Whoosh! Issue 40 - January 2000


The Words, The Lines, The Action




Parallel Lines (Continued)

"You made a profit out of death and suffering?"
Xena to Lord Clarion
HERE SHE COMES ...
"You kidnapped Gabrielle for money!?"
Xena to Palaemon
BLIND FAITH

Xena almost lost the fight when she realised she was fighting
with a cheap Creation knock-off sword

Palaemon was in big trouble for kidnapping Gabrielle.



"You told me you killed Gabrielle to egg me into a fight?"
Xena to Palaemon
BLIND FAITH

"You know, Xena, it's funny. Hercules never mentioned you."
Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"That's funny."
Gabrielle to Xena re: no people being around
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"Funny. Nothing seems quite the same."
Ulysses to Xena and Gabrielle
ULYSSES
"Funny. I traded mine to an arm's dealer for weapons."
Petracles to Xena re: his wedding present
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"That's not funny."
Gabrielle to Xena re: getting to the underworld one way or another
MORTAL BELOVED
"Is that supposed to be funny?"
Gabrielle to Xena re: losing her chakram
CHARIOTS OF WAR

"You're pathetic."
Atrius to Tarkis
TIES THAT BIND
"You people are pathetic."
Talmadeus to Gabrielle and Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"You are pathetic."
Callisto as Xena to Gabrielle
INTIMATE STRANGER
"You're so pathetic."
Gabrielle to Autolycus
THE QUEST
"You pathetic old fool!"
Cecrops to Hidsim
LOST MARINER

"Ready. Shake. Fire!"
Leader to villagers
THE GREATER GOOD
"Load your weapons. Ready. Fire!"
Lynal to orphans
A SOLSTICE CAROL

"I won't let anyone kill anyone."
Xena at the cave entrance
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"I won't let you beat her."
Xena to slave boss
REMEMBER NOTHING
"I won't be captured."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE TITANS
"I won't be lectured!"
King Silvus to the 2nd Fate
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"I won't go with you!"
King Silvus to the 3rd Fate
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"I won't let you do this."
Gabrielle to Xena re: capture Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"I won't be as patient with you meddling in my affairs."
Poseidon to Xena
ULYSSES

I just washed myself and I can't do a thing with me!

Poseidon is one of the more damp gods.



"I won't take you away from your kingdom or your wife."
Xena to Ulysses
ULYSSES

"You know, everything can't be an adventure all the time."
Gabrielle to Xena
ULYSSES
"You don't have to be original every time you fight, Xena."
Gabrielle
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"You don't have to be strong all the time."
Gabrielle to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"Are you so brave that you fear someone caring for you?"
Darius to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR

"This hearing is finished."
Benitar to villagers
THE RECKONING
"This meeting is closed."
Kellos to Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY

"Hey, that's no way to treat a warrior princess."
Meg to Agis
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"Now, that's no way to treat a lady."
Janice re: Mel
THE XENA SCROLLS

"This virgin."
Philius to Titans re: Gabrielle who liberated them
THE TITANS
"No one's really innocent. Well, maybe you."
Aphrodite to Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"We don't have time for that now."
Marcus to Xena
MORTAL BELOVED
"We haven't got time for this."
Xena to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"We don't have much time."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD
"We don't have time for this."
Xena to Callisto
A NECESSARY EVIL
"Not much time."
Oracle to Xena
PROMETHEUS
"You don't have much time."
Arbus to Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION
"There's no time to loose."
Xena to Jana
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"We had no time to warn you, Gabrielle."
Xena
THE EXECUTION

"Get me my saddlebag."
Xena to Gabrielle
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Get me that small knife from my saddlebag."
Xena to Gabrielle
PROMETHEUS

Here we go with the 'captured blond' bit again!

Gabrielle is no stranger to knives.


"Get me some more water."
Xena to Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I need a knife and some leather twine."
Xena to Celano
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"I need a hollow reed and some rags."
Xena to Hippocrates
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"I need a hollow reed and some kind of bladder."
Xena to Hippocrates
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Bring me a shield, a sword, and a torch."
Xena to Democritus
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Get me some hot water, clean knives, and as many clean rags as you can find."
Xena to Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

"Nothing like a good ambush to liven things up."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRODIGAL
"Nothing like a good fight to get the juices going."
Xena to Gabrielle
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"There's nothing like a wedding to get two families together."
King Barus to King Lynaeus
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"That is just too beautiful."
Gabrielle to Agranon re: how he met Jana
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"That was fantastic."
Stallonus to Gabrielle re: her story
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"This is wonderful."
Xerxes to Xena re: handing over the Black Wolf
THE BLACK WOLF
"They are incredible."
Xena to Gabrielle re: cream desserts
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"That guy's incredible."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"You're irresistable."
Xena to Ares
THE RECKONING

"She's just amazing."
Gabrielle to Toris re: Xena
DEATH MASK
"You are an amazing woman."
Dagnine to Xena
ORPHAN OF WAR
"It's amazing."
Gabrielle to Senticles re: all of the toys
A SOLSTICE CAROL

"What kind of damage would a cheap wooden thing do, anyway?"
Meg to Agis re: chakram
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"You may be immortal, but I can still do damage."
Xena to Callisto re: cutting her into pieces with her chakram
A NECESSARY EVIL

"Talk. We'll listen."
Diomedes to Xena re: her plan
THE BLACK WOLF
"Talk to me."
Diomedes to Gabrielle
THE BLACK WOLF

"They just leave."
Gabrielle to Xena re: things you love
THE GREATER GOOD
"She just left me."
Gabrielle to Iolaus
THE QUEST

"I'm going to miss you so much."
Lila to Gabrielle
SINS OF THE PAST
"Proud warrioress. I will miss you."
Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"I miss you so, my love."
King Gregor to his wife's portrait
CRADLE OF HOPE
"I will miss you."
Karas to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I've missed you so much."
Xena to Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED
"How I have missed that."
Atyminius to Gabrielle re: the look of fear
MORTAL BELOVED
"I miss those days."
Atrius to Xena
TIES THAT BIND
"Oh, how I've missed you."
Callisto to Xena
INTIMATE STRANGER
"I miss her."
Gabrielle to Iolaus
THE QUEST
"Did I miss something? They were going to kill you."
Gabrielle to Pandora
CRADLE OF HOPE
"I missed something."
Gabrielle to Xena
PROMETHEUS
"I missed the trial."
Xena
THE EXECUTION

"Unless you're suicidal, you'll get out of the way."
Villager to Gabrielle
SINS OF THE PAST
"Are you suicidal?"
Xena to Joxer
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP

And another thing!  I *always* get top billing!  Got that?

Joxer gets the riot act read to him in WARRIOR...PRINCESS...TRAMP



"You must have a death wish."
Velasca to Callisto
A NECESSARY EVIL
"That's suicide."
Menticles to Xena
THE PRICE
"Have you lost your mind?"
Nemos to King Gregor
CRADLE OF HOPE

"He's my best friend."
Iolaus to Gabrielle re: Hercules
PROMETHEUS
"You said I remind you of your best friend."
Gabrielle to Xena
REMEMBER NOTHING
"You look so much like my best friend."
Gabrielle to Meg
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP

"I sing of Oedipus..."
Gabrielle to old man
SINS OF THE PAST
"I sing of Atlas..."
Orion
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I sing of Sparticus..."
Orion
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I sing of David..."
Gabrielle to David
GIANT KILLER
"I sing the song of Perdicus..."
Gabrielle to Xena as Callisto
INTIMATE STRANGER

"I'm here to set things right."
Xena to the children
MORTAL BELOVED
"If I can get her to break the spell, can you set everything straight again?"
Gabrielle to Cupid
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"I want you to put things back the way they were."
Xena to Cupid
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Just put everything back to normal."
Xena to Cupid
A COMEDY OF EROS

"There must be an entire regiment in here."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"This place is crawling with guards."
Xena to Palaemon
BLIND FAITH

"Gutsy move."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRODIGAL
"I like that move."
Callisto as Xena to Xena as Callisto
INTIMATE STRANGER

"I like him."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"I like her energy."
Mezentius to Marcus re: Xena
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I like her spirit."
Talmadeus re: Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD
"I like her. Pretty and smart."
Smythe re: Mel
THE XENA SCROLLS
"I like stories."
Gabrielle to Orion
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I like this ring."
Gabrielle to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"I like the sound of it."
Orion to Gabrielle re: her name
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I like it already."
Marmax to Gabrielle re: her story
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"I like my life the way it is."
Xena to Ulysses
ULYSSES
"I like it a lot."
Euripedes to Gabrielle re: her story
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I like pain."
Velasca to Autolycus
THE QUEST
"I like to be creative in a fight."
Xena to Gabrielle
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"...to see for myself what sort of man would order the death of a defenseless child."
Re: King Gregor
CRADLE OF HOPE
"... to see for myself what kind of father would want to kill his own son."
Re: Anteus
ALTARED STATES

"This isn't over."
Maell to Xena
ALTARED STATES
"This is far from over."
Dagon to Xena
GIANT KILLER

"Surrender! I am ordering you!"
Cortese to soldiers
DEATH MASK
"Drink! I command you!"
Bacchus to Gabrielle
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

Don't you have anything carbonated?

A little blood goes a long way.



"Xerxes commands that you give up the Black Wolf by the time the sun hits the staff or you all die."
Soldier to Wolf pack
THE BLACK WOLF

"This is it."
Hercules to Xena re: opening to get to Prometheus
PROMETHEUS
"This is the place."
Xena re: cave entrance
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"Here it is."
Xena to Petracles re: back entrance to the cave
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"My wife's memory lives on in my heart."
Darius to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"We'll never be apart. He's in here (striking chest) forever."
Xena to Gabrielle
MORTAL BELOVED

"She is the very soul of goodness."
Polinios to villagers re: Xena
THE RECKONING
"See, you are a good person, Xena."
Gabrielle
PROMETHEUS
"You're a good man, Gregor."
Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"You're a good, good soul."
Xena to Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED
"You're a great king, Sisyphus. Be remembered that way."
Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS
"He's a good man."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Perdicus
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"He was a good man."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"I'm good. As good as you."
Callisto to Xena
CALLISTO
"I'm so good. When I'm bad, I'm better."
Aphrodite
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"You're so good."
Gabrielle to Xena re: knowing who Iolaus is
PROMETHEUS
"You are as good as ever, aren't you?"
Draco to Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS
"You were so brave."
Xena as Princess Diana to Philemon
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"You're so noble."
Ileandra to Sarpedon
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"You're a real hero."
Sarpedon to Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"Gabrielle, let me put your mind at rest."
Atrius to Gabrielle
ALTARED STATES
"Gabrielle, let me ease your mind."
Xena to Gabrielle
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"Kill her!"
Background voice
MORTAL BELOVED
"Kill him!"
Maell
ALTARED STATES
"Kill us."
Mesmer to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"Kill the horse!"
Background voice
THE GREATER GOOD
"Kill the beast!"
Background voice re: Phantes
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Kill them both."
Manus re: Xena and Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER
"Kill them all!"
Xena to her new army
TIES THAT BIND
"Then kill them all."
Cycnus to Sphaerus re: the villagers
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"Yes, I would have killed them all."
Xena to Gabrielle
ORPHAN OF WAR
"I'd kill them all, if I could."
Phantes to Xena re: the Amazons
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"He'll kill them all!"
Xena to Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"They're gonna kill us all!"
Soldier to Mercer re: the Horde
THE PRICE
"We're gonna kill them all!"
Xena to Athenian army re: the Horde
THE PRICE
"Those things outside will kill us all."
Xena to Menticles
THE PRICE
"Run, woman. They're trying to kill us all."
Young man to Callisto
CALLISTO

"Run for your lives?"
Andrus to the villagers
TIES THAT BIND
"Run for your pathetic lives."
Xena to soldiers
BEWARE GREEKS

Fighting for a better time slot

Many have pathetic lives when measured against that of the Warrior Princess.


"You made me."
Callisto to Xena
CALLISTO
"I created her."
Cortese to Malik
DEATH MASK
"I had it created for you."
Ares to Xena re: Kirilus' army
TIES THAT BIND

"That you can find goodness in unlikely places?"
Gabrielle to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"The best of friends are made in strange situations."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE GREATER GOOD

"People like these used to be my victims."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD
"I used to want to see that look of fear and hatred on their faces. It meant I was doing my job right."
Xena to Gabrielle
CALLISTO

"I hope you are happy with yourself."
Polonius to Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I hope you find your happiness."
Darius to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"I hope you find peace."
Gabrielle to Melas
CALLISTO
Gabrielle to Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

"It's hard to be alone."
Xena at Lyseus' tomb
SINS OF THE PAST
"You're not alone."
Gabrielle to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST

"Hey there. Don't I know you?"
Old man to Gabrielle
THE PRODIGAL
"Do you know me?"
Mesmer to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"Do you know who I am?"
Cecrops to Xena
LOST MARINER
"You know my name?"
Karas to Celesta
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I know who you are."
Perdicus to Gabrielle
BEWARE GREEKS
"Do you know him?"
Gabrielle to Xena re: Iolaus
PROMETHEUS
"Do you know Malthus?"
Xena to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"I know you, you're Atrius."
Andrus
TIES THAT BIND
"I know you, you're Xena."
Soldier outside temple
REMEMBER NOTHING

"Some guys never give up."
Xena to Toxeus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Xena, don't you ever give up?"
Hesiod
THE TITANS
"Give up on me, Ares. I'm never coming back."
Xena to Ares
TIES THAT BIND
"Ares, the answer is 'No'."
Xena to Ares
INTIMATE STRANGER
THE XENA SCROLLS

"I've got a job for you."
Xena to Salmoneus
THE BLACK WOLF
"I've got a little job for you."
Kirilus to Tarkis
TIES THAT BIND

"Come here. Put your head down."
Xena to Gabrielle re: relieving a bad headache
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"It'll ease your breathing. Lean forward."
Xena to Anteus
ALTARED STATES
"Relax and breathe."
Xena to one of the assassins
PROMETHEUS
"Breathe, breathe."
Gabrielle to a wounded soldier
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Gabrielle, breathe. Come on. Come on. Breathe, breathe. Maybe she just needs air."
Xena
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

"Pick your first weapon."
Ephiny to Gabrielle
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Choose the weapons."
Draco to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST
"Choose your weapon, Xena."
Melosa
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Choose your weapon or choose your champion."
Ephiny to Gabrielle
HOOVES AND HARLOTS

I guess you *aren't* happy to see me!

Ephiny and Phantes eventually settled down.


"His army would chop you into little pieces."
Xena to the Centaurs
ORPHAN OF WAR
"She would chop you into little pieces..."
Xena to Gabrielle
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"Tell Hades to prepare himself."
Xena
DESTINY
"Tell Hades I'll be dropping by soon."
Velasca to Gabrielle
A NECESSARY EVIL

"What a lovely day for a blood-bath."
Callisto to Xena & Gabrielle
A NECESSARY EVIL
"A lovely day for an execution, don't you think?"
Rena
THE EXECUTION

"Don't give me any trouble."
Zealot to Zora
ALTARED STATES
"You cause any trouble while I'm gone, and you'll see more of the old Xena than you ever wanted."
Xena to Hesiod
THE TITANS
"We don't want any trouble with you, Xena."
Gabrielle's father
SINS OF THE PAST
"We don't want any more trouble."
Horseman to Xena
TIES THAT BIND
"Callisto, spare us. We don't want any trouble."
Fish merchant to Xena as Callisto
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"We have no argument with you, Velasca."
Solari
A NECESSARY EVIL
"Give us any more trouble and we'll settle this now."
Soldier to Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"I won't give you anymore trouble."
Meleager to Xena
THE EXECUTION

"You despise us. You spit on us."
Phantes to Ephiny
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"You despise this."
Marmax to Ephiny
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"You may despise me, Xena, but a godhood is a sacred trust."
Ares to Xena as Callisto
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"I know that you don't think very much of me."
Joxer to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"I know I'm not the most popular person right now, but I'm not the one who betrayed you."
Xena to the Wolf pack
THE BLACK WOLF
"You don't like me very much, do you?"
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"Those guys don't like you very much, Ulysses."
Xena re: pirates
ULYSSES

"Did you get a good laugh, Xena?"
Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Come to get a laugh at my expense?"
Joxer to Xena
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"If you've come to gloat, save it."
Cecrops to Poseidon
LOST MARINER

"I have the rest of my life to mourn."
Gabrielle to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"We have the rest of our lives for this."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION

"Don't give up on love."
Marcus to Xena
MORTAL BELOVED
"You'll find love again."
Xena to Ulysses
ULYSSES
"He'll learn to love her again."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Ulysses and Penelope
ULYSSES

"He's dead."
Xena re: a member of Deiphobus' personal guard
BEWARE GREEKS
"She's dead."
Hippocrates to Xena re: Gabrielle
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"She's gone."
Gabrielle to Iolaus re: Xena
THE QUEST

"Touch the earth for me."
Hidsim to Cecrops
LOST MARINER
"Touch her and die."
Draco to Pinullus re: Gabrielle
A COMEDY OF EROS

"I want to speak on his behalf."
Xena to Hades re: Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED
"I want to talk about what's in his heart."
Xena to Hades re: Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED

"I've come to my senses."
King Gregor to Nemos
CRADLE OF HOPE
"I am more myself than I've ever been."
Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"I am more myself than ever."
Xena to Gabrielle
REMEMBER NOTHING

Please don't hate me because I'm insensitive

Even in an alternative timeline, Xena cannot allow anyone to mess with her best friend.


"Show me that again."
Gabrielle to Eponin re: twirling a staff
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Teach me how to use it!"
Gabrielle to Xena re: a sword
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"Teach me how you did that."
Xena to M'Lila re: the pinch
DESTINY

"Time to feed the animals."
One soldier to another re: Wolf pack
THE BLACK WOLF
"Time to eat, pigs."
Jailer to Callisto's men
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"Are you saying this for my good or yours?"
Xena to Kaleipus
ORPHAN OF WAR
"Are you complaining?"
Xena to Caesar re: her dress
DESTINY
"You calling me a liar?"
Xena to Joxer
A COMEDY OF EROS

"There are so many things I wish I could tell her."
Gabrielle to Iolaus
THE QUEST
"There are so many things I want to say to you."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE QUEST

"Stand your ground!"
Callisto as Xena to her army amidst chaos in the cave
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Come back!"
Janice to the workers amidst the chaos after a worker is knifed
THE XENA SCROLLS

"This love stuff is a real pain."
Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS
"You've got a snowball's chance in Tartarus with me! You got that?!"
Xena to Hower
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"So, let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses. You're not my type."
Xena
ULYSSES
"Well, isn't that just a typical man."
Xena to Ulysses
ULYSSES
"Well, ain't love a bitch."
Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS

"I don't know what else to do."
Part of Xena's prayer for Gabrielle
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"There was nothing I could do."
Xena to Orpheus
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
"There's nothing you could have done."
Gabrielle to Ephiny re: saving Phantes
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"What am I to do?"
Galen re: saving the temple
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"What else can I do?"
Lord Clarion re: keeping the pageant safe
HERE SHE COMES ...
"What else would you have me do?"
Sisyphus to Karas
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Tell us what to do, Xena."
A soldier
THE PRICE
"There is only one thing left to do."
Town leader re: thanking Meleager
THE PRODIGAL
"There was only one thing left to do."
Toris to Xena re: taking Cortese to the grave
DEATH MASK

"Don't let them die at a lost cause."
Xena to Gabrielle
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"Don't let this woman die at a lost cause."
Poseidon to Ulysses
ULYSSES

"Hey, boys. Want to play?"
Xena
TIES THAT BIND
"Hey, boys. Let's toy with the brat for awhile."
Xena
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"Hey, boys. Do you know where I can find some real men?"
Gabrielle to the pirates
ULYSSES
"Hey, boys. I want in on the fun, too."
Xena to the pirates
ULYSSES
"Hey, girls. Sorry to break up the party."
Xena to Bacchae
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
"You see, I can play, too."
Xena to M'Lila
DESTINY

"Fools!"
Toxeus to his men
DEATH IN CHAINS
"You fool!"
Menelaus to soldier
BEWARE GREEKS
"You are all fools."
Velasca to the Amazons
A NECESSARY EVIL

"You can run, but you can't hide."
Minya to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"You can run, Xena. but you can't hide."
Ares
THE XENA SCROLLS
"You can't hide from me, Gabrielle."
Velasca
A NECESSARY EVIL

What happens when that whitening toothpaste gets on your eyes

Everyone seemed to be after Xena ... except Velasca.
She had someone completely different in her sights.



"You can't hide those virgins forever."
Draco to Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS

"I'm counting on you."
Callisto to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"I'm counting on you to turn that little peasant trash into a queen."
Apex to Vidalis re: Gabrielle
BLIND FAITH
"I count on it!"
Xena to Julius Caesar time in the hot spring
DESTINY

"I'm not leaving you."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE PRICE
"You do what you have to do, but we'll walk down that road together."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE PRICE

"And it's going to get worse."
Xena to the villagers
THE TITANS
"It's going to get worse before it gets better."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD
"Things are gonna to get worse especially with what I have to do to get us out of here."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE
"You're getting worse."
Gabrielle to Xena
DESTINY
"She's getting weaker?"
Gabrielle to Autolycus
THE QUEST

"Hey. Check this out."
One soldier to another re: pretty girl
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"Check it out."
Xena to Gabrielle at the end of the episode
BLIND FAITH

"He lost too much blood. It's as simple as that."
Xena to Galen
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"It is so simple. You do one thing, one good thing for no other reason than you know it's right."
Xena to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"It's that simple."
King Sisyphus re: how to win Ares' sword
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"It's as simple as that."
Xena to Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"That's it ,then. We lost."
Ephiny re: Velasca getting to the ambrosia
THE QUEST
"I've got news for you, Xena. She's already won."
Gabrielle
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"I guess Callisto won, after all."
Gabrielle to Xena
INTIMATE STRANGER
"You win. Orion quit the competition and left for home."
Polonius to Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY

"When Gabrielle has her mind set on something, nothing can change it."
Xena to Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"When the Goddess of Love decides to do something petty and spiteful, she can be a tad difficult to reason with."
Cupid to Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"When Xena says stay put, she means right where she left us."
Gabrielle to Meleager
THE EXECUTION

"I bet that doesn't sit to well with the rich slave traders of Liberium."
Xena to King Lias
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"I bet I can guess."
Xena to King Silvus re: Bah, humbug answer
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"I bet you know all about conquests."
Julius Caesar to Xena
DESTINY
"I bet you won't fight me again because you know I'd win."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH

"From this moment on, I am no longer subordinate to old men in white robes. I am their rival."
Julius Caesar to Brutus
DESTINY
"I was once your subject. Now I am your equal and your enemy."
Velasca re: Artemis
A NECESSARY EVIL

"Where is Xena?"
Talmadeus to Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"Where's Gabrielle?"
Xena as Callisto to Callisto as Xena
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Where's my friend?"
Gabrielle to Cecrops
LOST MARINER
"Where's Joxer?"
Xena to Gabrielle
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Where is he?"
Gabrielle to soldier re: his son
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Where is he now?"
Xena to Marcus re: Atyminius
MORTAL BELOVED
"Where is it?"
Hades to Xena re: the helmet
MORTAL BELOVED
"Where's your woman?"
Magmar to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"Where's the Amazon?"
Pinullus to Draco
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Where's the profit?
Brisus to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

Before dating that chick on MOONLIGHTING

Amazing Fact #134: Although Brisus and Philemon are spitting images of each other they are not related!



"Where's the profit in that?"
Draco to Xena re: doing good
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Where's the money?"
Gabrielle to Peranis
THE RECKONING
"Where's my money?"
Meleager to the town leader
THE PRODIGAL
"Where's my sword?"
Xena
BLIND FAITH
"Where's Helen?"
Xena to Gabrielle
BEWARE GREEKS
"Where is she? Where's Helen?"
Menelaus to his soldier
BEWARE GREEKS
"Where's Paris and Helen?"
Gabrielle to Xena
BEWARE GREEKS
"Where's Toris?"
Gabrielle to Sera
DEATH MASK
"Where is Queen Melosa?"
Gabrielle to Ephiny
THE QUEST
"Where's Minya?"
Gabrielle to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"Where's Sarpedon?"
King Barus to servant boy
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"Where are the doctors?"
Gabrielle to soldier
THE PRICE
"Where is the fruit of the gods?"
Velasca to Autolycus and Gabrielle
THE QUEST
"Where is that lava pit you want me to dump her in?"
Callisto to Xena re: Velasca
A NECESSARY EVIL
"Where's the child?"
King Gregor to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Where's the owner of this horse?"
Gabrielle to the blacksmith
THE BLACK WOLF
"Where's the challenge in killing you now?"
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"Where is Death?"
Old woman to Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Where were we?"
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"Where are you?"
Gabrielle to the virgins
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Cortese, where are you?"
Toris where the archers are practicing
DEATH MASK

"Post archers on every gate and parapet. If Xena shows, kill her."
Arbus to his men
THE EXECUTION
"Keep an eye on Gabrielle. If I give the word, kill anything near her."
Xena to soldier
THE PRICE

"Gabrielle, you are a gift to me."
Xena
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"Gabrielle, you've been so good for me."
Xena
ULYSSES
"It doesn't matter how valuable they are as long as it's priceless to you."
Gabrielle to Meleager re: his trinkets
THE EXECUTION
"That's the only way to judge beauty. Not by the price, but how it touches the soul."
Gabrielle to Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"I don't have a soft spot for you like Draco."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"I'm not out of control like Callisto."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"My nephew, Ares, has a fondness for you."
Poseidon to Xena
ULYSSES

"Now, take this sword, get back on that wall, and do your job. 'Cause what they might do to you is nothing compared to what I'll do."
Xena to soldier
THE PRICE
"Your curse is nothing compared to the satisfaction I will have when she... is... mine."
Poseidon to Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"Rizzo is the coolest part of the whole thing."
Lucy Lawless
"You could do Broadway. You've got a beautiful voice."
Rosie O'Donnell
THE ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW (8-16-96)
"After you've saved the world, conquering Broadway, no sweat. Rizzo in Grease right?"
Charlie Gibson
"Yeah. I've got a lot of work to do, but uh, I'm up for it. It's a childhood dream for me to do Broadway."
Lucy Lawless
GOOD MORNING AMERICA (5-1-97)

"You can't make peace with war-makers."
Xena to Darius
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"We need peace makers not warriors."
Tynus to Darius
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"I don't want to learn to kill. I want to learn to survive."
Gabrielle to Xena
DREAMWORKER

Is this thing on?

Gabrielle learns how to survive in DREAMWORKER.


"She had the child. She had the box."
Nemos to King Gregor
CRADLE OF HOPE
"We have the box, we know you want it. You have the child, we want him."
Nemos to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Did you bring the box?"
Xena to Nemos
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Did you bring the child?"
Nemos to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Pandora's grandmother was cursed because of this. And then Pandora was blessed because of it."
Gabrielle to Xena re: the box
CRADLE OF HOPE
"We've got the baby. We've got the box. Let's get out of here!"
Gabrielle to Xena and Pandora
CRADLE OF HOPE
"I'm getting in there, getting the girl, getting out."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Why not just get a grip, save the girls, and go?"
Gabrielle to Joxer re: Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS
"What do I have that Xena could possibly want?"
Mezentius
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

"Centaurs aren't known for their stupidity."
Xena to Phantes
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Amazons aren't know for asking questions."
Phantes to Xena
HOOVES AND HARLOTS

"You can go, Xena, but don't come back."
Tyldus
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"You've grown up."
Xena to Flora
THE BLACK WOLF
"You've grown legendary."
Flora to Xena
THE BLACK WOLF

"The times change people."
Flora to Xena
THE BLACK WOLF
"And people change the times."
Xena to Flora
THE BLACK WOLF

"The very least, she failed. The most, she betrayed you."
Koulos to Xerxes re: Xena
THE BLACK WOLF
"Any friend of that trader, Xena, is an enemy of mine."
Big man to Salmoneus
THE BLACK WOLF

"If he dies, you die."
Tyldus to Xena
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"If she dies, you die."
Xena to Thersites
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"If Xena wins, I die."
Sisyphus to Karas
DEATH IN CHAINS
"If I die, I'll never talk to you again."
Gabrielle to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"It's not that I don't trust you. It's what I trust you to do."
Xena to Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"You go left. I'll go right."
Xena to Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"You go left. We'll go right."
Gabrielle to Meleager
THE PRODIGAL

"Time is short and the price of failure is high."
Hades to Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Time is the one thing I don't have."
Xena to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Time is the only thing you have."
Sisyphus to Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS

"We saved you. You owe us."
Gabrielle to Celesta
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Making war is simple. Making peace is never easy."
Xena to Tyldus and Phantes
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Old enemies, new friends."
Tyldus to Xena
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"Everything I know, you know."
Gabrielle to Xena
HOOVES AND HARLOTS

"I allowed myself to get captured to get Flora out."
Xena to Diomedes
THE BLACK WOLF
"Where would I go? What would I do?"
Helen to Xena
BEWARE GREEKS
"If you had a little more character stuff and a little less action, you might live through the competition."
Gabrielle to Stallonus
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY

Chug!  Chug!  Chug!

Athens Academy was one of the first schools to have co-ed housing.



"It's not a piece of jewelry. It's a weapon."
Xena to Princess Diana re: her chakram
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"I can't be Xena because I'm not Xena."
Princess Diana to Gabrielle
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"I suspect he left the same way you came in."
Hades to Xena re: Toxeus
MORTAL BELOVED
"You'll be together again one day."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED
"We'll never be apart."
Xena to Gabrielle
MORTAL BELOVED
"Not easy to catch, but not impossible."
Autolycus to Xena and Gabrielle
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES

"You are beautiful."
Gabrielle to Xena
ALTARED STATES
"You are drugged."
Xena to Gabrielle
ALTARED STATES
"You speak to me. I speak to Cortese."
Malik to Toris
DEATH MASK
"You stayed because you cared for us all. I left because... I was afraid I would die!"
Toris to Xena
DEATH MASK

"If you cut it off, the man will live. If you don't, he'll die."
Xena re: soldier's leg
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"I don't know whether to thank you or hate you."
Gabrielle to Xena
REMEMBER NOTHING

"If Xena trusts you, I trust you."
Princess Diana to Agis
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"She's no threat, if we're no threat."
Thoedorus to his men re: Callisto as Xena
INTIMATE STRANGER
"If I can't do, you can't."
Janice to Mel
THE XENA SCROLLS
"If I can't have the head that I want, I'll take four that I didn't."
Marleus to Thersites
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"She's here, somewhere."
Xena to Joxer re: Gabrielle
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
"There you are."
Gabrielle to Xena
HERE SHE COMES ...
"There she is!"
Caesar's men re: Xena
DESTINY

"Beauty is beauty."
Gabrielle to Xena
HERE SHE COMES ...
"Peace is peace."
Xena to Gabrielle
HERE SHE COMES ...

"They were perfectly matched. Now they're perfectly dead."
Two warlords
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"She walked out on me just as I am walking out on you right now."
King Silvus to 2nd Fate
A SOLSTICE CAROL

"We're here to stop a war."
Xena to Gabrielle
HERE SHE COMES ...
"You are here to celebrate the peace and work together."
Gabrielle to The Dodge of Mesini
HERE SHE COMES ...

"This is my destiny. You're a part of it and I'm a part of yours."
Julius Caesar to Xena
DESTINY

"We want to pay our respects."
Thugs to Gabrielle
THE QUEST
"We want Xena to pay our way."
Thugs to Gabrielle
THE QUEST

"Let go and hold on."
Xena's spirit to Autolycus
THE QUEST
"To fight an immortal, I need an immortal."
Xena to Gabrielle
A NECESSARY EVIL
"You want Gabrielle. I want Xena."
Callisto to Velasca
A NECESSARY EVIL
"Is it too hot?" "No, it's just right."
Minya & Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"You're a sidekick without a hero, and I'm a hero without a sidekick."
Joxer to Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"What's he got that I haven't got?"
Sarpedon
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"He's a child who needs a father to love. You're a father who needs a child to love."
Xena to King Gregor
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Love is soft and gentle. It's not violent and cruel."
Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"I'm not a sidekick. I'm a hero."
Joxer to Gabrielle
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"Whatever he did, I'm sure he didn't do it."
Gabrielle to Judge Arbus re: Meleager
THE EXECUTION

This is another fine mess you've gotten me into

Gabrielle and Meleager bond further in THE EXECUTION.


"I can't let you stop me."
Meleager to Xena
THE EXECUTION
"I can't let you get away."
Xena to Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"You didn't kill that man... I did."
Xena to Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"What the king needs, the king gets."
Apex to Gabrielle
BLIND FAITH

"What a man."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Ulysses
ULYSSES
"What a woman."
Ulysses to Gabrielle re: Xena
ULYSSES
"What a guy."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Joxer
A COMEDY OF EROS

"If they can't see, we can't see."
Menticles to Xena
THE PRICE
"There are no good choices, only lesser degrees of evil."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE
"If I defeat their leader, I defeat their army."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE
"Mordacai wanted her alive, but we'll take her dead, if we have to."
Vasculis to his men re: Xena
LOST MARINER
"Even as she grows older, she grows more beautiful."
Cecrops to Gabrielle re: Terai
LOST MARINER
"Either you were lying to her then or you're lying to yourself now."
Xena to Cecrops
LOST MARINER
"This isn't a curse to you, it's justice."
Xena to Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"This is crazy."
Gabrielle to Xena re: being so worked up about Draco
A COMEDY OF EROS
"This is crazy."
Xena to Gabrielle re: being in love with Joxer
A COMEDY OF EROS

"I did, so can he."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Draco changing
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Instead of hurting people, I'll try and help them."
Draco to Gabrielle
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Your kingdom needs you. Your wife needs you."
Xena to Ulysses
ULYSSES

"Go home before something happens to you."
Gabrielle to Perdicus
BEWARE GREEKS
"Go home, gallant warrior."
Joxer to Sarpedon
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"Go home, Ulysses."
Xena
ULYSSES
"I'm home."
Ulysses
ULYSSES

"She thinks I'm the most... just the most boring woman on earth."
Lucy re: her daughter
ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT (4-25-97)
"She thinks her mother is the most boring woman on earth."
Lucy to Charlie Gibson re: her daughter
GOOD MORNING AMERICA (5-1-97)

"Good-bye, fellows!"
Xena escaping the cave with Solon
ORPHAN OF WAR
"Good-bye, boys!"
Xena escaping Mezentius' castle via the chimney
REMEMBER NOTHING

Look, up in the sky! It's...

Was this a cool scene or what???.




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