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"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

-- First line from a bad novel

"You can show a lady with her hands tied. You can show a naked lady. But you cannot show a naked lady with her hands tied -- that's 'bondage,' and is not allowed across the border."

-- Darrell Benvenuto at Vision Entertainment, explaining Canadian customs law, 2000

"There aren't that many Canadians left. There's only 25,000, um, 25 million left... we were once 30 million but most people fled the country because they were tired of listening to Celine Dion music."

-- Jason Priestly 09/20/00

Hugh: Don't touch me, I'm a doctor.
Judge Maxwell: Of what?
Hugh: Music.
Judge Maxwell: Can you fix a hi-fi?
Hugh: No.
Judge Maxwell: Then shut up!

-- WHAT'S UP, DOC (Peter Bogdanovich, 1972)

Here, here! You oughtn't to do a thing like that: going around tying defenseless people to railroad tracks. [Taking off his hat] It's not the Canadian Way."

--Dudley Do-Right, animated Canadian Mountie

I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled. I don't know Jimmy, Sally, or Suzie from Canada, although I'm certain they're really really nice. I have a prime minister. Not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it 'about', not 'a boot'. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace-keeping, not policing. Diversity, not assimilation. And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. A tuque is a hat! A Chesterfield is a couch! And it is pronounced 'zed'! Not 'zee'! 'Zed'! Canada is the second largest land mass! The first nation of hockey! And the best part of North America! My name is Joe! And I! Am! Canadian! Thank you.

--Joe, the Canadian, on a Molson's commercial, Spring 2000

What the online Xena fans think of the show is of no meaning or value to the making of the show. Writing long analysis of plots, "fan fiction" and poems about the characters of a TV show is a silly, stupid waste of time, and the people that do such things are not worth listening to. As I've said before, the online Xena fans don't amount to 1% of the viewing audience, so who cares what they think? Not me. Not to mention that I'm not working on the show anymore, so cares what I think? Xena's old news anyway and will more than likely will end at the end of this next season. I certainly don't "hate" the online Xena fans, I'm just bored by them and do not need anymore pushy, obnoxious letters from any of them.

-- Josh Becker, sometime director of Xena: Warrior Princess, and he's from Michigan too! June 2000