_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** P.O. Box 7822 Oxnard, CA 93031 THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 4 August 1992 RESISTANCE IS FUTILE ("RIF") is published and edited by Oxnardus and Ripley for distribution on various national electronic services and local electronic BBS echos. Address listings, copyright notices, editorial notices, and information on back issues are printed at the end of this newsletter. All correspondence should be sent by e-mail to Oxnardus or Ripley (addresses given at end of newsletter) or mailed to "Resistance is Futile", P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031. ========= CONTENTS ========= From the Editor-in-Chief Messages from the Big Cahuna Emeritus: A Proposal Borg Nostalgia: REMEMBER HOW PEEVED SEMENOVICH OF BORG GOT? SPOTLIGHT ON SWANNOX OF BORG: BORG PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE ADVERTISEMENT: Employment Opportunities PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION FOR SERVICE WITH THE BORG SECRET POLICE SONG TIME: "WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS" ALIEN PERSPECTIVE: A view from outside the Cube BORG TALES: A Serial, Part 4, "We Are Okay" BORGS THROUGH HISTORY UPDATE BORG SUPREME COURT RULES AND REGULATIONS BORG BISTRO RULES ADVERTISEMENT: Paid Political Announcement BEST RETORT TO A ROGUE BORG BORG POLL: How Are You Celebrating the Borgiversary? "I, NOVELLUS": Another serial BORG SCHOOL OF LAW GRADUATES SECURITY PROCEDURES WALKING TOUR: BORG SUPREME COURT "BE A BIG CAHUNA FOR 48 HOURS" CONTEST MARGINALLY SUCCESSFUL BORG LIBRARY ADVERTISEMENT: "I'M PARANOID, HOW 'BOUT YOU?" A DAY WITH BSC SECURITY BORG AS METAPHOR: An experiment in terror NEW POLICY REGARDING BIG BOOK OF BORG ADVERTISEMENT: Borg Pro Tech Shun, Ink. EDITOR NOTICES COPYRIGHT NOTICES BACK ISSUES OF RIF AVAILABLE ADDRESSES OF CONTRIBUTORS BORG CLUB: THE BOARD GAME ======================== FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ======================== Welcome to SUMMER BORGIVERSARY '92. In celebration of the 6th boffo month of the existence of the Borg Club, we humbly present the long awaited DOUBLE ISSUE!!! Lots have happened in the last six months. The advent and rise of the Borg Club on Prodigy has become the stuff of legends. Its popularity remains in many ways an enigma if not a complete mystery. Nonetheless hundreds and hundreds of people have logged on to see where the Borg Club will take them. Some only read the posts, some post occasionally, and others have let the club consume their lives. Why? Because the Borg Club is a refuge--a place to check in at the door our individual realities and join with wild abandon a diverse society dedicated to the noble quest of absolute silliness, wackiness, and inanity. The Borg Club is a survivor in an environment where cliques and clubs form and then disappear or transmute at the drop of a hat. The Borg Club has a reputation of being an open social forum for all types who can tolerate the Borg shenanigans. It also has a grand tradition of tolerance. We look forward to the next six months. We hope that the Borg Club is still around and true to its original charter of being an inviting oasis away from the chaos around us, primarily by offering a forum for its members to create their own chaos from within. ===================================== MESSAGES FROM THE BIG CAHUNA EMERITUS ===================================== [Each issue presents a selection of postings from the Supreme Borg Emeritus Novellus. For this issue we have chosen a proposal for reorganizing the hierarchy of the Borg Consciousness--ed. chief.] A Proposal ---------- SUBJECT: BORG CAHUNA SOLUTION THIS UNIT HUMBLY SUGGESTS THE FOLLOWING STEPS TO END THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING HIS VOLUNTARY SELF-REMOVAL FROM SUPREME BORGDOM. SINCE MANY UNITS DESIRE A "PIECE OF DA ACTION" PERHAPS THE POWER OF THE FORMER POSITION SHOULD BE SPLIT INTO EQUALLY IMPORTANT BUT MORE PERSONABLE SUBDIVISIONS. THE SUPREME BORGDOM SHOULD BE DIVIDED AS FOLLOWS: (1) SUPREME EXECUTIVE BORG: EXTREMELY SIMILAR TO FORMER SUPREME BORG POSITION, EXCEPT MORE "EXECUTIVE-LIKE". WE RECOMMEND OXNARDUS FOR THIS POSITION. (2) BIG BORG ON CAMPUS (BBOC): A SWELL SUPREME ALL-AROUND GUY THAT EVERYONE LIKES. IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING FUN. WE RECOMMEND CHATSWORTHUS. (3) ULTRA-BORG: NOBODY IS EXACTLY KNOWS WHAT THIS BORG DOES, BUT WE KNOW HE/SHE IS REALLY IMPORTANT. RECOMMENDATION: WIGGALUS. (4) MOST VALUABLE BORG (MVB): THIS IS A WEEKLY ELECTED POSITION WHICH, AS A CONSEQUENCE, CHANGES EVERY WEEK. (5) ROYAL PAIN-IN-THE-BORG: THIS IS A ROTATING POSITION WHICH CHANGES BY GENERAL CONSENSUS WHEN SOMEONE GETS IRRITATING. (6) SECRETARY OF ASSIMILATION: ALTHOUGH PEOPLE SOMETIMES REALLY PUT DOWN ON SECRETARIES, THIS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT POSITION. DUTIES INCLUDE BEING THE BOSS OF PERSONS MANAGING THE WELCOME WAGON. RECOMMENDATION:MARIANUS (7) SUPREME BORG IN CHARGE OF THE SHEEP DIP: ALRIGHT BRUCES, ONE O' YEWSE FELLAS HAS GOTTA MAINTAIN OUR FOOD SUPPLY. REMEMBER, TO BORGS THIS IS VITAL. A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT SOUNDS AT FIRST, REALLY BIG STUFF. MONDO IMPORTANTE--AND BESIDES, YOU GET TO TAKE THE SPARE PIZZA, COLA DRINKS, AND DIP HOME. RECOMMENDATION: TRICIUS. (8) SUPREME GRAMMATICAL INQUISITOR: IN CHARGE OF MAINTAINING AND ENFORCING PROPER IMPERSONALITY, CAPITALIZATION, SPELLING, GRAMMAR AND OTHER PAIN-IN-THE-BORG STUFF. THIS UNIT WOULD GIVE A RECOMMENDATION BUT DOES NOT KNOW WHO WOULD TAKE IT. (9) SUPREME CAHUNUS-GRANDIOSEUS: YES, THE JOB IS AS TOUGH AS IT SOUNDS! INCLUDES LOTS OF TOUGH STUFF, LIKE FLUFFING THE PILLOWS AND PUTTING THE DINNER MINTS ON THEM. RECOMMENDATION: SWANNOX OF BORG. (10) NO. 10. (YES, NUMBER TEN. IMAGINE YOU ARE ON THE ISLAND WITH PATRICK MCGOOHAN.): NUMERO-DIEZ IS TENTH IN COMMAND!!!! WHILE THIS MAY SOUND PUNY, NO. 10 SECRETLY USES BINARY, AND SINCE THEY DON'T PROPERLY KNOW HOW TO USE BINARY, THEY ARE UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT IT IS REALLY MUCH FARTHER UP ON THE LIST. RESPONSIBILITIES ARE MINIMAL. ANY VOLUNTEERS? (11) SUPREME MENTOR. (ME). SORT OF LIKE THE POPE, DOESN'T GET TUMORS. REALLY GOOD AT RECOMMENDING STUFF. ---NOVELLUS, SUPREME MENTOR AND SUPREME BORG EMERITUS. ============== BORG NOSTALGIA ============== [Borg Nostalgia happily reminisces about those past wild and wacky hi-jinks on the Borg Prodigy (tm) boards. This month highlights a mighty miffed Semenovich. -- ed. chief] REMEMBER HOW PEEVED SEMENOVICH OF BORG GOT WHEN THAT UNIT WAS DENIED THE PROSECUTOR POSITION AT THE BORG SUPREME COURT? ------------------------------------------------- TODAY'S HEADLINES +++++++++++++++++ THE NEW BORG TIMES, DAILY BORG, IL BORGO AND BORG PRAVDA REPORTED IN THIS MORNING'S ISSUES: "BORG SUPREME COURT SCANDAL" "CHIEF JUSTICE DITCHES VETERAN PROSECUTOR" "FAVORITISM AND GAVEL LICKING IN BORG COURTROOM" "SUPREME COURT LINKAGE TO USED IMPLANTS BUSINESS" "SEMENOVICH REINSTATEMENT 24 HOUR DEADLINE'S UP!" "CHIEF JUSTICE GOES OVERBOARD, COLLECTIVE IS DEPRIVED FROM THEIR ELECTED PROSECUTOR WHO REFUSED TO GROVEL" "CORRUPT JUDGE AND EVIL DOCTORS DO AWAY WITH PROSECUTOR" "PROSECUTED PROSECUTOR - BEGINNING OF THE END?" "MARIANUS NOT ADMITTING FAULT, NEW BORG RIOTS IN LA" "FERENGI CELEBRATE THE NEWS, CHAOS ENSUES" "Bee/Tee/Que HOME WORLDS ANNOUNCE THEIR CHOICE FOR A BORG OF THE YEAR: CHIEF JUSTICE MARIANUS" "FISH STINKS FROM THE HEAD, FOUL SMELL IN BSC" ---Semenovich of Borg Spokesborg for the former prosecutor gave a brief interview to press: "The likes of Semenovich don't kiss axle. He knew too much. Many highly positioned units have tried to bribe him to no avail (didn't offer enough). Chief Justice herself was the subject of a special secret investigation with some startling revelations about to be announced. Semenovich's inspection of danubian jails was a part of the master plan, a trap of sorts, that worked per- fectly. Current buy-off is now 50% or our report will be submitted to papers within 12 hours." Do svidania. ---Semenovich of Borg __ __ __ __ _____ |\ | | | | | | |\/| |\/| |_ |\ | | | \| |__| |__ |__| | | | | |__ | \| | ---CHIEF JUSTICE MARIANUS ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY ROOMMATE IS CORRUPT??? BOY, YOU WOULD THINK A GUY WOULD HAVE NOTICED THIS AFTER ALL THIS TIME!! I AM AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEWS, THOUGH. HOW MUCH WILL YOU PAY? ---ROBINUS, KNOWS A LOT OF DIRT PRESS RELEASE: CHIEF JUSTICE MARIANUS APPEARED BEFORE THE PRESS TODAY TO RESPOND TO ALLEGATIONS VOICED BY THE UNIT SEMENOVICH. MARIANUS STATED THAT SEMENOVICH WAS NOT CHOSEN FOR THE POST OF PROSECUTOR BECAUSE HE NEVER APPLIED FOR THE JOB. "IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO CONSIDER SOMEONE FOR A POSITION IF WE'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM BEFORE," SAID THE CHIEF JUSTICE. AS TO THE ALLEGATIONS PERTAINING TO GAVEL LICKING, IT IS STANDARD PROCEDURE IN THE BORG COURTS. "HOW ELSE ARE WE GONNA KEEP 'EM CLEAN," ASKED ONE OF THE COURT JANITORS. "IF SEMENOVICH DID NOT KNOW THIS VERY BASIC ELEMENT OF THE BORG COURTS, PERHAPS IT IS A GOOD THING THAT HE WASN'T HIRED," AN INSIDER WAS HEARD TO REPLY. DESPITE ALL OF THE NEGATIVE PRESS (ALL OF WHICH IS UNCONFIRMED) BY SEMENOVICH TOWARDS THE CHIEF JUSTICE, MARIANUS FEELS SYMPATHY FOR HIM. "HE MUST BE VERY MUCH IN NEED OF A COMPLETE SYSTEM DIAGNOSTIC," SAID MARIANUS, "I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY TO PAY FOR IT, IF HE CANNOT DO SO HIMSELF." ---Marianus ============================ SPOTLIGHT ON SWANNOX OF BORG ============================ BORG PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE --------------------------- Swannox is the candidate for the common Borg! He, along with his trustworthy female candidate for Vice President, Clueless, will rid this country forever of drab politicians who have even drabber spouses! (Spice?) This cube of Borg are all fed up with Wussh, Perrier, and even Wild Bill! Swannox's platform is simple: A pizza for everyone, and everyone for a pizza! Believe in Swannox and Clueless; they will do to this government what it has been doing to the rest of us for many years! AND THEN SOME! ---Chatsworthus of Borg LADIES AND GENTLEBORG, THE FIRST BORG PRESIDENT OF THE ASSIMILATED STATES OF AMERICA, SWANNOX OF BORG (FLASHING OF LITTLE RED LIGHTS): MY FELLOW BORG, WE ARE HERE TODAY TO GIVE OUR FIRST OFFICIAL SPEECH OF THE CAMPAIGN. FIRST OF, WE WOULD LIKE TO EXPLAIN THE PROPOSED MISSPELLED WORD TICKET. A % OF THE MONEY COLLECTED WOULD GO TOWARD EDUCATION OF BORG, ANOTHER % OF THE MONEY COLLECTED WILL GO TOWARD PAYING OFF ANY BORG PIZZA TABS. THE OTHER 90% WILL BE USED TO THROW THE MOTHER OF ALL PIZZA PARTIES. NOW THE REASON WE CALLED THIS PRESS CONFERENCE, WE ARE STARTING THE 1000 PIZZA TOPPINGS PROGRAM. EACH WEEK WE WILL AWARD ONE LUCKY BORG WHO HAS CONTRIBUTED TO THE SWANNOX AND CLUELESS CAMPAIGN. WE WILL NAME THE LUCKY BORG THIS WEEKS PIZZA TOPPING. NOW THIS WEEKS RECIPIENT IS.....CHATSWORTHUS OF BORG!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOW THE PIZZA TOPING OF THE WEEK! AND THE PIZZA TOPPING WE HAVE PICKED FOR YOU IS POTATO(e). YOU ARE NOW POTATO CHATSWORTHUS OF BORG. ALL HAIL POTATO CHATSWORTHUS OF BORG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ---SWANNOX OF BORG ============= ADVERTISEMENT ============= Employment Opportunities ------------------------ Thee Jiffy Cube & Pete's A Pal Ice an ounces thee fall owe wing openings: Pete's A Pal Ice Die Vision: Man Age Oar; As Cyst Aunt Man Age Oar; Chief Chef; As Cyst Aunt Chefs; Chief Bar Tend Or; As Cyst Ant Bar Tend Oars; Weight Oars; Weight Tresses; Bus Buoys; Bus Gurr Els; Doe Mess Tick Inn Gin Ears; Park King At Tend Aunts; Strip Tease Oars (awl sects) Jiffy Cube Die Vision: Man Age Or; As Cyst Ant Man Age Or; Mick Can Icks; Body Purr Suns; Jan It Tours Wee awl sew knead corps oar it purr sun el: Corps Oar It Secret Terry; Vice Prez Id Dent; Lee Gull Cow Inn Sell; Pub Lick Relate Shuns VP App ply or joust claim a Poe sit shun. ---TeaBorg, CEO, CFO, COTB. ============================================================== PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION FOR SERVICE WITH THE BORG SECRET POLICE ============================================================== QUESTIONS: 1) DO YOU HAVE A SECRET DESIRE TO BE HOWARD STERN OR MORTON DOWNEY JR.? 2) WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE DUST BUSTER CONTROVERSY OVER POSSIBLE JUNK FOOD VIOLATION RAMIFICATIONS? 3) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? 4) WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, WHAT DO YOU SEE? * * <<<<*^***^*) (*^***^*>>>>> ( *((* *((* ) || || 5) WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD WHEN WE SAY THE WORD "I"? 6) WE'RE IN JIFFY CUBE WHEN A FERENGI CLAIMING HE HAS AN EAR WAX PROBLEM GRABS A Q AND PROCEEDS TO STICK THE Q'S FINGERS IN HIS EARS. WHAT SHOULD WE DO? A) RESCUE THE Q AND DETAIN THE FERENGI FOR QUESTIONING. B) DISINTEGRATE THE FERENGI. C) DISINTEGRATE THE Q. D) INVENT Q-TIPS. 7) WHAT IS THE PREFERRED FORM OF DOVE BAR FOR THE BORG: A) WITH ALMONDS. B) WITHOUT ALMONDS. C) MELTED. 8) WHEN DEALING WITH TOURISTS WE SHOULD ALWAYS: A) OFFER THEM ASSIMILATION. B) OFFER THEM PIZZA. C) ASK IF THEY ARE HUMOR IMPAIRED AND WANT AN INTERPRETER. D) ALL OF THE ABOVE. ---TRICIUS OF BORG Dr. Tricius, Here are the results of our test: 1) I have a secret desire to be (c) Charlie Tuna 2) Stand on Dust Buster Controversy: Dust busters are great for picking uneaten crumbs so that we can sprinkle them over Cookie Dough Ice Cream. 3) Favorite color? Black... silver is a close second. 4) Pixel Blot Test: I see two Borgs dancing to an old Silver Convention tune. 5) First thought after seeing the letter "I": Indigestion (burp) 6) Jiffy Cube Ferengi with ear wax problem: (e) Help him cram the rest of the Q into his ear. 7) Most preferred Dove Bar: (d) The all new scent brand that suds up really good. 8) When dealing with Tourists...(e) Charge them twice the price! ---Allofus of Borg =========== SONG TIME!! =========== "WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS" --------------------------------------------- BY: THE BEACH BORGS WELL, KLINGONS SURE ARE HIP, I REALLY DIG THOSE STYLES THEY WEAR. AND THE FEDERATION WITH THE WAY THEY DRESS, THEY KEEP 'UM CUT WAY DOWN TO THERE. THE NEWEST FASHION BY ROMULANS ALWAYS HAVE THOSE SHOULDER PADS. AND THE VULCANS SURE ARE THE ONES TO WATCH WHEN KEEPING UP WITH CURRENT FADS. BUT WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS DEE DEE DEE DEE ... DEE DEE DEE DEE... NOW THE SIMPLICITY OF THE PAKLEDS REALLY MAKES US FEEL ALRIGHT. AND THE PARTY GIRLS DOWN ON ANGEL ONE, THEY KEEP THE MEN IN LINE FOR SPITE. THE COMPUTER DEPENDANT BINARS ALWAYS DO THEIR THING IN TWOS. NOW, THAT MAY SEEM KINDA CROWDED TO SOME, BUT NOT A LOT FOR ME AND YOU. BUT WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS WELL, SPECIES OF ALL DIFFERENT KINDS WILL ALWAYS COME AND GO THE FERENGI DUDES ARE A MUTATED FORM OF THE ELEPHANT "DUMBO" THE Q RACE ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE GOT A CERTAIN CHARM WE SEE THEM WEARING THEIR LATEST THREADS DOWN ON THE FUNNY FARM. BUT WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS THE BETAZED ARE COOLEST, MAN, THEY'RE RARELY VERY RUDE. AND WHAT THE HECK, IF YA MARRY ONE, YOU GET TO DO SO IN THE NUDE. NOW DATA HE'S A FUNNY GUY WHO ALWAYS WILL GO FAR BUT HE MAKES US WONDER WHO HE'S SEEIN' NOW THAT THERE'S NO TASHA YAR. BUT WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS WE WISH THEY ALL COULD BE ASSIMILATED BORGS ---BROUGHT TO YOU BY: TRICIUS O' BORG ================= ALIEN PERSPECTIVE ================= [Alien Perspective is a semi-regular forum where hostiles are invited to speak their minds about issues which affect or interest the Borg. This issues' perspective is from a Don--ed.] A view from outside the Cube ---------------------------- By--Don Can a non-assimilated lifeform get a fair shake in Borgaritaville's court system? This one didn't. Recently I found it necessary to bring a Borg citizen up before the Borg Supreme Court on charges of slander. The experience was, to say the least, like running into a wall. It all began when one, Chatsworthus of Borg, entered a non-assimilated sector and went about his business of trying to assimilate a Ms. Goldman, using the tired "canned note" method. (A copy of this canned note will be printed in is entirety following this editorial) This canned note contains slanderous remarks about Coke drinkers as well as misleading information concerning the Borg court system and its hierarchy. [These portions have been highlighted in the canned notes--ed.] Now, it is understandable that on occasion, most Borg wouldn't be able to name all the members of the Supreme Court. But Mr. Chatsworthus is also an Associate Justice for the very same court! He tells new recruits wrong information about who sits the bench and dispenses justice. You'd think he'd know who he worked with. The Coke remarks speak for themselves, and I'm sure Coke drinkers will fully understand the reasons behind this editorial. You chocolate soda drinkers are beyond trying to convince. I asked Chief Justice Marianus for a date to bring Mr. Chatsworthus up before the bench. I was given "Three weeks after the next leap year" as my day in court. Now I was forced retain the services of a fine (albeit scuzzy) lawyer, who naturally asked the Chief Justice to disqualify herself. A witness was willing to testify that the Chief Justice was seen drinking Coke at a concert. She was also violating any lifeforms right to a speedy trial. I was willing to put up evidence that the Chief Justice had tried to discuss case matters with the defendant prior to the trial, and that she even tried to blackmail my attorney by releasing details of his sordid private life. None of this was heard by the court and I was summarily ruled against. I also received scrambled messages from the accused admitting to his guilt, but you'll just have to take my word on that, as scrambled messages cannot be reprinted. So my friends, if you are on one with the Borg, and find it necessary to go before a Borg court, watch your a**. Call me if you need a good lawyer. Here's the Canned assimilation speech complete with typo's and bad grammar: ARTS CLUB Topic: STAR TREK Time: 07/03 8:04 PM To: SARAH GOLDMAN (CJVW05D) From: DICK FELDMAN (BFSF75A) Subject: JOKE TIME Sarah: Only fanatics and roleplayers? Hardly. There are also those of us who enjoy parody and satire. Pepsi, terrible puns, and PIZZA!!!! Come on up to the Borg Cubes, and seehow to PAR- TAYYYYY!!!! Here's the canned, pre-prepared note: New Assimilatee to be: Glad you came! The Borg origionally were from the Star Trek Next Generation show, as they were a race of Cyborgs, who went around generally being nasty and assimilating every culture they encountered into the collective consciousness. We have modified the concept ever so slightly. We are the junk-food consuming, party animal, gerneral good time Borg! We go from galaxy to galaxy eating pizza, chocolate, pepsi (or in fairness to other less sophisticated units, coke), dove or/and snickers bars, etc etc. MANY OF THE BORG INSIST UPON BEING FORCEFUL AND USING ALL CAPS, BUT IT HURTS THIS UNIT'S OPTIC AND OTIC RE- CEPTORS! We are loyal to the Supreme Borg Novellus. The "Q" are a race of (self proclaimed) omnipotent beings, who generally like to make mischief. They are, as we say elsewhere, mostly harmless. We have a lot of fun jerking each other around, but there are only a few goofs, and they soon tire and go back into the woodwork for a month or two. The Oxnardus unit, ID# HCMH17A, is the local Welcomecube Borg, and by now even as we communicate, is probably contacting you! Concerning baby sitting: Many of our units are CONSTANTLY searching for good (read that as "cheap") baby sitters, to sit upon their offspring units and grant the parental units a moment of respite... Our Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates are Swannox and Clueless. Swannox is the candidate of the Common Borg, and Clueless is the Vice President this cube deserves! Vote Early! Vote Often! Have your friends do the same! BTW: We "live" in "cubes", as the origional Borg ship was shaped like a very very very very very very very very large building block. The Borg Supreme Court, with Chief Justice Marianus, Associate Justices Oxnardus and, ahem, Chatsworthus, is ready to dispense with justice around here!!!!! We were BORGed READY! Also, "life" is never boring around here... Climb aborG, we're expecting you! The Borg cube, making another run.... Chatsworthus of Borg ---Don Teal ========== BORG TALES ========== A Serial Part 4 "We Are Okay" ------------- We regained our consciousness to the sound of a the soft purr of a thousand voices. We slowly opened our eyes and were instantly blinded by a thousand points of light. Great, we thought, we had been assimilated by a rogue group of Republicans. Here we were, plugged into a convention cube. Convention cube? We paused for a moment. Plugged in? The Republicans were known to play rough in this sector, but not this rough. Perhaps it wasn't the Republicans after all. We tried to remove a crick from our neck but we discovered that all of us was attached to a large box-like object secured to a wall of a metallic grating. Very peculiar. We further noted that we were wearing a black leather jumpsuit with microchips and tubing hanging out of our torso. Rather strange. We glanced at our left arm and saw metallic pincers instead of a hand and fingers. Quite bizarre. As we focused on the objects around us, we deduced we had some kind of enhanced eyepiece over our left- eye. Downright odd. We asked ourselves, why all this mutilation of our left organs and appendages? Why was nothing done to the right? Hmmm, we thought--more Republican trickery? The thousand of voices began to focus. We could distinguish murmurings which sounded like "Swannox and Clue in '92" and "The delegate from the great Cube of..." Thoughts dashed through our consciousness. It had to be the Republicans, obviously in the midst of an evil plot to force innocent space travellers to attend their boring conventions. Or, was it a group of rogue Borg Republicans, who were merely mimicking convention behavior from instincts honed from times too far back to be conscious memories. But, did Republicans exist who liked pizza and snack foods in mass quantities? Or, did they merely manufacture and merchandise them? Our head reeled from all these thoughts. We felt like our head would explode. Just then, instead of the rather squishy sound one associated with a head exploding, we heard an obnoxious click. Instantaneously, our thought processes became clearer and we began to process information at an incredible pace. We were absorbing and categorizing data at the same time we were perceiving it. What a rush. There were thousands, nay tens of thousands, of other units plugged in around us, above us, and below us. The grating which surrounded us and gave us support allowed us to view the masses of units. It was logical to assume that there were even more units than we had visual access to. This place was big and packed. The Republicans were big in this sector, but not this big. We noted that our left arm, or what used to be our left arm, was a tad loose from the box. We shook and shimmied it for what seemed to be hours until it popped out of the plug. With an arm free, we were able to work diligently on the other body parts. In our struggle, we saw from a small corner of our eye an item on the wall which resembled a low-end dustbuster. As we moved to check for any other body parts that may have been attached to the wall, we hit the item with such force that it fell down and made a sharp KER-PLUNK. For about five seconds, all the voices stopped. You could have heard an isolinear chip drop. It was rather disturbing as we had become used to the thousand voices. Before we could react to it (let alone appreciate it), a deafening WOOGA WOOGA blasted through the cube. We could hear the pitter patter of cybernetic feet jogging towards us. The voices started up and we heard the phrase "Possible junk food violation in sector 2X51" over and over again. Next installment: Part 5: "Up the River" ============================ BORGS THROUGH HISTORY UPDATE ============================ [a running joke] People ------ Borg, Neils (1885-1962) - Quantum physicist, father of the Yugo Drive Bourgbon - French royal dynasty; whiskey Borgnaparte, Napoleon - French ruler, shorter and smarter than most Borg Borchgrevink, Carsten Edeborg (1864-1934) - First Norvegian in Antartica Borglivar, Simon (1783-1830) - Liberator of Latin countries Borgtvinnik, Mikhail - Russian chess world champion Borgbury, Ray - American science fiction writer, chronicled the Martians Borgeoisie - Social and economic class of merchants and entrepreneurs Arts and Literature ------------------- Borghemian Rhapsody - Hit by Queen, featured in Wayne's World Borglero - Spanish dance; orchestral work by Ravel Borgheme, La - Famous opera Borghemia, Scandal in - Sherlock Holmes story Borgshoi Ballet - Ballet company Science ------- Borgzoy - Russian Wolfhound, for sniffing out/tracking mobile pizza joints Borgdae - Reptile family, which includes pythons and boas, popular pets Borgo Offinalis - Plant, grown for bee feeding; Borg lettuce substitute Borgaine Minerals - Compounds of borgon and oxygen; Borg snacks Borgax - Sodium tetraborgate decahydrate (Na2B4O7.10H2S); Mayo substitute Geography --------- St. Petersborg (Leninborg/Petroborg) - Russian city, cradle of revolution Brandenborg - German city; Bach (Boargch) concerto Borgkhara - Asian region of former USSR, famous for its rugs Borglivia - South American Republic, borgered by Borgzil, Borgaguay and Borgentina. Borglogna - Italian province, famous for its cold cuts Borgneville - Prehistoric lake in Pleistocene Epoch; Car, U.S. version of Yugo Borga-Borga - Polynesian volcanic islands; Borg National Anthem Borga Peak - Highest point (12,662 ft) in Idaho, popular for bungee jumping Borgdeaux & Borgundy - Wine regions in France ---Semenovich of Borg ======================================== BORG SUPREME COURT RULES AND REGULATIONS ======================================== 1. AS SOON AS A JUSTICE IS APPROACHED ABOUT TAKING ON A CASE, THEY MUST INFORM THE CHIEF JUSTICE AS TO ITS IMPORTANCE TO THE COLLECTIVE AND WHY THEY THINK WE SHOULD ACCEPT IT. 2. THE JUSTICE MUST GIVE THE CHIEF JUSTICE ONE DOVE BAR. 3. THE COUNSEL FOR THE CLIENT WILL BE INDICATED BY THE CLIENT. IT IS NOT THE WAY OF OUR COURT TO APPOINT COUNSEL FOR THEM AND ANY JUSTICE FOUND DOING SO WILL BE PENALIZED BY BEING LOCKED IN THE BROOM CLOSET WITH BEAST DURING DINNER HOUR. 4. THE COUNSEL MUST GIVE THE CHIEF JUSTICE ONE DOVE BAR. 5. THE COUNSEL WILL PRESENT ALL OF ITS EVIDENCE IN ONE POSTING. THAT MEANS ALL THE EVIDENCE. NO FUTURE EVIDENCE WILL BE ACCEPTED. 6. THE CLIENT MUST MAKE SURE THAT THEY HAVE TOLD THEIR COUNSEL EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF RULE #5. 7. THE CLIENT MUST GIVE THE CHIEF JUSTICE ONE DOVE BAR. 8. AFTER THE TWO POSTINGS OF THE COUNSELS, THE JUSTICES WILL DELIBERATE AND REPORT BACK THEIR VOTE. 9. THE DECISION OF THIS COURT IS FINAL. THERE ARE NO APPEALS [but lots of dove bars--ed. chief]. 10. SEPARATE FEES WILL BE CHARGED DEPENDING ON THE AMOUNT OF WORK THE JUSTICES HAVE TO DO. PEZ IS ALWAYS ACCEPTED. 11. WHEN THE ENTIRE TRIAL IS OVER, EVERYONE IN THE COURTROOM WILL GIVE THE CHIEF JUSTICE A DOVE BAR. 12. THESE RULES ARE TO BE FOLLOWED AT ALL TIMES. ANYONE DEVIATING FROM THESE RULES WILL BE PUNISHED AT THE WHIM OF THE JUSTICES. ---Chief Justice Marianus ================= BORG BISTRO RULES ================= 1. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE BISTRO BOUNCER, PHOENIXUS, ALL Q'S AND OTHER BEINGS WITH GODLIKE POWERS MUST CHECK IN THEIR POWERS AT THE DOOR. 2. IF A UNIT IS TOO DRUNK TO REACH THE BAR, THE BARTENDER WILL HELP THAT UNIT TO THE BAR. 3. UNLESS THE CUSTOMER HAS APPROPRIATE DISCOUNT, ALL PRICES WILL BE CUBED AT THE REGISTER. 4. ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO PICK A FIGHT IN THE BISTRO WILL BE TURNED INTO SPAM OR (GOD HELP US) CHICKEN MCNUGGETS. HOWEVER, THE PEOPLE IN DISPUTE WILL BE ESCORTED OUTSIDE. AS SOON AS THEY LEAVE THE BISTRO, RULE 1 IS VOID. 5. ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO START A PARTY IN THE BISTRO WILL GET A FREE CASE OF THEIR FAVORITE BEVERAGE. 6. IF A PARTY GETS REALLY WILD, DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE. 7. IF A FOOD FIGHT OCCURS, CREAM PIES WILL BE PROVIDED TO EACH SIDE FOR NOTHING. 8. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF PHOENIXUS, ANYONE WITHOUT A CONSTANT PARTY LOOK WILL BE EXPELLED. 9. ANYONE MAKING FUN OF BILL SHATNER'S TOUPEE WILL BE APPLAUDED. 10. KITCHEN RAIDS ARE ALLOWED WITH A DISCOUNT CARD. ---Randinius ============ ADVERTISEMENT ============ Paid Political Announcement --------------------------- IT IS AMAZING THAT SO FEW PEOPLE REALLY KNOW NOVELLUS. A UNIT WHO ONCE COMMANDED FAR MORE RESPECT THAN HE DOES TODAY. SO LITTLE RESPECT FOR THE UNIT WHO CREATED YOUR COLLECTIVE. THE FANCY NEW "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" NUMBER THREE WAS DESIGNED, EDITED, LAID OUT AND CREATED BY THAT POOR UNIT WHICH WOULD BE HAPPY IF HE HAD AS MUCH RESPECT AS DAN QUAYLE OR EVEN NIXON. BUT YOU INGRATES DON'T EVEN GIVE HIM THAT MUCH. AT THE VERY LEAST HE KNOWS HOW TO SPELL POTATOE. THINK ABOUT WHAT THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE WITHOUT NOVELLUS. 1. NO BORG CLUB. PERIOD. 2. NO REFUGE FROM AMG AND MTH AND LIKEWISE SYMPATHIZERS. 3. NO DOVE BARS. 4. NO PIZZA. 5. NO SINGLE ORGANIZED PLACE TO GATHER AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS ON SCI-FI/STAR TREK. LOOK AT THE OTHER CLUBS; THEY ARE PALE BY COMPARISON. 6. NO OXNARDUS. PERIOD. NOVELLUS MADE THE DECISION TO TRANSCEND THE CAHUNAHOOD AND BECOME MENTOR, A FAR MORE EXALTED POSITION. THAT'S RIGHT, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE, ITS REALLY HIM THAT RUNS THE SHOW. THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT OXNARDUS IS THE BOSS. BUT EVERY NATION WITH A PRIME MINISTER REQUIRES A SUPREME PONTIFF OR A MONARCH. THAT IS WHAT NOVELLUS REPRESENTS. SO I HEREBY ENACT "THE MOVEMENT TO RE-EXALT NOVELLUS". YOUR SUPPORT IS NEEDED TO KEEP OUR CLUB UNITED AND NOVELLUS HAPPY, OR LORD KNOWS WHAT HE WILL DO. ---GHOSTWRITERUS OF BORG, PRESIDENT OF BORG U. AND FOUNDER OF "THE MOVEMENT TO RE-EXALT NOVELLUS" =========================== BEST RETORT TO A ROGUE BORG =========================== BUT WHAT FUN IS THAT? EVERY NEW PLANET IS AN ENTIRELY NEW REALM OF PIZZA TOPPINGS, WHAT A WASTE TO DESTROY WHAT WE HAVE YET TO COOK. --- OLYMPIUS ========= BORG POLL ========= How Are You Celebrating the Borgiversary? ----------------------------------------- WELL, SINCE THIS IS NO ORDINARY HOLIDAY, I PLAN TO GET MY CHROME SHINED, MY LEATHER BUFFED AND POLISHED, AND REPLACE MY OPTICAL LENSES WITH THE GOLD RIMMED VERSION. THEN, I WILL PUT ON MY HANDY BAR-BE-QUE ATTACHMENT AND COOK 'TIL THE COALS ARE DEAD. THERE WILL BE OVERFLOWING CHOCOLATE MILK FOUNTAINS, PEPSI (AND COKE FOR CHATS), AND I WILL ORDER DOMINO'S PIZZA SO MANY TIMES THAT THE DELIVERY BOY WILL START CALLING ME MOM. FOR THOSE WHO BECOME "PARTIED-OUT", THERE WILL BE BIG FEATHER BEDS WITH DOWN PILLOWS AND WARM COMFORTERS. IT WILL BE THE EVENT OF THE DECADE. ---Chief Justice Marianus--ALL ARE INVITED, NO ONE TURNED AWAY (NOT EVEN DON) A Borg BALL... billions of borgs boogeying to the Borgles, Borg Company, David Borgie, and Borgman Turner Overdrive. ---Allofus of Borg, agent to the stars What I'm doing to help celebrate the Borgiversary is: Publish a special issue of Subspace News, one that has all the RIF's in it as well as a all the issues of RIF rolled into one. ---EX-LAXIUS ============= "I, NOVELLUS" ============= Another serial Part 1 ONE DAY, WE WERE WATCHING OUR GRANDCHILDREN PLAY IN THE ATRIUM, AND WONDERING WHO WOULD BE THE SUCCESSOR TO OUR HUSBAND, CAESAR AUGUSTUS OF BORG, OF ALL OUR GRANDCHILDREN NOVELLUS SEEMED THE MOST UNLIKELY- HIS BROTHER FURBALLUS OF BORG SEEMED TO HAVE THE NATURAL LEADERSHIP ABILITIES, AND HIS SISTER HARTIUS SEEMED LIKELY TO WIN POWER TO HERSELF BY HER SWAY OVER THE OPPOSITE SEX, INCLUDING OUR HUSBAND'S GRANDSON BRI-BORG, HIS ONLY MALE HEIR AND A BRAVE SOLDIER, BUT NO KIN OF MINE... UPON THESE THOUGHTS, AN EAGLE DROPPED A BORGAPOO PUPPY INTO NOVELLUS LAP, AND WE KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GET TO THE ORACLE AND THE PHARMACIST TO GET THE STORY STARTED... ---LIVIA (PLAYED BY OLYMPIUS) ============================ BORG SCHOOL OF LAW GRADUATES ============================ There were seven graduates from the summer term of the Borg School of Law: Swannox of Borg, Q2, Procrastinatus of Borg, Superman/Q, Beast, Mikeus of Borg, and the Master. Strange as it may seem, 57% of the graduating class were not Borg. 43% were Borg, 28% were Q, 14.5% was a Beast, and the other 14.5% was the Master. These graduates of the J.B (Juris Borgae) degree are eligible to practice law in the Borg Supreme Court. ================================ SECURITY PROCEDURES WALKING TOUR ================================ BORG SUPREME COURT ------------------ Welcome to the Borg Supreme Court Main Entry. While you are waiting in line to pass through the Metal Detector, it would behoove you to read and fully comprehend this brochure to ease your passage through these hallowed halls. FIRST: Any confidential documents which may be in your brief-case implants should be removed and hand carried through the metal detector while we subject said briefcase implants to destructive testing to assure that no bombs or incendiary devices are introduced into the courtroom plaza. SECOND: All metallic implants, belt buckles, shoes with steel shanks, clothing with metal zippers, snaps, buckles, hooks or trim, and any metal personal adornment must be removed before passing through metal detectors. Clothing and shoes may be placed in the lockers behind you. Lock rent is one Frango bar or one pint Ben and Jerry's New York Fudge Crunch or one dozen Trader Joe's Chocolate Chacmul Chunk Chookies. Items of personal adornment must be passed to the Jewelry clerk behind you. DO NOT loose your receipt. THIRD: No Q, Ferengi or Basher may pass beyond the main foyer without an official guard companion ensign. These Ensigns may be rented only by forty-eight hour advance reservation and with the signature of a judge of this court. Rental fee is one ten pound box of Godiva chocolates, non refundable, delivered to the judge at the time of application, plus a per diem for the ensign, plus any fee the Judge sees fit. FOURTH: No food shall be carried into the Courthouse. Pizza Delivery in the Courtrooms is available from the BSC catering service in the basement. Candy machines stocked with standard chocolate products are in each hall, and take all credit and ATM cards. Proceeds from both concessions are divided between the Chief Justice's Gavel Trust and the Bailiff Benevolent Fund. FIFTH: Cola beverages are available through standard Borg Cola Outlets throughout the Building. Convertors for non-Borgs are sold through the Candy Machines. SIXTH: Enjoy your visit to the BSC! ---Olympius, Head Bailiff and Lefthand Aide ============================================================ "BE A BIG CAHUNA FOR 48 HOURS" CONTEST MARGINALLY SUCCESSFUL ============================================================ As part of the Borgiversary '92 festivities, a "Be the Big Cahuna for 48 Hours" contest was established in the hope it would be fun. It wasn't. The Big Cahunas chosen were: Swannox (July 2- 3), Chaotus (July 8-9), Qube (now Wingus) (July 15-16), and Las Larius (July 22-23). It was going to continue until October 1, 1992, but the collective appeared not to care anymore, since the last few Big Cahuna Temps didn't do a darn thing. ============ BORG LIBRARY ============ The new Borg library opened it's doors with a magnificent ribbon cutting ceremony (to which Swannox was not invited). Doing the honors was a longtime friend of the head librarian (and inci- dentally the highest briber) Dons of the Joke Time Board. After several attempts, the ribbon was cut and the doors were opened for business. Library cards may be obtained by bribing the staff with junk food; cokes and pizza preferred. The staff currently is at three Borg: Lucretia and Olympius acting as Librarians and Rialtus as page and chief bottle washer. The premises are patrolled by the canine associates of the Librarians, J. Roverus Borgmatian and Guinan. They also accept bribes in the form of chopped liver. There are over 50,000 volumes available for check out, including the classics: I Borg, Borg With the Wind, Borg of the Rings, Art History of the Borg by HW Jansen and the ever popular Red Borg Rising. Other titles may be obtained through bribery. There is also an impressive video collection, which includes many National Geographic specials, although the pygmy tapes are unavailable. Also available for borrowing are CD's, tapes, art prints and pizza ovens. The doors are always open, be sure to bribe the librarian on your way out and don't trip over the page reading in the aisles. Always on the look out for more pages to not shelf and have need of a children's librarian to ride herd on the little Borgs. Apply to Lucretia if interested. ---Lucretia Borgia ============= ADVERTISEMENT ============= DO YOU HAVE THE FEELING THAT EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU? THAT NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYMORE? THAT DAN RATHER IS REALLY LOOKING AT YOU THRU THE TV? DEPRESSED? FEELING THAT "THEY" ARE WATCHING YOU? THEN YOU ARE THE PERFECT CANDIDATE FOR OUR NEW BOOK, "I'M PARANOID, HOW 'BOUT YOU?". IN THIS BOOK WE EXPLORE THE EXCITING WORLD OF PARANOIDS AND PARANOIA. READ IN DEPTH CHAPTERS LIKE, "MIND ALTERING CONTACT CHEMICALS USED IN PRINTING MONEY", TELEVISION - GOVERNMENT MIND CONTROL DEVICE OR SATANIC VEHICLE", "HOW _THEY_ USE Q-TIPS TO CONTROL US", AND "TINFOIL - 1001 USES". ACT NOW AND RECEIVE, AT ADDED COST, OUR PATENTED "BRAINWAVE BLOCKER SKULL CAP"(TM). THIS ALUMINUM COLORED, TINFOIL TEXTURED CAP GENTLY CONFORMS TO THE CONTOURS OF YOUR CRANIAL IMPLANTS. NOW YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO FEAR THE MIND CONTROL WAVES FROM THOSE PESKY STOPLIGHTS. TO ORDER, PLACE 6 MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED ONE DOLLAR BILLS IN A SMALL ASPIRIN BOTTLE AND PLACE BEHIND THE RADIATOR OF THE YELLOW AND GREEN JIFFY CUBE PARKED IN THE THIRD SPACE FROM THE LEFT AT THE INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH ON RISA. WE WILL BE HAPPY TO FEDERAL DISTRESS YOUR PERSONAL COPY AT OUR CONVENIENCE. PLEASE ALLOW 6 TO 20 WEEKS FOR DELIVERY AS WE WILL OF COURSE HAVE TO PERFORM THE RITUAL CHANTINGS AND OTHER PURIFICATION PROCEDURES ON THE MONEY BEFORE WE WOULD ACTUALLY TOUCH IT. WE MUST WARN YOU THAT WE DO COAT THE PACKAGE IN A SPECIAL CONTACT CEMENT THAT CAUSES ANYONE WHO TOUCHES IT TO STICK TO IT PERMANENTLY. THIS IS FOR YOUR PROTECTION, AS "THEY" MAY GET TO IT IN ROUTE. WE SUGGEST THE USUAL PRECAUTIONS UPON RECEIPT OF THE BOOK. (I.E. X-RAY THE BOX BEFORE OPENING, BOMB SNIFFING DOGS, SOAKING IN WATER, ETC.) IF THERE ARE SEVERAL GUYS STUCK TO IT WHEN YOU RECEIVE IT, THE GUYS ARE OUR LITTLE "WELCOME TO THE CLUB" BONUS GIFT. KEEP AND ENJOY. DUE TO THE MATURE SUBJECT MATTER, YOU MUST SIGN A WAIVER STATING YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF CONSENT IN THE ARKANSAS OZARKS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. ---RUBBERUS CHECKUS, author and resident paranoid ======================= A DAY WITH BSC SECURITY ======================= Olympius and Wazzuus arrive early every morning, having drunk a ten cup pot of espresso and eaten raisin toast spread with Nutella. This morning, as usual, they check all external doors to the BSC [Borg Supreme Court] Temple of Justice to be sure they are locked and sealed, first checking from the outside, then opening the main doors and checking the inside seals and bolts on all the other doors. This morning, as usual, the doors are all sealed and bolted, and there is a trail of peanutbutter, strawberry jam, and black olive pizza crumbs from the Broom closet to the Metal Detector. Wazzuus checks the broom closet- empty this time, but Lead BSC Janitor Lucretia and Olympius have both spent time bound, gagged, and locked in this closet- Olympius by one or the other of the Dons, before the security procedures were fully in place, Lucretia by a yet unidentified perpetrator- probably the same entity which persistently besmirches the carpet with pizza crumbs and befouls the metal detector with crusts of the same peanut butter, strawberry jam, and black olive pizza. Olympius is checking out the Metal Detector, an Aerowhack 1080 B model newly purchased at the court's inception and still not entirely functional. Every evening, Lead Janitor Lucretia removes peanutbutter, strawberry jam, and black olive pizza crusts from the machine, and every morning Olympius must laboriously recalibrate the main resonator module by testing it against the Parenting Practices and Gardening board in the Homelife club. This calibration only sets the normal parameters; a full calibration requires extensive testing against the profiles of beings posting on the Star Trek and science fiction boards, but because of time constraints and because of the immense crowds attending the seminal Tea vs Bean trial, the Metal detector is only useful for locating concealed weapons on entities wearing no other metal. There are litigants thick on the ground outside the main door by the time Olympius has the Metal Detector recalibrated. There is a mad rush to the metal detector as soon as the door is opened. One can tell whose been to the BSC before; they are wearing sweat suits or loose dresses with no metal fittings, no underwear containing metal, and moccasins- this casual look is greatly preferred by most lawyers and clients to the extremely casual look of the unprepared, who must check all clothing containing metal in the outer hall. All papers are hand-carried; experienced litigators carry theirs in string bags to keep them from flying about the hall every time the doors are opened. When the first flood of seekers after justice has flowed to a trickle, Wiggalus, who maintains her touch with the common people by acting as second courtroom bailiff, and Olympius, Chief Jus- tice Marianus's left hand aide and stooge- ah, foil, yes, foil, head for the courtroom, majestic in their black uniforms among the naked and the laid back. Maintaining order in the courtroom proper is usually the easy part of each day- not only has the tight security at the entrance kept the dangerous loonies out, but the courtrooms are kept at a temperature which minimizes melting of the judicial Dove bars, and people find themselves becoming very friendly through the need to conserve body heat. Occasionally Q, Ferengi, or bashers are led into court by their escort ensigns, causing a slight flurry, but mostly the court procedures- gavel licking, greasing the wheels of justice with Dove Bars, grovelling and pleading but NO WHINING proceed smoothly. Whiners are fined two Snickers bars, or two Milkyway Dark, or one dove bars, payable immediately to the Bailiffs Benevolent fund and the Justice Gavel Trust. Court adjourns for the day at 4:30, and all unauthorized personnel must be out of the building before 5:00. to give the Bailiffs time to pick up unclaimed clothing and briefcases for sale in the Bailiff's Benevolent Fund and Justice Gavel Trust Thrift Shoppe. Court personnel then gather in the BSC cafeteria to disburse the days junk food accumulation and disburse it according to the rules of the Bailiffs Benevolent fund and Justice Gavel Trust. A security sweep of the entire building then proceeds, and all exterior doors are locked, bolted and security sealed. Lucretia, looking stunning in her janitorial implants and blue evening dress, meets the Bailiff Staff and passes into the building. One day ends and another begins. ---Olympius ================ BORG AS METAPHOR ================ (an experiment in terror) [although not too humorous, we were nevertheless impressed with the many voices that were heard in the subject "Borg As Metaphor" which appeared in the Star Trek Board on Prodigy from July 18 to 23, 1992 --ed. chief] Okay you guys and gals out there in borgland ...it was bound to happen...a request for a serious discussion. Are we all sitting down yet? The subject of inquiry: What does the Borg represent on STNG? Are they a metaphor for fascism? Or for organizations which demand homogeneity? Do they symbolize the 19th century colonialist frenzy? Or a 1984-ish Orwellian totalitarian night- mare? Do the Borg represent a vehicle for us to view our own prejudices and societal reactions to things that are at first blush different? Or are they merely the mirrors of the writer's own societal or personal prejudices and mores? ---Just thoughts, Oxnardus Oxy...excellent... and may I just jump in here and say that I think the Borg symbolizes an alternate path for man, where the machine takes over the man. Ideally man and machine should work in synergy...i.e., the sum is greater than its parts ... but the Borg, seem to be so cold, so ... Androidish ... Be that as it may... I love dem Borgs! ---Havoc Primus of Borg I'm not sure that "racist" is the right term. They [the Borg] will assimilate anybody. It was more like a branch of the issue. You must conform to OUR specifications or you are irrelevant, ex- pendable, Pond Scum! Actually, that is kind of Hitler-like in a way. But I found the "I Borg" episode somewhat symbolic. If we could introduce the concept that "Individuality" is acceptable and encouraged in real life we'd all have a more peaceful planet. To have all understand that their culture should be something to be proud of, without criticizing others. To not look at someone and see the color of their skin, what god they believe in, what their income level is, etc. If we are to ask if the Borg are racist, we must also ask that of the Q, the Romulans, and also those little light beings who call humans "ugly bags of mostly water." I think Star Trek is intentionally throwing in ways of being racist in that they use many examples which cause us to sit back and think "Hey, now THAT sounds familiar!" Funny, though, the characters that think that way are usually considered villains. Tonight we are seeing the episode of TNG where Riker falls in love with one of the J'naii, an androgynous race that doesn't believe in male-female relationships. Sound familiar folks, in a reversed kind of way? The idea of racism or really PREJUDICE in TNG and TOS, for that matter, opens up a vast can of worms. Maybe we should pay more attention to the real message, and not start throwing the blame at TV shows...but at ourselves. ---Tricius We have been rereading Le Guin's "The Dispossessed" again, and was struck with the thought that every human society, no matter what the theoretical basis, degenerates into a government sooner or later. We think that someone mentioned how the Borg may have been the logical descendants of modem users like us, who ended up loosing individuality in the increasing efficiency of mind-to- mind communication. It's possible the Star Trek writers are using the Borg as a metaphor for all single-minded organizations, from the Unification Church and Operation Rescue to PETA and Earth First- We dunno, have to think on it. ---Olympius, cogitating The STNG Borg could be the 24th Century version of Hitler. As Locutus said in "Best of Both Worlds Part II", "You all will be part of the New Order" or something like that. Germany thought that they were the master race. The Borg are trying to build the Master Race. ---Swannox I think that the Borg represent all that we hope we will not become: non-individuals. The government has, for so long, controlled many aspects of individuality. Everyone today has been reduced to a number. We can probably call ourselves by our Social Security Number for all the government cares. Even my patients at our clinic are bar coded. "Did you do patient 34594, yet," may not be too far in the future. Our lives are becoming controlled by computers: they tell us when to stop and go at intersections, when our cars need attention, when a bill is due, and how much that loaf of bread costs at the supermarket. The Borg have taken that to the extreme by having the entire populace controlled by a central computer that probably even tells them when to visit the little boys room. The Borg represent what could be a computer society gone wrong. All creativity has been wiped out for the sake of efficiency. I just saw an advertisement the other day that offered a device that lets you copy a photo "without any artistic talent required." You take away the creative element and you are left with nothing but robots coloring inside the lines. ---Marianus The idea that one can actually be making a statement by calling something or someone "racist" is sadly misinformed. Our culture has been going into a newspeak stage for sometime. People joke about it, but it has frightening consequences. The use of the term "racism" is an example. What do people mean when they use that term? Do they mean the entire concept of the Borg is racist? Do they mean the execution of the idea is racist? Do they mean the writers are? The producers are? That society is? Or that they feel there are not enough black actors playing the Borg? I would like theses issues to be defined. Anyways, off my tangent, you are proper in viewing the Borg as symbolic. They are the products of imagination. They were created to entertain, but also to tell us a little bit about what the writers, producers, director, actors, etc. wanted to express. As true of all successful art, the created transcends the creator. The creator becomes independent from the creator and becomes meaningful to others in ways the creator could never have imagined or even contemplated him or her or themselves. In some ways, the fascist/Nazism analogy limits the Borg symbolism. Some have seen it as the classic "Individual vs. Society" archetype, others as "Technological vs. Biological", and still others as "Nature vs. Nature". By blindly calling the Borg "racist" or "fascist", a person is limiting themselves and is probably missing the point, don't you think? ---Oxnardus (in response to Tricius) We don't remember the name of the book [Vacuum Flowers], but our spousal unit read a novel about 16 months ago where it explored the tensions between earth and its colonists. The earth people had begun to interface directly with computers and found this a better way to do things. The people of earth basically became part of one huge computer network. The colonies in outer space, on the other hand, thought this was horrible and inhuman. It dealt with the same idea, the good of the individual versus the good of the society. We have that idea fighting it out here on the planet now, in microcosms such as religious and political organizations; and macrocosms as in governmental philosophies and practical applications. ---Oxnardus [in response to Olympius] It was interesting in "I Borg" that an attempt was made to show the Borg experience from a Borg's perspective. Although all the thematic material was there before hand (laid out quite nicely in "Best of Both Worlds"), it took "I Borg" to put it into perspective. Also (we were watching "Q-Who, last night), we found Guinan's conversation with Picard at the end of "Q-Who" very illuminating. She said that the Borg might eventually want to interact with the Federation, but not as they were then. Prescient wasn't she? The "I Borg" episode laid the groundwork for that potential reality (like "Errand of Mercy" laid the groundwork for the Klingons joining in the Federation). Anyways, the Borg were presented in a way calculated to glean sympathy. True they were considered vicious, soulless and evil by the humans, but the Borg were just operating as their nature led them. As an analogy of the insect world (which, we think it is obvious that the Borg were primarily conceived of using an insect social design), a hapless victim of ants feels the same way about their captors. However, nature is violent. There are animals (including man) who go around eating up other animals with no thought whatsoever of the feelings of the other. The Borg are in some ways more humane, because periodically, they don't kill off everyone --they sometimes assimilate the body as well. The Borg are really only after the technology. They care not a whit about the body, the soul, etc. But does this make them evil? Yes and no. No, because this is their nature and they're acting on it. Yes, because Hugh has shown that their nature can be modified. Once a living creature's behavior can be modified by its own ini- tiative (that is, by its own conscious choice), then the idea of morality, spirituality, and evil come in. That is why "I Borg" has changed the whole Borg universe. That was why Picard could not give the order to destroy them. Suddenly, the Borg were "people". True, nasty, offensive, and dangerous; but people nevertheless. That is why we find the analogies of the borg to Nazis to be in someways superficial. First, the Nazis were a historic social phenomenon. The Borg are the fictitious creation of a few human minds. As most art, the Borg can be viewed as a literary and visual metaphor for aspects of our culture. The Nazis, because of their reality, is not an inviting topic for satire and humor, unless it is implicit in the humor to show society's disapproval of that social movement and the results created from following it. The Borg, however, are ripe for such humor and satire, since the Borg is a metaphor and not reality. The fact that the Borg Club members are satirizing the Borg appears much more healthy to us than if the Borg Club members were trying to emulate them. ---Oxnardus (in response to Havoc Primus) Well, the Nazis were obsessed with political order and political power. The STNG Borg could care less about such things. Further, they have no wish for a Master Race, they just wish for one race. A Master Race implies minor races. The Borg just want technology and enough Borg to keep it going. ---Oxnardus [in response to Swannox] Hmmm. Well, Borg assimilate as a way of expanding their race, as heightening all species' quality of life (that's what they said...) and as a way to learn all about that species. (this is the optimistic view of them) ---Pinacoladus I get tired of seeing all these accusations on the board by bashers, and wonder if they practice what they preach. Maybe they just get bored and grab at straws. I think they should spend more time looking at the inside issues seriously, instead of using the problem as an excuse to raise a fuss and making the issue sound trivial in the process. ---Tricius We have seen "Borg" units in other science fiction books. In Fred Saberhage's "Bezerkers" - these units were left over from a great galactic war and were mindless machines who ran rampaging through the universe destroying "life." But the analogy to the "Bezerkers" is not perfect... Another "Borg" Unit populates Gordon R. Dickson's "Hellstrom's Hive." In Hellstrom, they were a "collective" based on the Honeybee...and basically had a few major goals (1) create other "Hives" and (2) to grow and multiply. The unique thing about the Hellstrom units were that it was the Humans who were endangering their lives and their way of life. Suffice it to say that the Hellstrom Units in the end were successful, as always, when superior organization meets with inferior collectives. But the Bezerker Units and the Hellstrom Units are sorta like two sides of the Main Borg units of the ST:NG universe. By the by, EE Doc Smith also had "Borg units" but were called the "Cholorans." Anyway... throughout the Sci Fi realm there are many of our brothers and sisters populating the various mediums. Why is that? We believe that humans have a certain insecurity about being "alone." In all of Humanity we see that they seek companionship most often and if they have no friends... soon wither and die. We believe that Humanity is a more primitive form of the Borg. Now...we will support our proposition. As said before, Humanity seeks to integrate itself in their own way into a Borg collective. We see their primitive communication devices called "television" which is an organizing tool for the Humans. Very similar to a collective mind. We see many Humans being turned into zombies (an inferior form of Borg) by watching TV. We see this as distressing because we see the talents of single and individual human units (which would be useful to the collective) be dulled and destroyed. Analogies to the Nazis are indeed flawed because Nazis did not assimilate, they destroyed. The borg are very much akin to insects, but with a key distinction, they are highly evolved social creatures that cannot survive, Hugh excepted, "Alone." Back to Borg as a metaphor, we truly believe that Borg represents to humanity an alternate organization to the ruckus of current life. There are two structures, totally integrated and totally structured, or pure chaos. We think Humanity is always trying to impose structure on disorder, and in that sense Borg are the structure which Humanity lacks. As for satire... like we say... deep dish pizza, ice cold Pinacoladus er... we mean a DRINK! which is ice cold and we Borg are pretty harmless.... ---Havoc Primus of Borg Everyone has been talking about the Borg as a technological omen or as a historical look back to the age of Nazism and Fascism. But I invite you to go back further. Picture it, 1907. And young and enterprising (pardon the pun) young man follows the ideas of one Karl Marx. A new world order is formed, where all are similar to each other and all work for the collective good. Of course, I am talking about the beginning of the Soviet Union. Slowly, as time goes on, other nations are absorbed, or rather assimilated, into the Union. Nation by nation, the power of the USSR was growing. All the while, people that are born into this society are accustomed to their system of government and their comrades. Generations go by, each generation losing the yearning for freedom. That is, until the 1980s. A seed of freedom was planted in Eastern Europe. From this seed, the plant of Freedom bloomed, first breaking down the Berlin Wall, then releasing the nations of Europe and the Baltics. Finally, the whole system of Communism is toppled, all because of yearning for Freedom. This same seed, Freedom and Individuality, was planted by the Enterprise crew in the show "I, Borg." We may yet see the Borg as allies to the Federation, as the present Russia is swiftly becoming. ---Rialtus LIKE WE STATED IN A PREVIOUS POSTING, WE BELIEVE THE BORG TO REPRESENT THE EUROPEAN AND CHRISTIAN COLONIZATION OF THE PLANET... A PROCESS THAT CONTINUES TODAY. THE EUROPEANS SOUGHT TO EXPLOIT THE KNOWLEDGE AND RESOURCES OF OTHER RACES IN ORDER TO BENEFIT THEIR OWN. AT THE SAME TIME, THE CULTURES OF THOSE "ASSIMILATED" SOCIETIES WERE FOREVER CHANGED. THIS SEEMS TO BE EXACTLY WHAT THE BORG ARE ABOUT. ---Allofus Labels of any kind limit discussion- we can stop thinking about something the moment we get it sorted into its pigeonhole, and start complaining about it instead. A label gives you something which you can scream at the top of your lungs, a metaphor something to contemplate quietly. The Borg club is a metaphor for something, to the tendency for human beings, no matter what the government, no matter what the theoretical structure, to act like human beings, concerned mostly with food, drink, play and gossip. There's a great scene in John Brunner's "The Stone that Never Came Down" where soldiers ready to go to war undergo a conversion experience and become friends- the first thing they do is compare wine and cigarettes. One has to wonder what the TNG Borg DO all the time- a technology which truly used the human brain in a parallel network would work so fast that there would be a lot of down time (Anne McCaffrey's shell people and Frank Herbert's Navigators ran ships with ONE human brain, although highly modified). Now, it is possible to say that my inability to see what they could do is a result of the limited human intelligence not being able to perceive the necessities of busy-ness in a more highly evolved race. However, the more I think of it, the more I realize that hive societies are usually non-intelligent because they are so efficient that brains would be a waste of calories. Human societies, when they are supporting themselves through efficient and elegant subsistence systems like hunting and gathering or low tech-agricultural systems, spend most of their time taking naps, telling stories, dancing and snacking. The Industrial Revolution freed us to make too much stuff and have too little time to party- the TNG BORG may well be the ultimate result of that trend, and the Borg Club represent nature's rebellion. ---Olympius, and if you doubt our analysis we can get you the citations about the activity patterns of industrialized vs non industrialized societies PERHAPS IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN,......ONCE. WHAT'S THIS PAIN INFLICTING SOUL SEARCHING AND GUILT RIDDEN FLOOD OF WELL CONSTRUCTED AND SUPERIORLY INTELLECTUAL PHRASES AND...HMM.. METAPHORS??? TOO MUCH FREE UPTIME? A NEED TO CORE DUMP? ARE THE BORG BORGED? THIS UNIT WILL ATTRIBUTE THIS EMOTIONAL MALFUNCTION OF SOME OF THE COLLECTIVE INVOLVED HERE TO ATMOSPHERIC DISTURBANCES AND MAGNETIC ANOMALIES PRESENT IN THIS TOPIC, THAT REMAINS NOT FULLY ASSIMILATED BY BORG, TO WHOM IT'S STILL AN ALIEN TERRITORY. NOT FOR LONG. WHERE IS THAT BEACH BOYS CD AND WHY IS OUR PEPPERONI GREEN? AFTER ALL, RESISTANCE IF FUTILE, RIGHT? ---Semenovich of Borg, knows very well who started this, ABC. After reading that statement, I now have different views concerning the meaning of the Borg, This note comes after my first response to you, I read only notes to my ID first, thus when I started reading all the other notes, I see Borg are Ra- cist. I see then that the note in an unknowing way mocks my original post. I can see however that labeling them as such limits there effectiveness. Enough of my rambling! ---Swannox (in response to Oxnardus) Well instead of the elimination of inferior races, they assimilate them! Assimilation could be a form of political order, all that are not of Borg are assimilated. Locutus said that all the borg want to do is improve mankind, something like that, I don't have a copy of BOBW. I could be wrong, but Hitler was the first thing that came to mind! --Swannox (in response to Oxnardus) Well, we don't think of them as racist; more as anti-individualists. Racists traditionally isolate the races in order to elevate their own. The Borg care nothing of other races and therefore elevation is irrelevant (to use a catchy phrase). Racism is irrelevant to the Borg because they do not favor one race over another. Infact, they are not even a race (or specie for that matter) since they can assimilate and procreate whatever they want by their technology. ---Oxnardus (in response to Swannox) Our spousal unit and us had a discussion about this topic and our husband's point of view was very similar to yours. His view of the Borg is much more understanding than mine. He, too, see's the Borg as a potential and not necessarily innately evil. He felt that the "I Borg" episode supported his theories of the Borg. ---Oxnardus (in response to Havoc primus) First, Hitler was real; the Borg are an artistic statement. Second, Hitler was a human, formed by his environment, culture and history; the Borg were formed as a concept in human minds to express some kind of horrible lifeform for the Enterprise crew to encounter. They wanted an especially vile one, at that. In their search of societal jungian symbols, they used many. Yes, Hitler may have been one of them, but by far not the only one or even the primary one. There are elements of insect order, collective consciousness, cybernetic technology, 19th century imperialism, fear of the unknown, black leather, being ignored, being over- whelmed by the majority, etc. All these ideas and more are present in the Borg metaphor, and all have scary connotations in modern society. ---Oxnardus (in response to Swannox) i have seen many people talk of the star trek borg and the *p borg as if they were the same. i think everyone must realize that all of us would be the same if this were the ferengi club. chats would still hate caps, oxy would still be the head honch, i'd still be...me. think on it. this note is to "all". ---BEAST Since you put it that way! I agree. ---Swannox (in response to Oxnardus) ALL RISE!!! The honorable Chatsworthus of Borg is now entering the courtroom.... We have read the note, and all of the replies, with GREAT interest. We appreciate the eloquence of Oxnardus (who spelled everything correctly w/o the spellchecker, according to our optic implants), Tricius and Marianus (who as usual got right down to the kernel of the matter), Swannox, (who REALLY should be elected), and the new (to this unit) unit Art Orejudos (sp?), who also expresses thought with crystal clarity.... Oxnardus made a BRILLIANT point in her reply posted 7/19 @ 5:28 PM, when she said that it is far healthier that we SATIRIZE the Borg as we do, than attempt to EMULATE the culture. There is a VERY large difference here! For this particular unit, who is also Jewish, as if you hadn't guessed), we find great pleasure in the totally off-the-wall stuff going on here. We enjoy the companionship of SENTIENT beings, either in person or on the boards, AND THAT'S IT!! We occasionally enjoy deep discussion, as it keeps the cranial internal implants from getting rusty, but what bothers us a little here, is that we were guilty of thinking that the basher who suggested the nonsense that we are, forgive the ridiculous expression, "racist", was just trying to make his usual trouble, and could care less about what we, or any THINKING being, think.... He is no more interested in a serious discussion than Hitler was. We reiterate Mark Twain's (Sam Clemens') statement that trying to teach a pig to sing will accomplish nothing, and only annoy the pig. Now THERE's a metaphor (simile?) for you!!!!! ---Chatsworthus, rational. CHATS, THAT WAS BASICALLY WHAT WE SAID OURSELVES IN REPLY TO THE FIRST NOTE, ALTHOUGH WE WERE PROUD FOR THE COLLECTIVE'S ABILITY TO CARRY SUCH MINDBORGLING DISCUSSION, THOUGH PERHAPS FU- TILE. ---Semenovich Good for you for satirizing the Borg, I think it is a much healthier trend than trying to emulate them. I think both sides on this issue have made good points, though (the little I have seen, I am not an expert on this debate by any means). It would certainly be a better course than some of the seriousness I have seen in regards to the Borg "lifestyle". ---SANDRA DOZIER Ignoring the so-called "bashers" (And of course by giving them such a title and then disdaining them, one commits what could be considered a form of racism) will not solve anything. It must be considered that some of them may actually want an intelligent discussion; assuming that certain people do not simply because of who they are is prejudice. For that matter, it should not be relevant (pardon the borgism) whether they want an intelligent discussion. If the subject is interesting, everyone else is going to want one. Furthermore, if one is merely being malicious, why? Everyone here has been angry, and there was always a reason. Can someone be innately evil? I don't believe so, but if they were, could they be blamed? It isn't fair to brush someone off simply because they annoy or irritate you. I know we do get angry sometimes, and sometimes we just can't deal with someone who annoys us. But on Prodigy, it is easy to wait until one has cooled off before responding. Ignoring a person or giving an angry response merely adds fuel to the fire. That fuel is our souls. ---E Pluribus of Borg Bravo! To one and all! This is the type of stuff I was hoping to see on this BB all along! So good, in fact, that I really have nothing to add (isn't that strange?). To Oxnardus [sp?], great job of bringing out the right issues, keep it up! I did use the word "emulate" in my reply to another note on the subject, and you are right "satirize" is better, so I hereby take it back. Here's hoping all your Borgs are good ones! ---New Admirer of the Borg---SEH [SCOTT HARRIGAN] Scott, let me add my admiring voice to yours! I'm new to *P*, having lurked around this sector for about four months (as well as the Classical Music BB). I am SO impressed by the collective's intelligence, humor and maturity! Truly the 'best of ALL worlds'. How can I be assimilated? Would the collective accept a lurker-come-lately? Is there a Borg on-line charge once I'm plugged in? Do implants only come in basic black? Will these 'deep' discussions continue to invade the happy anarchy of Borg-dom to leaven the (pizza-dough) mix? This prospective unit, desiring a balanced mental diet (left- and right-brain nourishment, y'know) hopes so! I await further instructions. ---Sharoney [SHARON MAHONEY] Oxnardus: Thanks for the enlightening excerpt. I know I am not at all bored when I watch an episode with the Borg. But it is interesting to see the quiet way they go about things, and I think that is what gives them their creepiness, if you will. ---SANDRA DOZIER (TGDM58A) Even before my entry into this club, I have been fascinated by the Borg. I have found the Borg episodes consistently the best STNG can muster. And the Borg, of course, is a uniquely 90's villain. I doubt the audiences of the 1960's would have gotten it about the Borg. A quote from Rick Berman in the article I cited before "One of the reasons the writing staff avoided doing Borg shows was that it was tough to pit the Enterprise against an omnipotent, unbeat- able entity and stay alive for another episode." Berman's observation is very apparent in Best of Both Worlds. The brilliance of "I Borg" is that they approached the Borg from a completely new angle...that is, made them sympathetic. BOBW painted them as complete monsters. "I Borg" showed that humans can relate to them. "I Borg" was one of the best statements Star Trek, old or new, has made regarding the intricacies and practice of prejudice. "I Borg" went so far as to offer an antidote as well. The four Borg episodes of STNG are some of the best drama created on television in the 1990's. ---Oxnardus, in a singular mood Sheesh, this is getting too much like work. I want to go back to the good old silly days when I didn't have to worry about this stuff. The world is messed up. That's a given. Let's just not mess up the Borg Club. I need some place to play. ---Oxnardus, in another singular mood ===================================== NEW POLICY REGARDING BIG BOOK OF BORG ===================================== In previous RIFs, the Big Book of Borg has been printed within the newsletter. With this issue we will begin a new policy whereby the list will be sent with RIF, but will be separate from it. To celebrate this exciting new editorial policy, we have included on the verso page, Marianus of Borg's board game. Enjoy. ============= ADVERTISEMENT ============= Tired of beeing harassed? Wont two get rid of that business part nor whose dip ping inn two thee till? Wont that nagging spouse two disappear? Then, you half come too thee write place. Borg Pro Tech Shun, Ink. will pro vied inn knee serve ice, inn knee thyme, four thee write price. ---TeaBorg ================= EDITORIAL NOTICES ================= The Borg Club is present on commercial national bulletin board services and on many amateur bulletin board networks and local areas. ================= COPYRIGHT NOTICES ================= "RIF" acknowledges that Paramount Pictures and its various subsidiaries as having the sole rights to the Star Trek trademark. "RIF" has no intention to infringe upon that copyright or earn profit from this publication. It is distributed free of charge. "RIF" also acknowledges the Prodigy Services, General Electric, and NVN copyrights. This newsletter may be distributed by anyone if kept intact and not altered in anyway. Consider it shareware publishing! Resistance is Futile, copyright (c) 1992, 1993 by RIF BBS ============================ BACK ISSUES OF RIF AVAILABLE ============================ Missing an issue? Used your RIF for a place mat or coaster one time too many? Just send a self-addressed stamped ($.52) business sized envelope to RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031 and that abused issue will be replaced. Please indicate which issue you desire. All back issues are available! ========================= ADDRESSES OF CONTRIBUTORS ========================= Allofus (NBKB43A) BEAST (SHRK82A) Chatworthus (BFSF75A) Dons (RNMC05A) E Pluribus of Borg PROF. GHOSTWRITERUS OF BORG (GMDH77A) Havoc Primus (NWJX68B) Lucretia (MBJM54B) Marianus of Borg (NRCR88A) NOVELLUS (GMDH77A) Olympius (DPNV14B) Oxnardus (HCMH17A) Pinacoladus (PJVK38B) Randinius (RMGB46C) Rialtus (VCBD90A) Robinus (NRCR88B) Rubberus Checkus (BVBP84A) SANDRA DOZIER (TGDM58A) SCOTT HARRIGAN (JMCH13A) Semenovich of Borg (HVBW68C) SHARON MAHONEY (FCFH17B) Swannox (HCMH17F) TeaBorg (NVN: Tgottlieb) TRICIUS OF BORG\BETA (FMDD39B) ========================= ____________ BORG CLUB: THE BOARD GAME |STOP HERE | ========================= |ONE TURN | by Marianus of Borg ++++++|TO EAT THE|+++++++++++++ + |CHOCOLATE | + + |BAR YOU | + _____________ ++++++ |BROUGHT | + |START HERE | + ~~~~~~~~~~~~ + |FOR YOUR | +++++++++++ + _____________ + |QUEST FOR | + + |THE SUPREME| + ____________ |THE LOCAL | ___+_________ + |BORG IS | + |YOU HAVE | |PIZZA PIZZA| |FALSE START| + |COMING! |++++ |INSULTED A| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |GO BACK ONE|++++ |HURRY AND | |FERENGI. | |SPACE! | |ROLL AGAIN!| +++|CONGRATS! | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~+~~~~~~ + |GO AHEAD | + + |2 SPACES. | ______________________ + + ~~~~~+~~~~~~ |YOU'VE DONE IT!! SIT| ______+______ + + |BACK AND ENJOY YOUR | |A Q HAS | + + |FABULOUS CHOCOLATE | |FOUND YOU. |+ + |PIZZA MADE BY OUR | |YOU ARE A | ______+______ |VERY FAMOUS FRENCH | |FROG. HOP | |JIFFY CUBE:| |CHEF PIERRUS! | |BACK ONE | | | _____________ ~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~ |SPACE. | +|RESTOCK ON | |MEMORY | + ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ + |SODA AND | |MALFUNCTION|+++ + _____________ + |POTATO | |GO BACK TO | + + |OXNARDUS IS| + |CHIPS. | |START. | + _______+_______ |WATCHING. |++++ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~+~~~~~~~ + |ALMOST THERE!| |DON'T DO | + +++YOU CAN TASTE| |ANYTHING | + |THAT PIZZA | |STUPID. | + |NOW! | ~~~~~+~~~~~~~ _____+________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ + |YOU ARE | _____________ _____+______ |ASSIMILATING| |YOU SPILLED| |YOUR HAIR | |SOMEONE. | |YOUR SODA. |+++++++|IS GROWING| |WAIT ONE |+++++++GO BACK TO | |BACK. WAIT| |TURN. | |JIFFY CUBE!| |ONE TURN | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |TO BE | |SHAVED. | ~~~~~~~~~~~~ RULES: Use a standard die (singular of dice). The result of a roll will be as follows: ROLL: NUMBER OF MOVES ON BOARD: 1 1 2 2 3 3 4 1 5 2 6 3 The first Borg to the Pizza Pizza Parlor will be the envy of all its friends. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE Reprint Issue for Downloading [The following newsletter is a special reprint created especially for distribution over BBS systems. RIF is the newsletter of the "Borg Club", an organization originally only located on the Prodigy Network Service from February 1992 to April 1993. It expanded into the GEnie Network in May 1993, the NVN Network in June 1993, and into various other BBSes and networks from July 1993. WARNING: The first seven issues of RIF were assumed to be read by Prodigy members. All IDs are Prodigy IDs. Many of the references are made to Prodigy idiosyncracies.]