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TRANSCRIPTION OF YH
HERC'S NEMESIS


“Herc’s Nemesis”  Episode 25/125

[TEASER]

1st Thief:  “I got ‘em!  I did it!”

2nd Thief:  “You stole the winged shoes from Hermes, the
messenger of the gods?!”

1st Thief:  “You bet!  I snuck into Hera’s temple-- and stole
‘em-- while Hermes slept.  I’ll be the greatest thief ever!  Too
fast for anyone to see!”

2nd Thief:  “Aren’t you scared of what the gods will do?”

1st Thief:  “They’ll have to catch me first!  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

2nd Thief:  “What’s that?”

1st Thief:  “Nothing-- just the wind.  [Screams]  Get this thing
off of me!  Aw, not the shoes!  Come on!”

2nd Thief:  “That’s the gods for ya!  That’s what happens when ya
mess with their stuff.”

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Nemesis [Nem]:  “Hera, my queen-- I return Hermes’ shoes as
commanded.  The mortal that stole them will no longer boast of
his crimes.”

Hera’s Voice:  “Well done, Nemesis.  You have a talent for
dealing with mortals who dare challenge the gods.”

Nem:  “I have no choice but to fulfill my obligation.”

Hera’s Voice:  “Don’t complain.  You earned this dirty job.  You
and your father shouldn’t have sided with the Titans against Zeus
for control of Olympus.”

Nem:  “I was loyal to my family.”

Hera’s Voice:  “Enough, Nemesis!  Excuses tire me.  Here’s your
next assignment.”

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Ja’s Voice:  “We caught ‘em off guard.  I went left.  Iolaus went
right.  And that’s when we did the old-- ”

I and H and Ja:  “Tree-- uh!  Uh!  Gag!”

Soldier:  “Kora!  Food and drink!  I’ve gotta get this criminal
to Thebes before nightfall.”

Kora:  “Criminal?  Rowab took a little oil from Hera’s temple to
keep his sick kid warm.”

H:  “Hey!  So why don’t you just take it easy, all right?!”

Ja:  “Hey, hey.”

H:  “Well, he’s in chains.  What’s he gonna do, huh?!”

Ja:  “Hey, man.  Don’t antagonize the constable.”

I:  “What?  So it’s OK for him to push him around like that.”

Ja:  “Well, you tell me.  You’re the expert.  When you’ve been
arrested, and someone makes the guard angry-- who’s he take it
out on?  I was thinkin’ of Rowab.”

I:  “Yeah-- well so was Hercules.”

H:  “Whoa.  Whoa-- who is that?”

Ja:  “That’s-- that’s the wind.”

H:  “You guys are tellin’ me that you don’t see that _beautiful_
girl with the bow and arrow?”

I:  “Believe me-- if there was a beautiful girl at the door-- I’d
see her.”

H:  “Hey.  Wait.  S-stop!”

Rowab [Row]:  “Get him off me!”

Soldier:  “What do you think you’re doin’?!”

H:  “Well, Mr. Ungrateful, I was saving you from her!”

Ja:  “Hercules, there’s nobody there.”

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[ACT I]

Kora:  “I told you!  No roughhousing!”

H:  “I can explain!”

Kora:  “And the next time you wanna play fire god, you do it
somewhere else!”

H:  “Yeah, well, uh-- I was leavin’ anyway!”

Ja:  “Hey-- whatever ya saw, or ya didn’t see-- forget it.  She’s
irritable.”

Nem:  “Who are you to interfere?!”

H:  “Oh, hi.  Uh-- I’m Hercules.”

I:  “I know.”

Nem:  “You must be a god if you can see me?”

H:  “Well-- you know-- not a god-god, just a half-god.  Zeus is
my father?”

Ja:  “So?”

H [Sighs]:  “Uh, listen-- who-who are you?”

Nem:  “I’m Nemesis.”

I:  “I’m Iolaus, and this is-- Jason.  What’s goin’ on with the
big guy?”

Ja:  “I don’t know.”

I:  “I think there was something in the custard this morning.  It
was the custard.  Did you see how much he was eating?”

H:  “Guys, can you cut it out?  I’m not talkin’ to you, OK?
I’m-- I’m talking to Nemesis.”

I:  “The goddess?  She’s here?”

H:  “Yeah.”

Ja:  “Nemesis is the goddess of justice.  She exterminates
people.  That’s no good.”

H:  “I know that, Jason.  But we don’t need to talk about her
like she’s not here, right?  I mean, she’s right in the middle of
you guys.”

Ja and I:  “Ooh.”

Nem:  “They can’t see me.”

H:  “Oh.”

Ja:  “Nemesis!  If you’re-- hey!  If you’re here to hurt my
friend!  You’re gonna have to go through me, first!”

H:  “She’s over there.”

Ja’s Voice:  “Oh, yeah.”

H:  “Guys?  Listen, don’t worry about it, OK?  She’s not here for
me.  She’s here for Rowab.”

Nem:  “And you stopped me.  I won’t fail a second time.”

H:  “Uh-- ”

I:  “Well-- it’s a good thing you’re not after Hercules!  ‘Cause
you’d have to go through the three of us!”

Ja:  “Yeah!”

H:  “Guys-- she’s gone.”

I:  “Ah.”

Ja:  “Huh.  Huh.  Hey-- where you goin’?”

H:  “I’m gonna go protect Rowab.  He doesn’t deserve to be
crushed like an insect by the gods.”

I:  “You out of your mind?  Nemesis-- nothing stops her.”

H:  “Well-- maybe-- maybe not.”

I:  “And what are you gonna do?”

H:  “I’m gonna turn on the charm.”

Ja:  “Aw-- we’re doomed.”

H:  “All right.  Just stay here, OK?  I don’t wanna get you two
hurt.”

I:  “Are we gonna let him have all the fun by himself?”

Ja:  “Of course not.  Let’s roll.”

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H:  “I thought that we discussed this.”

Nem:  “Look, I told you, it is the will of the queen of the gods.
You interfere, and you will share Rowab’s fate.”

H:  “I’m just tryin’ to keep you from makin’ a mistake-- all
right?”

Nem:  “Rowab is a thief.  He stole oil from Hera’s temple.”

H:  “And he’s paying for it!  What kind of a goddess are you?”

Nem:  “I’m the goddess of justice?”

H:  “Justice-- really.  So you call it justice when you destroy a
man for taking some oil to keep his sick child warm?”

Nem:  “I don’t have a choice, OK?  I do as I’m told.  It’s my
punishment.”

H:  “For what?”

Nem:  “When your father, Zeus, revolted against the Titans for
control of Mt. Olympus-- my father sided with the Titans.  Now,
because of that-- I’m forced to obey any god who demands a mortal
be punished.”

H:  “I’m sorry.”

Ja’s Voice:  “Are you talkin’ to Nemesis again?”

H’s Voice:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Sorry for what?”

H:  “Uh-- my father pushed her into her lousy job.”

I:  “Oh-- so why doesn’t she retire?”

Ja:  “You just can’t quit on Zeus.  It’s not that easy.”

Soldier:  “Move it along.”

H:  “Wait-- wait.  Listen.  Please-- don’t take his life.”

Nem:  “It’s Hera’s command.”

H:  “What if Hera’s wrong?”

Nem:  “Hera’s commands are never wrong.  Look, just get out of
the way.  If you interfere, she has told me to destroy you.”

H:  “To destroy me?”

I:  “Destroy you?”

Ja:  “Destroy him?  Hera hasn’t told her that you fall under
Zeus’s protection.”

I:  “Yeah, she doesn’t know that if she lays a finger on you,
Zeus zaps her for good.”

Nem:  “What are these mortals babbling about?”

H:  “You say Hera’s never wrong.  She put your life in danger--
when she told you to come against me.  Ask Zeus.  Now, she was
wrong once.  Maybe she’s wrong again.  I can’t let you do this.
Go back!  Go-- back!  Rowab, go back!”

Row:  “Get off me!  What’s your deal?!”

Soldier:  “I suppose you’re _savin’_ him again, huh?!”

H:  “Yes!”

Ja:  “Sorry about my friend, here.  He’s been crazy ever since
he-- met Nemesis.”

I [Interrupting]:  “Uh, drank some bad pond water.”

Soldier:  “Kids, nowadays.”

H:  “Get Rowab outta here, OK?”

I:  “I’m sorry about this.  He-he drank some bad pond water.  I
think it’s gone straight to his head.”

Ja:  “Ah-h-h.”

I:  “He thinks he can see the goddess, Nemesis.”

H:  “Nemesis!”

I:  “See?  Uh-- ooh.”

Soldier:  “Bad pond water or no bad pond water-- he shows up
again-- I’ll lock him up, too!”

I:  “Oh-- uh-- ”

Ja:  “I got this.  I got this.”

I:  “Oh, OK.”

Ja:  “Constable-- ha-ha-- Jason of Corinth.”

Soldier:  “Oh-- the young prince.”

Ja:  “Hey, listen, I’ve got a very-- sweet-- deal for you.
Thebes is-- so far away.  Why don’t you come to Corinth?  I’ll
setcha up in a nice, fast carriage?  Huh?  What do ya say?  Say
yes.  It’s so easy to say yes.”

Soldier:  “Oh, yes.”

Ja:  “Ha-- that’s it.  All right, let’s roll.”  [Sighs]

I:  “Jas, what are yo doing?”

Ja:  “The old negotiation gag.”

I:  “Got it.”

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Hera’s Voice:  “Stregna-- Nemesis has disobeyed my command.  If
you wish to become goddess of justice-- you must prove your
worth-- by destroying her.”

Stregna [Str]:  “I will not let you down, Hera.”

Hera’s Voice:  “Did this arrow in the bowl of Hind’s blood-- the
only thing that can kill a god.  Careful-- a scratch and you will
be lost.  Nemesis is clever.  You will only have one chance.”

Str:  “I’ll only need one.”

Hera’s Voice:  “Oh, yes-- if Hercules gets in your way--
eliminate him.”

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H:  “That was a nice shot.”

Nem:  “I missed on purpose.”

H:  “That’s great.”

Nem:  “No-- it isn’t.  Don’t you see?  Hera’s out for both of us,
now.”

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[ACT II]

H:  “That was brave of you.”

Nem:  “Brave?  I don’t feel brave.”

H:  “Well, uh-- you feel better, though, don’tcha?”

Nem:  “I don’t know what I feel.  You’ve confused me.  I’ve never
failed Hera before.”

H:  “She’s understanding, I imagine.”

Str:  “Well, well, well-- Nemesis _and_ Hercules.”

H:  “Do I know you?”

Nem:  “Stregna-- a minor goddess who’s trying to take my place.”

Str:  “_Is_ taking your place.”

H:  “Do you two wanna be alone?”

Str:  “You disobeyed Hera.  She made you my first target.”

Nem:  “You wondered if Hera might be understanding?”

H:  “I thought gods were immortal.  How could she hurt you?”

Nem:  “If the arrow is dipped in Hind’s blood.”

Str:  “Good guess.”

[Fight]

Str:  “Uh!  Uh!”

H:  “Hey!  Nice shot!”

Nem:  “Yeah, for now.  We’ve gotta move.”

H:  “Yeah.  I see whatcha mean.  Come on.”

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H:  “So, I-- suppose talkin’ to her’s out of the question?”

Nem:  “Stregna’s always wanted to take my place.  She won’t stop
until I’m gone.”

H:  “Uh.  Let’s get outta here.”

Str:  “So, you wanna play hide-and-seek?”

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Nem:  “Don’t stop.  Stregner [sic] will find us for sure.”

H:  “We haven’t seen her for awhile, now.”

Nem:  “She’s looking for us.  Trust me.  This mortal form of
getting around really wears me out.”

H:  “Well, uh-- well, we could rest.  There.  Well, not many
people come here, you know, so we probably have time to figure
out what we’re gonna do.”

Str:  “Sorry.  Time’s up.”

Nem:  “You can’t hit what you can’t see.”

Str:  “At least, go out with some dignity, Nemesis.  This is
pitiful.”

H:  “Let’s get outta here, OK?  Whoa.  Uh-- ”

Str:  “You know you can’t hide from me.”

Nem:  “You want me?  You got me.  But leave Hercules out of
this!”

Str:  “Too late.  Hera was very specific.  He interferes-- he’s
fair game.”

Nem:  “You do know that if you harm Hercules, you’ll have to deal
with his father, Zeus?”

H:  “Hmm?  Huh?”

Nem:  “I don’t suppose Hera mentioned that.  She doesn’t care any
more about you than she did about me!”

Str:  “Am I hearing this?  Nemesis has feelings for mortals?
Tsk-tsk-tsk.”

H:  “Is she hearing this?!  Do ya?!”

Nem:  “Well-- ”

Str:  “So-- we’ll just have to find a reason for Hercules to
leave.  Say-- saving his friends?”

I and Ja’s Voices:  “Hercules?!”

Ja’s Voice:  “Where are you?”

I:  “Herc!”

Str [H’s Voice]:  “Over here!”

H:  “What?  No!  No!  Not over here!  Don’t!  It’s a trick!”

I:  “Get us down!  Herc!”

Nem:  “Go-- save your friends.  I’ll deal with Stregna.”

H:  “OK.”

Str:  “He’s such a pest.”

H:  “Sorry-- huh.  Such a pest-- huh.”

H:  “Oh!  Ooh!  I’m a little worried about you!”

Ja:  “Yeah!  The joke’s on us!”

H:  “Can I borrow this?”

Ja:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!  Take it!  We’ll just-- we’ll hang
around!”

H:  “OK.  Come here.”

I:  “Uh-- sorry we’re late.  We, uh-- got a bit wrapped up.”

H:  “You guys OK?”

Ja:  “Yeah-- we’re vine.  I mean-- we’re fine.”

H:  “Oh-- come on.”

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Nem:  “Uh!  Uh!”

H:  “We have to stop Stregna.”

I:  “Where is she?”

H:  “She’s right there.”

Ja:  “Right there!”

I:  “Oh.”

H:  “Yeah.”

I:  “So, what do we do?”

H:  “Uh-- you gotta be distractions.”

Ja and I:  “Oh.  OK.”

H:  “No.  No.  No.  No.  Not to me!  Not to me-- to her.”

I:  “Oh.”

H:  “OK-- here we go.  Will _it_ fit?”

Ja and H and I:  “We’ll never quit!  Ye-ah-h-h!”

I’s Voice:  “Hey!  Over here!”

I:  “Uh.  Uh.  Hey!  Uh.”

I’s Voice:  “Yeah!  Over here!”

Ja’s Voice:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

I’s Voice:  “Uh-- look!  Look at me!  Look at me!  Uh.”

Ja:  “Nyaah.”

I’s Voice:  “Yeah, hi!  Hey!  Hey!”

H:  “All right!  Jason!  Go left!  OK, Iolaus!  Back!  Back!
Whoa!  Jason-- get ready.”

Ja:  “Come on!”

H:  “Go right!  Iolaus!  Get out of there!  Get out of there!  Go
back!  Go back!  Good!  Hey!  Do the old tree gag!”

I:  “What?”

H:  “The old classic-- come on.”

I and Ja:  “Oh.  Oh!  Hey!  Over here!  Say what?!  Over here!
Hey!  Say what?!  Come on!  Over here!  Shake it!  Come on!
Shake it!”

H:  “Ready?”

Ja’ss Voice:  “Yeah.”

H:  “Go!  Go right!”

Str:  “My hair.”

H:  “Yeah-- your hair.”

Str:  “You’ve won this time.  But my hair will come back-- and so
will I.”

H:  “Hi.  So, uh-- what’re you gonna do, now?  Huh?  You gonna--
go back to being the goddess of justice?”

Nem:  “I don’t know.  I don’t know if Hera will allow it.  I’ve
got a lotta thinking to do.”

H:  “Yeah.”

Nem:  “And what will you do?”

H:  “About what?”

Nem:  “Well, about Hera-- it’s obvious that she hates you.”

H:  “Yeah.  Why is it?  I mean, what’d I ever do to her?”

Nem:  “Zeus is your father.  The thought that Zeus could love a
child that wasn’t hers probably caused a jealous rage.”

H:  “So, let me get this straight, um-- I bother Hera-- just by
being me?”

I [Whispers]:  “Nemesis?”

Nem:  “I must go.  Um-- I hope that our paths will cross again.”

H:  “I hope so.”

Nem:  “But-- not in any official capacity.”

H:  “Did you just ask me out?”

Nem:  “Maybe.”

H:  “Well-- make sure you, uh-- look out for, uh-- Stregna.  Her
hair _will_ come back.  Huh.”

Nem:  “And you watch out for Hera.”

H:  “I will.  Uh-- ”

I:  “Is she gone?”

H:  “Yes.  Let’s go.”

Ja:  “Hey, didja get the whole ‘gettin’-- shot-at-with-an-arrow’
straightened out?”

I:  “You’re off the list?”

H:  “Well, I was never officially _on_ the list.  OK?  Rowab
was.”

Ja:  “Yeah, but then you got in the way, and then _we_ got in the
way, and-- ”

I:  “So, uh-- you gonna see her again?”

H:  “Well, that is a definite maybe-- ”

I:  “Ah.”

H:  “OK?”

Ja:  “What?!  Maybe?!  She’s an assassin!  She’s a death
machine!”

I:  “Ah, yeah, yeah.  But the death machine was a babe-- right?”

Ja:  “Oh-- whatever.  The question is-- can she do the old tree--
uh!  Uh!”

All:  “Gag!”

Ja:  “Over here!”

H and I:  “Where?!”

Ja:  “Over here!”

H and I:  “Where?”

All:  “Over there?!  Yes!”  [Cheer]

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