that.

Greenlee: "Ryan made me see that Pablo is not the right man for me. And Kendall’s not the right woman for him."
Mia: "And you don’t care that she’s absolutely crazy about him?"

Pot? Kettle’s on line 1. Shut UP Mia! Or have you forgotten that you’ve suctioned yourself to Aidan’s chest?

Maddie’s Whine – I cannot take this kid and I really, really want something horrible to happen to her. Thank you Myrtle for interrupting her every time she opens her mouth: you’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.

The Last Scenes - And not a moment too soon.

At the Pine Cone, we find out what actors do while they’re not on the show: they f*** with their hair. You and Lena, Boyd: you and Lena.

At the penthouse, Erica looks at a picture of Bianca and tells Jack she now knows what Bianca has been hiding.

Erica: "Do you see how thin she was then compared to now? […] Here I was, worried that she was gonna slip back into anorexia after Michael Cambias but, no. I mean, she’s glowing, Jack: look at her now."

Oh, Erica: are you really this desperate to avoid the truth? Bianca’s fatter! She’s not anorexic! She’s cured, CURED!

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Tad tells Babe she can trust him; in court, Kendall says she can prove she’s having Michael’s baby; J.R. shoves David; Erica asks Bianca to tell her what’s wrong.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Greenlee came to see Ryan.
Ryan: Why are you here Greenlee?
Greenlee: I came to throw myself at you and beg you to save me from PFKAJP.
Ryan: Didn't we do that last week?
Greenlee: And the week before. So how about it?
Ryan: Sorry. I'm not ready for a relationship with you right now.
Greenlee: OK. I can wait....how about now?
Ryan: Sorry. What is it with you and PFKAJP anyway?
Greenlee: I don't know. It's just so inconsistent. One day we want to be together no matter what and the next we're pushing each other away. It's like there are different writers for different days of the week. But let's talk about us. Why don't we just hang out together and see what happens between us? Maybe we could just be together, share a pizza, get closer and closer.
Ryan: That sounds wonderful.
Greenlee: It does?
Ryan: Yes. I love pizza. I think I'll go get one now.
Greenlee: And they say romance is dead on this show.

Boyd came to the Pine Cone.
Mia: Aidan's asleep right now.
Boyd: Then wake him up. I have to talk to him about Kendall.
Mia: Forget it. He's mine now.
Aidan: Ello Boyd. Cime to tawk abowt Kendall did yew? Yew won't moind leaving for an hour or a couple of dighs wewd yew Mia?
Mia: Kendall, Kendall, Kendall. Is that all you men ever think about?
Aidan: Roito.
Boyd: You got it.
Mia: :::sigh::::

Kendall went to see Erica.
Kendall: I need to talk to you.
Erica: Of course my darling daughter. You know I'd do anything for my little girl.
Kendall: Are they doing an "Erica has a long lost twin" storyline that I didn't know about?
Erica: No. This is just one of my "I like Kendall" days. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Kendall: I'm just so confused. I know what happened and I know why it happened but I thought it wouldn't happen again but now it's happening again and I don't know how to stop it from happening again so can you tell me how you stopped it from happening again?
Erica: You're so high strung Kendall. I can't imagine where you get it. Is this about the murder trial?
Kendall: No. It's about something more important - my love life.
Erica: You're putting your love life before facing the death penalty for murder?:::sniff sniff:::I'm so proud. You really are my daughter aren't you?
Kendall: Are you sure they aren't doing an "Erica gets a clone" story like Guiding Light did a few years ago?
Erica: Don't be silly. Now tell me what really happened the night Michael was killed.
Kendall: I want to but .......hey, what's this?
Erica: A subpoena. That DA person wants me to testify against you.
Kendall: About what?
Erica: Nothing really. I just told the police you had access to the murder weapon.
Kendall: Acckkkk! I should have know better than to trust you.
Erica: I couldn't help it. They caught me on an "I hate Kendall" day.

Kendall went to the Pine Cone.
Kendall: Are you leaving Aidan?
Aidan: Yes. Oi'm off to foind the vicar whot married yew tew that rotter Moichal. Cheerio luv.
Kendall: I guess I'll be going too then.
Boyd: That's right. Leave good old Boyd behind. I finally get a break from the Backburner Cafe and you can't even spend five minutes in a scene with me.
Kendall: What's this all about Boyd?
Boyd: I don't know. Maybe reminding people that I could be a suspect by showing that I'm not all sweetness and light.

Bianca arrived at the hospital.
David: What are you doing here Bianca?
Bianca: I just heard about Edmund and I rushed right over. I'm so upset about this.
Baby: Of course you are. Just because you haven't had a scene with him in recent memory doesn't mean you don't care. Of course cynical audience members might think this was a cheap plot device to put you in scenes with David and Jack without having to put up an extra set but we know better don't we?
David: If you're going to stay in town Bianca you need to think about telling Erica the truth.
Bianca: Maybe later.
Baby: Maybe I'll tell her myself. If anything gets done around here it looks like it will be up to me to do it.
Jack: What's going on here?
Bianca: I just came to see Edmund. It reminds me of when my father died except he wasn't shot and he wasn't on contract for years and Edmund's not actually dead.
Jack: Yes, I see the similarities.
Bianca: I just miss my father so much, especially now.
Jack: I miss him too. Travis was a prince among men all right.
Baby: I know it's gospel now that he was the salt of the earth but I seem to recall Grandpa Travis wasn't exactly the nicest guy in the world. Oh well, that's what I get for watching tapes from back when the show was really good.

Maria talked to the kids.
Maria: Daddy has a boo boo but he'll be fine soon. Why don't you go back to the attic and draw him a picture?
Maddie: OK.
Sam: We need new crayons. I had to eat the last set for breakfast this morning. Abuela forgot to feed me again.
Isabella: Poor Maria. Why don't I call your brother and sisters to come and comfort you? I don't think Julia could come because she's on another soap but they've just recast Anita and Mateo doesn't seem to be working much these days.
Maddie: Mommy, Mommy, I just heard that Daddy was shot!
Maria: Where did you hear that?
Maddie: I was watching last weeks marathon on Soapnet. Is Daddy going to die?
Myrtle: Of course not. Your Daddy is still on contract. He'll be just fine.
Maddie: Who the heck are you?
Myrtle: Wise old Myrtle Fargate. Even if we've never had a scene together, I show up in times of trouble to make everyone feel better.
Maddie: Sort of like Santa Claus?
Myrtle: Please. Don't get me started on that two-timing @^&**(%.


The fifth level of a KaneWoman Obsession: Maybe if I dump Kendall she'll miss me...

In case you have forgotten what Boyd looked like


Kendall: I came here asking for your help.
Erica: Oh, really? For help? Or did you really come here for a free pass to act out the next scene in your psychodrama?

Erica: You're still revving up the car to leave me and Bianca and Ryan in the dust, aren't you?


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Erica reminds Kendall that Lena was there for Kendall (Lena mention)]

Erica: Kendall, you would need both hands to count the number of people who have put themselves on the line for you. Not just Ryan, but Bianca, Jack, Aidan, Boyd, Lena. Even me. And no matter how much we do for you, it's just never enough. And if something just doesn't go the way you want it to, well, then you're back to believing that the whole world is out to get you.
Kendall: The whole world is out to get me. That prosecutor Derek, the prosecutor Alan singer, everybody, all of them, they can't wait to hang me for Michael's murder.
Erica: Well, you want everybody to believe that your hands are clean, but you are unwilling to tell anyone what you really did the night that Michael Cambias went missing.
Kendall: O.K., for the millionth time, we went to Vegas and we eloped.
Erica: Get out.
Kendall: What?
Erica: I said get out. I want you to leave right now.
Kendall: Erica, I -- I came here asking for your help.
Erica: Oh, really? For help? Or did you really come here for a free pass to act out the next scene in your psychodrama? Look, Kendall, I know what you're facing. And if you think that you can get through it alone, you're mistaken. You have got to just throw away your fears. You have got to finally believe that if someone says they care about you and they vow to be with you no matter what, then they will be.
Kendall: I believed you when you said that you would put the past behind you and that we would move on to the next level.
Erica: And we would have if you had been as honest with me after as you had been with me that evening. But you weren't. And you're still revving up the car to leave me and Bianca and Ryan in the dust, aren't you?
Kendall: Ryan. The man who holds my entire future in his hands.
Erica: Kendall, if you're afraid to break new ground with Ryan, try me. Start with me. Let me in, Kendall. Please let me in. You can trust me. Please tell me the truth about Michael Cambias and about everything.


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
None whatsoever!

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