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"The Key to the Kingdom"  Episode 81/410


Soldier:  "Careful.  This porker's priceless."

Autolycus [Auto]:  "Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-- pearls before swine.
Where are you, my little beauty?  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h.  Well, well,
well.  Let's see.  You-- touch the chimes-- the trap-- _snaps_
shut.  Oh-h-h-h!  Ya lose a hand.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Incredible.
Genius.  Foolproof.  Two minutes, tops.  [Chuckles]  Ever-- so--
gently.  [Whistles]  Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.  [Blows]
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Well-- not the worst drop I've ever made--
but by far-- the most profitable.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Hi-- yup!
Ooh, that gets harder every year.  Mmm.  [Chuckles]  [Sighs]
Now, let's take a look at _you_.  Xena.  Ha-ha-ha-ha.  Hey--
small world, huh?  Uh-- ooh, ya-- have business here?  Everything
seems to be closed.  Uh-- yeah.  Say, how'd ya like to go grab a
bite to eat?  I know this great little place.  You'd-- .  [Sighs]
Oh, come on, Xena.  It's just a lousy, little ruby.  It's not
even worth talkin' about!  They won't even know that it's gone."

Soldier's Voice:  "Look!  The ruby!  It's gone!"

Auto:  "Aw-w-w.  All right!"

Soldier's Voice:  "The ruby!  It's back!"

Auto:  "I gave it back!  You happy now?!"

Meg:  "What are ya/!  Stupid or somethin'?!  That thing was worth
a fortune!"

Joxer [Jox]:  "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Meg-- ya little minx, ya.
Sorry, he's usually a brilliant thief."

Auto:  "Meg,  who's Meg?"

Meg:  "Meg's me-- and who's brilliant?!  `Cause it ain't you, Mr.

Jox:  "Hey!  She-- _fooled_ ya, _didn't_ she?!  Ya thought she
was Xena-- but she's not.  She's Meg.  Hey-- got a proposition
for ya."

Auto:  "Now, now, now-- wait a minute.  You're saying that's not

Jox:  "No."

Auto:  "So-- let me get this right."

Jox:  "Yeah, yeah."

Auto:  "I threw that precious gem over the wall for no good
reason-- huh?  Hey!  Can you imagine that?!"  [Laughter]  I'll
kill ya, ya moron!  Wait till I get my hands on you!"

Meg:  "Brawl!  Yeah!"



Man's Voice:  "Let's have a little fight!"

Meg:  "Come on!  Come on!  Make yourselves at home.  Ya want some
grog?  Plenty of grog.  Three grogs!"

Auto:  "So?  What's this all about?"

Jox:  "Well-- "

Meg:  "I don't know if I want to tell you.  After all, ya haven't
made much of an impression on me-- yet."  [Snarls]

A Man's Voice [In Background]:  "My turn!"

Jox:  "Wait a minute, Auto.  Now-- I got a proposition for ya.
You ever heard of-- `the crown-- of Athena'?"

Auto:  "Crown of Athena?  You kidding?  Who hasn't?  I've been
after it for years."

Waitress:  "Here you go."

Auto:  "Problem is, Athena locked the crown away twenty years
ago, after King Cleades disappeared.  You need some kind of a
key, but it's a closely-guarded secret."

Meg:  "You'd be surprised what a young, nubile guard will scream
out when he's about--"

Jox:  "-- to meet-- his maker."

Auto:  "Yeah?  Well, you seem to have a talent.  What's your
interest in this?"

Jox:  "I worked it out.  It's all even-steven.  I get half, she
gets half, and you get half.  Yeah?  Ow!"

Auto:  "Just what I thought.  It's hollow."

Meg:  [Belches]

Auto:  "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Thrasos ruled by
two extremely greedy warlords?  Ormestin and this-- Kryptos
character?  How you gonna get around them-- huh?"

Meg:  "Hello."

Jox:  "That's why Meg's dressed like Xena.  Look-- Joxer-- the
mighty-- brings Xena-- "Warrior Princess" and Autolycus, the king
of thieves-- "

Meg:  "Aka, `Mr. Stinky.'"

Jox [Laughs]:  "That's so-- in-- chains."

Auto:  "In chains?"

Jox:  "Yeah-- oh, look, look, look, look-- let me explain it to
ya.  Now-- they're grateful.  They make me-- `lord of the realm'
and-- `ruler of the treasury'.  `More wine, my lord?'  `No, no.'
Ha-ha-ha!  You see?  I sneak into the treasury-- take the key
from one of the guards.  I say something like, `What's that over
there?'  Ya know?  Then I free you two-- we walk off _rich_ into
the sunset.  Well-- whaddya think?"

Auto:  "I think it's inbreeding.  Now listen, you two-- I'm the
expert here.  There's nothing  I haven't been able to break
_into_ or out of."

Meg:  "Oh, come on.  There's nothing so appealing to a woman as
a-- man who can admit his flaws."

Auto:  "Well, uh-- just between you and me-- I do have this
little problem with these Scythian double-latch locks.
[Laughing]  For some reason-- they're not my forte."

Jox [Sarcastically]:  "Heh-heh-heh-heh."

Auto:  "Still-- it's my plan or no plan.  You got it?"

Meg:  "So, what's your plan?"


Tax Man:  "Come on!  Hurry it up!"

Man:  "Please-- that's really all that we have."

Tax Man:  "You know that lying to the tax collector's a crime,
don't you?!  Or would you prefer to talk to the soldiers?"

Auto in disguise [AID]:  "Maybe you'd rather talk to us first."

Jox in disguise [JID]:  "Ha-ha!"

Tax Man's Voice:  "Who are you?"

AID:  "We're-- villains!"

JID:  "Bad!  We'll kill you!  We'll cut-- cut you and then w-- "

AID [Softly]:  "They get the idea.  [Normal Voice]  Give us all
your money, tax collector."

"X":  "This is a good day to die."

AID:  "Oh, no.  It is the warrior X-Xena."

JID:  "What!  Oh!  What shall we do?!"

AID:  "We must attempt to _fight_ her!"

JID:  "I will ram her through with my sword!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
Ah-h-h-h!  Ah-h!-Ah-h!-Uh!  She took my hand!  Ah-h-h!  Ah-h-h!"

AID:  "Ah-h-h-h!  Oh-h-h-h-h!  Oo-o-o-h!  Oh!  Spare us, Xena!"

"X":  "Now, go awy from this place-- and don't come back, or you
will suffer the wrath of Xener [sic]!  Rah-h-h-h-h!  Be not
afraid.  I'll not harm you.  Take me to your leader.  We've got
some things to discuss."


Auto:  "With a body like that, and brains like mine, there are
definitely some possibilities, here."

Jox:  "Hey!  That's my _girl_ you're talkin' about."

Auto:  "That's _anybody's_ girl I'm talkin' about.  Come on.  She
doesn't have an ounce of loyalty for any one man.  Trust me-- I
know the type.  I _love_ the type."

Jox:  "Hey-- Meg's different.  She's also _missing_ something."

Auto:  "Yeah-- me, pressed _right_ up against her."

Jox:  "Look, Auto!  Get this throught that thick, thieving skull
of yours-- Meg has had a hard life, and she _needs_ our help.
Now I'm asking you as a friend-- _lay_ off of her."

Auto:  "You really like her, don't you?  Don't you worry, little
buddy.  You're dealing with a man of honor.  However, honor
requires a higher percentage of profits."

Jox:  "Good.  Good, I'm glad you're finally seeing things my

Auto:  "Fine.  Make yourself useful and go get some horses."

Jox [Whispers]:  "'K."

Auto:  "Onto the next."


Kryptos [Kry]'s Voice:  "You're forming another army?"

"X":  "Exactly-- only my enemies know that I've come here to form
an _alliance_ with ya, so they've sent an assassin to kill ya

Kry:  "Impossible.  Our secret police would've told us by now."

"X":  "Oh, secret police?"

Ormestin [Orm]:  "Yes?"

"X":  "Well, _everybody_ knows about them.  But don't worry.  _I_
can stop the assassin.  Just show me your security arrangements."


Orm:  "And of course-- there's a platoon of soldeirs on every
floor.  That door there is a door to a storage chamber."

"X":  "What about this one?"

Kry:  "That's-- off-limits to all except the inner circle of

"X":  "Well, that's good.  That's really good."

Orm:  "Let's continue."

"X":  "Secret police.  Keep your eyes peeled for an assaassin.
There'a reward in it for ya."


"X":  "Does this window face west?"

Kry:  "Ye-es.  Why?"

"X":  "Well, if you don't know, I'm _not_ going to tell you.  It
looks pretty secure.  What else ya got for me?"

Auto:  "Good girl, Meg.  Just give me three minutes."


Auto:  "N-n-n-no."

1st Guard:  "It's the assassin!"

2nd Guard's Voice:  "After him!"

Auto:  "Whoo-hoo-hoo!"


Auto:  "What?  What is this?  Where's the key?  Meg-- there's no
key.  There's just some kid, some-- baby kid."

Meg:  "The baby kid is the key, Mr. Stinky.  [As "X"]  Guards!"

Auto:  "What the-- ?"



Auto:  "What are you doing?"

"X":  "Autolycus, will you never learn?  Why don't you tell `em
that it was all my idea, huh?  Tell `em that it was all _my_ plan
so that I could come in here and steal the key.  No.  Oh, no--
better yet-- why don't you tell `em that I'm not the real Xena.
That's his usual line."

Kry:  "Take him away.  Lock him in the dungeon."

"X":  "In stocks!  With double-latch Scythin locks.  It's not his
furte [sic]"

Kry:  "It seems-- we owe you a debt of thanks, Xena."

"X":  "I come here looking for allies, and what do I find?  Lax
security and _thieves_ stealing babies.  [Sighs]  It's a wonder
you aren't both dead already."

Orm:  "I assure you, the-- "

"X" [Whispers]:  "Shh.  No.  No.  [Normal Voice]  The alliance is
off.  Just be grateful that I don't come down here with my whole
army to _muss_ up your fancy hair!"

Orm:  "Uh, what about the assassin?"

"X" [Whispers]:  "Oh, [Normal Voice] you're on your own, girls."

Gryphia [Gry]:  "Hmm?"


Orm:  "There is no doubt-- "

Kry:  "Not now."

Gry:  [Sighs]

Soldier:  "Everything all right, Ma'am?"

Gry:  "Yes.  The key needs his sleep.  You can leave us."


Auto:  "Oh, Scythian double-latch locks.  Ho-ho-ho-- I can't
believe I fell for that.  It's all right.  It's just a little
more work-- but it'll _all_ be worth it-- once I get my hands on
that-- no-- "

Gry:  "Why did you steal the key?"

Auto:  "Steal him?  She _stole_ him?"

Gry:  "Tell me about her-- about Xena."

Auto:  "Well, with all due respect, Ma'am?  Who are you?"

Gry:  "I'm Gryphia, the guardian of the key."

Auto:  "Ah.  Um.  Well-- Xena is this warrior.  She goes around--
righting wrongs and saving people.  It's all pretty sappy, but
she seems to get her kicks out of it.  The problem is-- that was
not Xena.  It was an exact look-alike-- some lady named Meg--
soon to be the late Meg if I get my hands on her."

Gry:  "Then-- she doesn't know the secret of the key?"

Auto:  "What secret?"

Gry:  "She must be told."

Auto:  "Told?!  Told what?!  Wwhat was that all about?"

Old Man [Laughs]:  "You're trying to steal the crown of Athena!
[Laughs]  Oh!  Sure to fail!"

Auto:  "Oh, and I was doing so well."

Old Man:  "The crown of Athena belonged to King Cleades.
`The key will point to the door-- 
To the crown of Athener [sic] and more.'"

Auto:  "Go on."

Old Man:  "`Once the key opens the door--
The child-- w-will be no more.'"

Auto:  "That's very poetic, but it doesn't sound good for the
kid.  Then again-- once I find the door, when have I ever needed
a key?  Ha-ha-ha-ha.  Now, bear in mind-- no matter what you are
about to see-- this is a very-carefully planned technique I've
used more than once to escape from the dreaded Scythian
double-latch locks.  Ah-h!  And that is why I am the king of
thieves.  Now if you'll excuse me-- I'll be out for a few

Old Man:  [Laughs]


Jox:  "There you are!  I was beginnig to give up hope.  Where's

Meg:  "Uh, we, uh-- uh!  He had an accident."

Jox:  "Oh.  Wait a minute.  You mean, you-- and he-- oh-ho,
wait-- you weren't gone _that_ long."  [Chuckles]

Meg:  "It's _not_ his.  It's mine.  At least, it is now."

Jox:  "Wait a minute.  You mean, you _kidnapped_ that baby?  You
mean, all this business about-- finding a key-- was just so you
could steal someone's kid?  Hey-- you _used_ me.  And you used
Autolycus!  And you used _him_!  Tell me that's _not_ what

Meg:  "Nah, that pretty much sums it up.  But nobody got hurt
`n'-- Joxer-- it's all I've ever really wanted.  I wasn't _lyin'_
to ya.  I just tricked ya."

Jox:  "Well-- he is kind of cute, isn't he?  A-goo-goo-goo.
Goo-goo-goo.  A-goo-goo-goo.  A-goo-goo-g-- ah-h-h-h-h-h!"

Meg:  "Well, he's hungry.  And I think he needs some fresh
trousers.  Why don't you go to the market and get him some
blankets and somethin' to eat?"

Jox:  "Why me?"

Meg:  "'Cause fatherhood becomes you."

Jox:  "Fatherhood.  OK.  I'll get him some strong cheese." 

Meg:  "And some pickles."

Jox:  "Right."

Meg:  "Aww-- little man.  Oh-h-- it's been a mighty big day--
huh?!  Sorry things have been pretty crazy, huh?  But-- ya know?
We'll go somewhere and we'll settle down, just you and me--
Joxer-- 'cause he's funny.  You're the best baby.  You're the
_first_ baby.  Oh, you're the _only_ baby I ever had!"


Kry:  "Autolycus is gone!  He and Xena came here to steal the key
and now they have him."

Orm:  "She knows how to get Athena's crown."

Kry:  "How?  We've been trying to figure it out for twenty years.
The key-- can point to the door.  That kid hasn't shown us

Orm:  "Xena has figured it out!  What are we gonna do about it?"


Meg:  "Ticka-ticka-ticka-ticka!  Ticka-ticka-ticka!  [Gasps]  Oh!
You _rude_, little man!  You _cheeky_ monkey!  Ticka-ticka-ticka!
[Sighs]  Mr. Stinky, I presume."

Auto:  "That's right, Meg.  It's me-- `Mr. Stinky'!"

Meg:  "So, you got out, huh?  Well-- I knew you would.  I
wouldn't have done that if I didn't think the old king of thieves
couldn't handle it."

Auto:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Give me that baby!  I don't do
kidnapping.  I'm gonna take that thing in-- and I'm gonna collect
a _big_, fat reward!"

Meg:  "Over my dead body!"

Auto:  "Oh, that can be arranged.  Ow!  Oh!"

Meg:  "OK.  OK.  You'll be safe there."

Auto:  "You are so lucky that I'm a gentleman.  Now, give me that

Meg:  "I got a shamrock, and I know how to use it."

Auto:  "First of all-- it's a chakram.  And that thing is made
outta wood.  Now-- give it to me!"

Meg:  "Yeah!  OK!  Punkin?!  Punkin?!  Punkin?!"


Jox:  "Baby's gonna be warm-- fat-- and happy!
A-goo-goo-goo-goo!  A-goo-goo-goo-g-oh!"

Meg:  "Punkin?!"

Jox:  "Don't you want your squash?  Ooh!"

Woman's Voice:  "Oh-h!"

Auto:  "Meg!  Come here, you!"

Soldiers:  "Make way for the royal wagon!"  "Out of the way!"

Jox:  "I'm blind!  Oh, pardon.  Whoa!"

Man:  "Hey!"

Woman:  "Hey!"

Jox:  "Oh, lady-- "

Soldier:  "Spread out!  They could be anywhere!"

Meg:  "Punkin!"

Soldiers:  "It's Xena!  Let's go!"  "Over here!"

Meg:  "Punkin!"

Auto:  "Come here, Meg!"

Soldier's Voice:  "Where is the key!"

Auto:  "Oh!  Uh!"


Soldier's Voice:  "Let's go!"

Meg:  "Punkin!"

Jox:  "The baby!"

Meg:  "Sweetie!  Pumpkin?"



Meg:  "Follow that chario-o-ot!"

Auto:  "The horses!  Come on, Meg!"

Meg:  "Ah-h--h!"

Auto:  "Hah!"

Meg:  "Ah-h-h--h-h-h!"

Jox:  "OK, ol' Lightnin'-- we're gonna _save_ that baby!  OK.
A-ho!  Ah!  Ah!  Uh!"


Meg:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"

Jox:  "Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!"


Auto:  "Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Ow!  Ow!  What're you doin'?!"

Meg:  "Holdin' on!"

Auto:  "Well, grab somethin' else!  Ow!  Ho-ho!"

Meg:  "Yee-hah!"

Jox:  "Whoa.  Whoa.  A-ha!  Oh.  Oh.  OK, baby-- Daddy's comin'.
Oh, oh!  Ready?  Set?  Ha-hah-h-h-h-h-h!  Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  Oh!
Oh!  Ooh!  Whew!  That was close.  [Screams]  Ooh!  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!

Auto:  "Hyah!  Giddup!"

Meg:  "We're catchin' him!"

Jox:  "Whoa!  Whoa!  Ow!  Ow!"

Auto:  "Hyah!  Come on!  Joxer!  What're you doin'?!"

Jox:  "Plan's workin' great!  I'm slowin' him down!"

Auto:  "Hyah!"

Jox:  "Ooh!  Ow!"

Meg:  "Go, Auto!"

Auto:  "OK, Meg!"

Jox:  "Ooh!  Ow!"

Meg:  "Ahhh!"

Jox:  "Whoa-whoa-whoa!  Whoa!  Ooh!  Ooh!" 

Meg:  "Momma's here, Punkin!"

Baby:  "Uh-oh."

Meg:  "Who-o-o-oa.  Who-o-o-o-o-oa!"

Auto:  "Oh, no!  Oh!"

Jox:  "Ooh!  Meg?!  Meg!"

Auto:  "Oh-h-h!  Oh, you and your propositions!  Look what your
proposition did!"

Jox:  "Yeah, well you didn't have to help!"

Auto:  "Oh, sure!  You dangle a beautiful woman and a fancy crown
in my face-- what do you expect?!  It was a stacked deck!"

Jox:  "Yeah?!"

Auto:  "Yeah!  Meg!"

Jox:  "Meg!"

Meg [Laughs]:  "Well?!  We won't  be trying _that_ again, huh?!"

Jox:  "They're OK!  Ya worry-wart, ya!"

Auto:  "Ah-h-h-h-h!"


Auto:  "Ah, this is gonna _slant_ my reputation.  Why, Meg?  Why
this baby?  Why now?"

Meg [Whispers]:  "Would you keep your voice down?"

Jox:  "Sh-h!."

Meg:  "When I heard about the baby-- ooh!  There was no one to
love him.  There was no one to hold him-- no one to tell him
stories.  Well, I just reckon that's a lousy way to grow up."

Jox:  "Yeah-- in that cold, damp, drippy castle."

Auto:  "OK, fine-- you rescued a baby.  That was the easy part.
Now ya gotta raise it.  How ya gonna do that-- huh?"

Auto:  "Unless-- we go after the crown of Athena.  If we do, that
kid will never go hungry."

Meg:  "Nobody's harmin' my baby."

Auto:  "Not one hair on his chinny-chin-chin-- I promise you."

Meg:  "OK"

Auto [Chuckles]:  "You know, uh-- I never really, uh-- held a--
baby, before, uh.  May I?"

Jox and Meg:  "OK."

Meg:  "Ya gotta hold the back of his head."

Auto:  "Huh.  Ha-ha-ha.  Hey, little fella.  Ha-ha-ha.  Ahem.
OK, good."

Meg [Whispers]:  "Who's a good boy?"

Auto:  "What are _you_ lookin' at?"

Jox:  "Y'old softy, you.  See?  It's a good thing Meg took that
baby.  Now it's gonna be loved-- cared for-- raised properly."

Auto:  "Yeah, it's a good thing, huh, Dad?"

Jox:  "Yeah.  Dad?  Dad."

Meg:  "They just don't understand, Punkin.  Well, they can't
possible know how it is.  See, what _I_ had, now-- it  wasn't so
good.  My father-- he died when I was really young, and-- my mom,
she tried hard, but-- why, it just didn't work out.  Well, I was
left alone to do what I wanted, and I made all my own decisions,
and I guess I wasn't too good at that, neither.  Things is gonna
be different for you.  You see those?  They're stars.  When I was
a little girl, I-- I used to think that all those little lights
came from houses in the sky, and each one of those houses had-- a
happy family around a cozy fire.  And the lights came from all
the open windows.  And I used to think that at every window,
there was a little girl, just like me-- lookin' out at the other
lights.  And I wondered what it would be like to be one of them.
Well-- one day we're gonna be one of those little lights.  That's
a promise."

Auto:  "You know when I said Meg doesn't have an ounce of loyalty
for any one man?"

Jox:  "Yeah?"

Auto:  "I was wrong."


Jox [Sighs]:  "Let's-- poke it with a stick or somethin'."

Auto:  "No.  No.  The old man said, `The key can point to the
door-- to the crown of Athena and more.'  Once the key opens the
door, the baby-- will-- drool and-- wet itself on the floor."

Jox:  "That's the _worst_ legend I've _ever_ heard."

Meg:  "Speaking of wetting himself, I think _somebody_ needs a
_trouser_ change!  Yes, you do.  Yes, you do."

Jox:  "Yeah."

Meg:  "Boy.  Momma's got it in for you.  OK.  Huh!  Let's see.
Oo-o-h, who's Mr. Stinky, now, huh?  No more pickles for you."

Auto:  "Hey.  Hey!  Ooh!  Ooh!  Hey, hey, here!  Help me put this
thing out!"

Jox:  "What are ya doin'?!"

Auto:  "Come on!  Put it out!  Put it out!  Ooh!  Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Look!  Look!  Whaddya see?!"

Jox:  "Uh-h-h."

Auto:  "No, besides that?!

Meg:  "What?  What is it?"

Jox:  "It's a map!"

Auto:  "The map to the crown of Athena is on the blanket.  The
key-- will point-- the way."


Jox:  "There's the door."

Meg:  "This cushion-- must be for the kid.  That's _you_,

Auto:  "Ooh!  No, no.  Don't do that.  Let me check the door

Meg:  "Well?"

Auto:  "I'm workin' on it."

Man's Voice:  "Let's go!"

Jox:  "Hey, someone's comin'."

Meg:  "Let's just open this thing, and then we can get outta

Auto:  "Oh, oh!  No, no, no, no, no, no!  Don't put the baby

Meg [Sighs]:  "Are you stupid?!" 

Auto:  "Ah-- look-- I didn't tell ya everything.  The rest of the
legend says, `Once the key opens the door-- the child-- is no
more.'  I wasn't gonna risk the kid.  I just had to know where
the door was." 

Jox:  "They're gettin' closer!  Come _on_, Autolycus!"  [Claps

Man's Voice:  "Quickly!"

Auto:  "OK-- there's our way out."

Man's Voice:  "I need two men!"

Jox:  "Oh!  Uh!"

Man's Voice:  "Fall back-- !"

Auto:  "OK-- what are you doin' down there?!  All right.  Grab
on, now.  You two get up there.  I'm gonna go hold `em off."

Jox:  "I'll help ya."

Auto:  "No, you can't help me and save the baby, too.  Get

Jox:  "I'm gonna get this thing up there, see?  OK.  OK.

Auto:  "Hurry  up!"

Meg:  "All right.  You give me that!"

Jox:  "Ow."

Auto:  "Come on!  Hurry up!  Ooh!"

Meg:  "Go and help Auto."

Auto:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h!"

Jox:  [Screams]

Meg:  "All right.  Punkin?  No!  Punkin?"



Meg:  "Wow!"

Man's Voice:  "Come on!"

King Cleades [Cle]:  "Kryptos."

Kry:  "Kill them all."


Jox:  "Thanks!  What's your name?"

Cle:  "You can call me `Punkin'."

Jox:  "Meg!  Nice moves!"

Auto:  "That's not Meg, you moron!  It's Xena!"

Jox:  "Where's Meg?"

X:  "She's up there.  She's fine."

Auto:  "How'd you get here?"

X:  "Gryphia-- the old nurse?  When you told her about me, she
came to find me.  King Cleades.  The child is no more."

Auto:  "This is the king of Thrasos?"

Jox:  "King?  That's my boy!  Ha-ha!  Ooh-- the apple didn't fall
far from the tree!  Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh!"


Cle:  "I was a fool.  My people were so good-- so hard-working.
But, I took all that for granted, and slowly started to treat
them-- "

Auto:  "Yeah, like animals.  We saw what happened to your
kingdom.  You know, your people are basically bankrupt."

Cle:  "Yes.  Through the eyes of a child I saw."

Jox:  "Why did Athena make you a baby?"

X:  "The eyes of a child are innocent.  They can see the world in
ways that we've long forgotten.  Athena gave him a chance to
learn and gain wisdom."

Jox:  "Oh.  Huh?"

X:  "Kryptos and Ormestin are going to clean out the royal
treasury and take off.  You can regain the throne if that's what
matters to you."

Cle:  "No.  The treasury belongs to my people.  Without it, they
starve.  I wouldn't be  here today if someone hadn't risked
everything for me.  I had to see love, and you showed it to me.
Those two have to be stopped.  My people deserve no less."

Meg:  "You got it, Punkin."

X:  "You're not alone.  I'll be fighting alongside you."

Jox:  "You can count on me, Son."

Auto:  "Ah-- would there be-- any kind of reward in this?  I
mean, it's not a deal-breaker or anything.  OK, OK, I'm in.  I'm

Meg:  "Yeah, like Mr. Stinky said, I thought maybe there was a
reward in it like-- I don't know, a crown or a baby or sum'in'
but-- OK."


Soldier:  "Barge is ready, sir."

Orm:  "Good.  Load this up.  Once the people realize we're out of
here, there might be problems."

Kry:  "What does it matter?  Let them riot.  We have the crown.
Nothing can stop us now."

Soldier:  [Yells]

Kry:  "Cleades?"

Orm:  "Xena.  Two Xena's."  

X:  "That's right.  Makes you wanna cry like a baby, doesn't it?"

Meg:  "Yeah."


Meg:  "Yeah!"

Jox:  "Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  OK, fellas!  [Yells]  Ooh!  Ow!"

Soldiers:  "Hmm?"

Jox:  "Hold on a second.  Ah-h, suckers!  Oh.  Ow."

Auto:  "That was an original."

Kry:  "What are you fighting for?!  We've kept the kingdom the
way you left it!  You can share in the wealth!"

Cle:  "It belongs to my people!"

Auto:  "Hah!"  

Kry:  "Your people!  When did they ever matter to you?!"

X:  "Ever since he was a baby!  It's your kingdom-- your

Cle:  "I sentence you-- to live-- away from here-- away from my
kingdom-- away from my people.  Go."

Meg:  "Guess this is your, huh?"

Cle:  "It's not mine.  It was always intended for my queen--

X:  "Athena made Cleades young, so that he could see anew.  And
she made Gryphia old to teach her how to care."

Jox:  [Cries]

X:  "What's the matter with you?"

Jox:  "They grew up so fast!  [Cries]  Can't-- he was-- big!"

X:  "Meg?"

Meg:  "Oh, Xena.  Well, everything worked out all right.
Everybody's happy.  But then I really thought I had somethin' in

X:  "You do.  You've got a warm, caring heart with a lotta love
to give."

Meg:  "For the right price.  Everyone knows, that's Meg."

X:  "Who do you think you're fooling, huh?  You've got so much
depth that it scares you when it comes out."

Meg:  "Well, look who's talkin'.  There's a million little lights
in the sky, and a million cozy homes, and I ain't never gonna be
part of one of `em."

X:  "Meg-- one day it's going to happen for you-- and you'll have
a family of your own-- not a borrowed one-- a family of your

Meg:  "I can't have children."

X:  "You did a wonderful thing here, Meg.  You helped a lot of
people because you were able to love one child.  And I can't
believe that with all the little lights in the sky, that there
isn't one waiting for someone like you."


[Baby giggles]


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