Whoosh! Online
Edition Click here for My Tribute!

TRANSCRIPTION OF HTLJ
ONCE A HERO



“Once A Hero”  Episode 27/214

[TEASER]

Men’s Voices:  “Give me more ale!”  “I’ll show you, little-- !”
“Hel-l-lp!”

I:  “Hey!  Pick on someone your own size!”

Otus:  “Me?  There is no one my own size”

I:  “Ah-- you got a point.  [Laughs]  Otus.”

Archivus [Arc]:  “And then the legendary Iolaus arrived!  Had he
been delayed-- by the arms of _battle_-- or by love?”

I:  “So you’re finally gonna put me in one ’a your stories,
Archivus?  You know?  Last time-- I didn’t get a mention.”

Arc:  “Sometimes, truth has to be sacrificed for art.”

I:  “Oh.  Heads up!”

Castor [Cas]:  “Welcome, Iolaus!”

I:  “Cas-tor!  Still defying gravity, I see!”

Cas:  “Oh, I do what I can to ignore those birthdays I keep
having.”

Arc:  “What stories can you tell me about this?”

I:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-- oh, you know, uh-- sixty barbarians-- uh,
maiden in distress-- you know how it goes!”

Arc:  “Come on, Iolaus-- most of the other argonauts are already
here.”

I:  “Great!  Take me to ‘em!”

Arc:  “Behold the golden fleece.  The reason for this reunion--
and the tie that will bind us forever.”

I:  “Has it really been ten years since we brought it back?”

Cas:  “In my humble opinion-- we’ll never have a better cause.”

I:  “Or a greater leader than Jason.  Even Hercules’ll tell ya
there’s never been anybody like him.”

Arc:  “Right.  Jason.”

I:  “I hear that he’s off on another quest.”

Arc:  “Uh-- yeah.  Well, i-i-it’s hard to keep _track_ of him
these days!  Oh, look!  Th-there’s someone else you’ve _got_ to
see!  Iolaus?  Do you remember the fair Phoebe?  Daughter of
Lycenus the lookout?”

I:  “Ye-ah, but-- only as a child.  Phoebe-- uh, I was sorry to
hear about your father’s accident.”

Phoebe [Pho]:  “Don’t call it an accident.  No accident could’ve
killed him.”

Arc:  “Phoebe-- there’s never been anything to prove otherwise.
Maybe you should look harder.”

I:  “Wo-ow!  She’s, uh-- feisty, isn’t she?”

Arc:  “Makes me miss my days on the island of silent women.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Falafel [Fal]:  “Ah!  Buy a souvenir to remember your visit to
Argos.  I have actual strands of the golden fleece.”

H:  “No, thank you.”

Fal:  “Model of the Argo?!  Detailed replica-- of the famous
ship that carried Jason and his crew on their quest.”

H:  “I’ve-- already seen it.”

Fal:  “I have Hercules dolls!  Exact likeness!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Thugs:  “Shut your trap-- and hand over your money!”  “Give it
up!”  Now!”  “Hand it over!”

H:  “Not this time, fellas.”

Thug 1:  “Uh.  Get rid of this clown!”

[Fight]

H:  “I said-- ‘Not this time’.  Well-- if you’ve got a home to
go to, my friend, maybe I should take you there.”

Jason [Ja]:  “No!  No, you wanna take me to the fire below!
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

H:  “Jason.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

[ACT I]

Arc:  “Who’s your passenger, Hercules?”

H:  “Jason.”

I:  “What happened?  I-- thought he was on a quest.”

H:  “I-- think he lost his way.  Welcome to the party, Jason.”

Ja:  “I don’t wanna be here.”

H:  “Well, of course you do.  You were our leader.”

I:  “Yeah, no one belongs here more than you do.”

Cas:  “Listen to them, Jason.  They’re right.

Ja:  “Nah.”

Domesticles [Dom]:  “Not so fast.  Let’s take a look at you
first.”

H:  “I-- found him in an alley.”

Dom:  “Maybe he starting celebraing a little early.”

Cas:  “We’d better get him out of sight before _they_ see him.
Come on.”

H:  “‘They’?  Who are you talking about?”

Marcus [Mar]:  “So-- the king has returned.”

Cas:  “There’s your answer, Hercules.”

Mar:  “Seen any demons lately, Jason?”

Ja:  “I’m looking at one right now.”

H:  “E-excuse me-- but-- who are you?”

Mar:  “I’m the chief regent of Argos.  Marcus is the name.”

Dom’s Voice:  “He takes care of the daily affairs of the kingdom
for Jason.”

H:  “Jason, you never needed that kind of help before.”

Ja:  “Things change, Hercules.”

Mar:  “We won’t tolerate any more of Jason’s publice displays.
If you-- argonauts-- can’t keep him out of trouble-- his days as
king are numbered-- fleece or no fleece.”

I:  “Who do you think you are-- talking to Jason like that?
Don’t walk away from me!  I’m talking to you!”

H:  “Iolaus!  Wait!”

Cas:  “Jason’t always bumpin’ heads with Marcus and his
regents.”

Artemus [Art]:  “Ever since Jason took to drinkin’.”

Arc:  “You’d do the same if you had his nightmares, Artemus.”

Cas:  “Jason’s been like this ever since-- ”

Art:  “Jason left Medea for Glauce-- the woman I loved-- and
Medea killed her.”

H:  “She also killed Jason’s children.”

[[[[[[Childs’ Voice:  “Help me, Daddy!”]]]]]]

Dom:  “Can I, uh-- can I get you something, Jason?”

Ja:  “Domesticles-- did you just see him?  He was here.  The
demon was _here_.”

Dom:  “I-- think you’ve been dreaming again there, Jason.”

Ja:  “Uh, I saw him in an alley, too.”

H:  “That was me you saw there.  Maybe we should talk about
this.”

Ja:  “I need a drink, first.”

H:  “Jason, it-- ”

H:  “You weren’t invited.”

[Fight]

H:  “You all right?”

Ja:  “He’s taking the fleece!”

H:  “Wait!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Mar:  “This is a disgrace!  You argonauts are as low on honor as
your drunken leader.”

H:  “The longer I listen to you, Marcus-- the more I don’t like
you.  Be careful with your words.  As for the fleece-- we’ll get
it back.”

Arc:  “Well put, Hercules!”

I:  “We tracked him to the harbor.  They’re sailing east.”

H:  “Is the _Argo_ still sea-worthy?”

Mar:  “But you can’t-- ”

H:  “I’ll take that as a yes.  Gentlemen-- we’re going after the
fleece again.”

Dom:  “I’m not going anywhere-- until I know who we’re chasing.”

I:  “Blood-eyes-- they’re a cult.  They worship Hera.”

Arc:  “Fanatics!”

Cas:  “Did anyone get a good look at their leader?”

Ja:  “I did.  It was the demon.”

Dom:  “Uh-- there’s the wine talkin’ again.”

Ja:  “No, it was him.  I swear it.  He’s the one took the
fleece.  I brought the fleece back once; I can do it again.”

H:  “Jason-- we’d be proud to go with you.”

I:  “Anyone else?”

Dom:  “Look-- I’m-- I’m willing to go.  I-- I believe we all are
but-- but we want you to lead us, Hercules.”

H:  “Jason is our leader.”

Arc:  “But, he doesn’t have all his oars in the water, if you
know what I mean.”

Art:  “Don’t soft-pedal it.  He’s a raving lunatic.”

Cas:  “Jason-- sure hasn’t been himself, lately.”

I:  “He’s got a point-- Hercules.”

H [Sighs]:  “All right.  I’ll-- lead the expedition if that’s
the way you want it.  But Jason-- is gonna navigate the _Argo_.
Any complaints?”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

I’s Voice:  “Otus!  Phoebe!  Time to come aboard!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Mar:  “The argonauts are finished.  Our champion will make sure
of that.”

Woman:  “He is only a mortal.  Take this-- in case he fails us.”

Mar:  “What is it?”

Woman:  “Insurance-- that none of the argonauts will survive,
even if they do return.”

Mar:  “But what about Hercules?  No one has ever been able to
destroy him.”

Woman:  “Until now.”  [Laughs]

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

[ACT II]

Men’s Voices:  “All right, let’s trim that sail!”  “Wind’s
picking up!”  “Ship, ho!”

I:  “That must be it.  That black speck on the horizon.  Think
he’s up to it?”

H:  “He’s a hero, Iolaus.”

I:  “Yeah-- but to hear the others talk about him-- that Jason
doesn’t exist, anymore.”

H:  “I’ll believe that when I see it.  It’s just hanging out
there-- daring us to follow it.”

I:  “Yeah-- wish I knew how many were aboard.  Can’t make out a
thing.”

Pho:  “There are-- twenty black-clad warriors wearing the red
peacock eye-- nine at the bow-- eleven at the stern.  One of
them walks with a limp.  I think he has a gammy left leg.  There
may be more below deck.  The boat’s runnin’ low in the water.”

H:  “Your father had the eyes of an eagle as well.”

Pho:  “I’ve got more than good eyes.  I’ve got a fighting
heart.”

H:  “Well-- let’s-- hope you don’t have to prove it.  Ah, the
wind’s switching.  Maybe we can-- get back some of the distance
they have on us.”

I:  “Can you really see that?”

Pho:  “I made up the part about the limp.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H:  “Put him down, Otus.”

Otus:  “Do I have to?”

H:  “If you wanna get along with me-- you do.”

Otus:  “OK.  But he keeps saying things about Jason”

H:  “Is that right?  What’s the problem, Artemus?”

Art:  “Jason is gonna lead us to disaster.  _That’s_ the
problem.  He destroys everyone near him-- just like he destoyed
Glauce!”

Valerus [Val]:  “You’ve got to let it go, _sometime_, Artemus--
or it’ll destroy you.”

Cas:  “We all know you loved Glauce, but Jason didn’t kill her.
Medea did.”

Art:  “It may as well have been Jason!  And you’d admit it-- if
you weren’t so busy kiddin’ yourself he’s still a hero.”

Val [Sighs]:  “The man is a mess!”

H:  “What’s happened to you?!  All of you?  We used to be a
team.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Men’s Voices:  “Break sail!”  “Come on, landlubbers!  Move!”
“Look lively!”  “That’s the way!”

Ja:  “Disappinted in me Hercules?”

H:  “How can I be disappointed in you, Jason?  I know what
you’re going through.”

Ja:  “You’ve been there yourself, I know.  But you’re stronger
than I am.  You could survive.”

H:  “You can do the same-- all you have to-- ”

Ja:  “I don’t wanna hear it.  I’m tired of my problems.  All I
want from you is a promise, Hercules.”

H:  “Name it.”

Ja:  “After we catch up with these thieves, make sure the fleece
gets back to Argos.”

H:  “What are you talking about?  You’ll take it there
yourself.”

Ja [Sighs]:  “I brought about the death of my family.  The gods
have sent a demon to punish me.  It’s just a matter of time,
now.  But if we can recapture the fleece-- people might still
remember me kindly.”

H:  “Jason-- the fleece isn’t what made you king.”

Ja:  “Maybe not-- but it’s the only thing left of me that anyone
respects.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H:  “What happened?”

Art:  “I don’t know.  I found him like this.”

H:  “His neck’s broken.”

Art:  “He must have fallen down the stairs.”

I:  “No.  Otus was too agile.”

Art:  “Those steps are pretty slippery.  What are you starin’ at
me like that for?”

Pho’s Voice:  “Land ho!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Ja:  “What’s the problem?”

Art:  “Otus is dead.”

Ja:  “I don’t believe it.”

H:  “He-- slipped.  He fell on the steps.”

Ja:  “We’ll give him a proper burial when we reach shore.
Prepare for landing.”

Arc:  “And so-- the first tragedy-- of the second expedition--
struck us-- when we least expected it.”

I:  “So, did he slip?”

H:  “He was killed.  But until we find out by who-- we don’t
need everyone looking over their shoulders.”

I:  “Do you think it was Artemus?  He didn’t like Otus.”

H:  “Why would he draw attention to finding the body?”

I:  “On the other hand-- who else would want Otus killed?”

H:  “Yeah.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

I:  “They went that way-- up the cliff.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

I:  “It’s them.”

H:  “How many guards?”

Pho:  “Five-- three in those trees and two in the rocks over
there.”

I:  “There’s two more behind the bush.”

Pho:  “How did you know?”

H:  “How _did_ you know?”

I:  “It’s an old hunters’ trick.”

H:  “Jason-- what do you wanna do?”

Ja:  “Attack.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H:  “Shhhhh.”

[Fight]

H:  “Shh.”

I [Whispers]:  “Oh.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

I:  “Jason-- what are you doing?”

Ja:  “Trying to regain my good name.  Argonauts!  Attack!”

I:  “Phoebe, no!”

Arc:  “That old _argonaut_ magic!”

H:  “Hold on!  They’re tryin’ to split us up!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Val:  “Oh, it’s you.  Cover my back.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Ja:  “You’ve haunted me long enough.”

[Fight]

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

[ACT III]

H:  “No!”

Ja:  “You should have let him take me.”

H:  “I couldn’t do that.  Come on.  Let’s make sure everybody
else is still in one piece.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H:  “This doesn’t look good.  What happened?”

I:  “Huh-- it was a trap!  There were _dozens_ of them out
there!”

Pho:  “Yeah, we’re _lucky_ to be alive!  Oh, no.”

Arc:  “Blood-eyes were everywhere.  We didn’t even see them
coming.”

Art:  “One of those savages-- stabbed Valerus in the back!  His
quiver was still full of arrows.  He didn’t even get off a
shot.”

Ja:  “He was too brave a warrior to die like this.  There never
was a greater archer.”

Art:  “You’re the reason he’s dead!  You led us into this trap!”

H:  “Now’s not the time for pointing fingers, Artemus.”

Art:  “Yeah, well-- well, maybe I should just kill this old
drunk!”

H:  “You don’t wanna do anything to Jason, do you?”

Art:  “You’re not gonna be around to protect him forever,
Hercules.”

Pho:  “This is crazy-- fighting among ourselves!”

Art:  “He’s gonna get us all killed!”

H:  “No, he won’t.”

Ja:  “Don’t be so sure of that, Hercules.”

H:  “I better go talk to him.”

I [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H:  “That’s not going to solve anything.”

Ja:  “Oh, you might think different if you were the one who led
us into trap.”

H:  “You can’t take the blame for everything, Jason.”

Ja:  “Get outta here, Hercules!  Maybe the demon’ll come back
and do the job right this time.”

H:  “He’s no demon.  He’s a man.”

Ja:  “What do you know about it?”

H:  “I hit him.  That’s what I know about it?  He is flesh and
blood, just like you and me.”

Ja:  “No-- the gods would never send a mortal to destroy me!”

H:  “The gods don’t have anything to _do_ with this!  You’re
haunting yourself, Jason.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Pho:  “There they are.  I can’t believe where they’re takin’ the
fleece!”

I:  “Yeah [Panting]-- I hate volcanoes!  Hercules?”

H:  “We’ll need to make a plan.”

Ja:  “Save your self the trouble.  I’m going in after the fleece
by myself.”

I:  “Jason-- ”

Ja:  “No!  This is my responsibility, no one else’s.  I lost the
fleece-- I’ll get it back.”

H:  “Jason!  We’re the argonauts.  We came here together.  We
finish this together.”

Ja:  “I’d appreciate the company.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

I’s Voice:  “Where are they?”

Pho:  “Someone’s up there.”

Dom:  “He’s got the fleece!”

Arc:  “But who is it?”

H’s Voice:  “Jason’s demon.”

Dom’s Voice:  “It’s real.”

Ja:  “Flesh and blood, just like you and me.”

H:  “Take off your mask, Castor!”

Ja:  “Castor?”

I:  “What?”

Ja:  “Why are you doing this?  Why are you trying to destroy
us?”

Cas:  “You should know, Jason-- you and Hercules and all the
rest of you glory hounds.  You stole the honor that should have
been mine.  But now I’ve finally proven that I’m better than
you.”

Art:  “Well, come down here and prove it!”

Cas:  “Ha!”

Pho:  “You killed my father.”

Cas:  “He found out about my plans.  I even ruined the great
Jason.  After Medear [sic] killed your family-- I became your
living nightmare.”

Man’s Voice:  “Steady!”

H:  “Leave him!  Let him die here.”

Cas:  “You’re only delaying the inevitable, Hercules.  He’s
gonna die with the rest of you when this volcano erupts.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.  These splendid warriors-- will make sure that you
don’t leave-- until the fun starts.  You may have lived as
warriors-- but you’re gonna [Slowly] die as fools.”

Pho:  “The door!”

[Fight]

Art:  “Jason!  The fleece!”

Pho:  “Duck!”

Ja:  “Your treachery is at an end, Castor.”

Art:  “Help me!”

Ja:  “No!”

Cas:  “Take one last look at the fleece, Jason.”  [Yells]

H:  “Come on!  Hurry up!  Let’s go!”

I:  “You gonna be OK?!”

H:  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

I:  “Good!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

[ACT IV]

H:  “Nothin’ like a woman’s touch.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Pho:  “That was the first time in my life I ever thought I might
miss.”

H:  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t-- thanks.”

Art:  “You saved my life, Jason.  Why?”

Ja:  “You’re an argonaut-- and you would ’a done the same for me
if the situation had called for it.”

H:  “We better get out of here.  This island’s not gonna last
much longer.”

Pho:  “But what about the fleece?”

Ja:  “I’m afraid it’s buried for all time.  Back to the _Argo_.”

Arc:  “We may not have the fleece, but we have our captain.”

Ja:  “I’m not sure if the rest of my kingdom will be so
forgiving.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Mar:  “You failed, Jason.  And this council has no choice but to
strip you of your crown.”

Art:  “You can’t do that.  Jason’s our king.”

Mar:  “Yours, perhaps-- but not the public’s.  They won’t
tolerate a king who lost the fleece.  And what else does Jason
have to cling to?”

H:  “He has his honor-- his dignity-- and the fighting heart
that proves he is still our leader.”

Mar:  “All of which amounts to nothing when there is a-- new
hero present-- a man who won back the fleece when Jason-- and
the rest of you pathetic dreamers-- could not.  Behold-- the
future king of Argos.”

Cas:  “I-- Castor-- proclaim myself the worthy ruler of this
land.”

Mar:  “Abdicate your throne, Jason.  And save yourself the--
humiliation-- of having it taken from you.”

Ja:  “Very well-- I will abdicate-- ”

H:  “Jason, don’t!”

I’s Voice:  “He killed Valerus and Otus.”

Pho:  “And my father.”

Ja [Interrupts]:  “No, let me finish.  I will abdicate-- if
Castor will fight me man-to-man.  Winner takes the throne.”

Cas:  “I beat you once, old man.  I can do it again.”

Ja:  “I was beaten by my demon.  _You_ could never defeat me.”

Mar:  “Hera has given _me_ the power to destroy them all!”

Cas:  “No.  First I will humiliate Jason-- then we can kill the
rest of them.”

Mar:  “Death to the argonauts.  It _is_ Hera’s will.”

[Fight]

Mar:  “Right where I want them.”

Cas:  “You idiot!  This was supposed to be between Jason and me.
Kill one of the others.  This one’s mine.”

Dom:  “Thanks.”

H:  “Any time.”

Cas:  “The pain is just beginning, Jason.”

Ja:  “I can take it, Castor.  Can you?”

Cas:  “The only pain I feel-- is from seeing an old has-been
like you on the throne.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Arc:  “Then Iolaus rushed forward-- and he-- ”

I [Interrupts]:  “Uh-h-h-h-- uh.  Uh, no, no.”

Arc:  “-- and heedless of his own safety-- _smote_ two of the
fierce blood-eyes”

I:  “Archivus-- isn’t this getting a little flowery?”

Arc:  “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

I:  “And, you know?  There were _four_ blood-eyes.  There were
four blood-eyes!”

Art:  “Come on, there he is.  Hercules!  Can we talk to you?”

H:  “Sure-- what’s on your mind.”

Art:  “I think-- Phoebe should be made an official argonaut.
Because of her bravery on the quest and-- ”

H:  “Artemus-- you don’t have to convince me.  I’d be proud to
count Phoebe among us.”

Pho:  “Then I accept-- in hopes that I honor the memory of my
father.”

H:  “Phoebe-- you already have.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m--
looking for Jason.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

H [Sighs]:  “Is everything OK, Jason?”

Ja:  “I was just thinking about them-- about my kids.  I don’t
think I’ll ever stop feeling their loss.”

H:  “Nor should you.  You loved them-- and they loved you.”

Ja:  “Now all I have to do is figure out what comes next.  Well,
maybe you were in the same situation when you lost your family.”

H:  “Yes, I was.  And I made some wrong turns.  But I finally
realized-- I had to do something with my life that would have
made my wife and children proud.”

Ja:  “My family would want me to take care of the people in my
kingdom.  I think I can do that now.”

H:  “Good.”

Ja:  “Let’s go inside.”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------

Ja:  “A toast-- to Hercules.  It was his confidence and example
that brought me back from the dead-- to this wonderful moment.”

H:  “And a toast to Jason-- he’s always been my hero-- and he
always will be.”

I:  “To heroes!”

All:  “To heroes!”

----------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------





Click here to return to the HTLJ ONCE A HERO page.



Episode
Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!