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TRANSCRIPTION OF
WHO'S GURKHAN


"Who's Gurkhan?"  Episode 116/604

[TEASER]

G:  "Xena-- it's thriving.  I'm gonna see if the old house is
still standing."

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G:  "It looks so run down."

Virgil [Vir]:  "Nothin' some paint couldn't cure."

Eve:  "All that matters is that the people inside are all right."

X:  "Go on."

G:  "Here goes.  Lila."

Lila [Lil]:  "Gabrielle?"

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Lil:  "So, you-- slept for 25 years.  You weren't really dead."

G:  "Not _that_ time."

Lil [Sighs]:  "I wish Sarah were here to see you."

G:  "Who's Sarah?"

Lil:  "My daughter."

G:  "You have a daughter?  Xena, I have a niece.  Where is she?
Lila, where are Mother and Father?"

Lil:  "Eight years ago-- Sarah was captured by the raider
Gurkhan.  He took her to the walled city of Mogador."

Eve:  "It's in North Africa."

Lil:  "A merchant told us-- she was in his harem.  Father sold
most of the farm and he-- and Mother-- and my husband Lecter--
went to try and buy her back."

G:  "What happened?"

Lil:  "He beheaded all three of them.  I don't know what happened
to Sarah."

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X:  "Gabrielle!  Gabrielle, wait."

G:  [Sighs]

X:  "I'm sorry, Gabrielle."

G:  "Xena, my niece may still be in that harem."

X:  "We'll go after her first thing in the morning.  If she's
there, we'll get her out."

G:  "Xena, this is _not_ just a rescue mission."

X:  "What do you mean?"

G:  "I want _vengeance_!"

X:  "It will have blood, Gabrielle.  Blood will have blood."

G:  "Don't talk to me about consequences, Xena!  That man--
murdered my mother and father!  Now _I_ kill him!"

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[ACT I]

Eve:  "Gabrielle?  What's your plan?"

G:  "I get inside Mogador.  I kill Gurkhan.  And I bring Sarah
back."

Eve:  "That's your goal.  What's your plan?"

G:  "Haven't thought about it."

Eve:  "I visited Mogador once."

G:  "I'm afraid to ask why."

Eve:  "You should be."

G:  "Tell me about Gurkhan."

Eve:  "I can't.  I've never even _seen_ him, no one has outside
of the palace.  He keeps his identity a secret."

G:  "I _will_ find him."

Eve:  "Perhaps.  He'll be a tough man to kill, Gabrielle.  And if
he should capture you-- pray that the end is quick."

G:  "If you're trying to scare me, Eve-- .  why were you in
Mogador?"

Eve:  "I was selling slave girls."

G:  "Calm way your daughter talks about her past."

X:  "She knows what _I_ know-- there's nothing you can do to
change the past.  You can only work to make the future better.
That's why she's so worried what you might do once you're inside
Mogador.  Gabrielle, you're not an assassin."

G:  "You're right, Xena.  Today, I'm _not_ an assassin.
Tomorrow-- "  [Throws up]

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Eve's Voice:  "She wants to kill Gurkhan."

Eve:  "For you or me that-- might have been an interesting
challenge once upon a time, but for her-- "

X:  "-- it's a suicide mission."

Eve:  "She doesn't have what it takes to kill in cold blood.  Do
you think I inherited that talent from you, Mother?"

X:  "You certainly had a gift."

Eve:  "Yeah-- I did.  So, what are you going to do?"

X:  "Cure her seasickness."

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Vir:  "Gabrielle.  Hey-- Gabrielle."

X:  "I gave her something for her seasickness.  She'll be out
awhile."

Vir:  "I get it.  You're goin' to Mogador without her."

X:  "That's right."

Vir:  "She's not gonna like that."

X:  "She's going to like being beheaded even less.  You're coming
with me."

Vir:  "I can't.  That would be a direct betrayal of her trust
and-- ooh!  Good idea.  Good idea."

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Man's Voice:  "The next wench has a wide variety of skills!"

X:  "Make it look good."

Vir [As Superlious] [Whispers]:  "All right.  All right."

Man's Voice:  "The bidding opens at 10 gold ducats.  To the young
gentlemen-- "

"Sup":  [Clears throat]

Man's Voice [In Background]:  "Do I hear 15?"

Auctioneer: [Auc]:  "Yeah?  What do you want?"

"Sup":  "Forward, wench."

X [Whispers]:  "Not _that_ good."

"Sup":  "The name's Superlious.  And I have a _choice_ specimen."

X:  [Growls]

Man's Voice [In Background]:  "20!  25!  Yes!"

"Sup":  "I'd like to know how much I can get for her."

Auc:  "Very  nice.  Very, very nice."

"Sup":  "Oh."

Auc:  "Not only beautiful, but big and strong.  She'll be useful
day _and_ night.  Yeah-- we should do very well with her."

"Sup":  "Uh-huh."

Auc:  "I get 15 per cent."

"Sup":  "Sounds reasonable."

Auc:  "I can tell you who'll end up with her-- Gurkhan himself.
He's got great taste in women."

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Man's Voice  "And next up is a spirited vixen of mysterious
origins."

Woman:  "Uh-oh."

Man's Voice:  "Feast your eyes, gentlemen-- "

Woman:  "Competition."

Woman 2:  "Competition?  For what?  To see who gets sold quickest
to the biggest monster to do with as he pleases?"

Woman:  "Yeah-- you make it sound like a _bad_ thing."

A Woman's Voice:  "Me, too."

X's Voice:  "Isn't it?"

Man's Voice:  "Gentlemen!"

Woman:  "Hey-- in my village-- the choices were-- marry a _sober_
poor man-- or a _drunk_ poor man.  It was a toss-up, really-- the
sober men would be less likely to _beat_ you-- but the drunk
men-- would be less likely to keep you pregnant all the time."

Woman 2:  "At least you were around your family."

Woman:  "My father is dead.  And-- my mother is a whore.  I have
no family.  Now-- I have a good shot at being bought by Gurkhan
the magnificent-- the wealthiest man in the continent."

"Sup":  "Girl!  Girl!  Come here."

A Man's Voice:  "We just wanna see a good one."

X:  "As soon as you figure out which one Gurkhan is, get behind
him.  Try to overhear something useful.  [Whispers]  Get going."

Auc:  "Hey, hey!  Come on!  Come on!  And now-- for our premier
selection-- a woman-- of such fire and beauty that a man-- well,
I mean, you'd have to be _crazy_ not to wanna take her home.
From Thrace, the blue-eyed goddess-- magnificent to the eyes as
she undoubtebly [sic] will be to the touch.  Now-- let's start
the bidding at-- 10 gold ducats.  Come along, gentlemen.  Don't
be shy.  Belize of Ethiopia says 10.  Ha-ha-ha-ha!  Now we're up
and running.  Milo of Maltar [sic] takes us to 20.  Gurkhan the
magnificent takes us up to 30.  How about 40?  A mere 40 ducats
for a priceless treasure.  Belize wants her for 40.  Hey, let's
not stop there.  Can I get 50?  50 for your very own goddess.
Gurkhan goes to 50-- but surely, 60 gold ducats is a small price
for such a prize.  Milo is prepared to go to 60 for this
_pleasurable_ creature.  Ha-ha-ha-ha.  What would you give for a
lifetime of bliss, huh?  A bargain still, at 70 gold ducats.
Gurkhan the magnificent takes us to 70.  [As Auctioneer]  And
Gurkhan goes to 70.  Now we're playing the game.  Do I hear 5, 5,
5?  Who'll give me 5?  Who'll give me 75?  Who'll give me 75?
75?  Who'll give me 75?  _Belize_ takes me to 80.  I've got 80
over here.  80 in the back.  80 in the back.  80 in the back.
_I've_ got 80 in the back.  In the back.  I've got 80 in the
back.  I wanna hear 85.  I wanna hear 85.  And a half.  I gotta
half.  I wanna half.  I wanna hear 90.  Are you bidding, sir, or
are you just picking your nose.  Well, stop it!  I've got a
hundred over here to Milo.  One hundred to Milo.  A hundred to
Milo.  A hundred to Milo.  A hundred to Milo.  Who'll give me
one-ten?  I'm lookin' for one-ten.  I wanna hear one-ten.  I've
got one-ten over here, Belize.  One-ten Belize.  Belize.  Belize.
One hundred, Belize.  One hundred, Belize.  One hundred, Belize.
One hundred, Belize.  Do I hear one-twenty?  One-twenty.  Who'll
give me one-twenty?  Work with me, here.  I've got one-- I've got
one-twenty on my right.  I got one-twenty on my right.  I got
one-twenty on my right.  Do I hear one-forty?  Who'll give me
one-forty?  Give me one-forty.  Give me one-forty.  Who'll give
me-- _I've_ got one-forty.  I wanna hear 50.  Who'll give me 50?
I wanna hear 50, 50, 50.  Who'll give me 50?  Who'll give me 50?
_Sold_ to Gurkhan the magnificent for two hundred and 20 gold
ducats.  What a prize he's won for himself."

Woman 1:  "I wonder which one Gurkhan is."

X:  "Very clever."

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[ACT II]

Sailor's Voice:  "I'm pretty well passed out."

Eve:  "Feeling better?"

G:  "I gotta hand it to Xena.  That brew she gave me made me
sleep like a baby.  Where is she?  Eve-- that peaceful smile is
not gonna _cut_ it.  Where _is_ she?"  

Eve:  "I'm just as much to blame as she is."

Vir [Song-like]:  "I sing of Superlious-- pirate of the high
se-e-e-e-e-e-eas!  I capture beautiful maidens and sell them,
a-a-a-ah!  [Normal Voice]  Hi, Gabrielle."

G:  "No-no-no-no.  Don't tell me.  You're Superlious, pirate of
the high seas?  You sold Xena to Gurkhan, didn't you?"

Eve:  "We did it because we _love_ you."

Vir:  "Well, _I_ didn't.  I mean-w-well.  I mean-I mean-I mean, I
do-I do _love_ you.  What I'm trying to say is that I didn't know
about the potion until you were already out."

G:  "Virgil, you went along with Xena after she did it."

Vir:  "Well, she _threatened_ me."

Eve:  "It's the truth."

A Sailor's Voice:  "Another piece up here-- ."

G:  "Two can play at that game."

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Woman 1:  "How bad-- is this?  My entire village isn't worth what
Gurkhan must have paid for a barrel of that perfumed oil."

"Sophia" ["Sop"]:  "Yes, very nice.  Where you from?"

Yo:  "A distant land you've never heard of-- beyond Ch'in.  So
far to the east-- it's called `The land of the rising sun.'"

"Sop":  "What's your name?"

Yo:  "Yo."

"Sop":  "Hi, Yo.  I'm Sophia.  Tell me-- does Gurkhan have
another wife called Sarah?"

Yo:  "It's against the rules to talk of the other wives."

"Sop":  "Just  lookin' for a simple yes or no."

Yo:  "Please-- Gurkhan will punish us if we break the rules."

Woman 1:  "Will he spank us?"

Yo:  "You'll be beaten-- manacled-- thrown in a dark dungeon--
and left to die."

Woman 1:  "OK, th-that's all I need to know.  Thanks."

"Sop":  "Thinking about someone in particular?"

Woman 2:  "Yeah-- my fiance-- Leonardo."

"Sop":  "Well, you just keep thinking about him.  You think about
every moment.  That's what's gonna get you through."

Woman 2:  "I hope so.  But then, sometimes I think I'd rather be
dead than in this place."

Sarah [Sar]:  "Be careful-- of what you ask for."

"Sop":  "Who are you?"

Sar:  "You dare to question the number-one wife?!"

"Sop":  "I'm sorry.  I didn't know who you were."

Sar:  "Well, that's a good little dog.  You learn from your first
beating.  New girls?  Listen up.  I am Gurkhan's number-one wife.
And you're all dirt.  I will one day-- carry his heir.
Eventually-- my son will rule over Gurkhan's kingdom.  Anyone--
who comes between me-- and my lord-- will feel my wrath.  Believe
me.  That is when-- you will truly-- wish you were dead.  Bad
dog."

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Woman's [Sar's[?]] Voice:  "My Lord."

"Sup":  "I bow before the might-- of Gurkhan the magnificent.
I-- am Superlious the pirate-- and I search the ends of the Earth
for the most beautiful and delicious maidens.  I see vast
potential for our mutual satisfactions.  For, in my stables, I
have rare beauties from every part of the world, just waiting--
to be plucked.  Take this one-- an Amazon-- warrior queen from
Greece-- strong-- savage-- independent-- and untouched by the
hands of man.  The untold pleasures that await the one who can
tame a creature like this-- stagger the imagination.  And I offer
her to you for now-- a gift-- a token of my good faith.  If it
pleases the great one-- the little flower would like to dance in
his honor."

Sar:  "Gurkhan approves-- of your gift-- and would like to see
her dance."

G [whispers]:  "Xena!"

X [Whispers]:  "I have this under control-- trust me."

G:  "Uh!"

"Sop":  "She won't have Gurkhan before me."

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[ACT III]

Woman 2:  "Were you able to reach her?"

G:  "No-- the place is swarming with guards."

Woman 2:  "I hope she makes it."

G:  "She'll make it."

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Guard:  "Nobody misbehaves in Gurkhan's harem."

[Reprise of The Gauntlet Sequence]

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Gurkhan [Gur]:  "Tell me, Sophia-- why did you have a knife?"

"Sop":  "To make sure none of the other wives got a jump on me."

Gur:  "Are you here simply because you were taken as a slave?"

"Sop":  "I want to be here."

Gur:  "Really?  And why is that?"

[G:  "Sarah."]

"Sop":  "I want to give myself to the great Gurkhan."

Gur:  "Are you sure?  No other agenda?"

"Sop":  "Yes, one."

Gur:  "I'm listening."

"Sop":  "I want to be number-one wife."

Gur [Chuckles]:  "Let's just start by calling you Fatima."

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Guard:  "Get in!"

Woman's Voice:  "How is she?"

"Sop":  "Peachy."

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X:  "Thinking about Sarah?"

G:  "Yes-- and Mother and Father.  Didn't get a chance to say
goodbye to them, Xena.  I don't think that Sarah's here.  I-I've
asked-- "

X:  "She's here.  Now leave it."

G:  "Do you think she's in another cell?"

X:  "Don't know-- but I've got an idea how to flush her out.
Gabrielle, you can do it.  You can kill Gurkhan."

G [Whispers]:  "Thank you."

X:  "Don't thank me.  Just be ready."

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Sar:  "Wives of Gurkhan-- on your faces.  Look up-- at your
peril."

Gur:  "That one-- Fatima."

Sar:  "Tonight, you will dance."

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"Fatima" ["Fat"]:  "I have a request."

Gur:  "Yes?"

"Fat":  "Sarah's head on a plate."

Gur:  "Where did you hear that name?  [Snickers]  Very well.
I'll give you Sarah's head."

Sar:  "Gurkhan!  How can you do this?!"

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[ACT IV]

"Fat":  "I have an idea."

Gur:  "What?"

"Fat":  [Whispers in his ear]

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Gur:  "Join us, little one."  [Chuckles]  [Sighs]  [Chuckles]

X:  "Take that, ya dirty bastard.  If you're going to do it-- do
it now."

G:  "Are you afraid?  Afraid like my mother?  My father?  Like my
sister's husband?  Right before you cut off their heads.  If I
kill you-- you win.  I become like you.  I hate you."

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G:  "Sarah."

Sar:  "What do you want?  Is this the ultimate humiliation?
Gurkhan's gonna let you two sever my head yourselves."

G:  "Sarah-- I'm Gabrielle.  This is Xena."

Sar:  "Gabrielle and Xena?  Well, that's not possible."

G:  "Your mother-- Lila-- my sister-- she told us everything that
happened.  We've come to take you home."

Sar:  "Then you're-- "

G [Whispers]:  "It's OK."

Sar:  "No."

G [Whispers]:  "I'm your family."

Sar:  "Don't touch me.  Get _away_ from me!  No!"

G:  "No."

Sar:  "No!"

G:  "Sh-h-h-h-h."

Sar:  "Get _away_ from me!  Just get away!  Get _off_ of me!  Get
away!  Get away!  Get away!  Get a-- "  [Sobs]

G:  "Nobody blames you, nobody!  Everyone understands you were
just a child!  [Whipers]  It's OK.  It's OK.  It's OK.  It's OK."

Sar:  "I'm so ashamed.  He killed Father-- and Grandma, a-and
Grandpa."

G [Whispers]:  "That must have been so terrible for you."

Sar:  "I didn't know how to handle it.  Life just seemed so--
brutal.  I thought the only way to-- survive was to be more
vicious than my competition.  [Whispers]  I'm so sorry."

G [Whispers]:  "So am I, Sarah."

X:  "We should go."

Sar:  "Oh-- that's impossible.  Gurkhan's security has made this
palace invincible."

X:  "There's a loophole in the system."

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X:  "All right, girls-- we're going on a cruise.  Anyone care to
come?"

Woman's Voice:  "What are we waiting for?!"

A Woman's Voice:  "Wait for me!"

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Guards:  "Gurkhan."  "Hm-m?"

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G:  "Your mother will be so happy to see you."

Sar:  "How could she ever love me again, after what I've become?"

Eve:  "You don't know mothers very well, do you?"

Sar:  "You don't understand.  I've done terrible things.  How can
I ever be forgiven?

G:  "Are _you_ ever in the right company."

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