Whoosh! Online
Edition Click here for My Tribute!


“Highway to Hades”  Episode 24/211


Hades:  “Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!  Hyah!

Soldier:  “Sir-- you grace us with your presence.”

Hades:  “Forget the formalities.  You found him?”

Soldier:  “Yes, sir.  He’s in a small country inn, just over the

Hades:  “Then what are you waiting for?  Get him.”


H:  “Mmm-- wonderful, Epicurus-- excellent.  The duck was superb
and the sauce, well-- I don’t know how you do it.”

Epicurus [Epi]:  “Actually, it’s quite simple.  It’s-- simmered
in its own blood.”

H:  “The sauce is-- simmered blood.”

Epi:  “Right-- ya boil it away until it becomes this thick gel?
And then-- ”

H:  “Epicurus-- can I ask a favor?”

Epi:  “Of course.”

H:  “From now on, can you just-- serve the food and not-- tell
me how you prepare it?”

Epi:  “Is there something wrong?”

H:  “No, not at all.  I-it was a-- nother great dinner.  I
just-- think a-- chef should have his own little secrets.”

Epi:  “Sure.  I just thought that you-- ”

H:  “Ah-- please.  Spare me the details.”

Epi:  “If that’s the way you want it.”

H:  “Nah-- I didn’t mean-- !”

Soldier:  “Spread out!  Hercules-- you’re coming with us.”

H:  “I don’t think so.  For openers, you didn’t ask politely.”

Soldier:  “You can come the easy way-- or the hard way.  It’s up
to you.”

H:  “Am I losing my hearing?  Because I still didn’t hear,


A Soldier’s Voice:  “Watch out!”

Another Soldier Soldier:  “I think I’m gonna be sick!”

Soldier:  “Put him down.”

H:  “As you wish.”

Soldier:  “Ahhhhhh!”

Epi:  “Are you OK?”

H:  “Duck sauce.”

Soldier:  “Ahhhhh!”

H:  “Excuse me.  Tell whoever sent you-- to give you another
lesson in manners before you come back.”

Hades:  “I sent them.”

H:  “Hades.  What are you-- ?”

Hades:  “Bring him.”

Soldier:  “Yes, sir.”



Hades:  “Come on.”

H:  “All right.  You mind telling me what’s going on?”

Hades:  “I need a favor.”

H:  “Huh-- you have a strange way of asking.”

Hades:  “It’s been too long since I’ve seen Persephone.  If you
had lobbied harder on my behalf, I’d be inclined to treat you

H:  “You want her for the whole year.”

Hades:  “Why not?  We love each other.”

H:  “Persephone’s mother loves her too.”

Hades:  “Six months with her, six months without her-- it’s
tearing me apart!”

H:  “You agreed to the terms, Hades.  What do you want from me?”

Hades:  “Come see this.”


H:  “Well?”

Hades:  “Hold on tight.”


H:  “Isn’t there an easier way to do this?”

Charon:  “Oh, great.  It’s Hercules.  Quick-- hide the

H:  “Yeah-- it’s, uh-- good to see you too, Charon.”

Hades:  “See that guy?  His name is Timeron, and this is what’s
in store for him.”

Voice:  “-- to Tartarus-- now boarding.”

H:  “Oh-- he must have done something pretty bad to deserve that
kind of punishment.  He doesn’t seem the type.”

Hades:  “He’s not.  He’s here ‘cause a guy called Sisyphus
tricked him into taking his place.”

H:  “King Sisyphus-- of Corinth?”

Hades:  “That’s the one.  And from what I understand, the king’s
timing could have been better.  The kid got taken away on his
wedding night.”

H:  “He died on his wedding night.  So, what do you want me to

Hades:  “Bring Sisyphus back where he belongs-- so the kid’s
spirit can go to the Elysian Fields where it belongs.”

H:  “Why me?  Why not handle this yourself?”

Hades:  “Ninety per cent soldiers.  And this is just the
beginning.  The Thracian Wars are starting.  Ever had to sort
out a battlefield?”

H:  “Maybe you should get some help.”

Hades:  “Right-- last year, Ares had thirteen wars going.  I had
a staff of four.  This year, twenty-two wars, and Zeus has cut
my staff to two.  Go figure.”

H:  “Huh.  So-- I bring Sisyphus back.  That’s all I have to

Hades:  “Yeah.  And you can take the kid’s spirit if you think
it’ll help.  Oh, and-- you only have three days.”

H:  “Why only three?”

Hades:  “Two reasons-- first off-- if a final resting place for
his spirit isn’t designated within three days-- it’s doomed to
wander forever.”

H:  “That’s a good reason.  What’s the second?”

Hades:  “I got inventory coming up.”


H:  “Thanks, Hades.”

Timeron [Tim]:  “Hercules-- wait for me.”

H:  “I didn’t say you could come.”

Tim:  “You didn’t say I couldn’t.”

H:  “It’s not a good idea, Timeron.  People might get upset if
they see you’re back from the dead.”

Tim:  “Well, no one should see or hear me but you.  Besides-- I
want to see for myself if my Daphne’s all right.”

H:  “Daphne’s your wife”

Tim:  “Was-- for about four hours.”

H:  “I was sorry to hear that.”

Tim:  “We’ve loved each other since we were kids.  We always
knew we’d get married, but-- we wanted to save ourselves for
each other-- you know-- till it was official.”

H:  “You mean, you two didn’t-- even get to share a wedding

Tim:  “Guess things don’t always turn out the way you plan.”


I:  “And I got this-- helping Hercules fight a battle near
Plinth.  There were sixty warriors.  They-- ”

Woman [Interrupting]:  “Yeah-- very impressive-- but still-- not
enough reason to wanna run off with you.”

I:  “Have you ever seen-- the sunrise on Mt. Olympus?”

Woman:  “My father would _never_ approve.”

I:  “Huh.  Well-- then, let’s not bring him.”

Woman:  “Iolaus-- I really like you, but-- I’m not sure I’m
ready to get serious yet.”

I:  “Who said anything about serious?  Fun was more where I was

Woman:  “Uh-huh.  Trouble’s where we’re going.  My father will
break your other arm.”

I:  “Oh-ho.  Actually, from the look on my friend’s face, I
don’t think your father’s gonna get a chance.  Uh-- I gotta go.”

Woman:  “Mmm!”

H:  “I, uh-- thought we might find you here.”

I:  “Who’s we?”

H:  “This is-- Timeron, my-- travelling companion.  You can’t
see him.”

I:  “Hercules, tell me you’ve been drinking.  Oh, no-- you
don’t.  Um-- mushrooms?”

H:  “Nope.”

I:  “OK.  It’s, uh-- gonna be one of those trips, isn’t it?”

H:  “I’m afraid so.  Io-- !”

I:  “What?”

H:  “Nothing.  Does that hurt?”

Tim:  “No.”


I:  “On his wedding night?”

H:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Oh-- boy, I can’t believe someone can be that unlucky.  You
know-- we gotta do something about that.  I mean, that is not
right-- saving yourselves for each other all your lives, then
not being able to-- ah-- it just isn’t right.”

H:  “No, it’s not.  And we’ll do what we can to fix it-- after
we find Sisyphus.”

I:  “Hey-- anything else I should know?”

H:  “We have to do it in three days.”

I:  “Three days?!  It’ll take us a day just to get to Corinth!
Day there, day back-- that leaves us one day to work with.”

H:  “So, we’ll work fast.”

Tim:  “Hercules-- I’m more concerned about Daphne.”

H:  “I know you are.”

I:  “Now what?”

H:  “Ah-- Timeron’s worried about-- his wife.”  [Sighs]


Daphne [Daph]:  “But I don’t understand.  I have a home.  Why
would the king want me to come back to the palace?”

Elusius [Elu]:  “He’s thinking of your safety, Daphne.  A young
widow like yourself-- alone in that house?  You’ll be safer

Daph:  “I can take care of myself.”

Elu:  “I’m sure you can.  Still, the king would like to offer
you some sort of employment.  You’ll need something to tide you
over-- after your husband’s unfortunate demise.”

Daph:  “Well, I won’t go back to being a maid.”

Elu:  “Of course not.  I’m sure that’s not the position he has
in mind.”


Queen:  “How are your children these days?”

Woman:  “Same as ever, My Lady.  My eldest wants to join the
army-- says he doesn’t want to grow up to be anyone’s servant--
not that there’s anything wrong with being a servant.”

Queen:  “It’s all right.  I think we treat you well-- but there
are other lives to live.”

Woman:  “Yes, My Lady.”

Queen:  “And your daughter?”

Woman:  “Another tale of woe.  Almost marrying age, and not a
good man to be found.”

Queen:  “What about your baby?”

Woman:  “Ah, not a babe anymore, My Lady.  He’s turned into a
strapping young lad-- and eating us out of house and home.”

Queen:  [Laughs]

Woman:  “I don’t know how we’ll make ends meet, and another on
the way.”

Queen:  “Oh-- I wish I had those problems-- oh-- children, I

Woman:  “Yes, My Lady.”

Queen:  “Good morning, Elusius.  Daphne, what are you doing

Daph:  “The king requested my presence.”

Queen:  “What for?”

Elu:  “Ah, King Sisyphus thought it would be a nice gesture-- to
offer Daphne another employment postion-- mm, to, ah-- help
cover the expenses of her new house-- the funeral arrangements.”

Queen:  “Oh, of course-- I think it’s a good idea.  All of us
were saddened by your husband’s untimely death.  Ah, well--
carry on.”

Elu and Daph:  “Yes, My Lady.”


Elu:  “My Lord-- the young lady, Daphne-- as you requested.”

Sisyphus [Sis]:  “Send her in.”


I:  “Uh-- Herc-- you might wanna take a look at this.”

H:  “What is it?”

I:  “Well, I can see that he’s going with us.”

H:  “Yeah, I can see that too.”

I:  “No, no-- I can _see_ that he’s going with us.”

H:  “You can.”

I:  “Uh-huh.”

H:  “Timeron, what’s going on?”

Tim:  “I’m materializing.  Hades warned me about this.”

H:  “Materializing.”

Tim:  “Well, yeah-- now everyone can see me.  Hades said it
could happen if I got too emotional.  I-- guess the thought of
seeing Daphne again-- ”

I:  “You know, we can’t take him with us like this.  There are
people in town that know him.  They’ll be scared out of their

Tim:  “But, Daphne-- I have to make sure-- ”

H [Interrupting]:  “We’ll have to find a place to put you until
we bring Sisyphus back-- ”

Tim [Interrupting]:  “But-- ”

H:  “Now you’ll-- get your chance to see Daphne.  Emotional.”


I:  “The palace is bound to be well-guarded.  How do you plan to
get past them?”

H:  “Easy-- I’ll just let you do the talking.”


Soldier [Elu?]:  “Glutus-- back to your post.”

Glutus [With food in mouth]:  “Yes, sir.”

Another Soldier:  “So, there.”

I:  “Oh, boy-- look at all these guards.”

H:  “No worries-- they’ll let us walk right through.”

I:  “Huh-- sure, Hercules.”

Glutus [With food in mouth]:  “What business do you have in

I and H:  “What?”

Glutus [Spits food out]:  “What business do you have in

I:  “Uh [Clears throat]-- hi-- I’m Uranius-- and this is my
friend-- Plutonius.  We’re-- in the, uh, mineral rights

Glutus:  “That true?  This-- mineral rights stuff?”

H:  “I’m-- more into human rights, myself.”

I:  [Laughs]  [Clears throat]

Glutus:  “Hmm-- you can go.”

Old Man:  “Hercules, old friend!”  [Chuckles]

Elu:  “Hercules-- you two have to come with us.  Alert the king
and the other guards.”

Glutus:  “Yes, sir!”

H:  “Why?  We’ve done nothing wrong.”

Elu:  “Orders from King Sisyphus.  We’re to detain all potential

I:  “Oh, well-- we can’t go around disobeying the king’s
orders-- can we?”

Man’s Voice:  “So, that’s the famous Hercules!”

H:  “I don’t see why not.”


Soldiers’ Voices:  “Get in there!  Get down!”  “Don’t just stand
there!  Get in there!”  “That’s the way!”

“Sis”:  “Cease!  Stop this fighting!  What’s this about?!”

Soldier:  “Sire-- this is Hercules!”

“Sis”:  “I’m King Sisyphus.  Hades has sent you to bring me

H:  “Yes, he has.”

“Sis”:  “I have army enough to stop you, but I won’t.  I did a
grave injustice to young Timeron.   I don’t wanna incur any more
of the gods’ wrath.”

H:  “Then you’ll come peacefully?”

“Sis”:  “On one condition-- talk to Hades on my behalf.  Tell
him I come of my own free will.”

H:  “I’ll do what I can.”

Soldiers’ Voices:  “Ow!”  “Here you go-- let me go help you.”


I [Sighs]:  “You know?  That was a pretty cruel trick you played
on Timeron-- changing places with him on his wedding night.”

“Sis”:  “I know-- I’ll regret it for the rest of my days.”

H:  “Then maybe you should apologize to him directly.  He’s
right there.”

I:  “Yeah, Hercules is the only that who can see him-- most of
the time.”

“Sis”:  “I apologize for what I did to you, Timeron.”

H:  “He’s-- over here.”

“Sis”:  “I’m truly sorry, Timeron.”

H:  “Look, I-- I know it’s not much-- and it could never make
up-- for losing your life, or your wedding night, but it’s-- ”

Tim:  “It’s not that.”

H:  “Then, what is it?”

Tim:  “He isn’t Sisyphus.”



I’s Voice:  “What do you mean?!  He’s not the king!  Old Mr.--
_Vanish_ over here told us to look for a white-haired guy with a
beard!  I mean, how many can there _be_ in the palace?!

Tim:  “Did I say anything about a scar?”

“Sis”:  “A-a ghost!”

H:  “He’s a spirit.  He won’t hurt you.”

I:  “You know?  What I can’t figure out is why either of these
guys would wanna take the place of someone headed for-- the
other side.  I mean-- ”

“Sis”:  “I’m a poor old man.  Sisyphus promised to take care of
my family if I did it.”

I:  “Hmm-- high price to pay.”

“Sis”:  “He swore he’d kill me if I didn’t.”

H:  “Well, we’ll see about that.  For now, let Sisyphus think
his little ruse worked, and maybe he’ll let his guard down.”

I:  “But what do we do about him?”

H:  “We’ll find a place to hide him for the next couple of days
until we’re finished.”

“Sis”:  “You’re not gonna kill me!”

H:  “No.”

I:  “And Timeron?”

H:  “We’ll have to take him with us next time to make sure we
find the right man.”

Tim:  “What if I materialize again?”

H:  “You’ll just have to-- control your emotions, I-- we’ll
leave tonight.”


Elu:  “Your trickery was brilliant, Sire.”

Sis [Laughing]:  “Yes, it was.  But Hercules will eventually
discover his error.  He’s not one to give up easily.”

Elu:  “I’ll double the palace security.  He’ll be arrested on

Sis:  “Good.  Now, to other matters-- how’s our aqueduct going?”

Elu:  “It’s almost finished, Sire.  And the amphitheater’s
coming along nicely.”

Sis:  “That pleases me.  Soon, Corinth will be the greatest,
most prosperous, city in the civilized world.”

Elu:  “And you-- the world’s greatest king.”

Sis [Laughing]:  “Yeah.  Send in the widow Daphne as you leave.”


H:  “Timeron-- I’ve seen the Elysian Fields.  You’ll be happy

Tim:  “Huh-- maybe in fifty years-- when Daphne joins me there.”

H:  “Yeah.”

Tim:  “Sure miss her.”

H:  “You find a spot for our impostor?”

I:  “Yeah, he’ll be safe.”

Tim:  “Hey-- hey, watch it.”

H:  “Are you hungry?”

I:  “Yeah-- you wanna find some food?”

H:  “Sure, I’ll get it.”

I:  “No, wait, wait.  Uh-- you’re not gonna leave me here with
Timeron, are ya?”

H:  “Is that a problem?”

I:  “Well, it’s-- he’s not exactly the world’s greatest
conversationalist-- hmm, not with me, anyway.”

H:  “Then why sit so close to him?”

I:  [Startles]

H [Chuckles]:  “Ah, looks like he’s not too happy about being
left with you, either.”

I:  “Well, can’t he-- wave a leaf or sum’in, so I know where he

H:  “Ah-- Timeron?”

Tim [Sort of sighs]:  “Sometimes if I-- try real hard I can--
make things move.”

H:  “Now might be a good time to practice.”

I:  “What?”

H:  “Well, he’s gonna-- .  See that leaf?  That’s Timeron.”

I:  “Oh.”

H:  “I won’t be too long.”

I [Sighs]:  “So-- heard any good jokes, lately?”


Sis:  “Daphne-- I’m sorry we were interrupted before-- but there
were some things I want ta [sic] talk to you about.  Look out
there-- an amphitheater, Senate forum, aqueduct-- all for my
subjects and all built from nothing.  And I’m afraid that it
will return to nothing without someone to carry on after I’m

Daph:  “But you have-- assistants-- underlings-- the queen.”

Sis:  “The queen and I won’t be here forever and-- my assistants
[Laughs]-- I’m talking about blood-- an heir.”

Daph:  “Sire-- it’s common knowledge that-- the queen-- is

Sis:  “But you’re not.  I’m asking you to be my queen.”

Daph:  “Y-you already have a queen.”

Sis:  “One who cannot give me an heir.  Think about it, Daphne.
You could bear a prince-- someone who, one day-- will be a ruler
of all of this.”

Daph:  “But, Sire-- with no disrespect-- Timeron was the only
man I ever loved.”

Sis:  “I know your grief is fresh, but--”

Daph:  “Three days is hardly an adequate mourning period.  I
mean, even if I _did_ care for you.”

Sis:  “You don’t have to make a decision immediately.  I know
this must be a trying and emotional time for you.  But you must
think of yourself-- your future.  Mourn-- weep-- grieve.  But
consider my proposal-- from maid-- to queen.  Think.”


H:  “Let’s eat.”

I:  “Great.  Where are yours?”  [They laugh.]

H:  “What’d you do with Timeron?”

I:  “Ah, he’s over there, where you left him-- huh-- waving his
little leaf.”

H:  “That’s the wind.”

I:  “What?  Where’d he go?”

H:  “I have a pretty good idea.  Come on.”


Tim:  “Daphne-- don’t cry.”

Daph:  “Timeron?”  [Screams]


Daph:  “A ghost!  Someone!”

Woman’s Voice [In background]:  “What did she say?  Did she say,
‘A ghost’?”

Daph:  “Help me!”

Men’s Voices:  “She’s gone mad.”  “Stop that woman!”

I:  “Who was that?”

H:  “Two guesses.”

Tim:  “Daphne!”

H:  “Wait!  Get over here!”


Daph:  [Screams]

Glutus:  “Stop!”

Daph:  “Please-- you must let me in.  The dead have come for

Glutus:  “No one enters without the king’s permission.”

Daph:  “But I’m telling you, I saw a ghost.”

Sis:  “What’s going on out there?”

Glutus:  “The maiden Daphne was trying to rush the palace,

Sis:  “Then let her pass!  Daphne, my dear-- what is it?”

Daph:  “I saw the ghost of Timeron.”

Sis:  “Come, my dear.  Tell me about it.”

Men’s Voices:  “Looks like the king’s taken a fancy to Daphne!”
“Poor girl.”

Glutus:  “What are you lookin’ at?!  Move along!  Don’t you guys
have a home to go to?”


I:  “It’s all clear.”

Soldier’s Voice:  “There’s one of them!”

H:  “‘All clear.’”


I:  “Thanks!  Uh-oh.”

Man’s Voice:  “Watch out!”

H:  “What?”

I:  “I think you’ll have to do that arrow thing again.  Think
you can catch all six?”

H:  “Maybe yes.  Maybe no.  But twelve-- really worries me.”



I:  “Ah-- Hercules, will you be catching the arrows from the
steet first, or-- the ones from the roof?”

H:  “Does it matter?”

I:  “I was just curious.”

Men’s Voices:  “It’s Timeron!”  “But-- he’s dead!”  “It’s his
ghost!”  “Let’s get outta here!”  “Timeron’s dead!  How can that
be?!”  “Quickly!”

H and I:  “Materializing.”

Tim:  “I-- couldn’t help it.  I was scared.”

H:  “Wh-- at are you scared about?  You-- are already dead.”

Tim:  “I know.  I guess I’m just-- ”

H:  “-- not used to it.”

I:  “Ah, it’s OK.  I was pretty worried there, myself.”

H:  “Come on.  Let’s go find Daphne.”

I:  “Yeah.”


Sis:  “Have you given any thought to my proposal?”

Daph:  “I’m sorry-- but I’ve no desire to be your queen-- or
bear your children.”

Sis:  “I asked you nicely.  But you forget-- I am the king.  I
can command.”

Elu:  “Sire!”

Sis:  “What is it?!”

Elu:  “Hercules has been sighted within the city-- along with--
Timeron’s ghost.”

Daph:  “Someone else saw him, too.”

Sis:  “Ah, we will continue this discussion later.  I knew he
wouldn’t give up.  I need to buy more time.  Find Hercules-- and
whoever’s with him.  Detain them until I tell you.”

Elu:  “Sire-- the men are afraid.  The ghost.”

Sis:  “Tell them to be more afraid of me.  Those who disobey
will have their heads decorating my chamber!”

Elu:  “Hercules won’t be easy to detain.”

Sis:  “Do what is necessary.”

Elu:  “Including killing him?”

Sis:  “If that’s what it takes!”


Tim:  “What’re we gonna do?  We’re running outta time?”

I:  “Why is he still visible?”

H:  “Ah, he’s upset.  He’s worried we won’t get Sisyphus back in

I:  “Ah well, don’t worry.  Hercules always comes up with
something.  Don’t you?”

H:  “Working on it.  I’m working on it.”

I:  “Ah, see?  He’s working on it.”


Queen:  “Sisyphus?”

Sis:  “Karis-- I didn’t hear you come in.”

Queen:  “I saw Daphne outside.  She was very upset.  What is
going on?”

Sis:  “The oracle at Delphi-- told me that the girl-- Daphne,
could bear my child.”

Queen:  “You would do that?  Marry her?  Throw me over as the

Sis:  “No-- of course not.  The child would be raised as our
own.  Then Daphne would be sent away.”

Queen:  “What if she refused?  You wouldn’t.”

Sis:  “Of course not-- I would never harm the girl.”

Queen:  “Somehow, I get the feeling-- you’re not telling me the
whole story about Timeron.”

Sis:  “I have.  What else is there to tell?  The oracle warned
me about my enemies.  Timeron took my place to confuse them.  I
didn’t know the boy was gonna get killed.  No one feels worse
about his death than I.” 


Daph:  [Startles]

H:  “Easy-- I’m a friend of Timeron’s-- and I’ve come to help.”

Daph:  “But I just saw Timeron-- he’s a-- ”

H:  “Spirit.  But he’s not here to harm you.”

Daph:  “Then he really is dead.”

H:  “Yes.”

Daph [Sighs]:  “It’s so unfair.  The plans we made-- all those
years we waited.”

H:  “I know.  But you can help us find justice.”

Daph:  “How?”

H:  “By helping us take Sisyphus back to the other side.  You
worked in the palace.  You must know of a-- secret entrance;
some-- gate less guarded than the others.”


Glutus [?]:  “Halt!  Maiden Daphne-- great.  Where do you think
you’re going?”

Daph:  “This man’s a seer.  He has knowledgeof Hercules’

Glutus [?]:  “Let him in.  Don’t let him in?  Let him in?”

Daph:  “But don’t touch him!  He’s a leper.  The king is

Glutus:  “Proceed!”


H:  “Wasn’t that easier than fighting our way in-- huh?  Nobody
got hurt.”

I:  “Well, it’s OK for you.  You didn’t have to wear a stupid
costume.  [Chuckles]  I enjoyed it.”

Soldier’s Voice:  “Nah, she looked pretty young [?].”

H:  “I thought you said this was a _secret_ entrance.”

Daph:  “This way.”

Elu:  “What?  What is it?”

Soldier:  “Herc-- Herc-- ”

Elu:  “Hercules.”


Soldier’s Voice:  “Find him!  Check every room in the palace!”

H:  “I think they’re looking for me.”

Sis:  “So-- you must be Hercules.”

H:  “And you must be the real Sisyphus.”

Sis:  “Suppose I am.  This is totally unfair, you know.”

H:  “If you wanna talk about unfair, talk to Timeron and

Sis:  “That was unfortunate, but I had no choice.  Do you know
why I was called early?”

H:  “It doesn’t matter to me.”

Sis:  “It should.  It involves your father.  Zeus was trying to
seduce the daughter of one of my noblemen.  I told the man.  It
seemed the decent thing to do.  Your father did not appreciate
the gesture.”

H:  “It never stops with him.”

Sis:  “Hercules-- this could be the greatest city in the known
world.  But it needs me to keep it running.  My work isn’t

H:  “That may be-- but it doesn’t justify ruining two lives with
that trick you played on Timeron.”

Sis:  “How could you compare their lives with mine?  I’m a king.
I built this city out of a swamp.”

H:  “You built it-- on the spoils of war-- and the plunder of
other cities-- sacked and pillaged by your army.”

Sis:  “Great leaders have to make tough decisions.  I am a great
leader.  I’m a great king.  Timeron was a commoner, a guard.”

H:  “But no less human, or deserving of happiness.”

Sis:  “You argue that, as if you were a common mortal.”

H:  “And you argue as if you were a god-- which is why I’m happy
to take you back.”

Sis:  “Maybe-- but I’m not ready to go.”

H:  “We are.”


Tim:  “Daphne.”

Daph:  “Timeron.”

Tim:  “I’ve missed you so.”

Daph:  “I want to kiss and hold you so bad.”

Tim:  “I love you so much.”

Daph:  “Why can’t you be here with me?”

Tim:  “I’m sorry.  I wish I could.”

Daph:  “I don’t think I can go on without you.”

Tim:  “What are you saying?”

Daph:  “If you can’t come back to me-- then I’ll join you.”

Tim:  “Daphne!”


Queen:  “Stop!  Where do you think you’re going with him?”

H:  “We’re taking him where he belongs.”

Tim:  “Hercules!  You gotta help me.”

Queen:  “Timeron.”

H:  “Ah-- Timeron, this isn’t a real good time.”

Tim:  “Ya gotta come-- please.”

H:  “What’s the problem?”

Tim:  “It’s Daphne.  She ran up to the tower.  I couldn’t stop

H:  “So, what’s she doing up there?”

Tim:  “I think she’s gonna kill herself.”



H:  “Daphne.  Don’t.”

Daph:  “It’s the only way I can be with him.”

H:  “No-- y-- you can hold him in your heart.  Daphne, one thing
certain in life is death.  Don’t rush it.  It’ll come soon
enough.  Enjoy whatever life has to offer you now.”

Daph:  “I don’t wanna marry Sisyphus-- or bear his children.”

H:  “And you won’t have to.  See, we’re taking him to Hades.
He’ll decide where he belongs.”

Daph:  “Timeron and I wanted to have children of our own so
badly-- and we didn’t even get to enjoy our wedding night.  Life
without him isn’t worth living.”

H:  “He wouldn’t want this.  Ask him yourself.”

Tim:  “Daphne, w-- we’ll be together again.  It may be awhile,
but-- if you could have a happy life-- the wait would be

H:  “Listen to him, Daphne.  Look at him.  Does he look like he
wants you to die now?  Hold on to life, Daphne.  It’s too
precious.  Please.”


I:  “Well, you said I should watch _him_.  You never said
anything about her.”

Queen:  “It just isn’t fair-- taking him away early because of
Zeus’ revenge.”

H:  “Oh, and you think it’s fair that he switched places with
Timeron on his wedding night?”

Queen:  “What do you mean, ‘Switched places.’?”

H:  “Ask him what he was doing in Daphne’s bedroom-- the night
Thanatos was supposed to take him away.”

Sis:  “Nothing happened-- ask her.”

Queen:  “I’m more interested in your intent.”

Sis:  “Enough of this babble-- it doesn’t matter now, anyway.”

Sis’ Voice:  “You realize I have no choice but to kill you and
your friend?”

H’s Voice:  “That won’t help you.  But I’m taking you back.
Hades will come for you soon enough.”

I:  “Timeron?”

Sis:  “Guards-- seize them.”

Elu:  “What about Daphne?”

Sis:  “Take her to my chamber.”

Queen:  “No-- this isn’t right!”

Sis:  “Karis, we’ve been through all of this.”

Queen:  “It’s wrong!  I won’t be a party to it.”

Sis:  “Then you won’t be my queen, anymore.  I must have an
heir!  Guards!  Take them all to the dungeons and execute them!”

Queen:  “Stop!  Don’t take another step!  I am still your

Sis:  “Not anymore.  Take them all away!”


Soldier’s Voice:  “Don’t let her get away!  You!  Over there!”

Tim:  “Aaahhhh!”

I:  “Thanks, Timeron.”

Tim:  “I never did like him, anyway.”

I:  “Hi.  Thanks.  Come on.”


Daph:  “Timeron!  Timeron-- if only I could-- ”

I:  “You know?”

Daph’s Voice:  “I miss you so much.”

I:  “We’re gonna have to leave now, if we wanna make it by first

H:  “Yeah-- you’re right.  All right, let’s go, King.”

Tim’s Voice:  “Goodbye, my love.”


Soldier:  “Hurry up and wait.  Hurry up and wait.  You think the
army’d be different once you’re dead.”

Man’s Voice:  “Same old story!  The rich go first!”

H:  “Here’s your man, Hades-- right on time.”

Hades:  “Tartarus-- watch him close.”

Soldier:  “Hey!  No cuts!”

Charon:  “Yeah, that’s right, pal.  Money talks.  No coinee-- no

H:  “Just-- put it on my tab.”

Charon:  “What am I?  A restaurant?”

H:  “You know I’m good for it.”

Charon:  “Ah!  Whad’ya mean, ‘Put in on my tab’?  First, ya
steal my lantern.  Then, ya steal my pig!  Now, ya expect me to
take Sisyphus across the River Styx!”

H:  “Hades, I, uh-- I was wondering if there’s anything we could
do for Timeron.”

Hades:  “You’ve already done it.  His spirit’s headed for the
Elysian Fields.”

H:  “No, no-- I mean, physically.  He and Daphne were so much in
love.  Well-- to have their wedding night interrupted before-- ”

Hades:  “Before what?”

H:  “Y-- well, you know-- honeymoon.”

Hades:  “Oh, right, I see what you mean.  That is a tough break.
Still-- we have rules.  Once you’re on the other side-- ”

H:  “Come on, Hades-- you and your rules.  What if this were you
and Persephone?  Look at him.  Come on.”

Hades:  “OK.  I’ll release his spirit for twenty-four hours, but
don’t you let this get around.  Zeus’d have a fit if he found

H:  “Can’t have that, can we?  Thanks.  Oh, it’s-- a little
tough for-- a spirit to-- you know, and for Daphne-- i-it’s
their-- wedding night, remember?”

Hades:  “All right, I see what you mean.  Timeron’ll have ta
[sic]-- borrow a body.”

H:  “Borrow a body, right.  Whose?  I-- Hades, I-it’s-- .  Hi--
um-- ”


Daph:  “Oh, Timeron-- I knew you’d come.”

Tim:  “I love you so.”

Daph:  “I love you, too.”


Click here to return to the HTLJ HIGHWAY TO HADES page.

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!