Whoosh! Do you think I'm sexy now?
Lena and Kendall bond
at Bianca's baby shower

Lena Kundera

March 05, 2004

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 05/08/04

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Erica Kane
Kendall Hart
Maggie Stone
Babe Chandler


All sorts of hilarity ensues at Bianca's baby shower


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

No mention of Lena

From About All My Children

Opal, Marian, Colby, Maggie, Lena and Mia arrive, and Bianca thanks them for coming. Marian says Colby is so excited-it's her first big girl party! Opal tells Marian she's praying this afternoon will be uneventful. Marian notes her generosity with the two gifts she's holding, and Opal explains one is from Brooke, who's off hunting down a surgeon, hoping to get Edmund back on his feet...

Kendall arrives and hugs her sister. When Bianca worries that her mother hasn't arrived, Kendall tells her Erica said she would show up, and she will. Bianca just hopes that's a good thing. Lena laughs about the crowns they're all wearing, and Maggie agrees it's time to open some presents! Lena calls for the Queen's throne, and they all laugh as a large chair is brought out for Bianca...

Bianca smiles that the baby already has a name since last night, "Thanks to Lena." She explains that last night Lena was reading Shakespeare aloud, "How beauteous mankind is…" Lena adds, "Oh, brave new world that has such people in it!" Bianca agrees that's how she feels because they've all helped her create a brave new world for this baby, and so the baby's name will be Miranda. "Like Carmen?" Opal asks, but Marian tells her no, it's like the character in The Tempest. All agree it's beautiful, unusual and inspired, and Krystal asks about her middle name. Bianca says that was much more difficult. She considered Kendall, Lena and Margaret and Myrtle, but she settled on Mona, after her grandmother, "Miranda Mona Montgomery." As Opal feels another toast coming on, Erica appears to feel faint; she backs up and knocks the tray of champagne glasses from Winifred's hands.

From Soap Slut

No Lena mention


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.

The All Gay Re-Capper is on strike again.


This parody is by LizzieT.

David ran into Kendall at the falls.
David: What are you doing here Kendall?
Kendall: Sitting here waiting for Ryan to come back. Sad isn't it? What about you?
David: I come here a lot.
Mine Shaft: What's up with that anyway? What am I? The new boathouse?
David: So I guess this means you still love Ryan.
Kendall: Apparently, though for the life of me I can't imagine why. Tell me David, how can I be like you?
David: Well, you're off to a good start. You've been arrested almost as many times as I have already. I guess you could
build a lab and start making secret formulas in your spare time. I could let you borrow the Libidizone starter kit.

Greenlee was still at the cabin.
Greenlee: I know I had a conversation with Ryan earlier but I don't remember anything about it. It must not have gone well because he's gone now. I know, I'll just stick this thermometer on the stove. Ryan can't leave if I have a fever of 167 degrees.
Greenlee2: You can't do that. I thought you were going to change.
Cabin: Oh great! The mine shaft warned me there'd be days like this.
Greenlee: I just want to stay here at the cabin a while longer. Can you blame me? The mine shaft was supposed to be my big comeback story but it didn't go over very well.
Greenlee2: I've got news for you. This storyline isn't going over very well either.

Edmund had visitors at the hospital.
Edmund: Maddie! Sam! It's so good to see you.
Sam: They're repainting the attic so we got out for a day.
Maria: I brought the children to remind you of what a wonderful life you have.
Maddie: What's that wheelchair doing here? You aren't in the middle of a paralysis storyline are you? Audiences hate paralysis storylines.
Edmund: My legs just aren't working very well right now.
Sam: That's not the only thing that doesn't work in a paralysis storyline.
Maria: Sam!
Sam: Sorry. We get cable in the attic you know. I sure hope you're not paralyzed for good. If you're not in a hot romance story on this show you might as well be in the attic with us.
Isabella: I think I'll take the kids down for ice cream now.
Maria: Please do. They haven't exactly helped my cause.
Sam: What's ice cream?
Maddie: You'll like it. It's sort of like the gruel we get in the attic but it's frozen.

Later Maria talked to David.
Maria: I need your help David. Edmund can't possibly have the surgery.
David: Do you want me to erase his memory so he'll forget all about having it?
Maria: No. I want you to talk him out of having it. Just remind him of how your precious baby girl died on the operating table during an operation you didn't want her to have.
David: :::wince:::: I see the push-up bra thing is still going on but you really need to rethink your St. Maria title.

It was time for Bianca's shower.
Bianca: This was so sweet of you Babe.
Babe: It was my pleasure. After all, you know Babe=Good.
Baby: Was that Mary I saw leaving? Rats, she was the only reason I wanted to come to this thing.
Krystal: Smile for the camera:::::click::::
Baby: Please, no pictures. Honestly, I don't know what's worse, the tourists or the paparazzi.
Krystal: Liza, Simone, come on in. Are you two good friends of Bianca's?
Simone: I've met her once or twice.
Liza: I can't actually remember having a scene with her.
Krystal: So I guess the real reason you two are here is so we can exchange catty remarks about our relationships with Tad.
Baby: I can't stand it. It's bad enough I'm being used so everyone will see Babe=Good. Now my first big social event is a backdrop for that awful Tad the Cad story? I'm calling my agent.

Erica shopped for a baby gift.
Erica: Now what can I get for a present? What about this doll?
Doll: I love my daddy. I love my daddy.
Erica: Aaackkkk! Stop saying that!
Doll: What's the problem? Need a drink? Need a drink? Need an drink?
Erica: Shut up!
Doll: Can I call the Betty Ford Clinic and reserve your old room? Old room? Old room?
Erica: Can't someone make this doll stop talking?
NuBobby: I'll take care of that. I'll also get you some water, pick out a shower present for you, and not even question why we dont' recognize each other when our paths must have crossed dozens of times over the years.

The shower was in full swing.
Kendall: Look at all these lovely decorations. Isn't it wonderful? Who did all of this?
Bianca: Babe of course.
Kendall: I should have known. After all, Babe=Good.
Baby: ::sigh:::The pods have gotten to Auntie Kendall I see. I'm just glad I haven't been born yet. If I had to wear one of those dorky tiaras I'd spit up.
Babe: OK Bianca, time to get this party started. Here's your throne!
Baby: Just when I thought it couldn't get any tackier.
Erica: Hello everyone, where's the booze ....I mean party?
Baby: Aha, Grandma arrives. Let the games begin.
Krystal: Ms. Kane, I'm Krystal Carey, Babe's mama.
Erica: Of course you are.
Krystal: We're so glad you came. Now here's your tiara.
Erica: God, I need a drink.
Baby: Me too. Make mine a double.
Krystal: It's time for a toast. Everyone grab a glass of champaign or sparkling cider.
Winifred: I'll just take the champaign this way.
Erica: Not so fast cookie. Hand it over.
Kendall: I'd like to propose a toast to my sister Bianca.
Bianca: And I'd like to propose a toast to Babe. This shower just offers further proof that Babe=Good. To Babe.
Erica: I'll drink to that.
Opal: I'm afraid that's not sparkling cider my best gal pal is swigging.
Marion: What makes you think that?
Opal: She looks just like my great aunt Ethel used to when she was hanging out by the still waiting for the moonshine to boil. I know how to stop this. Oh look Erica.... I see a Jack Daniels truck coming up the driveway.
Erica: Where?::::
Opal: Sorry, my mistake.
Erica: You did the old glass switch didn't you Opal?
Opal: How did you know?
Erica: I didn't just fall off the Klydsdale wagon yesterday you know. Now give me back my drink.
Bianca: I have an announcement to make. I've chosen a name for my baby. It's Miranda Mona Montgomery.
Baby: :::sigh::: I did have my heart set on Lizzie. But Miranda Mona Montgomery sounds nice - and all those M's should look lovely on monograms.
Erica: Sorry. I guess I shouldn't have tried to drink 6 glasses of champaign at the same time.


Maggie envies Lena's Queen for the Day accoutrements

The shower really started to cook when they started to play "Let's look down Lena's shirt!"

No comment

But the true highlight was Maggie checking out Lena's posterior


Kendall: Hello, darling. Your tiara's a little crooked.
Lena: No, it's on purpose. Doesn't it make me look rakish?


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Lena arrives at Bianca's baby shower]

Babe: Mama, I heard her. My life is going to be ruined.
Krystal: Babe, you and your life are going to be just peachy, ok? So just enjoy the party.
Babe: Yeah, but you and taddy keep going around about announcements and secrets, and you even claimed that he proposed.
Krystal: I got it covered, all right? Simone's just got a flapping mouth, and the brain that controls it is the size of a black-eyed pea, all right?
[Doorbell rings]
krystal: Just go greet your guests, ok? Get it together.
Babe: Hey, you-all! Come in!
Opal: How are -- look at your --
krystal: Smile, opal!
Marian: Hi!
Babe: Thanks for coming.
Marian: Oh, no!
Maggie: Hi!
Mia: Hi!
[Lena walks in without saying anything]
Opal: Hi. Oh, the big day is getting close, huh?
Bianca: Thank you so much for coming.
Opal: Are you kidding? Floods or famine or locusts wouldn't keep me away. Congratulations, honey.
Bianca: Thank you.
Marian: Hi. Colby is so excited. This is her first big-girl party!
Bianca: Oh!
Colby: Why is it called a baby shower?
Bianca: I don't know. There's no water. Let's go see your mom. Maybe she knows.
[Krystal and Lena talking in the background throughout scene]
Marian: Hi. Well, I think we're in for a fascinating afternoon.
Opal: Well, I'm just praying it will be uneventful.
Marian: Two presents, darling. This is very generous.
Opal: Well, one is brooke'S. You know, she's off hunting down a surgeon, hoping to get edmund back on his feet.
Marian: Oh, edmund, that poor darling man. How's he bearing up?
Opal: Oh, I don't know.

***** (clip b) [Kendall tells Lena that she looks sexy]

[amc040305b starts]
Kendall: Your majesty!
Bianca: Oh, yeah, we don't stand on ceremony in this kingdom.
Kendall: Oh, my goodness gracious. Look at this place you've got! Who did it? Mary smythe did this?
Bianca: Oh, no! Babe ran her out of town and did the whole thing herself.
Kendall: Well, then, I mean, we're going to have some fun.
Bianca: I hope so.
Kendall: So how's mom?
Bianca: She's not here yet.
Kendall: Ok, well, she said she'd show up, and she will.
Bianca: I just hope that's a good thing.
Kendall: Yes, it's a very good thing. Look at you. Hello, darling. Your tiara's a little crooked.
Lena: No, it's on purpose. Doesn't it make me look rakish?
Bianca: Oh, yes. It'll save you time.
Kendall: Yes, yes, you're very sexy, very rakish, very sexy, yes.
Lena: Thank you very much.
Kendall: So, what did I miss?
Lena: Well, you're just in time to view all the loot.
Kendall: Oh, look at this! You are raking it in, girl.
Maggie: I think it's time to open the presents.
Lena: Oh -- ahem -- yes. The queen's chair, please? The throne?
Maggie: Ok?
Bianca: Oh, no! Can we wait a few minutes for mom to get here?
Kendall: Well, you know Erica. She likes to make a grand entrance.
Erica: Well, I hope I'm not too late.

***** (clip c) [Lena makes a diaper changing joke]

Bianca: Well, now the party can really start.
Marian: I'm so glad she's here. That's so sweet.
Opal: Yeah.
Bianca: Thank you so much for coming.
Erica: Well, of course, honey. Where else would i be? Oh, well, where can I put this?
Bianca: Oh, I'll take it. I'll put it with the others.
Erica: Oh, all right.
Opal: I'm just so glad you made it.
Erica: Of course, opal.
Opal: Yeah.
Krystal: This is a classic moment. Could you all get together and say and I'll take a shot, ok?
Opal: Oh, yeah.
Krystal: All right, say "goo-goo."
Bianca and erica: Goo-goo.
Krystal: Good! Great!
Erica: Ok. Sweetheart, now, don't worry about me. Now, you go ahead. You go ahead with all your guests.
Bianca: Ok.
Krystal: I'm krystal carey.
Erica: Yes, babe's mother.
Krystal: Yeah, babe's ever-loving mama. She's expecting, too.
Erica: Yes, yes, I heard.
Krystal: Yeah. Hey, where's your tiara?
Erica: Oh. Don't bother.
Krystal: No, no, no, you have to have one. Oh, here we go. Oh, yeah. You've probably had one of these before, but with the real diamonds in it.
Winifred: Here you are.
Erica: I'll just hold on to it.
Krystal: Oh, good. Now, you're not stingy with the bubbly, good.
Winifred: No, ma'am.
Krystal: Ok, everybody, there is some champagne here, but for those of you who are laying off the sauce due to pregnancy or what have you, there also is cider.
Marian: Ok, pass it on down.
[Lena mingles around then sits on the arm of the couch by Kendall near Bianca]
[All talk at once]
marian: Cider for the baby. Cider for the other baby.
Bianca: You drink cider?
Kendall: Well, you want cider? I know you love champagne. [amc040305c-inc2 starts] Ok, I'll take this from you. Ok, I think this is -- yes, this is definitely a moment for a speech.
Bianca: Oh, no.
Krystal: Hold on, let me get my camera ready now. Let me just get the camera.
Bianca: No, no speeches, please. No speeches.
Marian: I'm afraid there is no escape, darling.
Liza: My mother is right.
Kendall: Ok, so should this just be a tribute or a roast?
Bianca: Whatever it is, just get it over with, and don't you dare make me cry.
Kendall: All right. Ok. Now, little sisters usually look up to their older sisters. They do. But I am in awe of you, Bianca. You're beautiful and you're brave and you're so centered and you're loving. And I know my little niece is going to be an amazing child, so I will do everything I can to be someone that she can look up to.
Lena: Oh, no, as long as you're prepared to change some diapers and do some babysitting.
Kendall: I will, I will.
Bianca: Really!
Opal: We all will, Bianca.
Simone: Oh, wait a minute. I draw the line at diapers.
Liza: You don't see yourself with children?
Simone: Only if they come with nannies.
Krystal: All right, can we drink now?
Kendall: Yes, please. All right, to Bianca.
All: To bianca!
Bianca: Thank you. Thank you.
Maggie: Cheers.

***** (clip d) [Lena joins in to a toast to Bianca]
Opal: Is that champagne that Erica's drinking?
Marian: The glasses all look alike to me.
Marian: I think the cider's a smidge darker than the champagne, opal.
Opal: Yeah, that tears it, boy. I am not going to sit on my fanny while that girl goes to hell in a champagne flute. I am on recon.
Bianca: Hey, babe, do you want me to take a little photo-op?
Krystal: Yeah, here.
Bianca: Two mommies?
Krystal: Perfect. You-all get together.
Babe: Ok.
Krystal: Ok, say "rubber ready buggy bumper."
[amc040305d-inc2 starts]
Babe and bianca: Rubber baby --
Lena: Ok, wait. One more. [Lena positions Bianca and Babe back to back for a picture] One more like this. Back to back.
Krystal: Oh, I don't know about that.
[Lena in background]
Bianca: We're like pregnant bookends. Ok, I want to say something. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to give a little speech, because I'm so good at them now. I did not know what to expect today, and I have to admit, I was a little nervous about this whole thing, but, Babe, you did everything right.
Babe: Oh, my god.
Maggie: She just loves that tiara.
Bianca: I love the tiara. You better watch it, because i'm going to demote you from princess to dutchess if you're not careful. I do. I love it. I love my crown, I love the decorations, I love all of you for being here, and especially, you, Babe, for being such a wonderful friend. So I want to propose a toast to my fellow mother-to-be, Babe Chandler.
All: Oh.
[Lena joining the toast, smiling]
Babe: Thank you, guys.

***** (clip e) [Lena milling about in the background]
Opal: Erica! You look fabulous.
Erica: Oh, thank you, opal. Thank you.
Opal: Yeah, sure.
Erica: So what did I miss?
Opal: Oh, just the meet-and-greet portion. Nothing, really. Do you, by any chance, have a mint? My mouth is so dry.
Erica: I think I do.
Opal: Oh, goody.
Erica: Yeah.
Opal: Oh, great.
Erica: Here you go.
Opal: Oh, thank you so much. Well, it's a sweet shower, isn't it?
Erica: Opal, I think that you have my glass.
Opal: Oh, come on, now, erica, don't do this. You need to be --
erica: Opal, you are not my keeper. I thought you were my friend.
Opal: But I am your friend. That's why i'm doing this.
Krystal: I got to tell you, I struck gold with you. I'm so proud of you.
Babe: Mama, you think that j.R. Would still keep me around even if I wasn't pregnant?
Krystal: Oh, honey, of course he would. Are you kidding? He knows he's the luckiest man in the world to have you for his bride. He's going to love you and that baby more than you ever thought possible.
[Lena in background talking to someone]

***** (clip f) [Bianca announces that Lena helped choose the baby's name]

[Lena sitting between Maggie and Kendall]
Bianca: Oh, these are great!
Liza: Colby chose the C.D.S.
Bianca: She did?
Liza: She used to sing a lot of those songs before babe turned her on to britney and christina.
Marian: Oh, please, they grow up so fast, don't they?
J.R.: Oh, can I crash?
Marian: Oh, no, a man!
Krystal: Wait a minute now. I don't think expectant daddies are welcome.
Bianca: This one is welcome. You can stay as long as you want, sweetie.
[amc040305f-inc2 starts]
J.R.: Your majesty. Should I kneel?
[Lena watches]
Bianca: Oh, J.R., Thank you so -- no, you don't need to kneel. Loyal subject are welcome to stand. Thank you so much for coming.
J.R.: Happy baby.
Lena: She will be.
Bianca: I will do my best.
Krystal: What's in there?
Bianca: Oh, my gosh! This is amazing.
Simone: It's a baby monitor.
Bianca: No, but it has a camera so you can be in the other room and hear and see the baby.
Maggie: Wow.
Bianca: For this, I dub thee, knight.
Babe: Sir J.R.
Lena: Ok, so this one next?
Opal: Oh, that one's from me. I hope you like it.
[Lena hands Bianca the present]
Babe: Oh, I'm sure I will.
J.R.: Is this champagne?
Krystal: Yeah, it sure is.
J.R.: Well, if any dragons show up, I'll be in the library, sharpening my sword.
Bianca: I think we can take care of ourselves in here. Oh, this is so beautiful.
Opal: Pictures. It's about the pictures.
Bianca: Oh, mom. And -- and me and Kendall.
Kendall: Me, too?
Bianca: Yes. And -- and grandma.
Opal: Well, of course, you can't have the Kane women without Mona.
Liza: What a great idea.
Opal: Well, I just thought that this baby, you know, she ought to know who came before her.
Bianca: It'll give her something to reach for.
Opal: You bet.
Bianca: But there's two empty frames.
Opal: Well, that's for, you know, whoever you want in there, so --
Bianca: You and Myrtle.
Opal: I was hoping you might say that.
Opal: Camera ready for your little baby. And Myrtle says to say she's sorry she couldn't make it. She's got a cold and didn't want to pass it along.
[amc040305f-inc2 ends]
Krystal: Ok, take this one here. That one -- that one's from babe and me.
Bianca: No, you didn't have to get me anything.
Babe: It's totally practical.
Bianca: But you've already done enough. Oh! Oh, it's a tote. No, it's a tote for carrying the baby around.
Krystal: I wore out three of those toting around babe.
Bianca: Oh, yeah, I can't wait to use it. Thank you, guys, so much.
Krystal: Oh, you're welcome. Hey, let's play that game.
Babe: Yes.
Bianca: What kind of game?
Babe: Ok, so when we all walked in, [amc040305f-inc4 starts] we put names in a hat.
Krystal: Suggestions for the baby, you know.
Bianca: And if Bianca picks one of our suggestions, that person gets a special prize.
Bianca: Oh, all right.
Krystal: Just pass it around.
Kendall: You guys don't look, don't look, don't look.
[All talk at once]
Maggie: Verla? What kind of name is Verla? I don't like the name verla. Whose name is Verla?
Opal: Verla? That's Verla Grubb. Oh, she was very honorable and courageous.
Simone: Let's get back to the presents.
Bianca: Yeah, actually, we might as well, because she already has a name.
Maggie: Since when?
Bianca: Since last night, thanks to Lena.
[Lena blushing, giggling a little]

***** (clip g) [Lena kisses Bianca on the cheek after Bianca announces the baby's name of Miranda]

[amc040305g starts]
Bianca: Last night, Lena was reading Shakespeare aloud.
Lena: The baby loves "The Tempest."
Bianca: "How beauteous mankind is."
Lena: "O brave new world that has such people in it."
Bianca: And that's how I feel because of all of you. I feel like you've helped me create a brave new world for this baby. And so her name will be Miranda.
Opal: What? Like Carmen?
Myrtle: No, no, darling, like the character in "The Tempest."
Opal: Oh.
Lena: It's beautiful.
Mia: It's unusual.
Liza: It's inspired.
Bianca: Oh, thank you.
Kendall: I love it.
Krystal: So what about her middle name?
Bianca: That was, actually, much more difficult. I considered Kendall and Lena and Margaret and Myrtle, but I settled on Mona, after my grandmother. Miranda Mona Montgomery.
Opal: Well, I feel another toast coming on.
Erica: Oh!


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
amc040305b.mov () Kendall tells Lena that she looks sexy
amc040305c-inc2.mov () Lena makes a diaper changing joke
amc040305d-inc2.mov () Lena joins in to a toast to Bianca
amc040305f-inc2.mov () More riveting shower adventure
amc040305f-inc4.mov () Bianca announces that Lena helped choose the baby's name
amc040305g.mov () Lena kisses Bianca on the cheek after Bianca announces the baby's name of Miranda

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