Whoosh! Issue 23 - August 1998

ARE YOU A JOXERHOLIC?
TAKE THIS SIMPLE TEST TO FIND OUT!

IAXS project #568
By Filippa Morgan
Copyright © 1998 held by author
1740 words



Introduction (01)
The Quiz
Score Interpretation (02-06)
Conclusion (07-09)
Biography



Are You A Joxerholic?



Does he have a license for this?


Joxer puts 'zug-zug' into the popular vernacular in FINS, FEMMES, AND GEMS.



Introduction

[1] This quiz is about the most controversial figure in the Xenaverse: none other than Joxer, the Mighty, played by actor, Ted Raimi. Love him or hate him, he is here to stay, so why not learn to love him as have so many other Xenites? This test is designed to measure specific amounts of Joxer-liking, from Joxer-holism, meaning you cannot get enough of him, to complete Joxer-phobia, meaning you wish he would die and burn in Tartarus for all eternity. This is not to suggest that there are not those who are somewhat divided on the Joxer issue, but there are many who simply have no opinion either way. So, without further ado, the Joxer Quiz! Answer A, B, C or D for each question and find out how you stand at the end.


The Quiz

1. I believe Joxer is:
  1. A handsome, albeit misunderstood, hero
  2. An average guy
  3. An annoying twerp who acts like he's fifteen
  4. A contagious disease who must be obliterated
2. My favorite Joxer nickname is:
  1. Pookie
  2. Jox
  3. Jerkster
  4. What? He has a nickname?
3. Joxer's best talent is:
  1. Playing the lyre and romancing ladies
  2. His sense of humor and status as comic relief
  3. Getting hit in sensitive areas
  4. Dying (although we have not seen him do that permanently yet, hope springs eternal)

Wait a minute, the last time I hid when she counted to a hundred
she never found me!


Joxer finds himself forgotten at the end of FORGET ME NOT.


4. My favorite Joxer episode is:
  1. FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216) or A COMEDY OF EROS (46/222)
  2. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT (48/302) or FORGET ME NOT (63/317)
  3. CALLISTO (22/122) or RETURN OF CALLISTO (29/205)
  4. I do not watch Joxer episodes, or I fast-forward through his scenes
5. Joxer belongs romantically with:
  1. Gabrielle
  2. Meg
  3. Aphrodite
  4. He does not have a love life, and he will be dead soon anyway
6. My favorite Joxer outfit is:
  1. The FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216) clothes
  2. The regular armor and stupid hat
  3. The Joxer of Illusia minstrel costume
  4. Anything as long as he is dead or in pain
7. Joxer reminds me of:
  1. Don Quixote or Cyrano de Bergerac, or even myself
  2. The nerdy guys in high school
  3. A ferret in a giraffe's body
  4. Oh yeah, I need to throw up
8. My favorite Joxer quote is:
  1. "Blood, valor and victory!"
  2. "What's the plan?"
  3. "What if we're all in someone's head, and they're making us up?"
  4. "Ouch!"
9. My opinion of the Joxer Song is:
  1. Even five versions is not enough, I want to hear him sing more!
  2. Why is he the only one with a theme song?
  3. Kind of cute, almost in the same vein as "It's a Small World".
  4. I need to throw up...again...

Hey, let's hear my theme song ONE MORE TIME!


Joxer puts his lyre lessons to the test in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.


10. Joxer's finest moment thus far on XWP has been:
  1. Trying to defend Argo from Callisto in INTIMATE STRANGER (31/207)
  2. Getting the hind's blood dagger in SACRIFICE II (68/322)
  3. Hitting the tree in FINS, FEMMES AND GEMS (64/318)
  4. He has not died yet. What are you talking about?
11. I think Joxer's armor is:
  1. Alright, but especially without the hat so we can see his handsome face
  2. Essential to his character
  3. A good source of more slapstick gags
  4. Totally stupid. Does this guy shop at Lechter's Housewares or what?
12. The best Joxer epithet is:
  1. Joxer, the Mighty...what else?
  2. Joxer, the Good
  3. Joxer, the Klutzy
  4. Joxer, the Dead
13. FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216) was:
  1. Outstanding. Why hasn't it won an award?
  2. Alright, if for nothing else than for the end scene with Xena
  3. OK...wasn't that the one with Aphrodite and Cupid?
  4. Disgusting. How could they do that to us?
14. I have the following Joxer memorabilia:
  1. Everything they have ever made of Joxer, plus I am a TRIFC member
  2. Maybe the odd bookmark or picture
  3. Only what is included in my regular Xenabilia
  4. A Joxer voodoo doll and a picture taped to a dartboard
15. If I could pick one word to describe Joxer, it would be:
  1. Lovable
  2. Average
  3. Bumbling
  4. Repulsive

Score Interpretation

[2] Score your quiz this way: 4 points for each "a", 3 for each "b", 2 for each "c" and 1 for each "d". Add up your point total; it will be somewhere between 15 and 60.

[3] If your score is 50-60:

You are a Joxerholic, my friend. You cannot get enough of him, and you are no doubt a hopeless romantic. Not to fear, however, there are more of you out there than you might think. Chances are you identify with Joxer quite a bit, and maybe your love life has been a bit rocky, although you might have a heart of gold just like him. You believe he has great potential and that he eventually will realize his dreams.

Recommended websites:
Miltiades' Joxerverse
The Subtlety of Pickett's Charge
The Temple of Joxer
TRIFC (Ted Raimi International Fan Club)

[4] If your score is 35-49:

You pretty much accept Joxer at face value. To you, he is the average guy you see every day. Although you probably do not hate Joxer, you like him in smaller doses. His finest moments, to you, are when he actually settles down and behaves in a mature way. You are not one to run with the Joxerholics, however, and probably like him about as much as Aphrodite, Autolycus, or any of the other supporting characters. You do find his armor hysterical, however.

Recommended websites:
Amphipolis Village
Tom's Xena Page
Whoosh!

[5] If your score is 20-34:

No doubt you like Joxer, but only when he is constantly thwacked over the head and made fun of. Your sense of humor tends to be a little bit twisted and on the edge, and you prefer it when Joxer is the butt of cruel jokes, i.e., FINS, FEMMES AND GEMS (64/318). Joxer is more two-dimensional to you than anything. You think it is endlessly amusing when Aphrodite calls him things like "studmuffin", since you know it could not be farther from the truth. You are the kind of person who would sing the Joxer Song during commercials to annoy people.

Recommended Websites:
Buumzer's Fanvault
The Xenaverse Scroll Codex

[6] If your score is 15-19:

The only good Joxer is a dead Joxer. No doubt you have written the producers and asked that they remove him from an otherwise wonderful show. You wince when you see Xena, Gabrielle or anyone else having to deal with that nonsense. You spend a great deal of your leisure time on forums or in chat rooms blasting Joxer. Not that there is anything wrong with that; you just think he is on the wrong show.

Recommended Website:
The Shoot Joxer game.
   Found under "Fun and Games" section.


Conclusion

Wow, even *I* don't like myself that much!


Joxer does a bit of his own tallying in THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER.


[7] I myself scored 60 on this quiz, yet I leave it up to the individual reader to decide whether this is a "perfect" score or not. When I first saw Joxer in CALLISTO (22/122), I immediately liked him, but I remembered that I was looking at potential, and not true talent as the character would have us believe. Since then, I have become a complete Joxerholic, and I've not looked back since.

[8] Aside from his normally fun-loving, goofy exterior, Joxer has had his share of emotional, heart-wrenching moments: the final campfire scene in COMEDY OF EROS (46/222) in which he longs to be loved, the confession to an amnesiac Gabrielle in FORGET ME NOT (63/317) that he has lied all along, and, of course, the reaction to Gabrielle's death in SACRIFICE II (68/322). Merely by the expressions on his face we see that here is a sensitive, compassionate soul who wants to be loved as much as anyone else. He is not a one-dimensional comic relief figure as he was when he first appeared in CALLISTO (22/122).

[9] Joxer has had his share of semi-heroic and heroic moments even when he was not under a spell, as in FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216): trying to defend Xena's horse from a psychotic in INTIMATE STRANGER (31/207), vowing to help Gabrielle avenge Perdicas' death with his own life in RETURN OF CALLISTO (29/205), and, obviously most of all, attempting to defend Gabrielle from a hate-crazed Xena in THE BITTER SUITE (58/312). Xena herself sees his potential and has commented upon this on a number of occasions, most notably the end of FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS in which she assures Joxer he could have not performed such heroic acts had the skill not been inside him all along. Had she not seen his potential, she would never have tolerated his presence and would have asked him to leave early on in the series. Instead, he has matured in three seasons, and the Joxer we see in SACRIFICE II (68/322) is a completely different persona than the original CALLISTO (22/122), Joxer. He is a diamond in the rough, and I wish him "Blood, valor, and victory" as his character development continues in season four.



Biography

Filippa Morgan Filippa Morgan
Filippa Christine Morgan was born and raised in Colchester, United Kingdom on June 14, 1979, and now lives in Nashville, Tennessee where she studies literature and history. She is an only child and the proud owner of Joxer, the Friesian horse, Jonquil, the Jack Russell terrier, and Callisto and Percy, the cats. Her dream is to become an author and Olympic equestrienne. When she is not watching Xena: Warrior Princess, Filippa enjoys horseback riding, theatre, basketball, hockey, poetry, medieval re-enactment, drawing, and writing. She wishes to take this opportunity to praise Joxer (as if she doesn't do so enough already.)


Favorite episode: FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216) and THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER (56/310)
Favorite line: Joxer: "You virgins really pack a wallop. Must be all that pent-up energy." WARRIOR...PRIESTESS...TRAMP (55/309)
First episode seen: HOOVES AND HARLOTS (10/110)
Least favorite episode: KING CON (61/315)

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