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TRANSCRIPTION OF YH
THE TREASURE OF ZEUS I



“The Treasure of Zeus, Part I”  Episode 01/101

[TEASER]

Strife:  [Yawns]

Ares [Yells]:  “Ya know?  Being a god-- living in Olympus-- is no
job for a weakling.  Take me, for example.  The god of war-- even 
I have to work hard.”

Strife:  “I’m tired of being a nobody, Ares.  I mean-- ‘Strife-- 
the god of war’s nephew’-- I mean, what does it say to anybody?  
I mean, I’m ready for the big time.  Why can’t I be, uh-- 
‘Disaster’, or-- uh-- ‘Catastrophe’?  OK, well that’s-- hard to 
spell.”

Ares:  “If ya wanna be a real god-- ya gotta prove yourself 
worthy!  Ya gotta act like a god-- and make mortals suffer!”

Strife:  “Been there-- done that!  I’m Strife.  I’m bad!”

Ares:  “Try ‘Naughty’.  If you were any good at being bad, you’d 
dare what no god has dared before-- destroy a mortal son of Zeus.”

Strife:  “Hmm-- a-ha!  You mean, Hercules.”

Ares:  “My half-brother!  Alcmene’s brat!  The apple of my 
father’s all-seeing eye!”

Strife [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”

Ares:  “Hera wants him gone-- and so do I.”

Strife:  “Whoa, whoa!  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  Time out.”

Ares:  “Don’t get up.”

Strife:  “No god can destroy Hercules without being fried-- 
forever-- by Zeus.  Am I right, or am I right?”

Ares:  “You’re half right.  Obviously, we can’t attack him 
directly.  But sometimes, a little strife can lead to a major--
catastrophe.”

Strife [Chortles]:  “Yeah.  Hercules-- ”

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Strife’s Voice:  “Here I come.”

H:  “Ah.  Ah.  Ha-ha.  Huh?”

[Fight]

Alcmene [Alc]:  “Hercules.”

H:  “He attacked me, Ma.  Iolaus.”

I:  “Hey.”

H:  “You been workin’ out?”

I:  “Hey, expect the unexpected.  I was moppin’ the _floor_ with 
you till your _mom_ saved ya.”

H:  “Oh, really?”

Alc:  “How ‘bout mopping the floor-- with this.”

H:  “Bye.  Hey, Iolaus.”

I:  “What?”

H:  “Expect the unexpected.”

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[ACT I]

I:  “Ah-- you missed a spot-- huh?”

H:  “Oh, no you don’t.”

[Back and forth banter]

H:  “Oh, really?”

Alc:  “Hercules?”

H:  “Yeah?  Oh.  Uh-huh?”

Alc:  “I’ve packed your things for the academy.”

I:  “I’ll go grab my stuff.”

H:  “Thanks.  You know?  There’s still a lot of work left to do.  
I could, uh--”

Alc:  “How do you think I get by when you’re off at the academy?”

H:  “I don’t know-- I know Zeus doesn’t help.”

Alc:  “Oh, Hercules-- I wish you weren’t so obsessed with your 
father.  Since you were little, you’ve taken every dare-- no 
matter how dangerous or how foolish-- always trying to prove 
worthy of Zeus.”

H:  “That’s not true.”

Alc:  “Even though you’ve never met your father-- you can’t 
escape your birthright.  But what you become-- that’s in your 
hands.  Be a good man.”

H:  “Be nothing like Zeus.”

Alc:  “Hercules.”

H:  “Mom-- he abandoned you.”

Alc:  “He gave me the thing I treasure most-- you.”

H:  “Oh, uh-- ”

Alc:  “Now, get going, both of you, before I put you back to 
work.”

H:  “OK, huh.”

Alc:  “Take care, Hercules.”

H:  “Goodbye.”

Alc:  “Bye.”

I:  “Bye, Alcmene.  Thanks for everything.  ‘Mommy!  Bye, Mommy!
I’ll miss you, Mommy!’”

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H’s Voice:  “Last decent meal before Cheiron and his academy 
food.”

Jason [Ja]:  “Hercules, Iolaus.”

H:  “Jason!”

I:  “Hey!”

H:  “Looking good.  How’re things in Corinth?”

Ja:  “Ah, same old, same old.  How’s your mom?”

H:  “She’s OK.”

Ja:  “Hey-- you been workin’ out?”

I:  “Yeah, just enough to kick your royal backside.”

Ja:  “Yeah?  You and who else?”

I:  “Hey, is that new?  It looks like fine Corinthian leather-- 
almost fit for a-- king.”

H:  “Hey-- does it come with a matching crown?”

Ja:  “Knock it off, knock it off.  That’s what I like about 
Cheiron’s academy.  There, I’m just a student; I’m not a prince.”

Woman:  “Did I hear that right?  You some kind of prince?”

Ja:  “Uh, yeah.  Yeah, actually, I’m gonna be the _king_ of 
Corinth.”

H and I:  “Just another student.”

H:  “Right.”

Ja:  “Maybe, if you’re ever _in_ Corinth, you could drop by and 
I could show you the palace.”

Woman:  “Gee, a palace?  Uh!  I think I might faint!  Now, are 
you two archdukes gonna order, or are you waiting for the king’s 
leftovers?”

H and I:  “Uh-- ”

I:  “We’ll have what he’s havin’ and, put all three on my-- 
bill.”

Woman:  “Mm-hmm, looks empty.  No dinars-- no dinner.”

Ja:  “That’s OK.  That’s OK.  I’m-- buyin’.”

I:  “Um-- I’m really tight with the owner here.  He-- always 
gives me credit.”

Woman:  “Nice try, curly.  I’m the owner.”

Man’s Voice:  “Get ready.  Here comes Strife.”

H:  “Tuition’s due this week.  How you gonna pay for it if you’re
broke?”

I:  “Uh, who says I’m broke?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Not so rough, guys.”

H:  “Uh-- why don’t you keep your hooves to yourself?”

Satyr:  “What’re _you_ gonna do about it?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Please-- no violence.  We’re all humans, here-- 
more or less.”

I:  “If I were you, I’d be out of the way.”

Man’s Voice:  “Academy punks.”

Woman:  “Hold it right there!  You kiddies wanna play-- you take 
it outside.  If I want things broken around here, I’ll hire a 
dishwasher.”

Satyr’s Voice:  “Yeah-- like they know how to fight.”

Woman:  “Looks like I’m gonna have to put up a sign-- ‘No shirt, 
no feet-- no service.’”

Strife-as-NG:  “Hey, thanks for standing up for me.”

H:  “No problem.  Listen-- what’s your name?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Ny-- Nysus Gaius.  I’m, uh-- headin’ off to 
Cheiron’s academy.  I’m gonna be the new top student there.”

Ja:  “Really?”

H:  “That’s great.  You wanna come sit down?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Surely.”

H:  “Let’s go.”

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H:  “You know what the hardest part of the academy is?”

Strife-as-NG:  “What?”

H:  “The ground.”

Strife-as-NG:  “What?”  [Yells]

H:  “Nysus-- say hello to Cheiron-- our headmaster.”

Strife-as-NG:  “Oh-- hi, sir.”

Cheiron:  “I didn’t recognize you.  I see you’re showing the new 
cadet the ropes.  I hope you’re being gentle with him.”

H:  “As gentle as if you were teaching him yourself, sir.”

Cheiron:  “The tree that grows on the stoniest ground has the 
strongest roots.”

Strife-as-NG:  “And my uncle said _I_ was hard to understand.  
Does he always talk in roots?”

H:  “Yep.”

Strife:  “Uh.”

H:  “You’ll get used to it.  Come on.  Let’s try that drill 
again.”

Strife-as-NG:  “Yeah-- yeah-- my uncle’s the reason why I’m 
here.  He used to tell me about this place-- and the academy?  
And a cave-- up on the mountain.”

H:  “What cave?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Ah-- it’s nothing famous.  They got a chalice 
there-- made by Zeus himself.”

Cheiron:  “Watch your footwork, Hercules!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

H:  “Uh-- hey, hey, Nysus.  Ah-- how you doin’?  Good.  Listen, 
um-- I was just wondering-- you know that chalice you were 
telling me about?  The one in the cave?  Did you say that Zeus 
made it?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Wedding present for Hera.  But they say he wants 
it back, now that they don’t see much of each other.”

H:  “Oh-- well, uh, if he wants it back, why doesn’t he just take 
it?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Well, maybe he promised not to.  Even Zeus has to 
keep his word.  [Chuckles]  All this fuss over an ugly old cup 
she probably never even used.”  [Chuckles]

H:  “Yeah-- you know?  She probably never even used it, anyway, 
right?”

Strife-as-NG:  “Yeah.  Ha.”

H:  “Thanks, Nysus.”

Strife-as-NG:  “OK.”  [Chuckles]

Ares’ Voice:  “Strife.”

Ares:  “Is my dear brother hooked?”

Strife:  “Like a little fish, Uncle-- ready for Hera to fry.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[ACT II]

I:  “A-ha!  Uh, I’ve gotta quit doing that.”

Ja:  “If Cheiron catches you sneakin’ out after curfew, he’ll 
kick your rear-- and he can really kick.”

I:  “I bet he’s sneakin’ off to see that girl at the inn.”

Ja:  “She liked me more than him.”

H [Interrupting]:  “Guys-- she didn’t like any of us-- all 
right?”

I:  “Hmm.”

Ja:  “Good point.  Well, if you’re not goin’ to the inn-- where 
are you going?”

I:  “Yeah, there’s nowhere else to go around here.”

H:  “There’s a cave.  It’s up in the mountains.  There’s a 
treasure hidden inside it.”

I:  “The old treasure-in-the-cave story.  Come on.”

H:  “It’s dangerous, OK?  And I don’t wanna get you both hurt.”

I:  “He’s tryin’ to get rid of us.”

Ja:  “Keep all the glory for himself.”

I:  “Oh, I don’t care about the glory.  I just want the treasure.
Hey, uh-- Herc-- so-- what’re we talkin’ about here?  Is it gold?
Silver?”

H:  “It’s a chalice.”

I:  “A chalice?”

Ja:  “A goblet.  A drinking cup.”

I:  “Thank you, Jason.  I know what a chalice is.  I mean, is it 
gold?”

H:  “Well-- I don’t really know what it’s made of, you know?  All 
I know is that, uh-- it belongs to Zeus.”

I:  “Whoa.  Hold it.  Time out.  You’re gonna snag a chalice that 
belongs to Zeus?  Is this one of those-- father-son things?”

H:  “No.  Listen, it’s not like that this time.  I’m not takin’ 
it _from_ Zeus-- I’m takin’ it back to him.”

Ja:  “We’re gonna spend all night, climbing a mountain, so you 
can get a pat on the back from your dad?”

H:  “I didn’t ask you two to come, and I can do this on my own.”

I:  “All right, all right-- we’ll come with you.  But-- if 
there’s anything in the chalice-- like gold-- we split it three 
ways.”

H:  “Two ways-- all I want is the chalice.”

Ja:  “One way-- I’m just comin’ along to keep you jerks out of 
trouble.”

I:  “Oh-- I love you guys.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I’s Voice :  “Where are the guards protecting this thing?”

Ja’s Voice:  “You figure, a chalice that belongs to the king of 
the gods would be protected.”

Ja:  “There’s no one around here.”

I:  “Yeah, how hard can it be?”

Ja:  “Really?”

H:  “Ask him.”

I:  “Uh-- just in case.”

Ja:  “Just in case-- uh.”

H:  “Uh, uh-- I’m just gonna-- excuse me.”

I:  “So-- what kind of cave is this, anyway?  Are there slimy 
things in it?  ‘Cause I really hate those slimy things that live 
in caves.”

H:  “Whoa.  Whoa.  Come on.  Get down.  Get down.”

Ja:  “What?”

H:  “I think it’s a Phoenix Cave.”

I:  “Well, how do you know?”

H:  “Well-- there’s a Phoenix sitting on top of it.””

I:  “That thing’s twenty feet tall.”

H:  “Yeah-- it-it’s probably just a statue to scare people away, 
huh?”

I:  “You sure?”

H:  “Well-- no.”

Ja:  “There’s only one way to find out.”

Ja and H:  “One-- two-- three.”

I:  “Hey, sounds like wood.”

Ja:  “Oh-- you think so?”

H:  “Come on.  Let’s do it.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

H:  “Whoa, whoa.  Well-- it’s a booby trap.”

I:  “Eh, it looks easy enough.”

Ja:  “All right-- let’s think about this.”

H:  “Iolaus!”

I:  “See?”

H:  “Iolaus-- don’t let go.”

Ja:  “You never listen, do ya?  I just got done saying that we 
need to think about this, and then you go-- ”

H [Interrupting]:  “Hey-- hey, Jason!  Talk about bad timing.”

I:  “Thanks for the lecture, Jason.”

Ja:  “You never listen.”

I:  “You know, I might be falling-- ”

Ja:  “You deserve it!”

H [Interrupting}:  “Hey, hey, hey!  Shh!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Boys:  “The chalice.”  “Cool.”  “Zeus does nice work.”

Ja:  “Look out!”

H:  “Thanks.”

I:  “What do you think’s in it?”

H:  “I don’t know.  It could be a trap.”

I:  “Oh, uh-- you have a look, then.”

H:  “OK.  It looks like water.”

Ja:  “Maybe the cave leaks.”

I:  “Ah-- let me see that.  You telling me I came all this way 
for a drink of water?”

Ja:  “Hey, I think, uh-- I think we should get out of here.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I:  “Remember that time when they served us beans in the dining 
hall for a whole week straight?”

Ja:  “We had a blast.”  [They laugh.]

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H:  “Everybody’ll be in the training hall by now.”

I:  “Great, I missed breakfast-- all for this dumb cup.”

H:  “Iolaus!  Iolaus!”

I:  “Hey, Herc!  You gonna do something, or what?!”

H:  “What do you think I’m tryin’ to do?!”

I:  “Whoooooooaaaaa!  Thanks, Jase.  Herc!  Hang on!”

H:  “Oh, like I have a choice?!”

Strife:  “Oh-ho-ho.  Have a nice fli-ight.”

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[to be continued]





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