Whoosh! Online
Edition Check
out the FAQ!

TRANSCRIPTION OF YH
A LADY IN HADES



"A Lady in Hades"  Episode 22/122

[TEASER]

Ja:  "Hey!  I'll shine your shoes for a dinar, tough guy!"
[Laughs]

H:  "Hi, Jason."

Ja:  "I've been lookin' all _over_ for you!  It's festival time!"

H:  "Yeah, uh, listen-- I'm kinda busy, right now-- OK?"

Ja:  "I got tickets for the dunk booth.  Guess who's inside?
Initials, `E-- olaus'."

H:  "Yeah.  Um-- I'm not really feelin'-- really festive, right
now."

Ja:  "What's wrong?"

H:  "Nothin'.  Nothin'."

Ja:  "It's Eurydice, isn't it?"

H:  "Yeah.  She saved my life, you know?  And I wasn't able to
save hers."

Ja:  "Hercules-- if she didnt' meet you-- she'd be trapped as a
slave to Bacchus forever.  You freed her.  What is it?"

H:  "Uh-- Jason-- "

Ja:  "You're goin' to Lake Olympus, aren't ya?"

H:  "Yes-- and if you're my friend, you won't try and stop me."

Ja:  "You can't!"

H:  "You know the legend.  Now, if I swim deep enough, I'll come
up on the other side-- right at the mouth of the River Styx."

Ja:  "Eurydice's gone.  You going down there is not gonna change
that."

H:  "I know that.  But I may be able to help her before it's too
late."

Ja:  "How can you help?"

H:  "I can plead her case before she's judged."

Ja:  "Look-- first of all, you're alive.  Living people aren't
allowed on the other side.  Second of all-- she's a Bacchae.  All
Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H:  "She reformed, all right?  She's a good person, now, and she
deserves to go to the Elysian Fields."

Ja:  "Wait."

H:  "Why?  You can't stop me."

Ja:  "No, but I can come with you."

H [Whispers]:  "OK."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

H:  "It's just not fair.  Bacchus made Eurydice one of his slaves
in the first place.  But he's a god, so she's gotta pay the
price?"

Ja:  "Are you sure you're Uncle Hades isn't gonna mind us just
droppin' in?"

H [Sighs]:  "I don't know.  I haven't met him yet."

Ja:  "Great-- the god of the other side determines where we spend
eternity, and you just wanna drop by unannounced."

H:  "Eh-- I'm goin', Jason."

Ja:  "Just checkin'."

H:  "There it is, Lake Olympus.  Together on three, OK?"  [Sighs]

Ja and H:  "Three."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Ja:  "That was weird-- swimmin' down to the surface."

H:  "I can't believe it.  We made it to the other side, huh?"

Ja:  "The party hasn't started yet."

H:  "Oh."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

[ACT I]

H:  "Ooh."

Charon [Cha]:  "Come on, you guys-- get a move on.  Got a
schedule to keep."

H:  "OK."

Cha [Sniffs]:  "Wait a minute.  Hmm.  You're not dead.  Get outta
here."

H's Voice:  "Listen.  Uh-- "

H:  "Uh-- you must be _Cha_ron."

Cha:  "`Sharon'?  What, do I look like a showgirl?  Huh?!  You
want I should do a bubble dance?!  Cha-_ron_."

H:  "Cha-_ron_-- well, um-- y-you run the boat for, uh-- dead
souls to the other side, right?  Well-- we need your help."

Cha:  "Executive officer in charge of transport-- aquatic
division-- foist [sic] class-- punk!  And I _don't_-- help-- the
living!"

Ja:  "Uh-- hey, Mr. Executive-officer-of-- transportation-and--
whatever-- uh-- he's here to see his uncle."

Cha:  "Get outta here."

H:  "Uh-- "

Ja:  "His uncle's Hades-- and his father's Zeus."

Cha:  "Are you really Zeus' kid?"

H:  "Um, yeah-- Hercules.  Nice to meetcha."

Cha:  "Ahh-- all right.  Get on the boat.  But _he_ can't!
Hades'd rip my arms off and-- beat me with the soggy end if I let
a living mortal come down the river."

H:  "Oh-hhh."

Cha:  "Besides-- he'd put too much weight in the boat.  I'd never
be able to row it.  I got arthritis.  I got bur-sitis.  And I'm
not even gonna _tell_ ya about my bunions-- or the pain in my
liver-- I wouldn't wish it on Prometheus.  And then-- I got
this-- kind of cyst-boil thing that squirts-- "

H [Interrupting]:  "Whoa!  OK!  OK-- let's make a deal.  You let
my friend, Jason, come with us-- I'll do all the rowing.  Huh?
You could just sit back-- relax-- what do you say?"

Cha:  "Well-- "

H:  "Dah, well, and-and, Jason will rub your-your bunions-- "

Ja:  "What?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Minos:  "It is time to decide the fate-- of the mortal-- Sarah.
Will she spend eternity in the blissful paradise-- of the Elysian
Fields?  Or-- will she be condemned-- to Tartarus?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

H:  "Ooh.  Thanks very much."

Cha:  "Hey, hey-- w-- wait a minute.  Uh-- Hercules.  We're way
ahead 'a schedule.  Want a job?"

H:  "Oh.  Huh-- no, thanks.  Listen, we gotta run, OK?  No time
for talkin'."

Cha:  "What about `Bunion Boy'?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Eurydice [Eur]:  "Sarah was a good person!  She didn't wanna be a
Bacchae!  No one does!  Please!  Don't send her to Tartarus!"

Minos [Slowly]:  "All Bacchae are condemned to Tartarus.  And--
that includes you, Eurydice."

H:  "No.  No!"

Eur:  "Hercules."

H:  "Wait!"

Eur:  "Hercules!  Ahhh!  Ahh!  Ahh!"

H:  "Eurydice!  Hi."

Eur:  "Hi!"

H:  "Don't worry.  I won't let go."

Minos:  "_Who_ are you?!"

H:  "I'm Hercules!  And I _demand_ to see my Uncle Hades!"

Hades:  "I am Hades!  Who dares to invoke my name?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Hades:  "Did you really come all this way and expect special
treatment because you're the-- privileged-- son of Zeus?"

H:  "No."

Ja:  "Actually, he spent most of his privileged life-- being
ignored-- by his father."

Hades:  "Is that true?"

H:  "Uhhhhh-- the Fates can be cruel.  Look what they did to
you."

Hades:  "You're telling me.  My brother, Zeus, gets to be-- king
of all gods.  My other brother, Poseidon-- gets to be god of the
sea.  I get-- god of the other side-- hangin' around for eternity
with nothin' but dead people.  Doesn't seem fair."

H:  "Neither is sending Eurydice to Tartarus when she deserves to
go to the Elysian Fields.  But I'm not asking you for special
favors `cause I'm your nephew, OK?  I'm just- asking you to be
fair."

Hades:  "She was a Bacchae.  She did evil things for an evil god.
All Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H:  "Why is that?  You know, I mean, i-it sounds like you just
made up that rule `cause you don't like Bacchus, or somethin'."

Hades:  "So, what if I did?  The guy's the biggest worm in the
family."

H:  "So, why're ya takin' it out on his victims?  The only reason
Eurydice's here is because she gave her life to save mine."

Hades:  "A worthy sacrifice, I agree.  Eurydice-- at the time of
your judgment-- you didn't beg forgiveness for yourself.  You
spoke out for-- mortal Sarah-- another Bacchae.  Why?"

Eur:  "Uh-- I lured her to Bacchus.  She doesn't deserve to
suffer forever."

Hades:  "You sound sincere."

Hades' Voice:  "But there's a test."

H:  "Oh, a test?"

Hades:  "To see if you're truly sorry for the things you did as a
Bacchae."

Hades's Voice:  "If you're-- worthy-- for forgiveness."

Hades:  "There's someone in the Elysian Fields you need to meet."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Hades:  "You must seek out a woman by the name of-- Cynthea.
She's the mother of Sarah-- a girl you lured into Bacchus' evil
service.  If you can earn the woman's-- forgiving embrace-- then
you'll be allowed to remain the Elysian Fields, forever."

H:  "What if she can't?"

Hades:  "Tartarus.  Because you're half Olympian god, you may
accompany her to the Elysian Fields."

Ja:  "Hey!  What about me?"

Hades:  "Huh!  You can't be serious!"

Ja:  "Huh.  Sir-- have you ever been in love?"

Hades:  "No-- sadly, I-- have not.

Ja:  "Well, I haven't, either.  But from what I hear, it makes
people do some pretty foolish things."

Hades:  "Such as?"

Ja:  "Such as-- rowin' down the River Styx.  Such as-- takin' on
your elite guards.  Such as-- messin' with an-- Olympian god as--
powerful and-- as handsome-- as yourself."

Hades:  "Hmm.  Foolish things, all of them.  I-- agree."

Ja:  "Yeah, well?  Then, let me go with them.  I can keep an eye
on your fool-in-love nephew, and make sure he doesn't do any
foolish things in the Elysian Fields."

Hades' Voice:  "Very well."

Hades:  "Ex-Bacchae in the Elysian Fields.  Living mortals
running around the place like it was a tourist attraction.  Maybe
I should just open it up to everyone and-- charge admission.
You-- Eurydice, and-- Jason-- may go to the Elysian Fields.  And
remain there-- until the sand-- has run its course.  Return
here-- through the gateway."

H:  "Wh-whoa.  What if we don't?"

Hades:  "Then you are condemned to Tartarus-- forever."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

[ACT II]

Ja's Voice:  "So, this is the Elysian Fields, huh?"

Ja:  "Father."

Eur's Voice:  "Whatever happens-- "

Eur:  "-- thank you-- for caring enough to try to help me."

H:  "I'd do anything for you."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Ja:  "Father!"

Aeson:  "Ah.  Jason?"

Ja [Laughing]:  "Father!"

Aeson:  "Jason?  Oh, my son!  My son!  Oh!  Oh, how I've missed
you!  But, no-- no, no, no.  It was not your _time_, Son.  You
were supposed to lead Corinth-- to live your full life."

Ja:  "But, Father-- I'm alive.  I'm here with a friend.  He's--
he's Hades' nephew, and-- uh-they gave us permission to come to
the other side!"

Aeson:  "Well, well, well!  Thank the Fates!"

Ja:  "Oh!  Oh, Father!  We only have a short time and there--
there's so much I wanna talk to you about."

Aeson:  "Come, tell me all!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Eur:  "That's her-- "

Eur's Voice:  "-- Sarah's mother, Cynthea."

H:  "Oh, uh-- good luck.  Go."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Aeson:  "How are things in Corinth?"

Ja:  "Great.  The harvests are plentiful.  People are workin'.  I
just negotiated a trade agreement with the Athenians."

Aeson:  "The Athenians, huh?  Their king, Claudius, he's a cheat,
now.  He's not to be trusted."

Ja:  "The Claudius that you knew has passed away.  I deal with
his son."

Aeson:  "Hmm-- I see."

Ja:  "Wow.  People of Corinth miss you, Father.  I miss you."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Cynthea [Cyn]:  "My baby's been sent to Tartarus-- because she
was a Bacchae-- because of _you_."

Eur:  "I'm sorry."

Eur's Voice:  "None of us-- meant to help Bacchus hurt people.  I
was like Sarah.  I thought Bacchus was an answer to all my
problems."

Cyn:  "If you were like Sarah, then why are you still here?!  Why
were _you_ spared?!"

Eur [Sighs]:  "I haven't been spared.  I'm-- so sorry for the
pain I've caused you.  I don't know how to fix it."

Cyn:  "You can't!"

Eur:  "If I could trade places with your daughter-- I would."

H:  "I can fix it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Hades:  "Hercules!  You're early!"

H:  "I know that we just met-- and I know that I have no right to
ask you for special favors."

Hades:  "That's right."

H:  "But spare Sarah's soul."

Hades:  "A soul can't leave its place of final judgment."

H:  "But it can be traded.  They haven't passes judgment on me,
yet.  Take me in Sarah's place."

Hades:  "It's not your time.  Besides-- no one sacrifices
themselves for another."

H:  "Eurydice did."

Hades:  "You know the rules.  All Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H:  "Uncle Hades-- it is _wrong_ to condemn people after they've
changed for the good.  Now, you can prove yourself to be an even
greater god than my father, Zeus.  He doesn't care about
mortals-- but you do.  Give them-- a chance-- to change."

Hades:  "Greater than Zeus."

H's Voice:  "Yeah."

H:  "The legend of your compassion will sweep the world."

Hades:  "My image could use a boost.  Well-- there's the gate to
Tartarus.  I accept your terms.  Sacrifice yourself, and-- Sarah
is saved."

H:  "Thank you.  Goodbye."

Eur:  "Hercules!  No!  Nooo!  Oh, let it be me!  Take me!  "

Hades:  "It is done."

Eur:  "Uh!  You had _no_ right!  I can't let him suffer for me!"

Hades:  "So, you both meant it.  Such courage is rare.  Perhaps
people can change and become worthy of the Elysian Fields."

Eur's Voice:  "Thank you."

Eur:  "Thank you so much."

Hades' Voice:  "Come along."

Hades:  "This is your lucky day."

Sarah:  "What happened?  Where are we going?"

Eur:  "I have to go, now."

H:  "Um-- let me walk you home?"

Eur:  "Yeah."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Aeson:  "Aah-- don't be sad.  I'm happy here.  And I know you'll
make a great king."

Ja:  "Of course, I will.  I'm your son.  I love you."

Aeson:  "And I love you, Son.  I love you-- forever."

Ja:  "Forever."

Aeson:  "Go on.  Go on."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Eur:  "I'll never forget what you just did for me."

H:  "It was nothing compared to what you did for me."

Eur:  "I miss you already, Hercules."

H:  "Be happy.  That's all I ever wanted for you."

Eur:  "I know.  And now I can be, thanks to you."

H:  "Jason.  Jason."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Sarah:  "Oh, Mother!"

Cyn:  "Sarah!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Hades:  "Hercules-- nephew-- you've given me a lot to think
about."

H:  "I've learned a lot from you, too, Uncle Hades.  There you
go.  Hey, listen, we gotta get goin'."

Hades:  "Let me save you the trip."

Ja:  "Whoa.  I'm not rubbin' this guy's bunions."

H:  "Wait, no.  No, no, no.  Just wait.  Come on.  Hit me."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

Ja:  "Whoo!  Yes!  That was awesome!"

H:  "I've always wanted to do that!  Goodbye."

Ja's Voice:  "Come on, Hercules."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------





Click here to return to the YH A LADY IN HADES page.



Episode
Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!