BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN

HI KIDS...LAURA SUE IS BACK after a few weeks off from my duties as Whoosh gossip queen and let me tell ya..I'm EXHAUSTED! You must pardon me if I ramble a bit. I trucked my little old tuchus out to the Big Apple (having already bought my tickets back when Ms. Lawless was doing her New York tour), only to find out that Lucy has gone grocery shopping at MY OLD SUPERMARKET! Oh the irony! Oh the pain! I think I'm having frustrated stalker syndrome...I mean I come all that way and she ends up running around and buying cabbage only a few blocks away from my ratty little (I mean, COZY) studio apartment in Studio City (She WAS buying cabbage right? That IS what it looked like from the photos, right?? Good girl..keep up the fiber..but now we know where all those fart jokes came from this season) . Oh well, I had fun in New York anyway...I spent some quality time with my Mastercard and a few good friends.

They are truly a wacky crowd in that city. On June 25th a huge crowd of people (organized by those three mentally unstable women who run Xena Night at Meow Mix) will be dressing up and marching in the Gay Pride Parade as the NYC Marching Xenas. They claim you don't have to be gay to join them, just really really really happy. Sounds like fun!

NEWS GOSSIP RUMORS

DEEP THOUGHT PROVOKING QUESTIONS

I keep getting all these questions, questions, questions from eager fans!!! Why didn't Lucy Lawless go to New York? Is she going back to New Zealand for a super secret Renee O'Connor wedding? What's the secret of cold fusion? Well to answer the first question..to go SHOPPING! Didn't everyone see all those photos of Lucy and Julius hitting the mall? Why go all the way to New York (which, by the way..has some FABULOUS places to buy shoes!) when you can go shopping right here in LA. Second off, she didn't go back to New Zealand that week..and isn't going to marry Renee (despite what you might make of Xena and Gabrielle's relationship) - oh...wait..you all want to know if Renee got married to Steve Muir yet? Sorry, I told you I was tired. I've talked to a few people and, no...she's not officially married yet (Renee..not Lucy, Lucy is married to Rob Tapert..oh nevermind!!) Finally, to answer about cold fusion. I don't know what all those silly scientists are always on about. Cold fusion is so simple. I know someone who once fused her rather cold exposed behind to her rather cold car in sub zero (rather cold) weather. Cold fusion is really easy when you know how!

HEAVY PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING

Another reason why Lucy stayed in Los Angeles is her intense involuntary desire to steal slippers from swanky hotels (as proven by her great heist of 60 or so slippers from Trump Plaza last year). Our gal spent the evening of April 21st at a super chic party to celebrate the opening of another one of those trendy boutique hotels, the W LOS ANGLELES. The place was packed with Hollywood luminaries such as Lesley Ann Warren, Bijou Phillips, Peta Wilson (wonder which pair of NIKITA's 2,000 sunglasses she wore??), Jennifer Tilly, Stephen Baldwin (I think I dated a Baldwin once..aren't there 2,000 of them, too?), James & Scott Caan, Tom Sizemore, and Scott Baio (he's still around?). You just KNOW that Lucy was sneaking around the rooms trying to score slippers, tiny soap and toilet paper. I hear it's a clinical condition so let's all be understanding, M'kay?

MELISSA GOOD WRITES 20 PART EPISODE FOR XWP

Okay, I'm only joking..it's a regular size episode..but isn't it FABULOUS? Missy Good, the highly popular and prolific fan fiction writer has actually written an episode for Xena: Warrior Princess! How totally cool! The episode is currently named "Legacy" and Melissa has finished it up and handed it over after many story meetings. Yay Missy! Seems this brainstorm came from Rob Tapert himself, who got the inside scoop on grabbing Miss Good (hmm..Miss Good..sounds a little like a Bond girl..so exotic sounding...) from Steve Sears.

It's a great idea. You know, Star Trek was the first to do this by having fans pitch episodes and then maybe one or two a year being chosen a year to write up a script. What's really unique about this is that they came to Missy..not the other way around. Now if they would only cast me in a small but pithy and recurring roll they would get EVERYTHING right! Yoo hoo! I'm over here Rob! In the bikini and thong over by Charlie Sheen's pool!

I AM, by the way, going to be actually getting to stay in the big house and house sit while Charlie's off shooting a movie this summer. This is fine since my fantasies about living in the pool cabana and admiring some really hot pool boy isn't really happening. The pool guy is a 55 year old guy with a beer gut named Mortie. You can't always get what you want.

TIGHT LIPS AND LOOSE SECURITY

Who the heck is letting people wander off with these casting scripts?? First an Anthony and Cleopatra script shows up on E-bay a while back, and NOW we have this little entry up there:

"An original casting script for the upcoming Xena, Warrior Princess episode titled "Heart of Darkness". Xena and Gabrielle face down Lucifer himself, who has been sent to Earth to fulfill the prophecy of Xena's enternal damnation! This casting script is for several parts within the story arc and comes from one of the agencies who submitted actors for the roles."

You know, I've had to give back every single casting script I've ever read, such as: Dawson's Creek, Felicity, Popular, When Pets Attack (don't ask)..how do they get away with one of these? Are they wrapping it in plastic and eating it to secret it out? I bet this makes you rethink bidding on it now, doesn't it? EEEWWWWW.

Meanwhile I can't get a PEEP out of people over at Ren Pics. I could ply them with booze, wear revealing dresses, offer them financial gain (okay, I'm broke, I'd just have to give them my Valpack coupons) and NADA..nothing,zip! Nobody is saying anything! This is extremely frustrating for a gal who lives on gossip..I'm withering away..send gossip now!! Clap your hands if you believe in under employed actresses!

BACK TO BACK ACTION UPDATES

Looks like Danielle Cormack is back again on Cleo as Raina..and Joel Tobeck is back as Creegan..great for all these Xena/Herc alums that it looks like Back to Back has been renewed for next year. I DID hear however that there were some early rumblings about Cleopatra 2525 getting renewed and NOT Jack of All Trades..but it appears that they are both going to be in production again. (Good for Bruce Cambell..I hear he's having a real ball playing opposite his costar..in so many words).

Is it me or are the majority of the costumes on that show being purchased at racy leather and fetish wear stores? Every time I tune in someone's got nipple rings and something harness-like on, and bicycle seats (??) are missing, and chains and gags and being worn like so many cumberbunds at tacky weddings! Laura Sue is shocked and sending a letter off right now to the wardrobe people. They are accessorizing those outfits all wrong.

YOU LEFT HERCULES FOR THIS?

Former Herc star Kevin Sorbo started filming his new series, Andromeda (another idea pulled from the crypt of Gene Roddenberry..did that man EVER sleep? No wonder he's dead..he worked too much...) in Vancouver this week. Here's a quick rundown of the show: Kevin has short hair, it's a science fiction thing so he'll probably be wearing a practical one piece jumpsuit in a suitably drab futuristic color, and he will live on a sentient ship named "Andy" who can project herself into the form of a chick. Sounds like someone's fantasy. Not mine..the closest thing I have to a ship is my jeep and with my luck she'd project herself into the form of my mother and drive me insane. One can only hope for more complex plotlines other than what Andy is wearing and whether she needs an oil change. I thought he wanted to leave New Zealand so he could work in the US? Oh well..Canada is a little closer I guess..and they have marvelous bacon. Isn't William Shatner Canadian? I guess this has some kind of cosmic closure if you squint your eyes up and look at the whole situation really blurry. Whatever.

THE FINALE AND SEASON 6

Well, I guess you could say there's some spoilers below so just look away till you hit MERCHANDISE if you wanna be safe.

Thank the gods (or lack thereof) that we don't have another cliff hanger this year! I couldn't take another summer of depression or endless speculation over how they were going to come back to life YET again!

Looks like the 25 year time jump will still be with us next year. Is it me or do you think someone got things mixed up with Cleopatra 2525? I mean, freezing and coming back to life in the future? Next thing you know Xena will start hearing Voice and Gabby will start screaming every three seconds. I guess it's a great way to get new characters and kick start the writers (and so much less painfull than actually using spurs). We shall see. Eve will be in at least three episodes, and Virgil is being set up as her love interest so we'll see more of Mr. Lee as well (insert kitty growl here). My heartfelt sympathy to all you Joxer fans out there...I heard a rumor however that Ted Raimi might be showing up on JACK OF ALL TRADES. It seems to make perfect sense...no?

MERCHANDISE ALERT

As you know, I've been trying desperately to find out more information about the new Xena DVDs. Well, someone forwarded me a snippet from the Xenaverse list that has so much information,that I'm just going to quote it here. My apologies to the originator of this post, I don't know who it is (drop Laura Sue a line so I can go in and credit you, OK?)

Here's what this informative individual had to say about the DVD's

"I have good news and bad news regarding the DVD.

GOOD NEWS:
The good news is it played perfectly on my DVD-ROM drive. In fact, there was no message from the DVD player indicating this was Region 2. It played exactly like all my Region 1 DVDs. The even better good news is that it is visually and sonically excellent.

BAD NEWS:
The bad news: NO CHAPTER STOPS MENU! The idiots. It's unbelievable they have the nerve to produce a DVD without a simple chapter stops menu, showing you the opening scene of each chapter on the DVD. It's a standard feature on 99.9% of all DVDs. This is not to say there aren't chapter stops recorded on the DVD itself, there's just not a visible and useful menu showing where they are. The Avengers DVDs have them, as do the Star Trek original series DVDs. But neither this Xena DVD, nor the Herc Xena-trilogy DVD has them.

The other bad news is for Megalion the MAD Capper, who wrote:

"However, I'm spitting mad about the Avengers because A & E couldn't see fit to caption or subtitle these discs which makes them 100% inacessible to me as a deaf person....I'm confident that Renaisssance will not pull that crap."

Well, guess what, Renaissance did indeed pull that crap - no subtitles, no captioning. Bad news for the deaf. And for people like me who like to check what the script is when I can't make out the dialog that clearly. (Lucy often speaks with a soft, breathy quality that sometimes makes it hard to understand what she said.)

They also screwed up on Lucy's biography on the DVD, saying Daisy was born in 1998. That would make her 2 years old. And they screwed up on Renee's biography, called her "Renee O'conner". The Picture Gallery contains only 17 photos, and they display on a small screen within the picture frame, rather than fill up the entire screen. The photos aren't even "photo-quality": they're too contrasty and dull-looking, not DVD-quality. And that's it for extras: a brief bio for Lucy and Renee, and 17 photos.

I give this DVD 2 stars out of five. If they really want to sell these suckers, they need to add more features: subtitles, behind-the-scenes info that fans want to see, better quality photos, a chapter menu. Maybe even a blooper section, storyboards, FX stuff, etc. These aren't much to ask for, considering they're generally standard on all other DVDs. "

Here are the Xena-related merchandise items in the May issue of PREVIEWS Magazine/Catalog.

1)XENA MAGAZINE FEATURING HERCULES # 10 - US$5.99 2)XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS #11 COMIC - US$2.95 3)XENA: "RETURN OF CALLISTO" SCRIPT - US$15.00 4)XENA EMBOSSED LOGO BLACK DENIM JACKET - US$135.00 5)XENA "HANDS-ON" PHOTO SET - US$25.00 6)XENA "JUST HORSIN" AROUND" PHOTO SET - US$25.00 7) XENA CALLISTO WARRIOR QUEEN POSTER - US$10.00 8) XENA GABRIELLE BARD POSTER - US$10.00

LETTERS TO LAURA SUE

Hi,

I just came upon your site. It was very interesting. Since reading some of the questions you answered maybe you can answer this. Why is it that XWP hasn't been recognized by Emmy for at least Sound, Special Effects or something? I realize it comes on odd stations but other shows on there stations are excepted. I did see that it was nominated on the New TV Guide awards. I voted for it. It was under the Sci-fi catagory.

Anything you can share about it? What do we have to do to get it recongized? And what can we do about a 7th season?????????????? Thanks for your time. I'll keep checking the site for the news....

Janet
North Carolina

Dear Janet,

In order to get a 7th season, you would buy candy every single day for every person who works on the show for the next 2 years. Seriously, the only way they'd do another season is if Lucy and Renee said they wanted to do it..and they don't (not even for hot fudge sundaes).

Xena doesn't get awards because ya gotta have a big heavy inside player with the Academy to win. This means networks, baby! Xena is a syndicated show, which means it gets made by somebody with no ties to any big network guys smoking big cigars and having lunch with academy members. It gets shown by different networks in different markets at different times. You didn't really think people get awards because they are the best, did you? It's all about money, markteting, and who knows who. Otherwise there is NO WAY Marisa Tomei could have beaten Miranda Richardson for that Oscar!

I'm not bitter..I'm just drawn that way...

-Laura Sue

This won't be too long... I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your work. I am in the military and spent the last year in Kosovo. While I couldn't watch Xena on T.V. I was able to experience the episodes and gossip vicariously through you. Excellent work both past, present, and I hope the future. Also, I grew up in Leavenworth, KS. Small world.

Thanks again, Kim

My Dearest Kim,

Thanks, sweetie. Now I feel like I'm actually doing something with a purpose! I feel like I'm working a USO tour for the troops (which, who knows, I may do in the future! I've got just the star spangled tap outfit for the act!) I'm glad Whoosh and me, your little old Kansas sistah, were there for ya babe. One thing about us Kansas girls, we know how to survive boredom and keep our hairdoes intact in high winds...your resourcefullness during your Xena drought proves this!

big hugs to a gal in uniform,

Laura Sue

Dear LauraSue,

Just had to let you know how much I enjoy your 'News and Rumor' writing on the Whoosh site. You are an awesome humorist. And hope the best for you in your acting career. Maybe you should come to Chicago. There might be a second part to the 'Xena:Live' play that closed here this month. And there are more and more films being shot here on location. Lots of open auditions for those too. Well, keep up the good work. And thanks again.

Later, Sandi

Dear Sandi,

Thanks Sweetie! I don't know WHY, however, I'd want a part in a play that just closed (g). Chicago is a great town..but I'm madly in love with LA. I love running into people here..I love my jeep (occassionally I've been known to combine these two things), I love the beach, and I love all the movie theaters out here. You have to follow your dream (or at least, follow some other really rich person's dream...)

Thanks for saying such nice things and scouting for me..your check's in the mail...

Laura Sue



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