Whoosh! Issue20 - May 1998


What's A Dinar Between Friends?




GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

Sometimes you're the boot...sometimes you're the
bug...


Joxer comes up two boots short.


JOXER
This is it? When you said
'weapons,' I was thinking a
blacksmith's shop.

XENA
No, for this job, we need something
special. Keep quiet, and don't step
on any graves.

JOXER
Dryad, dry-- What's a dryad?

XENA
Sworn enemies of Bacchus. A
dryad bone through the heart is
the only way to kill a Bacchae.

GABRIELLE
Do we have to dig them up?

XENA
Not exactly.

JOXER
Well, they're not gonna jump out
at us.
[Laughs]
Whoa! Whoa!
[Screams]

GABRIELLE
Joxer!

JOXER
Help, Xena! Help me! They're
pulling me under! I can't breathe!
I can't breathe!
[Screams]
Pull! Pull! Horrible animals! Ooh,
and monsters!
[Joxer is extricated]
Oh, that was close. He took my
boots! They cost me fifty dinars!

GABRIELLE
Great.

JOXER
Stupid, good-for-nothing, bag of
bone!.

GABRIELLE
(pointing to the sky)
What is it?!

XENA
That's a dryad.

[They fight the dryads]

GABRIELLE
Watch it, Joxer!

JOXER
All right, Xena! Do something!

ORPHEUS
[Screams a lot]
Thanks.

JOXER
Go on and run! You coward! Hah-hah!
Wow! These dryad bones are really
sharp as nails. No wonder they can
kill a Bacchae. Hey-- Are you
afraid-- of this?

XENA
Should I be?

JOXER
No.
[26] Boots! fifty dinars a pair...that makes Xena's request in BLACK WOLF equal to 10,050 dinars...what a hard bargainer!

[27] In TEN LITTLE WARLORDS (32/208) [first released 11/18/96], Gabrielle gets stuck in the middle of a fishcake war.


TEN LITTLE WARLORDS

Callisto contemplates her next
costume.


So how much for the lobster?


WOMAN 1
Fishcakes, fishcakes, lovely
fishcakes. Six for a dinar, six
for a dinar. Fishcakes, lovely
fishcakes-- lovely fishcakes,
dearie, six for a dinar.

GABRIELLE
Fishcakes?

WOMAN 1
Would you like one?

GABRIELLE
Oh, I'd--

WOMAN 1
They're really good.

MAN 1
They're good, but a little bony.
Mine are scrumptious, and ten per
dinar.

GABRIELLE
Ten.

WOMAN 1
Twelve per dinar, dearie.

GABRIELLE
Twelve.

WOMAN 1
His are as chewy as seaweed.

MAN 1
Hey, she's my cust--

WOMAN 1
She's my customer.

GABRIELLE
I wanna fishcake!

LADY: No, they're mine!

GABRIELLE
Lady, I was here first!

WOMAN 2
Ahh! Put me down! Ah! Ahh!

MAN 2
I ordered the lobster!

GABRIELLE
Where's my fishcake?! All right,
where's my bargain?!

XENA (in Callisto's body)
Who started this? More warlords?

GABRIELLE
No, them.

MAN 1
Callisto! Spare us! We don't want
any trouble!

GABRIELLE
Her? Huh! Forget about her! Me, on
the other hand. Why, I--

XENA
Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
Ah! Xena, let me go, I can stop
'em.

XENA
You can't stop everyone-- come on.
[28] Fishcakes: your choice -- six, ten or twelve for a dinar!

[29] SOLSTICE CAROL (33/209) [first released 12/09/96] reveals many things about the value of a dinar, including: the reasonable amount to be spent on a companion's Solstice gift, the property tax in pre-Mycenaen times, and the cost of a four-legged sidekick.


SOLSTICE CAROL

Xena followed Gabrielle's lead until the
tragic '50% off fishcakes' incident.


Xena and Gabrielle briefly attempt shopping.


GABRIELLE
Now, no spying. And if one of us
sees the other shopping in a stall,
then she turns and walks the other
way-- agreed?

XENA
Yeah.

GABRIELLE
No peeking into other peoples'
bags, too. I mean, being surprised
is half the fun-- right?

XENA
Right.

GABRIELLE
Ah, nothing can cost more than
five dinars.

XENA
Then why don't I just give you
five dinars, and you can buy
something that you really like?

GABRIELLE
Because, then it wouldn't be a
gift.
(kid runs by Xena and takes her
chakram)
Hey! What was that about?

XENA
He stole my chakram. I'll meet you
out back.
[30] Five dinars appears to be a reasonable value for a Solstice Day gift, especially for two gals on the road! But wait! There's more.

MELANA
Children, children. Settle down.

SENTICLES
(entering)
By order of King Silvus, be it
known you have until midnight
tonight to pay taxes in the amount
of 1,000 dinars or face eviction.

SOLDIER 1
No wait, look around. They're
violating the prohibition. I say,
arrest them now!

XENA
Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Gabrielle!

GABRIELLE
I didn't know you did gift-
wrapping.

XENA
What did he mean, 'violating the
prohibition'? The children were
just enjoying Solstice.

MELANA
Yes, but here, celebrating the
winter solstice is a crime, and,
anyone who gets caught can expect
to pay a price.
[31] There you have it: property taxes on an orphanage is 1,000 dinars. It is not given how often the taxing period is; we will assume annual in this case. But what about livestock you ask? How much dinars for a beast of burden?

MAN
(to Tobias, the donkey)
You stubborn *ss! You've been
nothing but trouble the entire
time we've been together. Now,
move!

GABRIELLE
Excuse me, sir. That's quite an
animal you've got there.

MAN
You want him? He's yours. Fifty
dinars.

GABRIELLE
Fifty?

MAN
That's what the tannery will give
me for his hide.

GABRIELLE
You're taking him to be skinned?
Look-- How `bout I do you a favor?
I'll take him off your hands for
say, ah, twenty-five dinars?

MAN
Twenty-five? That's half of what
he's worth at the tannery.

GABRIELLE
Yeah, well you have to get him
there first, right?

MAN
Hmm, forty-five.

GABRIELLE
Thirty -- Not a dinar more. Let's
face it. I've seen healthier hides
on a used couch-- Nothing personal.
What do you say?

MAN
Thirty-five, and you got yourself
a deal.
[32] A beast of burden on the way to the tannery is ranged at twenty-five to fifty, to an agreed-upon thirty-five.

[33] An overall implication in SOLSTICE CAROL is that Xena has her own stash of cash. Many fans (especially the ones who have time to burn) often ponder whether Gabrielle and Xena share the checking account or have separate ones...food for thought!

[34] In DESTINY (36/212) [first aired 01/27/97] we find out about ransom schedules.


DESTINY

You carry your dinars WHERE?!?


Caesar, Julius Caesar, fetches a pretty dinar. For a moment.


TELLUS
Get going! You hungry? Ah,
what's the matter? You not hungry?
[Laughs]

JULIUS CAESAR
I generally don't eat food touched
by a pig.
You have a woman's touch.

TELLUS
So, you not afraid of a beating,
huh? You afraid to die?

CAESAR
A brave man dies only once. A man
like you-- dies a thousand times.

TELLUS
All right, brave man-- your one
time is now!

XENA
Tellus-- look at him-- the robes;
the bearing, the poise. Why, we
have a Roman nobleman-- a valuable
commodity.

TELLUS
What are you talking about?

CAESAR
Ransom-- she's talking about
ransom, pig.

XENA
That's right, we can get 20,000
dinars for him.

CAESAR
20,000 isn't enough.

XENA
Oh, really?

CAESAR
They'll never believe you have me,
if that's all you're asking. I'm
worth five times that.

XENA
Very well. But if you're wrong,
it's your neck. Lyserius-- send out
a ransom demand to the nearest
Roman settlement. Tell them to send
100,000 dinars if they ever want to
see-- what's your name?

CAESAR
Caesar, Julius Caesar.

XENA
Caesar, Julius Caesar, again. You
really weren't afraid to die, were
you?

CAESAR
I knew someone would stop him.

XENA
And, how could you know that?

CAESAR
I know what I'm fated to do with
my life.

XENA
And what's that?

CAESAR
Rule the world.

LYSERIUS
Let's go, Roman.
[35] What are the ransom schedules? 10,000 for a Roman noble man, and 100,000 for Da Caesar. Remember, Meleager's bounty was 50,000. It is actually starting to make sense. It also makes one wonder how much Xena's bounty was in LOST MARINER (45/222).

[36] THE QUEST (37/213) [first released 02/03/97] offers a dinaric expression while keeping mute about any real information about a dinar's value in the Xenaverse.


THE QUEST

Hey! I wanted fishnets! Not
boots!!!


But he paid for an hour -- however many dinars *that* cost.


AMAZON
Come on, get in there!

GABRIELLE
Autolycus?

AUTOLYCUS
Ooh! Ooh! Ah, ah, ow. No, no, no,
no-- ah, it's broke-- broke--
broke. It's broken.

GABRIELLE
Okay-- Uh, Ephiny, I need a--
splint.

AMAZON
Gabrielle-- she's got it. She's
got the dagger. And, she's going
after the ambrosia.

EPHINY
That's it then. We lost. Now
she'll become a god.

GABRIELLE
She hasn't won yet-- not as
long as there's one person who
can stand up to her.

EPHINY
And what can we do?

GABRIELLE
Ephiny, we can't give up. Don't
you see that? Autolycus, can you
get us out of this jail?

AUTOLYCUS
Well, my lockpick's in my other
shirt. If only I had just a small--
sort of um--. Would you put that
hand right there? And that hand
there? Now, don't worry-- this is
business, not pleasure. Well--
mostly business. Huh-ha-ha. Hold
it.

GABRIELLE
Hey! Hey, lady.

AMAZON
What do you want?

GABRIELLE
Come here-- come here. I want to
tell you this!
Ephiny! Go down river. Find Xena's
sarcophagus. Bring it to the Hall
of Ambrosia.

AUTOLYCUS
Here's a map. I can find my way
without it.

GABRIELLE
Sorry.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, in for a dinar, in for a
kingdom. Besides, I've got a little
something to settle with that
Amazonian-- uh-- female.
[37] "In for a dinar, in for a kingdom..." What a quaint expression.

[38] A NECESSARY EVIL (38/214) [first released 02/10/97] gives us an ancient Greek admission price.


A NECESSARY EVIL

Days later, she still could not remove the static
from her hair.


Only two males were in the cast of A NECESSARY EVIL -- Artemis temple extras that Velasca dusted.


SOLDIER 1
Come on, let's go-- for the hunt.

SOLDIER 2
A dinar donation for the goddess,
Artemis.

VELASCA
What do you care of Artemis? She's
the goddess of the Amazons.

SOLDIER 2
Hey, what are you doing?!

VELASCA
I don't need you.
(kills SOLDIER 2)
But you-- remember what you see
here. Remember that you met Velasca,
the god of Chaos. Remember what
she did and said-- in the temple
of the Amazon goddess.
(SOLDIER 1 runs away)
Artemis, you fake! Where were you
when our nation died?! Where were
you when the many Amazon
tribes were scattered and
destroyed?! Where were you
when the word 'Amazon' became a
joke told by old men in taverns?!
I was once your subject. Now, I'm
your equal-- and your enemy!
(kills SOLDIER 1)
He wouldn't have told it right,
anyway.
[39] One dinar gets you in the temple! No "E" tickets for Artemis...her temple is way too classy.

[40] BLIND FAITH (42/218) [first released 04/14/97] actually documents Gabrielle shopping in a market place. There she has several close encounters with dinars.


BLIND FAITH

It's says, 'No Sleeves, No service!' Now what do
we do?


Gabrielle snacks as she and Xena debate the finer points of shopping.


XENA
Good, there's a tavern. I'm hungry.

GABRIELLE
Hey! I've got an idea. Let's shop.

XENA
What do we need?

GABRIELLE
No, not that kind of shop. Shop,
shop. You know, browsing, haggling,
getting a deal.

XENA
A deal on what?

GABRIELLE
Ah, who knows? See, that's the fun
part.

WOMAN'S VOICE
That's outrageous!

GABRIELLE
Something completely frivolous.
Xena, come on, let's squander a
couple of dinars.

XENA
Hey.

GABRIELLE
Okay, I can see it's not your
thing.

XENA
Look, if you wanna browse,
haggle, and squander, go ahead.
I'll meet you in the tavern.

GABRIELLE
Hmmm.
[41] Gabrielle feels it is okay to "squander a couple of dinars", and that means that the barding and hero business must be doing well. This scene also implies that Xena has her own stash, as she does not ask Gabrielle for cash, but just heads off to the tavern to eat, and, no doubt, have one of those expensive ports. More evidence of separate... accounts?

[42] In the very next scene, Gabrielle gets down to some haggling business.

GABRIELLE
Uh. How much for this piece of
scrap?

VENDOR
That finely-woven Egyptian prayer
scarf is five dinars.

GABRIELLE
You've gotta be kidding.

VENDOR
I suppose I could knock a dinar off
the price for you.

GABRIELLE
Yeah, why don't you? Some fool
might come by who wants to throw
away four dinars.

VENDOR
I can go as low as three dinars--
but, that's firm.

GABRIELLE
Well, you know, I guess I could use
it to wipe the sweat off my horse.
One dinar.

VENDOR
Two, and you have a deal, Okay?

GABRIELLE
Okay, Okay.

VENDOR
Thank you.
[42] Gabrielle, before being kidnaped and sold to someone, does an excellent job of haggling the price of a scarf from five dinars to two.


Summary

[43] So ends the dinar references in the first two seasons of XWP. What follows is a quick reference guide to all dinaric mentions and transactions made in the first two seasons.

Enjoy!

< /tr>
ItemPriceEpisode
6 fishcakes1 dinar[TLW]
10 fishcakes1 dinar[TLW]
12 fishcakes1 dinar[TLW]
donation to Artemis temple1 dinar[ANE]
squanderinga couple of dinars[BF]
braceleta few dinars[UH]
real foodsome dinars[W...P]
"good faith"some dinars[RN]
drink at tavern2 dinars[PNT]
Egyptian prayer scarf2-5 dinars (variable)[BF]
Solstice Day giftup to 5 dinars[SC]
Mt. Olympus curio5 dinars[PRO]
Aphrodite's shell part5 dinars[PRO]
milk and port6 dinars[CoH]
donkey35 dinars[SC]
Joxer's boots50 dinars[GJWHF]
Property tax, orphanage1,000 dinars[SC]
assassination5,000 dinars[FoD]
assassin bonus5,000 dinars[FoD]
problem solving10,000 dinars & pair of boots[BW]
roman noble man ransom20,000 dinars[Destiny]
bounty on Meleager50,000 dinars[PROD]
Caesarian ransom100,000 dinars[Destiny]
high rent castlesmulti-millions of dinars[RCoT]

Acknowledgments

Dedication: To Deb E. McGhee for her inspiration.

Acknowledgment: I would like to thank Carmen Carter, Deb E McGhee (she gets around), and Shelly Sullivan for their assistance in finally taking a cold, hard look at what XWP has stated about dinars.



Return to First Season

Biography

Kym Masera Taborn Kym Masera Taborn
Kym is a 39-year-old attorney who has become strangely attracted to a television show called Xena: Warrior Princess. She also publishes and edits two media fandom publications: Whoosh! and Xena MEDIA REVIEW. She has amassed a husband, a son, a house in the suburbs, and a Xena tape collection to die for.
Favorite episode: DREAMWORKER (03/103). The episode from which everything else flows.
Favorite line: Gabrielle to Xena: "You're not much for girl talk, are you? Of course, you're not like most girls." PROMETHEUS (08/108); Xena to Gabrielle: "I dunno. You just seem...bigger." DREAMWORKER (03/103).
First episode seen: CRADLE OF HOPE (04/104)
Least favorite episode: QUILL IS MIGHTIER (56/310)

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