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“Web of Desire” Episode 63/404 [TEASER] Pirates’ Voices: “There! All right! Unload those barrels over that way! Set it on my shoulders. That’s right.” “All of it.” “That’ll do it.” “By the gods!” Nebula [Neb]: “Hmm. Hmm. [Chuckles] Nice chest we got here, boys.” Pirates’ Voices: “Yeah.” “What about the _legs_, Captain?” Neb: “Hey!” Lieu: “Step aside, ya mongrels. The island’s deserted, Captain.” Neb: “Good. When King Zolas realizes we grabbed his, uh-- family jewels [Laughter]-- he’ll have every bounty hunter from here to Hellespont lookin’ for us. Unload the rest of it. We’ll bury it there.” Pirate’s Voice: “Aye-aye, Captain! Let’s move it!” Lieu: “You know I wouldn’t question you in front of the men, Captain-- but the Charybdean Sea is a known graveyard for ships-- and it’s our only way outta here.” Neb: “That’s why Zolas would never look for us here. Don’t worry. If we die-- we die rich.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Pirates: “Cap’n! You better take a look at this!” “What in Tartarus?” “Over here.” “What is it, Cap’n?” Neb: “No idea. Dig it up.” Pirate: “Go on. You heard the captain.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H’s Voice: “Watch the [?]! It’s about to give! Bromius!” Sailors: “What happened?!” “Give him a hand!” H: “Pull him out of there!” Cercetes [Cer]: “You all right?” Monicles [Mon]: “Fine. We’ve stopped the flooding, Captain, but-- she won’t hold for long.” H: “The storm’s movin’ this way, Cercetes.” I: “We’re gonna have to make some repairs. You think we can do it before the storm hits?” H: “Let’s not push our luck. We’ve already lost too many men.” Cer: “You’re right. We’ll put in and wait for clear skies. Sorry, Hercules, but Im gonna have to-- getcha back to Corinth a little later than I hoped to.” H: “Don’t worry about it.” Cer [?]: “You’re all right.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Sailors: “I’m just glad we’re on dry land. I just hope our ship survives the storm.” I: “Ooh-- spooky.” H [Sighs]: “We’re not the only ones here.” I: “Yeah. Somebody’s been busy.” Paxxon [Pax]: “Well, well, well. By the gods! I, uh-- I think I _found_ something!” Mon: “There’s more. Over here. Ooh-- look at all this stuff! We’re rich! We’re rich!” [Cheers] H: “They were burying this stuff.” I: “You thinking what I’m thinking?” H: “Pirates.” Cer: “So, where did they go?” I: “Heh-- everywhere.” H: “And they left in a hurry.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT I] Mon and Pax: [Cheer] H: “Hey! Don’t celebrate yet, fellas. This treasure isn’t yours.” Mon: “What?! We found it!” Pax: “Yeah! And finders keepers!” [Laughter] H: “These _chests_ have Corillian seals” Mon: “So?!” H: “They belong to King Zolas.” Mon: “Well, there’s no seal on _my_ bag!” Pax: “Yeah-- mine neither!” Bromius [Bro]: “Shut up! Hercules is right.” Pax: “Hey listen, tree trunk. You’re not the captain!” Cer: “No, he’s not! But I am. We return the treasure, and that’s that.” I: “Hercules? There’s a lot of equipment back there. We could use it to repair the boat.” H: “Yeah. But first, let’s find out who left her [sic] here-- at least why. We’ll split up and meet back here later.” Mon: “I’ll stay here and set up camp.” Cer: “Paxxon, Bromius-- come with me.” Pax: “Why does Monicles get to hang out and relax?” Cer: “Paxxon!” Pax: “What?!” Cer: “Now!” Pax: “Oh, yeah-- lookin’ forward to this.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Well, Iolaus. This is a--nother fine mess you’ve gotten us into.” I: “Funny-- very funny.” H: “Close-knit crew, huh?” I: “Yeah-- like a family. Remind me never to hitch a ride with strangers again.” H: “Actually, that’s-- pretty good advice.” I: “Oh. Thanks, Hercules. What in Tartarus is that?” H: “It’s, uh-- some sort of cocoon.” I: “What for? Giant butterfly?” H: “Somehow, I don’t think it’s gonna turn out to be that friendly.” Voice: “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” I: “How come you’re always right?” H: “It’s a-- half-god thing.” I: “Yeah.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Pax: “Disgusting.” H: “Looks like he died defending himself.” Cer: “From what?” Pax: “Whoa-- it stinks. Oh! Oh! Uh! Uh!” Bro: “What happened to his face?” I: “Looks like it just-- melted off.” H: “We found something back there’s [sic] a-- cocoon.” Cer: “What kinda cocoon?” H: “I’m not sure. I’ve never seen anything like it.” I: “Hercules, uh-- you know, what came out of that cocoon could have-- ” H: “It’s possible.” Pax: “Aw, you’re kidding, right?!” Cer: “I guess we know why those pirates left in such a hurry.” I: “Well-- we’re not gonna be going anywhere-- with this storm coming on.” Pax: “Oh, great. We’ll just sit around and wait for _our_ faces to melt off.” H: “If we stay together-- we’ll be fine. As soon as the storm passes, we’ll get out of here. Let’s bury him.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Mon: “What’s takin’ ‘em so long? My, my-- [Limerick] There once was a sailor-- named Monicles-- Who couldn’t be rich-- ‘cause of Hercules. As soon as he left-- I started my theft-- The rest’ll have to wait till later. Hello! A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Cer: “Somethin’s cookin’. Monicles?” H: “Look what we have here.” I: “I guess his pockets weren’t big enough.” Bro: “That snake!” Pax: “So, where is he, huh? Maybe he tried to take his chances without us.” H: “I don’t think so. He may be greedy, but he’s not stupid.” I: “Huh-- could have fooled me.” Pax: “So-- what are you saying, man? Huh? He’s dead, isn’t he?! He’s dead, isn’t he?! He’s dead, and his whole face is melted off!” Bro [Interrupts]: “I’m so _sick_ of your whining!” Pax: “But man, he’s dead, his face is all melted off!” Bro [Interrupts]: “Grow a spine, you coward!” Pax: “Don’t push me, you great big oaf! Come on!” H [Interrupts]: “Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! Cut it out! Both of you! This _isn’t_ helping us find Monicles!” Pax: “Find him? Why bother to find him? He’s dead!” I: “We can’t be sure of that. Gotta go look for him.” Pax: “Oh, I’m not goin’ anywhere.” H: “Suit yourself. Yell if you run into any trouble.” Cer: “Bye-bye, Paxxon.” I: “Have fun!” Pax: “No, I’m not goin’ anywhere. No-- anywhere. I’m not-- goin’-- anywhere. Uh-- uh-- hey-- wait for me. Guys? Hello?!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Monicles!” Pax: “What was that?” H: “I do believe-- we have company.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT II] H: “OK. Back up slowly.” [Fight] H: “No, wait!” Bro: “My leg!” Neb: “Woof.” I: “You all right?” Bro: “It’s just a flesh wound.” Cer: “Well, take care of it.” H: “Iolaus-- let’s go!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Hello.” Neb: “Aw!” I: “Nice to see ya again. How ya doin’?” H: “Who are you?” Neb: “Who are _you_?! No, let me guess. Uh, sloping forhead-- dragging knuckles. I’m thinkin’ orangutan? Maybe gorilla? Ah-- that must be your little chimp.” I: “I’m laughing-- inside.” H: “We weren’t tryin’ to hurt you.” Neb: “Yeah-- right. Could have fooled me.” H: “This is Iolaus. I’m Hercules.” Neb: “Never thought the mighty Hercules would stoop to bounty hunting. What’s wrong? Hero business not paying so well these days?” H: “Not as well as piracy, I take it.” I: “You stoke the treasure, huh?” Neb: “Yeah, yeah. Look-- whatever King Zolas is paying you, I’ll double it. But we have to get out of here now.” H: “King Zolas didn’t send us. We don’t take bribes.” I: “Yeah, especially from pirates.” Neb: “So, you’re not after me?” H: “No.” Neb: “Well-- in that case-- I’m Nebula-- captain-- of the _Leviathan_. And you boys have come to the wrong place-- at the wrong time.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Cer: “This oughtta stop the bleeding.” Bro: “I’m fine. Let’s go.” Cer: “Take it easy. Paxxon, give me a hand. Paxxon? Paxxon?! That coward-- probably got _spooked_ by his own shadow!” Pax: “Boo!” [Laughs] Cer: “Uh! What in Tartarus are you doing?!” Bro: “You jackass.” Pax: “Oo-o-o-oh, man-- the look on your face. Well-- who’s the coward, now, huh?” Cer: “Paxxon! That’s enough.” Pax: “I’m tryin’ to make a point here, Captain.” Cer: “If the point is you’re a fool-- you’ve made. Now, shut up!” Bro: “I’m gonna tear your head off. I’m gonna rip off your arms and-- beat you with ‘em!” Pax [Interrupts]: “Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah. Yeah? Well, first you’ll have to catch me!” [Laughs] Cer: “Paxxon-- that’s enough. I said-- that’s-- enough!” Pax: “Who-o-o-o-o-o-oa!” Bro: “What was that?” Cer: “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h! Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h- h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” Bro: “Ah-h-h-h! Ah-h-h-h! Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro’s Voice: “A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Pax: “It took Bromius! Oh, man! It took Bromius!” Neb: “It?! What?!” Pax: “I-- I don’t know!” Cer: “Hercules-- help me!” H: “Hang on, Cercetes. We’ll-- we’ll-we’ll get you out of here.” I: “You ever seen anything like this before?” Neb: “I have. Out of the way. I know you don’t want him to keep suffering.” Cer: “Please-- anything-- the pain.” H: “You better know what you’re doing.” Neb: “I do.” Cer: “Ohh!” H: “Why?!” Neb: “Same thing happened to my first mate! I did everything that I could, but he died slow and painful. Get it?!” I: “That must be the body we found.” Neb: “I did your friend a favor. Get your hands off me.” H: “With pleasure. Keep talking.” Neb: “I landed here with a crew of twenty. We found something in the ground and I told them to dig it up. Whatever that thing is took them all in less than a day-- because I was curious about what it was.” I: “So, what happened to your ship?” Neb: “The hurricane set it adrift. It’s at the bottom of the sea by now.” H: “Sorry about your crew. But where I come from, we don’t give up on people.” Neb: “Is that right? Well, I admire your idealism, Hercules. I really do. In case you haven’t noticed-- the rules are a little different here. And by the way-- if I end up like him-- hope one of you _men_ has the guts to do the same for me.” I: “Hercules-- look at this. What do you think it is?” H: “It’s blood.” Pax’s Voice: “Blood?!” I: “Cercetes must have wounded it.” Pax: “And look what happened to him?” H: “Did you see it?” Pax: “Well, i-i-it was too fast.” Neb: “It moves in the shadows. We never saw it coming.” H: “Then we’ve got no choice. We find it-- before it finds us.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “This way.” Neb: “There. Something I can help you with?” Pax Sighs]: “Yeah, I was, uh, huh-- I was just lookin’ at your tatoos.” Neb: “Look-- don’t touch.” Pax: “Didn’t they hurt?” Neb: “Only the first time?” Pax: “What’s that?” Neb: “Poseidon’s trident-- keeps the wind at my back.” I: “I see you have an Eastern calendar.” Neb: “Yeah-- helps me keep track of the seasons.” I: “Hmm?” Neb: “You’ve been to the East.” I: “Well-- that’s where we both learned to fight-- I take it.” H: “How long were you in prison? On your neck, that’s a-- Spartan prison marking.” Neb: “Funny-- I don’t remember seeing you there.” H: “You could say I gave some people-- directions.” Neb: “Well, I bet you did. Something you wanna say to me?” H: “Only that I don’t trust you.” Neb: “That’s your problem-- ‘cause until we get off this rock, you don’t have much of a choice.” H: “When we do get off this rock-- you and that treasure you took are going back to King Zolas.” Neb: “If you can get us out of here alive, Hercules-- I’ll think about it.” H: “You do that.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- I: “Hercules-- this is it. Looks like the trail ends here.” H: “Look out! That is one-- big-- spider. Hah!” Pax: “Hercules?! Hercules, don’t leave me here! Please! Hercules! Hurry u-u-u-up!” H: “Paxxon.” Pax: “Hercule-e-e-es!” H: “Paxxon, hang on! Don’t move, Paxxon! I’ll be right there.” Pax: “Uh-uh. Hercules-- I’m outta here!” H: “No! Stay where you are! Come on!” I: “Come on! Paxxon!” H: “Paxxon! This way! Paxxon! Stop running! Paxxon!” Pax: “Whoa! A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” H: “Paxxon! Paxxon! Paxxon!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT III] Neb: “I say we hop on that ship and take our chances.” I: “You wanna sail through a hurricane in a leaky boat?” Neb: “You got a better idea?” H: “Forget the ship, Nebula. We’d never make it.” Neb: “At least, we’d have a chance. We don’t even know what we’re up against here.” H: “I do. Her name is Arachne. She was a queen-- very vain-- very cruel-- very beautiful. But her daughter was even more beautiful than she was. So Arachne threw her own child into the sea.” I: “So-- the gods put a curse on her, right?” H: “Exactly.” Neb: “They did a good job, too.” I: “When the gods curse people, why can’t they turn ‘em into a gerbil or a-- hamster?” Neb: “Yeah, something we could drop-kick.” H: “It’s gonna take a lot more than that to stop her.” I: “Well-- as long as we’re blundering around here in the dark, we’re at a big disadvantage.” H: “Arachne moves in the shadows because she’s ashamed of her appearance. Light-- is her enemy.” Neb: “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” H: “Let’s light this place up.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Arachne [Ara]: “Wearily, the rose petals fell when the sun turned its back.” Pax: “Who are you?” Ara: “Do you think I’m-- beautiful?” Pax: “Yes. Please-- let me go.” Ara: “There’s nothing more exciting than the look-- on a man’s face-- when he knows he’s about to die.” Pax: “Please-- I’ll do anything.” Ara [Interrupts]: “Sh-h-h-h-h-h. I want to give you-- a part of myself-- something you’ll keep-- deep inside.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “You’re sure all these tunnels lead through here?” Neb: “Yeah, I’m sure.” H: “All right. Keep those torches handy.” I: “Don’t worry. Nothing gets in here, we don’t see it. We’ll be OK.” H: “Yeah. Well-- don’t start the barbecue without me.” I: “Yeah. Be safe.” H: “You too. Good luck.” Neb: “You too.” [Laughs] I: “What?” Neb: “Nothing. Quite a firm handshake between you two.” I: “Yeah, so?” Neb: “So, I think it’s great.” I: “Well, I’m glad you approve.” Neb: “Yeah? So? How long you two been together?” I: “We’ve been _partners_ since we were kids.” Neb: “Oh, ‘Partners’.” I [Chuckles]: “Do you ever think anything you didn’t say?” Neb: “Oh, life’s just too, um-- short-- to mince words, Goldilocks.” I: “You know? Nebula-- if you’re tryin to get a rise out of me-- it ain’t gonna work.” Neb: “If I were tryin’ to get a _rise_ out of you-- you’d know it.” I: “Ah. Now I recognize you. You’re the woman my mother warned me about.” Neb: “Mmm. [Laughs] Ahh.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- I: “Anything?” H: “Not a sign of her.” Neb: “This doesn’t make sense. She has to come _through_ here.” H: “Something’s not right.” I: “Yeah-- like maybe there’s a passageway you don’t know about.” Neb: “Look-- this wasn’t my idea.” I “You hear it?” H: “Oh, yeah.” Neb: “But where is it?” H: “She’s here.” Neb: “There’s _nothing_ here.” H: “Look out!” I: “Ah-h-h-h!” Neb: “Uh! Uh.” H: “Iolaus! Iolaus! Behind you!” I [Interrupts] [Screams]: “Hercules! Ah-h-h-h-h-h! Hercules! Help! Hercules! Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” H: “Iolaus!” Neb: “Hercules! He’s gone!” H: “Then I have to find him.” Neb: “No-- it’s over. Iolaus is dead.” H: “You _don’t_ know that.” Neb: “I know what it’s like. My crew was as close to me as family-- but he’s gone, and he’s not comin’ back. And we have to get out of here while we still can.” H: “I told you before-- where I come from, we _don’t_ give up on people.” Neb: “I know he was your friend-- but I _won’t_ let you get me killed.” H: “Then go-- I’m not askin’ for your help. But I hope you can live with yourself.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- I: “Paxxon? By the gods! Oh.” Ara: “The gods won’t help you now. Your friend felt no pain. Neither will you.” I: “Thanks-- that’s very comforting.” Ara: “Do you think-- I’m beautiful?” I: “Yeah. I like bugs.” Ara: “So brave-- willing to face death. You’ll be a loss to your kind-- but a welcome addition to my family.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT IV] H: “Arachne! Get a room. “Hope I’m not spoiling the mood.” I: “Oh, you are. I was just gettin’ into it.” Ara: “Who’s are you?” I: “He’s Hercules.” H: “I can’t say I’m pleased to meet you.” Ara: “Oh, but I am pleased to meet you, Hercules. Son of Zeus-- who cursed me with this form. You’ll pay for your father’s crime.” H: “What else is new?” [Fight] I: “Hercules! Look out!” H: “Ah-h-h-h-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H [Sighs]: “This is one big web site.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ara: “Where were we? [Sighs] Ow! Ah-h-h-h-h!” Neb: “I’m curious. How long does it usually take you to shave those legs? Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-- hah! Hah! Don’t bother getting up. We’ll show ourselves out. What happened to you? Ah. Ah-h! Ah-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- H: “Ah!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Neb: “Ah!” Ara: “Now! Let _me_ show you how to damage a face!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Hey! I wouldn’t try that if I were you!” Ara: “You won’t kill your own men.” H: “Nice try-- but they’re already dead.” Ara: “True-- but they didn’t die in vain. From each death comes new life.” H: “Spreading hatred isn’t much of a life.” Ara: “I prefer to think of it as spreading beauty. The world will know true beauty once again.” H: “You’re fooling yourself, Arachne.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Neb: “Ah. Is this where you usually hang out?” I: “Ho. Ha-ha. Hey.” Neb: “Trust me.” I: [Yells] Neb: “I prefer to be on top. Look out! Where did _that_ come from?” I: “You _don’t_ wanna know.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ara: “I _will_ reclaim the throne. My army, born from the bodies of these men, will _see_ to that!” H: “Sorry-- I’m gonna pull rank.” Ara: “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!” [Fight] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- I: [Screams] Neb: “Much better. Ah-h-h-h!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ara [Laughs]: “I’m quite enjoying this, Hercules. I could go on and on for days.” H: “Sorry-- but you’ll have to play with yourself.” Ara: “No-o-o-o-o-o! [Screams] H: “Well done.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Neb: “I think it likes you.” I: “You know? I think what we need-- is a really big shoe.” Neb: “Mmm. Hercules! Get this thing off of me!” H: “Iolaus! On three!” I: “OK-- three!” Neb: “Oh!” I: “Ha-ha!” H: “Oooh. Overall, I’d have to say this has been a-- very disgusting day.” I: “Yeah. Hey-- nice throw.” H: “Yeah. Nice assist.” I: “Aw-w-w-w-w, thanks, buddy.” Neb: “I-- hate to interrupt this really lovely moment, but can we go, now?” H: “Yeah, sure. Why don’t you, uh-- lead the way.” Neb: “Yeah.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Neb: “Is it me? Or are you gettin’ real comfortable with my goods?” H: “This treasure’s going back to King Zolas-- just like I told you.” Neb: “Oh. Now, why’d you have to go and say a thing like that, huh? We go back there; he’ll hang me.” H: “I said the treasure’s going back-- not you.” Neb: “Oh. Well-- guess it’s worth a ticket out of that cave. Don’t wanna see any more of that.” H: “I’m glad you changed your mind-- about a lot of things.” Neb: “Well-- someone had to save your butts. Right?” H: “Did I, uh-- miss something back there?” Neb: “All right! Let’s get this bucket ship-shape, huh?! Hercules-- trim the mainsail! Iolaus-- hop up there and secure that mast! I’ll be waiting, monkey boy.” I: “Uh-huh. Oh. Hoo. Ah, nah-- you missed nothing. You know, Herc? We should be pirates-- ” H: “Hmm.” I: “-- the two of us-- swashbuckling! Yeah-- I’d be good at buckling swashes. In fact-- you can call me ‘Golden beard’ from now on. Oh, ow-w-w-w! Oh! Ooh. Oh.” H: “So what’d you see?” I: “Ooh.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------Click here to return to the HTLJ WEB OF DESIRE page.
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