_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** RIF BBS (805) 588-9349 P.O. Box 81181 Bakersfield, CA 93308 http://marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 46 September 1995 ========= CONTENTS ========= FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Start of new serial YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED, NOT: Writing the media WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A BORG JANEWAY MEETS THE BORG! TREK MEETS WINDOWS 95: Will Windows 95 Live Long and Prosper? STAR TREK SUPERIORITY SERIES: DS9 vs. Babylon 5 RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter One: A Small Respite Chapter Two: News of Danger UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 16 (Sc.65) The Fine Print =============================== FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF =============================== WHAT'S NEW THIS ISSUE? We kick off this month with "Resistance", a twelve part serial. Warning, this is not a parody, but an honest-to-goodness serial. Instead of entering the world of chuckles and knowing winks, we will boldly go into the world of derring-do and cliff- hanger endings. MORE WHINY EXCUSES Last month, this month, and next month have been, are, and will be killer months. I have about 65 pages worth if e-mail correspondence that I have not had time to get through. I will try to start wading through it later this month, but I might not get to some of it until November. If you wrote me specific requests or questions between August and now, and you have not received a direct reply, then assume you are in the big file! I will answer everything, but it will take a while. ---Oxnardus ============================ YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED, NOT ============================ Writing the Media ----------------- As for writing to save your favorite shows, here are some media email addresses: ABC abcaudr@ccabc.com CBS cbso01a@prodigy.com NBC Marketing marketing@nbc.com NBC News nightly@news.nbc.com NBC Dateline dateline@news.nbc.com NBC Conan O'Brien conanshow@aol.com FOX foxnet@delphi.com UPN 5555 Melrose Ave. Marathon 1200 LA CA 90038 Warner 4000 Warner Blvd. Bldg. no. 34R Burbank CA 91522 OR teambarbie@aol.com CSPAN cspanguest@aol.com PBS "POV" povonline@aol.com TIME Magazine timeletter@aol.com NEWSWEEK letters@newsweek.com BBC iac@bbc-ibar.demon.co.uk Radio Havana radiohc@tinored.cu Acoustic Cafe(CIDR) acafe@ic.net "Fresh Air" NPR freshair@hslc.org Mystery Science Theater 3000 bbrains@mr.net Bruce Sterling bruces@phantom.com USA Today usatoday@clark.net For others check the WEB site: http://www.tvnet.com/ ---MFNG88B@PRODIGY.COM@INET# (Stephen Mendenhall) ============================== WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A BORG ============================== I had a Borg girlfriend. And she was pretty cool. I did not mind her physical strength, though those implants can sure hurt. I do not want to go into the details. One major problem, is they sunburn too easily. She would NOT go to the beach, and she was always going out on assimilation runs. I was very jealous. ---Cowboy (Cowboy@trans.csuohio.edu) ======================= JANEWAY MEETS THE BORG! ======================= [The Voyager is on her merry way home. It seems for once that the whole ship is quiet. The mouse's great, great, great, great, great...well you get the point: the mouse which was quiet during the night before Christmas is even happy.] Kes: Doctor, what can I be taught now? Doctor: I'm not sure . . . Hey, wait a second. Kes: What? Doctor: I'll teach you how to make dangerous biochemical weapons. Kes: But why? Doctor: Well you can come in handy in case the Captain needs to start a war. Kes: But I don't want to start a war. Doctor: Quit whining little girl. [Nelix walks in.] Nelix: Is there something I should know about. (Kes approaches him but the doctor places his hand on her mouth.) Doctor: No, no, no . . . I was just going to teach her some new biology course. [Meanwhile...Roseanne of Borg makes her way into the Voyager sector. Kim notices the Cube at his station and begins to mumble.] Kim: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Big. (Stuttering now.) big-big. Janeway: Yes? Kim: The-the B-B-B- (Before he can finish Tuvok quickly orders Red Alert.) Tuvok: Captain the Borg! Janeway: Yes, yes, I know. Kim, what are you trying to tell me? Kim: Borg . . . . (Finally he manages to say.) Janeway: We already know that. Kim: Sorry. Janeway: Let's try hailing them Mr. Tuvok . . . [On the screen appears Roseanne . . . .] Tuvok: Fascinating . . . Paris: Man is that the ugliest thing I ever saw. Chakotay: You said it. Roseanne: (Laughter.) Where is my Tom? Janeway: (Steps forward confused.) Excuse me? Roseanne: My Tom? Janeway: You mean Riker? Roseanne: Yes? Janeway: Ummm, how would you know Tom? Roseanne: He killed my brother . . . TO BE CONTINUED? ---A013735T@BCFREENET.SEFLIN.LIB.FL.US@INET# Mitch Holzman ===================== TREK MEETS WINDOWS 95 ===================== Will Windows 95 Live Long and Prosper? -------------------------------------- "Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the MicroSoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel." "Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL." "Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?" "Captain, are you surrrrre you want to rrrreplace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!" "Scotty, that's an order." "Aye Captain, but she's just not ready. She needs a proper beta shakedown." "That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?" "We're on disk 5, sir." "Good. Spock?" "Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt." "Then Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the Microsoft sound card, which works fine as configured under Windows 3.1?" "Unknown, Captain." "Will it use a ProAudio Spectrum?" "Unknown, Captain." "How about a Sound Blaster?" "Unknown, Captain." "What good are you, anyway?" "Box-office attraction, Captain." "Bones?" "I'm a doctor - not a hardware technician." "Spock, cancel the Microsoft sound card and install the ProAudio Spectrum. Chekov, finish the software installation. Sulu, reboot the system when it's ready and prepare to go to task speed on my signal." "Aye, aye, Captain." "Chekov?" "We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain." "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre." "Scotty, we haven't even started yet." "Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..." "Sulu, go to task 1. Bring up the README.TXT in the notepad." "Aye, Captain." "Wait a minute. Cancel that order. Plot a shortcut to the README.TXT in the desktop zone. We'll be navigating back there frequently." "Yes, Sir." "Spock?" "It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir. The ProAudio Spectrum 16 isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI." "Disable the card, Spock." "I'm sorry, sir. It won't disable the SCSI without stopping the sound card first. And it won't disable the sound card without disabling the SCSI first." "Captain, an enemy ship is approaching at 12 o'clock." "[Looks at watch.] Good, that gives us a little more time to debug these systems." "No, sir. The ship is already upon us." "Uhura?" "Scanning all frequencies, sir. I'm trying to get an image, sir, but the system is awfully slow." "Scotty, what's happening down there?" "The engine is running smoothly, Captain, but the 16-bit GDI can only process one console request at a time." "See what you can do, Scotty. Spock?" "It appears to be an IBM ship, Captain. Equipped with a Warp drive." [Impressive sound of Warp engine coming up to speed. OOhs and Ahhs as crew gazes in the direction of enemy ship.] "Put it on visual, Mr. Chekov." "Aye, Captain." [Louder OOhs and Ahhs.] "Mr. Spock, the enemy ship is approaching fast. We need audio!" "I'm sorry, Captain. The registry is not responding." "Bones?" "I'm a doctor, not a beta tester!" "Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file." "Captain - it's gone. Some other task in the system must have moved or changed it." "Long-range scan, Chekov." "I found it, Captain. Wait a minute. This README.TXT file is for the game Land of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice of King Richard." "Patrick Stewart?" "You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?" "No." "Must be a generation gap." "Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre." "[Sigh.] Maintain power, Mr. Scott. Quick, Sulu, put us on red alert." "Captain, I can't figure out how to change the color of the desktop background!" "Bones?" "I'm a doctor, not the FORCE docs!!" "Never mind. Find the screen saver. Spock, prepare to fire HP LaserJet." "Captain, I've chosen the screen saver that says `Chicago is COOL' but now I'm getting no response at the helm." [BOOM as the enemy hits ship with photon torpedo, then large zapping sound, then either the ship moves back and forth, or people sway left and right, depending on perspective. Sparks fly from console, fires glare, indicating what would normally be irreparable damage, yet will be fixed in just minutes.] "Sulu, take evasive action; otherwise, it's certain doom!" "Aye, Aye, Captain. It certainly is Doom and I don't mind saying I'm getting awfully sick of this demo. Doom is one of the most stable games on the market and it runs under OS/2 with no problems whatsoever." "We've got... to get... to the colonel. Uhura... notify... the... colonel at Star Fleet." "Captain, I think either communications are breaking up, or you're dropping into melodramatic Shakespearean stammer mode again." "Spock?" "Fascinating, Captain. It would seem that the needs of the few have out-weighed the needs of the many." "Scotty, get us out of here!" "Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding! We'll have to do a hard boot to rrrrecover." ---connie@cozmic.com & gretchen@adichi.com ============================ STAR TREK SUPERIORITY SERIES ============================ STAR TREK DEEP SPACE NINE VS. BABYLON 5 --------------------------------------- CAST: ROLE STAR TREK DS9 BABYLON 5 Leader person Sisko Sinclair, Sheridan Second in Cmnd Kira Ivanova Security Guy Odo Garibaldi Doctor Guy Bashir Whatsisface Mysterious Alien Lady Dax Delenn Troublemaking Alien Quark Narn and Centauri Ambassadors Station Log: Lunchtime! We are following up on a first contact mission into another dimension, where Major Kira reports her team has found a universe nearly parallel to our own, yet, in her words, "largely inferior." Before her legendary diplomatic talents get us on yet ANOTHER alien race's death list, I am arriving personally to coordinate diplomatic efforts - at least until we get peeved enough to dispense with the formalities and just exchange phaser fire. DAX: Rio Grande to Babylon 5, requesting docking privileges. SINCLAIR: This is Commander Sinclair of Babylon 5, the place where aliens and humans meet to argue. Which are you, so we can make out name tags? SISKO: Er..."alien" is a relative term, Commander, as a person in your profession must know. SINCLAIR: Nawww. Aliens have all sorts of disgusting make up and try to wage war on you. Humans wear blue suits and pretend to be innocent victims. SISKO: Ah. Ok, one of each, then. (Ignores dirty look from Dax) When in Rome... (Rio Grande docks, Sisko and Dax are reunited with Kira, Odo, Bashir, & Quark) KIRA: Commander, thank the prophets you've arrived! If I had to spend ONE minute longer with this inferior replicas of us... SISKO: Now, now, Major, let's keep our prejudices in check. "Inferior" is hardly a diplomatic assessment ODO: Don't be so quick to reprimand her, Commander. Have you met the crew here yet? SISKO: No, but I plan to open full diplomatic relations - (Pause as fifteen different fistfights suddenly erupt between humans, M'mbari, Narn, Centauri, and every other creature in the surrounding plaza for no apparent reason) ODO: What is this? Security here is appalling! GARIBALDI: Nawwww...this is cake compared to what usually goes on. We figure as long as none of them are planting explosives, it's not a big security issue. SISKO: (dodging flying objects) Hmm...we've had our share of explosives and such on Ds9 (gives Kira dirty look). But excuse me if I find it a little difficult to have a discussion here... (Flying drink hits Bashir, knocks him unconscious) GARIBALDI: Hmmm. Ok, let's go to the command center, there's a statute that a maximum of 3 fistfights are allowed there. (Ds9 crew meets Babylon 5 gang, they break out the chips n' salsa as they duck more hurtling objects and shut their ears to alien curses and accusations) SINCLAIR: Welcome to Babylon 5. You're from Deep Space 9? SISKO: Yes, we are. SINCLAIR: I would have thought this...Federation...of yours would have given up by now. I mean, come on, the NINTH station? Where did they find the money? SISKO: Er...I don't quite understand you. The more Deep Space stations Starfleet builds, the more unexplored space we can chart and the more races we can make contact with. It seems we're a little ahead of you, nine to five, and such. SINCLAIR: Uh...actually, it's more like nine to one. We call this station Babylon 5 because Babylon 1 thru 4 got destroyed in arguments. KIRA: (elbowing Sisko) See! See! And you think we Bajorans are violent! SISKO: Ah...my second in command seems to need a leave of absence. Perhaps she and your number two could get together and shoot the bull. SINCLAIR: Good idea. Lt Cmndr Ivanava, why don't you and Kira go down and get something to eat - just be avoid deck 15, there are a couple of riots there. IVANAVA: Coming, Major? KIRA: (to Sisko) No way am I going with her, Commander! SISKO: Major, you're being unreasonable. This is a diplomatic mission, and you're in serious danger of jeopardizing it. What's the matter with meeting Lt Cmndr Ivanava for lunch? KIRA: Look at her!! She's a carbon copy of me! Oh sure, she's Jewish, I'm Bajoran, but she's also from a persecuted race with an attitude. For crying out loud, we even have the same big nose! Can't you see this "Babylon Five" is just a pale copy of our station? SISKO: Major, that's enough! Go take a look at Dr. Bashir - see, now that he's conscious again, he's over there with that blonde woman, trying to establish peaceful relations. ( A loud expletive is heard, followed by an even louder SLAP and Bashir crying out in pain ) BASHIR: What did I say? TALIA WINTERS: It was what you THOUGHT! Drop dead, you male pig! (storms off) BASHIR: (to Sisko) Commander, this place is no fun. All the good looking women are telepaths! A guy like me doesn't have a prayer of getting a date! DAX: Like things are any different on Ds9? BASHIR: Hey! KIRA: (jumps up and down) See? See? It's all the same! SISKO: Allright - Major, Doctor Bashir, go back in sit in the Runabout! (To Sinclair) Sorry about this. Unlike the crew on the Next Generation, we Deep Space Nine folks have lots of internal conflict and angst. SINCLAIR: Conflict? You call that conflict? Here on Babylon Five, that would be romantic dialogue! (Station rocks with an internal explosion). See? SISKO: You really should do something about quelling that internal strife. Don't you have outside enemies to fight? SINCLAIR: D*mned straight we do! SISKO: Perhaps we could exchange strategies. Deep Space Nine is threatened every day by cold and viscous hordes of Cardassian storm troopers, unrelenting Jem H'dar who thrive on battle, the shape shifting Founders of the Dominion, and a host of unknown nasties from the Gamma Quadrant just to begin with... SINCLAIR: Er...well, we have the M'mbari. They're kind of space-hippies who we violent until they found out that we share souls with them. Now they're kind of like buddies. They like wrapping themselves up in cocoons. SISKO: My. They sound horrid. SINCLAIR: Well, they really were at one point. My ship got blown up in battle with them. SISKO: Hey, what a coincidence! MY ship got wasted in battle too, against an unfeeling invulnerable giant borg cube that took down forty starships! I lost my wife, and my son and I barely escaped with our lives. Was your experience similar? SINCLAIR.Uh...no, actually. I kind of slept through the final days of the war. They examined me, found out we shared souls, and cut me loose without a scratch. SISKO: Oh. I see. (To himself) I'm beginning to agree with Kira. (More explosions, sounds of rioting and looting) ODO: With all due respect, Commander Sinclair, I've had enough of your lax security here! I find it insulting. SISKO: Odo! Where were you? ODO: I was delayed when I had to arrest Quark back on Earth 2 for selling illegal Dabo tables to the Grindlers [see my last story.] QUARK: Grrr! That do-gooder shape shifted and disguised himself as a deer, then crept up in the forest and nabbed me! SISKO: Odo? A deer? QUARK: A female deer, actually. GARIBALDI: Man, you sound like you do a better job than me on your station, Mister Odo. Wanna trade security strategies? ODO: Fine. I have armies of loyal Bajoran guards, and when that fails, I shape shift into whatever I need to be to apprehend a criminal. I can squeeze through the narrowest passages, morph out of the way of weapons fire, and disguise myself as the most innocent of objects to spy on conspirators. What about you? GARIBALDI: I...uh...watch a lot of Looney Toons. You can be surprised what law-enforcement tips you can pick up from Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd. I put up a "Rabbit Season" sign and took care of a whole slew of Lapine Terrorists. [Author's note: for those who did not read WATERSHIP DOWN, Lapine = Rabbits. Having to explain this kind of kills the whole effect, tho] ODO: (snorts) Commander Sisko, I'm forced to agree with Kira. Everything we've seen here points to the fact that this is a parallel and inferior copy of our own, prime dimension. DAX: Here here. The Commander's name even begins with an S, Benjamin. Say, where IS Commander Sinclair, anyway? SHERIDAN: He's out. I'm in. My name begins with an S, too. SISKO: I admit that I'm starting to loose my patience here. Perhaps we should leave, now. BESTER: No vone goes anyvere! I am taking over ze station vith my army of telepaths! SHERIDAN: Oh no! It's the evil Bester! What can we do? SISKO: Chekov? BESTER: Vhat is this I zee? A Ztarfleet uniform? Are my eyez dezeiving me? SISKO: Where have you BEEN all of these years? BESTER: (puts down his gun, sighs in relief, hugs Sisko): Oh, Kiptin, it vas terrible! Eighty yearz ago I vas thrust into a parallel dimenzion where everyone is a pale copy of uz in Ztarfleet! Everyone vaz so wimpy that I couldn't rezizt the chance to become a villain and conquer them all. But now, I just vant to go home and serve on a Ztarfleet vessel again! SHERIDAN : Ok, that settles it, I'm tired of being insulted! Get these Starfleet boys off our station, Garibaldi! SISKO: Did you...just...call...me...BOY? SHERIDAN: Er...a....easy now... SISKO: NO ONE CALLS ME "BOY" AND LIVES! UP AGAINST THE WALL, MOTHER %&^%!%!!! (shaves his head, puts on sunglasses, reverts to Hawk Mode from Spencer series. Whips out a Colt 45 and pistol whips Sheridan into a bloody mess). ODO: Uh...Commander...we should go now... SISKO: D*mned straight we should go! Rio Grande, beam us back and let's blow this taco stand! <<>> IVANAVA: Quick! Tactical! Blow their runabouts out of space! GARIBALDI: No can do...they're out of range. We can send pursuit... (Sisko appears on comm-screen) SISKO: If you're even THINKING of pursuing us, I have two words to make you weep. WARP DRIVE. IVANAVA: D*mn! He's right! We're stuck using those stupid hyperspace gates! We'll never catch them before they flee back to their own universe! GARIBALDI: Well, if they ever come back, there's no way they can take this station. They only have three measly runabouts, and we have an army of fighters. SISKO: Oh yeah? Watch this! (snaps fingers, and the DEFIANT uncloaks mere meters away from Babylon 5) IVANAVA: A ship just appeared out of nowhere ! It's powering weapons! Do something! GARIBALDI: I can't! There's been another looting! The Narn swiped all of our ammo and are tossing it at the Centauri! IVANAVA: Just great - then we're helpless if they - (DEFIANT fires full phaser spread and quantum torpedoes, blows Babylon 5 into a billion chunks of space dust) KIRA: Ha! Third age of mankind, my a**! They'll have to build a Babylon Six now! BASHIR: I certainly HOPE not! KIRA: Now does everyone believe me? SISKO: Not now, Kira - I'm getting back to our universe before Hawk Mode wears off so I can go kick some Jem H'adar across the quadrant! (Later, back at the Station) DAX: How did the station hold up in our absence, Chief? OBRIEN: Well, a long dormant and until now-undetected Cardassian computer virus threatened to self-destruct the station, a Borg warship came through the wormhole and threatened to assimilate us if we didn't show them the way to the nearest Nobody Beats The Whiz, Bajoran terrorists threatened to destroy the wormhole, and Garak pierced his finger in a sewing accident and threatened to sue us all. You know, a normal day of life on Deep Space Nine. SISKO: Ah, just what I like to hear! Life back to normal in our own, proper dimension, where space explorers lead halfway exciting lives. Now excuse me, I have to prepare a report for Starfleet command...and woe be it if a stuffed suit Admiral tries to give me any lip.... (pump the DS9 music) THE END ---David Nurenberg (SKIOLD@AOL.COM) ============================ RESISTANCE: Chapters 1 and 2 ============================ Part 1 of 12 A Star Trek: Next Generation Serial Chapter One: A Small Respite "Captain's log, star date 48043.9. Star Base 141 has just finished its repairs and refits on the Enterprise. Since the plan to add a new weapon to Galaxy class starships had been canceled when we found out that the Borg were no longer a threat, there were no major upgrades to the ship. Since most crew members are still on the star base's recreational areas, the Enterprise won't depart before star date 48050.0." Picard finished the official log entry, having just finished his last inspection of the repaired parts of his ship. He was quite satisfied with the repair team's efficiency. They had not only finished repairs on the ship two days before the Enterprise was scheduled to leave, they had also re-programmed the ship's universal translator to understand the new Romulan code. Since there was nothing left to do for Picard, he left for his ready room, ordered a cup of Earl Grey tea from the food synthesizer and sat down behind his desk, opening one of his favorite old books. In the meantime, his first officer was in the ship's holodeck, enjoying a re-creation of a jazz band, playing the trombone, talking to holographic guests, and dancing. Worf was in the middle of a strategema game with the star base's security chief. Data had decided to work with the star base's computers, accessing all new information gathered by Federation scientists - a normal recreation time for all the ship's crew members, after all. Few days later, when all crew members had returned to duty, Picard made his next log entry. Chapter Two: News of Danger "Captain's log, star date 48050.0. With all crew members back on duty, we are departing from star base 141. We have been ordered to transport some dilithium crystals to the research lab on Ragat IV, where the scientists are working on a more efficient warp propulsion system." "The star base has cleared us for departure, Captain." Ensign Seron, the Vulcan ship's navigator, said. "Set course, half impulse. Accelerate to warp 5 as soon as we're out of here." "Half impulse, aye, Sir." The Enterprise left the star base, increasing speed to warp 5 after having cleared the star base. "It will be intriguing to see the Ragat IV research lab. Dr. Bero's theories on improved warp-propulsion, are very interesting." Data said. "It will be very interesting to see the Ragat IV labs. I've always hoped I'd meet Dr. Bero some day. His solution to the Cochrane equation was one of the biggest advances in warp technology in the last 25 years." LaForge added. "Sure it is. And his theories on exceeding warp 10 are ..." "Exceeding warp 10? I thought that was impossible!" Riker said. "According to the current theories, it is impossible. But, long time ago, people thought that the speed of sound could not be exceeded, and after that theory proven to be wrong, they believed that light speed was the maximum possible speed. Our current belief is that warp 10 is the highest possible speed, but we can't be that sure." Seron tried to help. "We are receiving a distress call from the unexplored Epsilon Theta sector!" Worf interrupted the discussion. "On screen." An image showing a Borg appeared on the main viewer. "This is Hugh of Borg. We are under attack. The ..." The picture was replaced with static, and the voice became unintelligible. "Mr. Worf, can you improve the message?" "Negative, Sir. I think the sender was hit by an energy weapon." "How far to Epsilon Theta?" "35 parsecs. At warp 8, we can be there in 22.4 minutes." Seron said. "Any other ships in range?" "Negative, Sir." "Then Ragat IV will have to wait. Send a message to the lab, explaining them our delay. Set course for Epsilon Theta, warp 8." Seron acknowledged the Captain's order and typed it into the computer. "We are receiving another distress call from Epsilon Theta, Sir." "On screen." "It is audio only. Putting it to the speakers." Due to the static interference, the voice was only hardly understandable. "This is Hugh of Borg. We are under attack by ... (crackle) collect ... They have decided to re-crea ... just in time ...move ... assimi ... Any starship in range, plea ... help us." "Open a channel." "Channel open." "This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise. We are responding to your distress call. Please tell us what's going on." The Enterprise didn't get a response. Seron suggested that the Borg could not receive the message due to the damage in the mentioned attack. "Increase speed to warp 9." The Enterprise accelerated to warp 9. Some crew members' hope for an uneventful travel was destroyed, while Worf was looking forward to having a battle. TO BE CONTINUED ---bero@rage.fido.de OR Bernhard Rosenkraenzer@2:2452/307.46 (FIDO). ================================================================= __ __ _____ _____ ______ / // // ___// ___// __ / / // // /__ / /_ / /_/ / / // //__ // __/ / ____/ / // /___/ // / / / /____//____//_/ /_/ The Universal Science Fiction Parody (An Epic of Novel Proportions) by Derek G Bacon: Internet: lightnin@world.std.com ================================================================= [Scene 65. Interior Shot. Bridge of the Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701-A. Here are the positions: Helm, Sulu; Navigation, Chekov; Science, Spock; Communications, Uhura; Conn, Kirk; Behind Kirk, McCoy; Engineering and Environmental, J. Random Yeoman; Next to Kirk, Steve Austin. All except Spock are staring in awe at the screen. Spock is, of course, scanning.] KIRK: All stop, Mr. Sulu. SULU: Aye sir, all stop. [After adjusting his panel.] AUSTIN: What is that thing? KIRK: Spock? SPOCK: Definitely an artificial construction and approximately the size of Earth's moon. KIRK: But, what is it? SPOCK: The design is of no known configuration. Neither is that of the fleet of ships surrounding it. [A beeping sound is heard.] CHAPEL: (on intercom) Medical Emergency! Doctor McCoy to sickbay! [Bones immediately moves towards the turbolift.] KIRK: Keep an eye on that fleet, Sulu. Notify me of any change in their position immediately. You have the conn. Spock? [Kirk and Spock leave the bridge with McCoy.] AUSTIN: [As Sulu takes the conn and J. Random Helmsman (not to be confused with J. Random Yeoman at Environmental) moves to the helm.] What am I supposed to do? SULU: [Shrugs.] Beats me. [Scene Change. Interior Shot. The war room of the Dreck Star. Karth is there with an admiral.] ADMIRAL: The ship is aboard, sir. Shall I send the alien commander up? KARTH: Hush! There is another, powerful with the force, in the system. ADMIRAL: Yes, we have confirmation of Skywalker's presence... KARTH: I speak not of Skywalker! ADMIRAL: Perhaps his sister... KARTH: She lacks training! Speak not of such trivialities! No, this is another. Suddenly, the equations have a random factor. [Close on Karth's face.] [Scene Change. Close-up of Guinan's face. Pull back to reveal Interior Shot. Spacecraft flight deck of unknown origin. Guinan is flying what appears to be a rather small ship.] GUINAN: Oh, you messed up this time girl. I just hope I can help fix it. But first, you've got to pull out of that coma. [Scene Change. Interior Shot. Sickbay of the Enterprise. Guinan, despite being submerged in the blue glow of a restraining field, thrashes about on a bed. Doctor Chapel stands nervously nearby. McCoy rushes in, quickly followed by Kirk and Spock.] CHAPEL: Doctor, she just started thrashing about a few minutes ago. I didn't know what to do. McCOY: Take it easy, we'll see if we can figure it out. [He pulls out a tricorder and begins scanning.] McCOY: Chapel, 10cc of quadrotriticale extract. KIRK: You're going to inject her with wheat? McCOY: It seems to act as a tranquilizer on her system. [He injects her and she begins thrashing about more wildly.] SPOCK: Quite an effective tranquilizing agent, Doctor. McCOY: Something has changed. I wish I could see into her mind. See what's up? KIRK: Spock? SPOCK: I will make an attempt. [Unable to touch Guinan do to her movement, Spock attempts the little known, long distance mind touch. He strolls to the end of the gurney, clasps his hands together, and begins to concentrate.] [Scene Change. Mists. Nothing but mists and ghostly images. Guinan is sitting on a cloud bank, aware, but groggy, while Guinan shakes her by the shoulders. Spock walks up. Special Note: In this scene, the groggy Guinan (the one from the future) is referred to as Seated, while the more aware Guinan (the one from the present) is Standing.] SPOCK: Excuse me, may I inquire... SEATED: Spock, you look well. SPOCK: I am at a loss to understand how you know my name. STANDING: Me too. SEATED: [Smiling dopily.] We've met. *begin simultaneous* SPOCK: I do not remember such an occasion. STANDING: I don't remember that. *end simultaneous* SEATED: It hasn't happened yet. STANDING: Oh, well I seem to trust you. Will you help me? SPOCK: I will try. STANDING: You're obviously telepathic. You can help me bring her out. SPOCK: There is a problem. My telepathic abilities are somewhat limited. To enter a healing trance, I must touch the patient. Unfortunately, at the current time, she is thrashing about wildly on the table, and not responding to what we thought were sedatives. Can you prevent this. STANDING: I will try. SPOCK: I shall hasten my return. [Mists dissolve to Scene Change. Interior Shot. Sickbay on the Enterprise. Guinan has stopped her violent action. Spock comes out of his trance.] KIRK: Spock! What's going on in there? SPOCK: The situation is quite unusual. There are two minds in there. They both appear to be the patient, but have different memories. McCOY: Split personalities? SPOCK: I don't think so. In any case, this is not the time to discuss such matters. Doctor, please remove the restraining field. McCOY: Spock, I can't take that risk. What if she starts moving around again? SPOCK: I do not think she will. I am going to attempt to revive her. Captain, I have the permission of both minds that I spoke with. McCOY: Ok, Spock. Go ahead. [He switches off the restraining field, and Spock moves to touch Guinan's face.] SPOCK: Two minds...sharing thoughts...reach out your mind to mine...like sands in the hourglass...so are the days of our lives...rise out of slumber...wake up...don't be lost when your time comes...rise up...get down...get funky...boogie down... awaken to the light...come with us...come...wake...wake...wake... wake...wake... [His voice fades out, and he pulls up out of the mind meld. Slowly, Guinan wakes up too. McCoy bends to examine her. A beeping sound is heard.] KYLE: [Over intercom.] Transporter room to Captain Kirk. KIRK: Kirk here. KYLE: [Over intercom.] Captain, I think you should get up here to Transporter Room Three. The circuits are activating, and I haven't done anything. KIRK: On my way. Kirk out. Spock, come with me. [They rush out of the Sickbay.] [Scene Change. Interior Shot. Transporter Room Three. Kyle stands behind the console, and the chiming of the transporter can be heard. Kirk and Spock rush in, just as Guinan appears on the transporter pad.] GUINAN: Hello, Spock. I assume this is the Captain. KIRK: I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise, who are you? GUINAN: I am Guinan, I believe you have me in sickbay. KIRK: What? SPOCK: I believe, Captain, she is referring to the Jane Doe. KIRK: Oh, she's a friend of yours? GUINAN: She is me. It will take a while to explain. May I see her now? [She steps off the transporter pad and walks towards sickbay, somehow knowing exactly how to get there. Kirk looking confused, and Spock follow her.] [Fade.] TO BE CONTINUED.... =============== UPCOMING IN RIF =============== I'M A BORG, HE'S BORG, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE BORG TOO? THOUGHTS REGARDING THE BORG RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 3: An Encounter Chapter 4: Evacuate Ship! UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 17 (Sc.66-??) ============== THE FINE PRINT ============== LOCATING A COPY OF RIF! 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