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“The King of Thieves”  Episode 14/201



Men’s Voices:  “Get him!”  “Don’t let him get away!”  “Give us
that box!”

Autolycus [Auto]:  “Oh, not the face!”

Men’s Voices:  “Will ya hand it over?!”  “His arms!”  “I got
‘em!”  “Watch his feet!”  “Watch out!”  “Hold still!”

I:  “You know?  You _really_ don’t wanna do this.  So, why don’t
you just let him go, huh?”

Man:  “Because he’s still breathing.”

I:  “Yeah?  Well, I think he’d like to keep it that way.  Don’t

Men’s Voices:  “Wise guy!”  “Over here!”  “Grab me a whip!”
“Quickly!”  “Let’s go!”  “We’ll get ‘em later!”  “We need more

Auto:  “Ha-ha-ha.  Not that I couldn’t have handled them myself,
but-- thank you.”

I:  “Well, it’s a little early in the day for highway robbery,
isn’t it?”

Auto:  “Oh, not at all.  I try to start every day with a healthy
dose of excitement.  Bandits, lions, lynch mobs-- anything to
get the old heart started.  Autolycus is my name.”

I:  “Iolaus.  Is that the kingdom of Cyros?”

Auto:  “It is, indeed.  You have business there?”

I:  “Nah, I’m just meeting an old friend.”

Auto:  “Ah.”

Men’s Voices:  “This way!”  “Over here!”  “Yeah, I see ‘em!”

Auto:  “Oh, sounds like those bandits have returned.”

I:  “Yeah.  Well, if it is them, they’ve brought friends.  Looks
like we’re surrounded.”

Auto:  “What do you mean, ‘We’?”

Men’s Voices:  “Let’s move it!”  “Come on!”

Auto:  “You got me out of trouble-- I’m sure you can do the same
for yourself.”

Man’s Voice:  “Go this way!”

Auto:  “Yodle--ee--hoo!”

Soldier:  “Where’s your partner-in-crime?”

I:  “My p-- ah, no, no, no.  I was just-- ”

Soldier:  “Tell it to the judge.  You’re under arrest.”

I:  “What for?”

Soldier:  “You’re standing on it.”


H:  “Excuse me, I’m-- looking for a friend of mine.  He’s-- oh--
about this tall, blond hair.  His name’s Iolaus.”

Barmaid:  “I’m sorry.  I don’t know him.”

Man:  “I just met your little friend.  He gave me this.”

H:  “Well, if you called him ‘Little’, you’re lucky that’s all
he gave you.  Do you know where I can find him?”

Man:  “In prison-- for stealing the king’s prize ruby.
Punishment is-- .  Ha!”



King:  “Too many moving parts.  I keep telling you-- think

Soldier:  “There’s someone here to see you, my Lord.  Says his
name is Hercules.”

H:  “King Menelaus.”

King:  “Hercules?  Hercules-- I know that name.  Ah, y-you’re
father’s someone important, isn’t he?”

H:  “Zeus, king of the gods, if that sort of thing impresses
you.  Your Majesty, there’s a-- man in your jail names Iolaus.
He’s-- my friend, and-- ”

King [Interrupting]:  “Oh, yes, the thief.  We’re trying him
tomorrow.  He-he’ll be executed shortly afterwards.  No, now,
look at this.  It’s a new geared winch.  With it, one man
raising a stone-- can do the work of four.”

H:  “That’s very nice, but, uh-- ”

King [Interrupting]:  “The problem is, I-- I don’t want three
out of four men unemployed, just for the sake of progress.”

H:  “I can see where that would be a problem.  Now, about my

King:  “Your friend?”

H:  “Yes.”

King:  “Oh-oh, yes, yes.  Well, he-- plundered my treasury.  I
mean, we still haven’t recovered the stone from my set.  It’s
a-- dragon’s-eye ruby-- given to my great-great-grandmother by
Maleus the Mighty.  Ha-ha.  Maleus had no easy job persuading
the dragon to give it up.”

H:  “Iolaus would never do anything like that.  He’s the most
honest person I know.”

King:  “Then why doesn’t he tell us where the ruby is?”

H:  “Because he didn’t take it.”

King:  “Oh-ho!  I’ll be the judge of that-- literally.”

Dirce:  “Oh!”

King:  “Dirce-- ha.  She’s famous for her entrances.”

H:  “That’s-- wonderful.”

King:  “Yes-- you better say that.  She’s your friend’s lawyer.”

H:  “Hi.”


Dirce:  “Maybe there’s something both of you should know about
Cyros.  No crime goes unpunished here.  It’s the law.
Unfortunately, when the real culprit can’t be found-- innocent
people have been executed.”

I:  “Oh-ho!  Good!”

Dirce:  “I’m sorry, but the law is part of our tradition.  And--
as much as the king loves things that are new-- tradition gets
the best of him every time.”

H:  “And you’re willing to let your tradition kill an innocent

Dirce:  “I only care about protecting my clients.  Justice for
the people.  Humanity before tradition.  But frankly, if we
don’t catch the real thief-- his goose is cooked.”

H:  “Well?”

I:  “His name was Autolycus.”

Dirce:  “Autolycus?”

H:  “You know who that is?”

Dirce:  “Everybody around here knows Autolycus.  The peasants
call him, ‘The King of Thieves’.  I have his description here.
There.  The king’s constables swear he’s uncatchable.  And
Autolycus has said that he’d rather die than be brought to

H:  “Well, you’re about to find out if he’s true to his word--
because I’m going to catch him.”

Dirce:  “Well, you’d better hurry.  The king has decreed that
the trial starts tomorrow.”

H:  “They don’t waste any time here, do they?  How are you at

Dirce:  “I may be able to get you three days.”

I:  “Yeah?  What if it takes more than three days to catch him?”

Dirce:  “Well, then I’ll make sure that the king feels guily
about beheading the wrong man.”


H:  “Autolycus, right?”

Auto:  “Ah, you’ve heard of me.”

H:  “Not until yesterday.  I believe you took something that
doesn’t belong to you.”

Auto:  “Rumor and innuendo.  Oop!  Uh!”

H:  “You’re too easy.  You know that?  I thought the King of
Thieves would be harder to catch.”

Auto:  “Who are you?”

H:  “Hercules-- heard of me?”

Auto:  “Oh!  We-ell, that makes perfect sense!  Only the son of
Zeus could’ve found me!”

H:  “Well-- you left quite a trail.  See, next time you’re
running from the law, don’t stop to shake hands with every
villager you meet.”

Auto:  “Oh, but Hercules, how can I deny them?  The people love

H:  “Force yourself.”

Auto:  “I’d rather do this.”

H:  “You’re only making more trouble for yourself.”

Auto:  “If I didn’t like trouble, I would’ve gone into a
different line of work.  Yodle-ee-hoo!”

H:  “Maybe this isn’t going to be so easy.”


Soldier:  “The thief is to be escorted to the court.”

Dirce:  “The alleged thief.”

Soldier:  “Whatever.”

Dirce:  “No convictions without a trial!  Here is is, provision
99-- the review of evidence by outside audit.  That’ll easily
take up two-and-a-half days.  Of course-- that still doesn’t
give your friend much time to catch Autolycus.”

I:  “Well-- if anyone can, Hercules can.”

Dirce:  “It’ll still vex him, though.”

I:  “Who?”

Dirce:  “The king-- he’s very impatient.  He’ll probably regret
accepting my proposal.”

I:  “What proposal?”

Dirce:  “Counsel for the defense.  I’m the one who came up with
the idea.”

I:  “I’m surprised he agreed to it.”

Dirce:  “Ha-ha.  He likes to think he’s progressive.  Ha!  What
a joke!  Oh.  Would ya mind getting that for me?”

I:  “Yah!”


H:  “Excuse me.  Excuse me.  Ha-have you seen a-- tall man
with-- dark hair and a green-- tunic?  He-- might have-- tried
to shake your hand.”

Woman:  “Do you mean Autolycus.”

H:  “None other.”

Woman:  “Sorry, not today.”

H:  “Is there anywhere else to cross the river?”

Woman:  “Oh, [?] footbridge-- twenty miles downstream.  But it
washed away.”  [Laughs]

H:  “Thanks for your-- help.”

Woman:  “You’ll never catch him, you know.”

Auto [In disguise]:  “Oh!  Excuse me!”

H:  “Autolycus!”

Auto:  “Ooh.  Oop!  Pardon me!”  [Laughs]

Woman:  “Go, Autolycus!  Go!”

Man’s Voice:  “Run!  Run!”

Woman:  “You’ll never catch The King of Thieves!”

Auto [Interrupting]:  “Pardon me!”


Auto:  “Yodle-ee-hoo!  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Ah, even the great
Hercules is no match-- for The King of Thieves.”

H:  “Can’tchou do any better?  I learned that trick when I was a

Auto:  “Sorry, Hercules.  But I’ve got a reputation to

H:  “I’m afraid I’ve got to ruin it.”

Auto:  “Yah!  Oh, oh, oh, gods above, put me down!  [Yells]  So
much for the direct approach.  It’s been a pleasure, Hercules!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Oh!  Ooh!  Ah!”

H:  “Uh-oh.”  [They scream.]



King:  “The evidence is in.  Counsel has-- two minutes-- for
closing arguments.”

Dirce:  “Your lordship-- I propose that all evidence here today
be subject to Provision 99-- the review of evidence by outside

King:  “Ah, that won’t be possible, Counselor.  I retired
Abagustus yesterday.”

Dirce:  “What?!”

I:  “Who’s Abagustus?”

Dirce:  “The only outside auditor in Cyros.  How could you let
him retire?!”

King:  “Dirce, the man is 97 years old.  The only thing he’s got
energy for is to sleep.  So if you can’t think of anything
better than that-- ”

Dirce:  “J-just wait a minute.  OK, I-I’m sure there’s
something.  Ah.  Provision 46.”

King:  “That’s strictly for maritime insurrections.”

Dirce:  “Oh-- right.  Um-- well-- amendment 12 K to Provision

King:  “Applies only to politicians with records of heredit’ry
[sic] insanity.”

Man’s Voice:  “Yes.”

Dirce:  “Oh-- yes.  Um-- ”

King:  “Time is running out, Counselor.  The court is ready to
pass judgment.”

Dirce:  “I propose that the court enact the Erebus test-- ”

People:  [Murmurs]

Dirce:  “-- the ancient test of innocence.”

King:  “But that could take days.  And besides, it’s barbaric.”

Dirce:  “But, it’s part of the traditional law.  And that’s the
most important thing, isn’t it?  Tradition.”

King [Aside]:  “We haven’t used it in years.  [Aloud]  Very
well, Dirce.  The court will indulge you-- though I personally
think it would be more humane to let us-- execute the

Man’s Voice:  “Definitely.”

King:  “The court is-- recessed for two hours.  We will--
reconvene at the pond.”

Dirce:  “Got him!  Ha-ha.”  

I:  “Barbaric?”

Dirce:  “Hmm.”


Auto:  “I don’t suppose you’d care ta-- give me a hand?”

H:  “Hey-- you’re the escape artist.  But-- maybe-- you’re
losing your touch”

Auto:  “Ooh!  Oh!  Ha-ha-ha-ha.  Thank you.”

H:  “You’re welcome.”

Auto:  “Yo!  Ah!  Ah!  I have to tell you, Hercules-- mm-mm--
this is going to put a strain on our friendship.  Oh!”

H:  “What friendship?”

Auto:  “Ah!”

H:  “You stole this, and left my best friend to be executed for

Auto:  “I didn’t plan it that way.  I thought he could take care
of himself!  If you’d seen how he’d wiped out-- ”

H [Interrupting]:  “Save your breath!  All I care about is
getting you where you belong-- in court.”


Man’s Voice:  “That should hold ya.  Have a nice swim!”

Another Man’s Voice:  “-- made some progress.”

I:  “Explain to me again how this is gonna prove my innocence?”

Dirce:  “It’s called ‘dunking’.  You and the rock are thrown
into the water.  If you drown, you’re guilty.”

I:  “Oh, well, that makes sense.”

Dirce:  “Look, I know it sounds ridiculous-- but it was the only
delaying tactic left me.  Oh, one other thing.”

I:  “What?”

Dirce:  “Don’t swallow the water.  It’s filthy.”

King:  “Let’s get this over with.  The agriculture commission
has a-- a pig-breeding crisis I need to deal with.”

Man’s Voice:  “Here!”

I:  “Ah-- any more advice?”

Soldier’s Voice:  “One, two.”

Dirce:  “Keep your head above water.”

I:  “Thank you.”

King:  “You’re only prolonging your client’s agony.”

Dirce:  “I am looking after his rights.”

King:  “Strange way of doing it.”

Man’s Voice:  “That’s it.”


Auto:  “You’re wasting your time.  Trust me, I know something
about prison doors.”

H:  “I didn’t think ya ever wound up behind them.  You know,
since you’re-- uncatchable.”

Auto:  “The only times the jackals of authority catch me is when
I let them.  Then of course, I escape immediately, so they know
I-- can’t be stopped.  Oh-ho-ho!  Very impressive.  Ha!  Guess
I’ll be running along.”

H:  “You are really-- starting to annoy me.”


Man’s Voice:  “Get him out of there!  Hurry it up!”

Soldier:  “Time’s up.  We’re draggin’ the carcass out of the

Dirce:  “You made it!  You survived!”

I [Coughs]:  “Yeah!  I, uh-- [Coughs] managed to-- slow down my
heartbeat so I could-- hold my breath until I got up to the
surface.  It’s a-- trick I learned in the East.”

Dirce:  “Well, it worked.  You’ve passed the first test.”

I:  “First test?”

Dirce:  “Just-- two more.”

I:  “I hope they’re a lot easier than this one was.”

Dirce:  “Ahh-- ”

Soldier’s Voice:  “On your feet!”

I:  “What’s next?”

Dirce:  “It’s called ‘Pressing’.”

Man’s Voice:  “Pressing?  No.”

I:  “Pressing.  Pressing?!”


Soldier’s Voice:  “Aah-- that’s good.”

Dirce:  “Now all ya hafta do is stand there for an hour, and not
let any stones fall.”

I:  “Ah-- great.  No problem.”

Dirce:  “You know?  We can beat the system yet!  That’ll show my
father I know what I’m doing.”

I:  “Who’s your father?”

Dirce:  “The king, of course.”

I:  “The king?!  Wow!”

Dirce:  “Look out!  That was close.  Now, don’t worry.  Winning
this case has become a personal matter to me.”

I:  “Yeah-- it’s, uh-- kind of personal for me, too.”


Auto:  “Ooh!  Whoo.  Well, this place certainly has a lot of,
uh-- character.  Interesting design, don’t you think?  Early
Assyrian, but with definite neo-Babylonian influences.  Oh-- the
Fates have been kind.  I’ve died and gone to Olympus.
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!  Will ya look at all this?!”

H:  “Keep your voice down.”

Auto:  “Why, you and I could clean out this whole place in a
couple of days, Hercules.”

H:  “I don’t have-- a couple of days.”

Auto:  “All right, well-- we’ll just take what we need.  Uh--
half for me and-- some for you.  Come on!  Untie my hands.”

H:  “Would you desert a castle and leave all this behind?”

Auto:  “What are you getting at?”

H:  “Whatever drove these people away-- did it in a hurry.  And
it’s still here.”

Auto:  “Don’t be ridiculous.  Nothing’s lived in here for
centuries!  Ha-ha.  Whoa.  Whoa.  Maybe-- ‘Ridiculous’ wasn’t
the right word.”



Auto:  “You don’t suppose it’s a-- vegetarian, do ya?”

H:  “Sh!  Back up slowly.  No sudden movements.”

Auto:  “I’d call that a sudden movement!  Oh.  If it doesn’t eat
us, it’ll kill us with its breath!  Ooh!  Ooh!  Ooh!  Oooooh!
Oh!  Well, that’s better!  What, now?”

H:  “I’m thinking!  I’m thinking!”

Auto:  “Well, while you think-- I’ll get the door.  Ohh.  Ah.
[Laughs]  Ohhh.  I like it.  Ooh!  Boy, you are good!  Ooh!”


Auto:  “I think we scared it.”


Dirce:  “Father, what are you doing?”

King:  “I can’t quite get this to work.”

Dirce:  “Ha.  We’re all waiting outside!”

King:  “Oh, Dirce.  Just-- how long does this game have to go

Dirce:  “Justice is not a game.  Justice is life.”

King:  “Yes, yes, I’ve heard all that before.”

Dirce:  “Oh!  Will you-- stop that?!  Now why can’t you start
behaving like a normal king?!”

King:  “Why can’t you behave like a normal princess, instead of
some budding old maid, who doesn’t have anything in her life
except-- screwball causes?!  Feed the stag beetle!  Save the

Dirce:  “Well, at least I _believe_ in something.”

King:  “You think I don’t.  I cling to tradition because I am
trying to preserve our way of life here in Cyros.  What more do
you want from me?”

Dirce:  “I want you to care about-- people as much as you care
about your inventions.  None of ‘em work, anyway!”

King:  “Come on.  Let’s get this-- Erebus test over with.”

Dirce:  “Wouldja look at that?”


Soldier:  “Move along!”

Dirce:  “You made it!”

I:  “Yeah.  There was nothing to it.  I just had to-- separate
my mind from my body, and-- kind of-- become-- one with the

King:  “Listen to the poor devil.  He’s ranting!  We should put
him out of his misery right now.”

Dirce:  “You’ll do no such thing.  He can take anything you
throw at him.”

I:  “Yeah.  What are you gonna throw at me?”

King:  “A wild boar?”

Dirce:  “You’ll be in this pit with it for three hours.  All you
have to do is stay alive and not lose any blood.”

I:  “Three hours?  I can do that.”

King:  “In with him, then.”

Woman’s Voice:  “It stinks!”

I:  “That boar is bigger than a horse.”

Dirce:  “It doesn’t matter, Iolaus.  You’re gonna get through
this.  I know you are.”

King:  “We’re waiting.”

I:  “I’ll-- see ya in three hours.  This pig is huge!”

Men’s Voices:  “He’s done for, now.”  “He won’t pass this one.”


Auto:  “Well?”

H:  “It’s a door.”

Auto:  “They don’t make them like that, anymore.”

H:  “There must be a winch around here, somewhere.”

Auto:  “Oh, that’ll take forever.  All right.  Here, let me
help.  Oh!  Nothing larger than the _Parthenon_, please.  That’s
more like it.  Can’t risk damaging these magic hands, you know?”

H:  “Right.  Think of all the innocent people that would keep
you from robbing.”

Auto:  “Now, if I had my druthers-- which-- I admit isn’t--
always the case-- I would focus on the corrupt and decadent.
That’s how I got into this business, as a matter of fact.  A
bloated merchant from Cyros tricked my brother, Melaegus, out of
his land.  And when Melaegus protested, the merchant had him
killed.  And the powers that be did nothing about it.  So I
delivered my own justice.  I robbed that merchant, and I gave
every dinar he had to the sick, the hungry, the poor.  The
merchant became a pauper.  And well-- I became-- an outlaw.  But
not just any outlaw, either.”  [Laughs]

H:  “If you don’t mind.”

Auto:  “That’s all right.  I’ll get it back.  After all, I am
The King of Thieves.”

H:  “Save it for court.”

Auto:  “You really are serious about taking me back, aren’t

H:  “You bet I am.”

Auto:  “Well, that’s very Herculean, but you see, there’s just
one small catch.  If your friend lives-- that means I die.”


Dirce:  “Time’s up.  Lift the lid.  Lift the lid!”

Man’s Voice:  “He lives!  He lives!  He beat it!”

Dirce:  “You’re alive!  You’re wonderful!”

I:  “I’m better than that, Dirce.  I’m free!”

Dirce:  “What did you do?!”

I:  “I let him chase me around for a while-- till he got
exhausted.  And then I summoned up all my energy-- I looked him
straight in the eyes-- and I put him into a trance.  It’s an old
hunters’ trick.  Ow!”

Dirce:  “Well, Father-- he has passed _all_ of the steps of the
Erebus test.”

King:  “Ooh, you-- you make a good point, Dirce.  There is no--
oh.  Oh, wait a minute.  He bleeds.”

I:  “You have _got_ to be kidding!  You know-- I’ve played your
games!  I passed your stupid tests!  And now, you’re gonna
condemn me for cutting my finger _after_ I escaped from your pet
boar?!  You people are crazy!”

Soldier:  “Hey.  Don’t talk to the king like that.  Or you’ll
get in real trouble.”

I:  “Ha!  How much more trouble can I get in?!”

King:  “Da-enough of this jibber-jabber!  Dirce-- you asked for
the Erebus test and you got it.  Your client has proven himself
guilty beyond a doubt.  He will be-- executed at dusk.”



Auto:  “Well-- I hope it still works.”

H:  “There’s one way to find out.”

Auto:  “Ohh-- it looks like a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
But how are we gonna keep that thing up long enough to get out
there and enjoy it?”

H:  “Find something to brace the wheel.  Hurry up!”

Auto:  “Ha.  Wrong place-- wrong time.”

H:  “Find something?!”

Auto:  “Ah-- a little more than I wanted to.”

H:  “Oh-- quick!  Brace the wheel!”

Auto:  “Oh, oh, the wheel.  Um-- ”

H:  “Go on!  Get out of here!”

Auto:  “You’re sure?”

H:  “Go!”

Auto:  “Come on, Hercules!  Uh!”

H:  “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Auto:  “I need this.”

H:  “I told you to get out of here!”

Auto:  “Don’t you worry about me, Hercules.”

H:  “Autolycus!  Let’s-- get you outta here.”


H:  “Autolycus, you all right?”

Auto:  “I was gonna run away while your back was turned, but-- I
can’t seem to stand.”

H:  “Then don’t-- try.”

Auto:  “I don’t think I can move my legs.”

H:  “You could have escaped?  Why’d you come back to help me?”

Auto:  “Oh. a-- a lapse in judgment.”

H:  “I don’t think so.”

Auto:  “Look, Hercules-- I don’t want your friend to die because
of something I’ve done.  It would--ha-- spoil my image.  Mmm”

H:  “Can’t have that, can we?”

Auto:  “Mmm--  but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to carry me back
to Cyros.  Mmm.  And I think you’d better hurry.”


Dirce:  “Father, I can’t let you do this-- not when you know
he’s innocent.”

King:  “But tradition must be honored.  It’s what-- keeps us

Dirce:  “Well if-- this is civilized, then I wish you’d execute
me instead of Iolaus.  Come on!  I’ll even put my head on the
block for you!”

King:  “Guards!”

I:  “Dirce, no!”

King:  “Get her away from there!”

Dirce:  “Nooo!”

I:  “Dirce!”

Man’s Voice:  “Get on with it.”

I:  “Dirce!”

Dirce:  “I can’t let you die.”

I:  “Just keep fighting for justice-- and reason.  If you do
that-- it won’t have been for nothing.”

Dirce:  “Father-- please.”

King:  “I’m sorry, Dirce.  Proceed.”


King:  “I-it’s not as bad as it seems, my boy.  With this
chopping device my inventors have perfected-- uh, there’ll be no
more sloppy work with an ax.”

I:  “Uh-- what a relief.”

King:  “I-i-if there’s anything you wish to say-- say it now.”

I:  “Two things actually-- I’m innocent-- and you should be
nicer to your daughter.”

Recorder:  “Should I enter that in the record, your Highness?”

King:  “Yes.  Well-- tradition gives us no other choice.
Commence the execution!”

Dirce:  “Father-- if you do this-- I will _never_ forgive you.”

King:  “I have told you, I am sorry.  What has begun here is
bigger than both of us.”

H:  “Stop!”

Man’s Voice:  “Who could _that_ be?”

King’s Voice:  “What _is_ this?!”

Dirce:  “Hercules!  Where have you been?”

H:  “You were supposed to give me-- three days.  How you doing?”

I:  “Oh-- you know-- I’ve had better days.”

King:  “How-how dare you put this-- stranger-- on the royal

H:  “Your Highness-- say hello to Autolycus.”

Man’s Voice:  “Autolycus?”

King:  “The King of Thieves?”

Auto:  “Ah-- you’ve heard of me.”

H:  “He’s here as a witness for the defense.”

King:  “Well, you-- you better be quick about it.  We’re in the
middle of an execution!”

Auto:  “You shouldn’t be.  You’re executing the wrong man.”

I:  “Yeah, that’s my point, exactly!”

Auto:  “He didn’t rob the royal vault.  Ha-ha-ha.  I did.”

King:  “It’s the dragon’s eye ruby!”

Auto:  “You, sir-- have had the honor-- of being robbed by the
greatest thief-- of all time.”

H:  “Autolycus!”

Auto:  “Thank you, Hercules.  Ha.  My mission-- is complete.”

Dirce:  “The rope!  Father, do something!”

King:  “But-- nothing like this has ever happened in Cyros!”

I:  “Ah, terrific.”

H:  “Iolaus is not thief.  You know that for a fact.  Now, let
him go!”

King:  “But tradition!”

H:  “Humanity is more important.  Start a new tradition.”

Dirce:  “We could make a campaign of it.  ‘Menelaus-- a new king
for a new day.’  You could rewrite the old laws.”

King:  “Rewrite the laws!  Rewrite the laws?  I can do that?”

Dirce:  “You’re the king.”

Woman’s Voice:  “But, that’never been done!”

King:  “Would you help me?”

Dirce:  “You know I would.”

King:  “Let him go!”

Dirce:  “Are you all right?”

I:  “Yeah.”

Dirce:  “How did you get him to confess?”

H:  “He-- did it on his own.  Autolycus-- wasn’t as bad as he--
wanted you to believe.”

King:  “Proof of that is right here.  Take this to the royal
vault.  And prepare Autolycus’ body for a state funeral.”

Dirce:  “He’s gone.”

Man’s Voice:  “How did he _do_ that?”

H:  “I wish I could say I was surprised.”

Man:  “Where’s my money pouch?”

A Man’s Voice:  “Mine’s gone, too!”

H:  “I can’t say I’m surprised about that, either.”

Dirce:  “Iolaus!  Maybe if we’d been better hosts, you’d, stay

I:  “You and your father have a lot of work to do.  I’ll come
back when things settle down.”

Dirce:  “I hope so.  You haven’t seen the best part of our
country, yet.”

I:  “Oh-- I think I have.  Huh.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Such a launcher [?].”

Man’s Voice:  “-- ran away from home.”


I [Humming]:  “Ah, Dirce.  You know-- I left my heart in Cyros.”

H:  “Yeah, but ya kept your head.”

Auto [In Disguise]:  “Good afternoon.”

H:  “Good afternoon.”

I:  “Afternoon.  Someone you know?”

H:  “It could be.”

I:  “Want to go after him and make sure?”

H:  “Nope.”

I:  “OK.”

Auto:  [Laughs]


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