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“Amazon_Grace” Episode 09/109 [TEASER] Ja: “They thought everything was quiet-- and then it came again-- that eerie, scrathing sound. So the knave and the maiden sped off in the chariot. And when they got home-- they found the monster’s hook-- _stuck_ in the side of the chariot! Rrrrahhhhhhh!” H: “Last time I heard that, it was a farm boy and a peasant girl in an oxcart.” I [Laughs]: “You know, I got a scary, too. Takes place in a-- forest-- not unlike this. In fact-- it could be on this very path. There were-- two, no, there were three young warriors returning from Troy.” H [Interrupting]: “Right. OK. Uh-huh?” I: “Then they heard this noise [Screeching sound in background]-- kinda like that.” H: “What was it-- a Minotaur, or a Cyclops or somethin’?” I: “Yeah, your-your stomach growling?” I: “A-ha! No-- it was harpies-- half-women-half-bird-beasts that-- swoop down and-- tear the flesh from your bones.” Ja [Mockingly]: “Did they have-- feathers-- like-like armor?” H [Mockingly]: “W-- was it impossible to kill?” I: “Yeah, yeah, yeah-- laugh all you want. I swear it’s true-- swooped right down on them-- on the path.” H: “Hey-- Iolaus. Iolaus!” I: “What?” H: “You sleep through scouting class? That marker means, ‘No trespassing’.” I: “So? It’s a shortcut. What? Son of a god and future king are a little scared?” Ja: “I don’t break laws just ‘cause it’s convenient.” H: “Wait up [?].” I: “Oh.” H: “We’ll meet you back at the academy, all right?” I: “OK, well, I’ll see you later-- you chicken.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: “Ooh. Ow. Ooh. Whoa! Whoa! Harpies?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I’s Voice: “Hercules?!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Fight] I: Ooh! Oh!” H: “Iolaus!” Ja: “Nice shorcut, Iolaus!” Cyane: “Hercules? Ah.” H: “Cyane.” I: “Amazons?” Cyane: “Uh-- you can-- let me up, now.” H: “Oh. Yeah.” Cyane: “OK.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT I] Ja: “Hey, listen up, everybody. Excuse me-- guys? OK-- now that we have everyone’s complete attention, I’d like you to meet some friends of ours.” H: “Fellow cadests-- this is Cyane. She’s, uh, the leader of the Amazon tribe.” I: “And you guys said we couldn’t meet any girls.” Cyane: “Who’s in charge, here?” Al_Bruce: “There she is.” Male Voice: “Ah-- [Clears throat]” Cyane: “We are honored to meet someone who has undertaken the difficult task in turning these boys into warriors.” Lilith [Lil]: “Oh-- I’m not master of this academy. I’m Lilith. I’m a cadet.” Cheiron’s Voice: “Why do I not hear the sounds of practice?” Al_Bruce: “Oh-- he sent a centaur to announce his arrival. Personally, I find them lowly _beasts_-- but they make good servants.” H [Clears throat, then whispers]: “Uh-- Cheiron is our leader.” Al_Bruce: “A centaur?” Cheiron: “At your service.” H: “Cheiron, um-- I’ve offered Cyane our hospitality in their search for a new homeland.” Cheiron: “You are welcome. The ancient feud between centaur and Amazon is best left in the past.” Cyane: “We accept your offer, Centaur. Our fight is with the accursed Zeus, and not with you.” H: “Uh-- you know, I heard that Zeus can actually be a good guy-- well, once you get to know him.” Lil: “Come on. I’ll show you guys where you can put your gear.” I: “Uh-- can I get that for you? Oh! Ah! Ooh. You see that? That was a _love_ tap. She _likes_ me some.” Ja: “I don’t know. I think I’d-- go with Hercules’ technique of-- keepin’ a sense of mystery.” I: “Mystery? Oh, _you_ haven’t told her that Zeus is your father, have you?” H: “I will, OK?” Ja: “And when would that be?” H: “When the time is right. Excuse me.” I: “Yeah, right.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “Well-- that concludes the first part of our tour. Anybody have any questions?” Lil’s Voice: “Pass it here!” Cyane: “Is that a pig’s bladder they’re kicking?” H: “Uh-- uh-- yeah-- it’s filled with water. It’s one of Cheiron’s foot drills.” Ja: “You guys wanna give it a try? A little, uh-- coed competition?” H [Laughs]: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jason.” I: “Come on-- girls against guys.” Cyane: “Is she one of the guys?” I: “Uh, she’s a-- she’s-- ” Lil: “A cadet. Let’s play.” Ja: “Whoa-- whooooaaaaaa-- Herc!” Cadets’ Voices: “All right.” “I got it.” I: “Go, Herc!” Ja’s Voice: “Cross it! Hercules, cross it!” Cadet’s Voice: “Pass it! Pass it over here, Hercules! Pass it on!” H: “Oo-oop! Oh!” Cyane: “Is this how it’s played? Excellent move-- worthy of an Amazon!” Cadet’s Voice: “Pass it back.” I: “Hmm.” Lil: “Come on. Come on.” Ja: “Lilith!” Lil: “Jason!” Cadets’ Voices: “Yeah!” “Yes!” “All right! Stay behind the wall!” “Pass it! Pass it!” “I got it! I got it!” “Nice play!” I: “OK [Clears throat]-- let’s call it a tie.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cyane: “Have you seen Hercules?” Lil: “No. Care to join me in my javelin drills?” Cyane: “Sure. So-- why do you train with-- boys?” Lil: “Well-- I wanted to be a warrior. There was no academy for women, so I came here. It’s the best. I’m just having a little trouble fitting in.” Cyane: “An Amazon warrior takes pride in who she is, now how she fits in with others.” H: “Whoa! I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Cyane: “Hercules-- I’ve been looking for you. There’s something I have to tell you.” H: “Well, good-- I’ve been lookin’ for you, too.” Cyane: “Last night, Ares gave Simuler [sic] a sign in her dreams-- a land we can settle as our own, about a-- day’s ride to the northeast. So, tonight, there’s gonna be a big celebration.” I: “Ooh, did I hear, party? I’m there.” Cyane: “And for one cadet volunteer, it’s gonna be a very special evening.” I: “Uh, uh, and-- that-- would be me.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ja: “Well, I guess you haven’t found the right time to talk.” H: “Not with you too butting in all the time.” I: “Hey.” [Ja and H laugh.] “What? Come on, they painted me to represent the male in the Amazon culture. It’s colorful.” H: “Yeah, and practically useless.” Ja: “Oh, they couldn’t have found a better representative.” Cyane: “Hey, Hercules-- dance with me?” H: “Oh, huh! I don’t think so. You see, I’m more of a fighter-- not really a dancer.” Cyane: “Oh-- well, you can’t fight me, because you’d lose. Come on!” H: “OK.” Ja and I: “Ooh.” I: “Hey-- check this out. So-- what’s your sign.” Amazon: “‘No trespassing.’” Ja [Laughs]: “He shoots-- he misses!” I: “Ha-ha! Well, I don’t see _you_ with anybody.” Ja: “Well, that’s ‘cause they’re Amazons. If they were any other type of woman-- they’d be all over me.” I: “Yeah, whatever. Well, it looks like Herc’s doin’ OK.” Ja: “Yeah, he is.” H: “Listen, I, um--got som’in’ I wanna tell you before you leave.” Cyane: “Well-- go ahead. You don’t have to be shy with me.” H: “Zeus is my father.” Cyane [Laughing]: “Oh, yeah-- very funny. You _know_ how I hate Zeus.” H: “I tried to tell you.” Cyane: “You’re not kidding.” H: “Cyane--” Cyane: “What part of your father’s plot is all this?” H: “Listen-- ” Cyane: “No!” H: “Cyane! I’m not like my father! My-- ” Cyane [Interrupting]: “Yeah, well, I don’t believe you!” I: “Bad luck, big guy.” Ja: “Ahh, don’t worry about it, Hercules. She would’ve found out anyway.” Cyane’s Voice: [Screams] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “What’s goin’ on here?” Leeseus [Lee]: “I’m Leeseus-- the king of Athens. This woman belongs to me.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT II] Lee: Hold it-- right there!” Ja: “Leeseus.” Lee: “Jason, my old friend.” I: “Whoa, did I miss something?” Ja: “This is Hercules-- one of the best fighters at the academy.” H: “We’ve met.” Ja: “And Iolaus.” I: “Hey.” Lee: “So, Jason-- how the heck are you?” Ja: “I’d be better if you didn’t have that woman stuck in the net.” Lee: “Don’t be concerned-- it’s a minor matter. They’re runaway slaves.” Cyane: “We belong to no one.” H: “They were tricked. They were captured by Zared and his pack of slavers.” Cyane: “I have Zeus to thank for this.” Cheiron: “You’re forgetting, Leeseus. As guests-- the Amazons are under the protection of the academy.” Lee: “Ah-- you must be Cheiron. Your reputation for bravery and wisdom is well known. Don’t get involved in this. If you do-- I would be forced to destroy your academy.” H: “Wait. This is all my fault. I invited Cyane here.” Lee: “Good-- then you can uninvite her and the matter is settled.” I: “Whoa, you can’t take the Amazons! No one should be anyone else’s property!” Ja: “Leeseus has a contract. In the eyes of the law he’s right.” Cyane: “But the law is wrong!” Cheiron: “Allow us 24 hours to offer an answer.” Lee: “Fine-- 24 hours-- but it’ll do ya no good.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: “Slavery’s wrong, Jas-- what’s your problem?” Ja: “Without laws, all people are slaves to chaos.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ja: “Here are the scrolls.” H: “Is that all there is about combat by champion?” I: “What? This isn’t enough? Come on, there’s gotta be something there we can use against, uh-- Jason’s old buddy.” Ja: “It may be wrong, Iolaus, but the law is on his side, and you can’t just ignore the law.” I: “Oh, yeah? Watch me!” Ja: “Oh, yeah?!” I: “Yeah!” Ja and I: “Ooh!” H: “Can you guys just knock it off, please?! I’m gonna need both of you if this is gonna have any chance to work.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H’s Voice: “I think I have a solution. You were right when you said that we should obey the law.” H: “But-- you were right when you said that people should not be slaves. Therefore, a fair solution is-- the tradition of champions.” H’s Voice: “Combat by champions is a test of skill on the ropes.” H: “First one to knock their opponent to the ground, wins. Now-- if it’s Leeseus’ champion-- the Amazons become his servants, but-- if it’s Cyane’s champion-- the Amazons go free.” Cyane: “I don’t need a champion. The queen of the Telaquire Amazons fights her own battles.” H: “Leeseus?” Lee: “Yes, I’d like a champion. I choose-- you, Hercules.” I: “What?” Ja: “Hercules?” H: “Me as your champion?” Lee: “You wanted the rules of champions. By the way, you know, if you lose-- you serve me in place of the Amazons. That’s how it works.” Lil: “Can he do that?” Ja: “Don’t worry. Hercules knows what he’s doin’.” H: “Well-- we’re all agreed. I’m ready to start.” Cyane: “I warned you. You don’t wanna fight me. You’ll lose.” Cheiron: “Begin.” [Fight] Lee: “Come on, Hercules!” Lil: “Wow-- Cyane is an _incredible_ warrior.” Cyane: “If ya haven’t got the heart for battle, you should never have agreed to be champion.” H: “Well-- it seemed like a good idea at the time.” Al_Bruce: “Come on, Cyane!” Cyane: “Ha-ha. Ha!” Ja: “Yes.” I: “Yeah.” Lee: “Well, Jason-- you were right, as always. He’s a worthy champion. Well done, Hercules. Pack your things, ladies.” I: “Uh-- just a minute, Leeseus. I-- think you’re forgetting something.” Lee: “And that would be?” H: “The rules of champions? You see, I win-- I get a reward.” Lee: “Reward. What’re you talkin’ about?” Ja [Interrupting]: “It’s in the scroll. Sorry about that-- rules are rules.” Lee: “What do you want? Land? Money? A new wing on the academy?” H: “Abolish slavery in Athens.” Lee: “Y-- you can’t ask for that. The Amazons will go free.” H: “Read the law. I can ask for anything I want.” Ja: “Hey-- you remember that one time, your chariot beat mine? You told me, great kings learned from their losses.” I: “And, today was a very expensive lesson.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “I assume you’re eager to settle your new homelands?” Cyane: “Yeah-- it’s gonna be a long, hard journey.” Lil: “Hey-- I would _love_ to join in that journey-- if you’ll-- have me. ” Cyane: “Well, of course-- you’re welcome.” Lil: “Ohh. Yes.” H: “But she just got here.” Ja: “Women-- they keep you guessin’.” Lil: “Cheiron-- I’m only sorry my training with you will end.” Cheiron: “Every beginning starts at another beginning’s end. May you find what you seek with the Amazons.” Cyane: “You know, I never thought I’d say this to a man, Hercules. You’ve taught me a lesson-- not to-- judge the son by the father.” Al_Bruce’s Voice: “Sisters! We leave now!” H: “I hope our paths cross again.” Cyave: “I do, too.” I: “You know? Guys-- I think I learned something from all this.” H: “You?” Ja: “What’s that?” I: “This body paint is really hard to get off.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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