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TRANSCRIPTION OF
IDES OF MARCH



"The Ides of March"  Episode 89/421

[TEASER]

A Man's Voice:  "I wanna die!  Please!  Ple-e-e-ease!  I wanna die!"

G's Spectre:  "Who's suffering now, Callisto?"  [Laughs]

Callisto [Cal]:  "No-o-o-o-o-o!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!"

X's Spectre:  "And you thought you were getting oblivion.  Well, this place makes Tartarus look like a day at the beach.  How long ya in for?  Eternity?  That's gotta smart."  [Laughs]

Cal [Screams]:  "Uh!  Get over it!"

Man:  "I'm doomed to be obsessed for eternity-- with a woman who despises me!  What a nightmare!"

Cal:  "No kidding."

Man:  "You'd think-- after what I told him-- about you-- that _you_ would give _me_-- more respect."

Cal:  "Him?  You mean _him_."

Man:  "He's come to trust me.  I have his ear from time to time.  I told him your-- desire."

Cal:  "You mean, he's gonna let me go back."

Man:  "Well, he shares with you an interest in Xena.  She's someone-- he thought he had in his grasp-- but now he's-- not so sure."

Cal:  "You mean to tell me those stupid, maudlin missions she goes on are gonna end her up in paradise?!"

Man:  "Probably-- not paradise.  Most likely, she'll be born-- higher up the karmic ladder."

Cal:  "Oh.  Right-- she cooks _my_ family, destroys _my_ life-- and I end up in _Hell_ while she gets another shot.  That's fair."

X's Spectre:  "Gotta love the irony."

Cal [Barks]:  "You tell him-- if he wants her here, I'm the woman for that job."

Man:  "You must not harm her physically-- in any way.  Your victory must be a spiritual one.  She's found a road to redemption-- the way of the warrior.  You'll need to get her off that path.  And you have to agree to take care of one other thing for him."

Cal:  "Yes?  What's that?"

Man:  "You know the man they call-- Caesar?"

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X's Image:  [Screams]

Cal:  "That Xena can really mess up a dream, can't she?"

Caesar [Cae]:  "Who are you?  How do you know about _my_ dreams?"

Cal:  "I know everything about your life, Caesar-- what it's been and what it can be.  I'm here to help you get everything you've ever desired.  It's through me you finally fulfill your destiny.  I can give you ultimate power-- and free you from your greatest torment."

Cae:  "Xena."

Cal:  "Yes-- Xena.  I can't tell you how much we have in common in that way."

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Amarise [Ama]:  "Let me guess.  This Eli guy-- he's the one that taught you all this `love your enemy' stuff?"

X:  "That's right."

Ama:  "Xena, why do we have to go see a preacher?  When there are battles to fight-- butts to kick?"

X:  "'Cause whatever Gabrielle wants, Gabrielle gets.  Excuse me-- when's the next ship for Athens?"

[Fight]

Ama:  "What'd you do that for?  I had him."

G:  "Right."

X:  "Ah-h-h-h!  What do you want with me?"

Thug:  "Caesar's reward-- six million dinars."

G:  "Six million dinars?"

Ama:  "That's quite a temptation-- not for me-- for every killer in Europe."

X:  "So, it's come to this.  Caesar wants me out of the way so bad, he's willing to deplete his fortune to do it.  Hmm.  I think it's time I put an end to this feud between Caesar and me."

Ama:  "You're not gonna try to make peace with that slime, are you?"

X:  "No.  I'm going to kill him."

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[ACT I]

G:  "Xena.  Xena, you can't just walk into Rome and kill Caesar."

Ama:  "It's an opportunity to kill a lot of Romans.  I say we do it."

X:  "_We're_ not doing anything.  _I'm_ going to Rome, not you.  Gabrielle, I can't take you-- not after that vision."

Ama:  "What vision?"

X:  "I had a vision once that-- Gabrielle and I would die at the hands of Romans.  It's bad enough that we can run into Romans anywhere, but if you and I were to go to Rome-- "

G:  "OK-- well, what if I ask you not to do this?"

X:  "Gabrielle, he's an evil man, and he's trying to kill me.  I have to take him out or die trying.  It's the way of the warrior."

Ama:  "Was _I_ in this vision?"

X:  "No."

Ama:  "Then _I_ should go with you."

X:  "Amarise, you're staying here with Gabrielle."

Ama:  "As her bodyguard?"

X:  "As her friend.  You could learn something if you listened to her once in a while.  You promise you won't follow me?"

G:  "I promise.  Xena-- be careful."

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Warlord:  "There's Xena's head."

Cae:  "Kill him."

Warlord:  "Huh?!  No!  No!"

Soldier:  "Move it!"

Cae:  "Take `Xena' with you."

Warlord:  "Please, no!"

Cae:  "I did as you said.  So far, I've had eight impostors try to claim the reward.  Xena will defeat any mercen'ry who attacks her."

Cal:  "Of course.  The reward was just to get her attention.  She will come to you.  You need to be ready."

Cae:  "Yes.  Well, I've made plans for that, of course."

Cal:  "Oh-- really.  Well-- I suggest you just have one more card to play."

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G:  "It's him.  It's Eli."

Eli:  "Your heart is pure, Mazin.  Abba-- make Mazin's body as whole as his spirit.  Rise, Mazin.  It's done.  You're healed."

Mazin [Maz]:  "Thank you."

Eli:  "You're welcome.  Now, go.  Good luck.  Go.  Go.  Gabrielle."  [Laughs]

G:  "Eli."

Eli:  "Oh-h-h-h.  I'm so happy to see you."

G:  "I heard you were teaching in Greece.  I set out to find you."

Eli:  "Where's Xena?"

G:  "She, um-- has some work to do.  This is my friend-- Amarise."

Eli:  "Hello, Amarise."

Ama:  "If somebody threatened your mother, would you fight to defend her."

G:  "Amarise and I have some philosophical differences."

Eli:  "I see.  We've got a lot to talk about.  Come on."

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G:  "Can you teach me to heal?"

Eli:  "All I can do is try and teach you how to love.  But, if you love-- with all your heart and soul-- if you become love itself-- then you can heal."

G:  "Why is love the key?"

Eli:  "Selfless-- pure love-- is the only expression of divine perfection we have in this world.  It's the greatest power one can possess."

Ama:  "Oh, come on.  The only real power's at the end of a sword.  Did you hear that?"

G:  "What?"

Ama:  "Boots."

Eli:  "And if the other side has more swords?"

Ama:  "If you can love your way out of this one, be my guest."

G:  "Brutus."

Bru:  "Hello, Gabrielle."

G:  "You're doing Caesar's bidding again?"

Bru:  "Caesar believes Xena is trying to kill him.  He has to protect himself."

G:  "With me.  I understand.  Let these people go."

Bru:  "My orders-- are to arrest you, Eli, and his followers.  You'll be taken as hostages-- against Xena killing Caesar.  Caesar's promised me no one will be hurt."

G:  "And you believe him."

Bru:  "Our friends are at war, Gabrielle.  I'm sorry this brings us into conflict, but it's inevitable."

G:  "Of course it is."

Bru:  "Move."

Soldier's Voice:  "Let's go!"

Bru:  "Come on."

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Soldier:  "Who the-- ?"

X:  "At ease."

Soldier:  "Oh!  Oh!"

X:  "Let's make this short and sweet."

Cal:  "Brings back memories-- doesn't it, Xena?"

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[ACT II]

Cae:  "Guards!"

X:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h!"

[Fight]

Soldier:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!"

Soldiers' Voices:  "This way!"  "Look behind every-- !"  "Watch it!"  "Come on!  Keep looking!"

Cal:  "My, that was a shocker now, wasn't it?"

X:  "Ah-h-h-h!"

Cal:  "Don't bother.  You've already done all the damage you can to me.  Thanks, by the way."

X:  "For what?"

Cal:  "I wanted to cease existing, and you did your best to help-- but as you can see, it didn't take.  They wouldn't let me off the hook that easy."

X:  "Who's `they'?"

Cal:  "I don't know-- whoever it is that does the final judging.  They sent me to a place that makes Tartarus look like-- the Elysian Fields.  They call it Hell."

X:  "Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal."

Cal:  "The one who runs things down where I come from-- he's very interested in what happens in this life.  He figures Caesar will be very valuable to him.  And, of course, he also figures you might be an obstacle."

X:  "Then he figures right.  And I won't be the only one.  Plenty of people will oppose Caesar becoming emperor."

Cal:  "Ah, you know about the emperor thing."

X:  "The laurel wreath kind 'a gave it away.  I'm guessing that he'll anounce it when the senate reconvenes on the ides of March."

Cal:  "My, aren't you the clever girl?  Yes, some people will be unhappy-- but everybody has their price-- even the honorable Brutus.  Caesar's gonna give him Gaul and that should keep him smiling.  But it's you, my darling-- it's you that I'm worried about.  I'm here to make you an offer."

X:  "Forget it."

Cal:  "Afraid you'll be tempted?"

X:  "Yeah, that's right."

Cal:  "I'll give you a little hint.  Gabrielle's in Roman hands as we speak." 

X:  "You lie."

Cal:  "Do I?  My lord gave me a thorough briefing as to what's happened to you and Gabrielle since the last time we met.  I know everything about India and Eli.  Ah-h-- so you're not the only clever girl now, Xena, are you?  Gabrielle's on her way to a Roman prison in the Appenines as we speak.  So-- about my offer-- "

X:  "Get lost."

Cal:  "Oh, but I'm not going anywhere, Xena."

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Soldiers:  "Come on!  Move it!"  "Move it!  Go!"  "Keep moving!"

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Bru:  "Jailer--these prisoners are to be held here."

Jailer:  "Yes, we've been waiting for them."

Bru:  "Those crosses-- who are they for?"

Jailer:  "We're expecting a boatload of pirates any day."

Bru:  "No!  Don't harm Gabrielle!"

G:  "Of course not!  I'm still useful to you, Brutus!"

Bru:  "Get up!"

G:  "Not until you pardon her for what she just did."

Bru:  "She attacked one of my men."

G:  "And I remember a time when mercy was shown to you!"

Bru:  "Put down your swords.  Chain her to the prop."

Ama:  "Oh, please-- can't you just break my legs?"

Soldiers:  "Come on, you."  "Move it!  Get in there."

Eli:  "Nice move."

Ama:  "You know, if I had a little backup, maybe I could have pulled it off."

G:  "You don't really think those crosses are for a boatload of pirates, do you?"

Bru:  "Caesar's never lied to me."

G:  "There's a first time for everything."

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X:  "Yah!"

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Soldier's Voice:  "Get the fire."

X:  "[?], Brutus.  I have a deal for you.  You tell me where my friend, Gabrielle, is, and I will give you some information that will save your stinkin' life.  Deal?  Tell you what-- you promise to tell me and I will go first.  Do I have you your word?"

Bru:  "And you trust me?"

X:  "Everyone says that Brutus is an honorable man.  Do I have your word?"

Bru:  "Yeah."

X:  "Beware the ides of March, Brutus."

Bru:  "Why the ides of March?"

X:  "Because on that day, Caesar will declare himself emperor."

Bru:  "I don't believe you.  Why would he do that?"

X:  "Greed-- lust for power-- an ego the size of the Aegean.  Of course, he plans to rid himself of anyone who would stand in his way."

Bru:  "What are you saying?"

X:  "He's too smart to kill you in Rome  You have much too much support there.  But I have firsthand knowledge that he's been talking to assassins in Gaul.  So-- your turn.  Come on, Brutus.  Gabrielle saved your life, once.  Give me a chance to save hers."

Bru:  "I put her in a prison compound at the foot of Mt. Amaro.  I don't believe what you said about Caesar!"

X:  "It's your funeral.  Brutus-- was it snowing on Mt. Amaro?"

Bru:  "Yes, it was snowing when I left."

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[ACT III]

G [Whispers]:  "I did it."

Ama:  "Did what?  You two are sitting there like a couple of bumps on a log.  What could you have done?"

Eli:  "She did nothing."

G:  "That's right, I did nothing."

Ama:  "We're gonna be nailed to crosses tomorrow morning, and you two are bragging about doing nothing?!"

Eli:  "You don't understand, Amarise.  In order to become a perfect vessel for love, one has to cease all activity-- not only physical, but mental as well.  It's only when you've reached that state of emptiness-- that you're ready, at last, to be filled with love."

Ama:  "Just in time, too-- you'll be able to love the people who crucify us."

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Cal:  "I just keep coming back.  In that way, I'm more dependable than your chakram.  My lord sees everything, Xena-- and you don't have to go through with this.  I can arrange it for you and Gabrielle and all her peaceful little friends-- to just walk out of here-- and no one gets hurt.  And you and Gabrielle can live happily ever after."

X:  "What's the catch?"

Cal:  "Well, there is one little thing.  You have to drop your sword-- and join Gabrielle-- in fulfilling a life of loving kindness."

X:  "I'm still not interested."

Cal:  "That's because you haven't heard it all, yet.  I'm offering you complete serenity."

X:  "Go on."

Cal:  "There's a reason you can't allow you and your partner peace.  It's your guilt-- it motivates everything you do-- torments you.  Invite me into your soul-- and I can purge you of that guilt.  I can cleanse you of that shame-- that-- drives you.  I can give you peace if you let me.  What's it gonna be, Xena?  Serenity and happiness-- or another ride in that wagon with your friend, Gabrielle?  [Whispers]  Think of your vision."

X:  "You're trying to tempt me from my way by offering me peace."

Cal:  "In a nutshell."

X:  "That guilt you're depending on-- I put it all behind me.  You see, I know now what I have to do.  I have to be the best warrior I can be.  To redeem myself, I have to fight evil with a sword-- and that's what I'm gonna do no-- matter what the consequences."

Cal:  "Damn!"

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Cae:  "Brutus!  Welcome.  You-- deposited our little friend in a safe place, I trust?"

Bru:  "Yes."

Cae:  "Perfect."

Bru:  "Caesar-- they were building crosses when I was there."

Cae:  "Of course-- you can't have a crucifixion without crosses, Brutus."

Bru:  "You're crucifying Gabrielle."

Cae:  "All of them."

Bru:  "But you told me-- she would be safe.  You were only going to use her as a distraction."

Cae:  "Well, what would distract Xena more than her best friend's execution-- hmm?  Tomorrow-- on the ides of March-- the very day I need Xena most distracted."

Bru:  "What happens on the ides of March?"

Cae:  "I'm going to make an announcement, Brutus-- an announcement that will change history.  How are the troops looking up there?"

Bru:  "Excellent."

Cae:  "Good-- because in a few days, I want you to take command of one of those legions-- the thirteenth, if you like.  March 'em into Gaul."

Bru:  "Why Gaul?"

Cae:  "I can't tell you that right now, Brutus, but, um-- trust me.  Marc Antony!  How are you?"

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Ama:  "I always thought I'd die in battle, not-- hung on a cross.  Do you think Xena will make it in time?"

G:  "She'll be here."

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Cal:  "All right, let's keep it simple.  I keep the vision from coming true-- and you leave Caesar alone."

Soldier's Voice:  "Yah!"

Man's Voice:  "Move along!"

Cal:  "OK, Xena-- you had your chance.  [Performs Xena's battle cry]"

Soldiers' Voices:  "It's Xena!"  "Find her!"

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[Fight]

G:  "Xena.  I'm so glad to see you!"

X:  "Listen-- that vision is not going to happen, all right?  Here.  Take this.  Come on, Eli-- get up!  All right, let's go!"

Man's Voice:  "Hurry!"

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Soldiers' Voices:  "They're trying to escape!"  "Get them!"

[Fight]

G:  "Go ahead!  Run!"

Man's Voice:  "This way!"

G:  "Run!  Move!"

Soldier's Voice:  "We need more men!"

X:  "Go!  Go!"

Cal:  "No."

G:  "Run for the woods!  Go!"

Cal:  "No!  No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

G:  "Go!  Let's go!"

X:  "No-o-o!"

G:  "Get up!"

X:  "I can't Gabrielle.  It's my spine.  I can't move."

Cal:  "Interesting."

X:  "Uh-- uh.  Uh-h-h!  No, Gabrelle, no!"

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[ACT IV]

X:  "Gabrielle?"

G [Whispering]:  "Xena."

X [Sighs]:  "You're crying?  Don't cry."

G [Whispers]:  "I won't.  Rest."

X [Whispers]:  "OK."

Soldier:  "It won't be long, now."

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Bru:  "Rome is under threat.  I have conclusive proof that Caesar is responsible."

Cae:  "Friends!"

Senators:  "Hail, Caesar."  "Most welcome."

Bru [Softly]:  "He thinks he's a god."

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X:  "I made you leave the way of love.  [Whispers]  It was my fault."

G:  "I had a choice-- to do nothing or save my friend.  [Whispers]  I chose the way of friendship."

X [Whispers]:  "I'm sorry for all the times I didn't treat you right."

G [Whispers]:  "Xena-- you've brought out the best in me.  Before I met you-- no one saw me for who I was.  I felt-- invisible.  But you saw all the things that I could be.  You saved me, Xena."

X:  "I wish, um-- "

G:  "What?"

X:  "-- that I had 'a read your scrolls just once."

G:  "You would have liked them."

X:  "I know."

Jailer's Voice:  "It's time!"

Soldier's Voice:  "On your feet!"

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Cae:  "What's the matter, Brutus?"

Bru:  "Do you have anything to tell me?"

Cae:  "Tell you?  What do you mean?"

Bru:  "About this-- announcement you're going to make, today?"

Cae:  "Oh, that.  Yes, well, at first, you probably won't like it.  But-- I plan to persuade you.  Are you ready for your trip to Gaul?"

Bru:  "I'll be ready."

Cae:  "Good."

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Cal:  "Don't give me that confident look.  You're about to die like a slave and drag your friend with you, and it's all right by me."

X:  "Y-your lord might not feel the same way.  He sent you on a mission, didn't he?"

Cal:  "Making Caesar dictator was his main concern.  And once he's ruling-- making him an agent of my lord will be easy.  So, while you lie here helpless-- he's declaring himself emperor."

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Cae:  "Good senators!  True patriots of Rome!  Your attention, please!  I have an important announcement to make!"

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Cae:  "To quell-- civil unrest-- I have decided to make-- an important change-- to our government."

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X:  "Gabrielle-- you were the best thing in my life."

G:  "I love you, Xena."

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Cae:  "And I must supply-- the leadership so-- desperately needed."

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Cae:  "On this day-- the 15th of March-- "

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Cae:  "I declare myself-- uh!"

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Cae:  "And you, Brutus?  Uh!  Uh!"

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X's Spectre [Softly]:  "Gabrielle.  Gabrielle."

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