_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** RIF BBS (805) 588-9349 P.O. Box 81181 Bakersfield, CA 93308 http://www.marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 49 Masa'il - Sharaf 152 B.E. 12 Dec 1995 - 18 Jan 1996 ========= CONTENTS ========= FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Landmark Season is upon us! VOYAGER MEETS BORG PART 2 AT HOME WITH THE BORG ENCOUNTER AT NO POINT: FLAME WARS RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 7: An Old Enemy a New Friend? Chapter 8: Some Bad News UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 18 (Sc.71-72) The Fine Print =============================== FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF =============================== The next two issues will represent a few RIF landmarks. RIF #50 will observe the 4th anniversary of the formation Borg Club, which was the parent organization of Resistance is Futile Net- zine. It will also celebrate the 50th issue of Resistance is Futile. When Superman Comic #50 came out, it contained Clark's propo- sal to Lois. That was landmark stuff. The very stuff landmarks are made of (if you ever wondered). RIF's landmark stuff will be the end of the Universal Science Fiction Parody, Series 1 (USFP). We started the USFP back in issue #28 (October 1994). That was 14 months ago!!!! I can only imagine the relief that many tried and true readers of RIF will experience on January 19, 1996, when RIF #50 will be released. It will be an all USFP issue just so we can get to that precious Scene 80. The USFP represents our most ambitious serial to date. USFP Series 1, unfortunately, leaves us hanging, but hopefully after this two year hiatus, the author will find his USFP muse again and give us another series to keep us going to the end of the century. Serials have become a grand RIF tradition. Beginning with RIF #1, "Borg Tales" appeared in 5 parts (RIF #1-5). Written by yours truly (it was back in our very primitive days when the editors had to actually write most of the copy for the news- letter), it followed the adventures of a barely legitimate trader as he/she was assimilated by a bunch of party-ravenous, practical -joking, rogue Republican Borg. The first major serializilation was "Star Trek: The Next DeGeneration: Where No Sane Man Would Go" (6 parts: RIF # 11-16). In this serial, the valiant crew of the Enterprise-D found them- selves rescuing the Robinson family who were apparently still lost in space. It was an excellent example of the complex cross- parodies which began circulating on the internet in the late 1980's and early 1990's. The next serial of import was "Hitch-Hikers Guide to Star Trek: The Next Generation" (8 parts: RIF # 20-27). The Lost in Space cross-over was received so well that it was followed by a Hitch-Hikers/TNG cross-over parody. On the heels of the Hitch-Hikers cross-over, the "Universal Science Fiction Parody" began (20 parts: RIF # 28-31; 33-34; 36- 40; 42-50). The USFP has the tenacity of having the most cross- overs of any know star trek parody. The parody is so widespread, that it even goes beyond science fiction, into the realm of popular culture and media. Sadly, an incomplete work; but nonetheless a most amazing and ambitious piece of popular literature. We are still in the midst of the non-parody, cliff-hanger Borg adventure "Resistance" (12 parts: RIF 46-49; projected 51-58); and will introduce a new serial in RIF #51. This new serial is more in the tradition of the Hareware Productions parodies which were ran the our 2nd and 3rd years of production. Thank you for indulging me in my little walk down memory lane. I am by far the most astonished person that this little one or two issue joke has been continuing for almost four years and up to 50 issues. It's been a fun ride, and it looks like we'll be around for at least another year or so. So, keep up the good work contributors, and thanks for being a great audience all you readers out there! ---Oxnardus ========================= VOYAGER MEETS BORG PART 2 ========================= Captains Log Supplemental: After beaming over two tons of Neelix's famous desert to Roseanne of Borg, she has granted us a one hour to prepare for assimilation. Meanwhile I have managed to find a small amount of Columbian Bajor Coffee beans. I am hoping that the taste of coffee will bring me back to my senses... Paris: So you mean to tell me that in the early 21st Century Roseanne Barr took a trip to the Bermuda Triangle and vanished? Tuvok: All records seem to point to that as being fact. Paris: How did the Borg slip into Earth's atmosphere? Tuvok: It is reasonable to believe that the Borg have technology that far eludes us.. Paris: Right.... (Janeway enters.) Janeway: Hi guys... Sorry I'm late for my own meeting I found a small supply of Bajoran Coffee... Tuvok: WHAT! Captain you didn't.... Janeway: I did! I drank every last drop and it was the best coffee I ever had.. Chakotay: (running into the briefing room!) Captain! Captain! Janeway: What? Chakotay: The coffee you did not drink it did you? Janeway: Of course I did why? Chakotay: You won't believe this... that coffee was not coffee... Paris: What? (the Doctor appears on the screen.) Doctor: Captain you just drank the ashes of Tom Arnold... Have a nice day. Computer turn Emergency Medical Hologram off... Janeway: (spitting up...) What! How?? Torres: It happens to the best of us at times. I remember I once drank a bottle of clorox liquid bleach... Kim: Hahahaha... Stupid, stupid, stupid! Torres: SHUT UP! I'll rip your head off! ---Mitch Holzman ===================== AT HOME WITH THE BORG ===================== Capt. Picard? We received a transmission from the Borg. I will relay it to you..... Announcer: Now, It's time for AT HOME WITH THE BORG!! Please stay calm. This is a subspace transmission originating from far far enough... for now! The Borg: Welcome to AT HOME WITH THE BORG. Each month or so, we will entertain you with the latest in stolen technology and we will assimilate a species live. AT HOME WITH THE BORG is a presentation of the COLLECTIVE MIND, the only link you need. This week, our guest species is the Ferengi. Let me introduce their representative, the Damon Ghorg. (A plain unimaginative big door opens and 2 Borgs enter, holding between them a mortified Ferengi). Ferengi (whining): Pleaaasee! Let me go!! I beg you. I'll give you anythiiiing! The Borg: Resistance is futile. Co-operate and you will be assimilated; resist and you will be destroyed Ferengi (on his knees): Sure! Sure! I will do anything. I can give you all the Ferengi's strategic defense positions if you promise you won't harm me... The Borg: Strategic defense position is irrelevant. Harming you is irrelevant. Once assimilated, we will know all that you know. (The Ferengi looks desperate. He has to think fast...) Ferengi (pretending to reject the idea as insane): Bah! You don't want to assimilate a species like us. We are weak and idiots. We have nothing you could use. The Borg: If so, you will be destroyed. We wish to bring order in the universe chaos. All species who will not be assimilated will be destroyed. Ferengi (Stunned): Eeee... Maybe I didn't make myself clear! We could be useful as spies for you. We can go as scouts and report to you about your enemies' defenses. The Borg: Spying is irrelevant. Enemies' defenses are irrele... Ferengi: Yes I know, I know. But Ferengi are experts on business deals. Which means we can be treacherous and darn good liars. You don't want to assimilate that. Supposed our minds meld with yours? How will you stand as one individuality if you begin to act like Ferengis? Hey. I would gladly give you my mother to keep myself safe! You will be better if you use us instead of assimilation. Let's make a deal... The Borg: Mmm... Interesting argument. But we think that once assimilated, your individuality will be totally erased and you will be part of the Collective. Ferengi (out of arguments): Noooo! please let me goooo! The Borg: Think about it. The Borg are a powerful entity which is feared by its enemies and beloved by its fans. All trekkers in the universe call for our return in Federation space. We will soon assimilate the humans as well as all the other species. Be part of our collective now and you will be part of the most powerful force in the universe. Refuse to surrender and you will be... Ferengi: ...destroyed I know, I know. Eee... This assimilation ... is it painful or anything? The Borg: Pain is irrelevant. You won't remember a thing. Ferengi: Well. There is little choice anyway. Ok, assimilate me but make it as quick as possible. (The Borg proceeds to assimilation. It is now time for publicity.) The Borg: Hi everyone. If you plan to be soon assimilated, be sure it is done by the Borg and no other brand. Only the Borg is a fullproof, fulltime assimilator and even if you may be tempted by the concurrence (especially those unlinked ex-Borg), always be sure to choose the only original (if we may speak about originality with the Borg). Our assimilation process is based on thousand of years of experience and we have hundred of thousand of billions satisfied customers all over the universe. So be sure to be assimilate by the only real Borg collective and don't forget: "Resistance is futile". Announcer: Now back to our regular show (After a while (and a few horrific screams), the Ferengi comes back as a Borg.) The Borg-Ferengi: I am Merchantus of Borg. Let's make a deal. The Borg: The Ferengi was right. Their brain is corrupt beyond assimilation. They may infect the entire Collective. We must unlink with him. The Borg-Ferengi: Unlink is irrelevant. How much can we sell a Cube Ship? The Borg (voices a bit shaking): The assimilation process has failed. All sub-routines are being rewritten. Rule no 8. Only a non-Borg passes up a business opportunity... Rule no 18. A Borg without profit is no Borg at all... Rule no 33. It never hurts to suck up to the Borg... Rule no... Interruption of transmission.... ---Yves_Boudreault@eureka.qc.ca (Yves Boudreault) ================================= ENCOUNTER AT NO POINT: FLAME WARS ================================= Captain's Log: Stardate 3.14159. Everything seems to happen today, at least in amateur fiction. The Enterprise has been sent to cyberspace to answer a distress call from an as yet unidentified source. Kirk: Mr. Spock, is there any sign of who gave the distress call. Spock: No, Captain, but I have detected an unusual energy reading. It appears to be a subspace phenomenon of some kind. Kirk: On screen. Sulu: Captain, it's at least fifty megabytes wide, and appears to be widening. Internal temperature is 451 Fahrenheit -- something inside the rift is flaming. Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock. Spock (peering into viewfinder): It appears to be a subspace rift into an alternate universe. I am scanning the interior. Stilted dialogue, poorly explained magic, buxom women in chain-mail bikinis...Captain, it appears to be a rift into a universe dedicated to the discussion of fantasy role-playing games. Chekov: Captain, sensors are showing a negative credibility flux. It's originating from the rift. Spock: Fascinating. It appears we become less believable when our own plotholes are compared with equally glaring ones in this alternate universe. If it continues to grow, our series will be cancelled. Kirk: (astounded) We'll be relegated to doing cheap docudramas, like _In Search Of_ and _Rescue 911_... McCoy: D*mmit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a figment of someone's imagination... Kirk: We have to seal that rupture. Red alert! Arm photon torpedoes! Sulu: Torpedoes armed! Kirk: Open flame! er, fire! Chekov: Direct hit! Spock: The rupture remains open, and is emitting counter-energy. Chekov (whispering to Sulu): These seatbelt things of yours really work! Sulu (whispering back): We're going to make a fortune selling them to Starfleet. Kirk (regaining the captain's chair): Scotty! I need more power! Scotty: Well, Jim, you're already captain of the ship, I canna' give ya more power than that! Why don't you have Sulu find you some planet where you can ignore the Prime Directive agai -- Kirk: No, for the torpedoes! Scotty: Oh, no problem. I'll turn the coffee maker off and that should double the available energy... Kirk: Fire! Spock: Further counter-energy released! Spock: Captain, it appears our actions have succeeded only in widening the rift. I suggest we desist and see if the cosmic string collapses under the gravitational stress induced by its excessive density. Kirk: You mean the thread will collapse under the weight of its own sheer inanity? Spock: Precisely. Kirk: Mr. Chekov, lay in a course back to mainstream plotlines. All ahead full. ---MARK KOBRAK ============================ RESISTANCE: Chapters 7 and 8 ============================ Part 4 of 12 A Star Trek: Next Generation Serial Chapter Seven: Hoping an Old Enemy will be a New Friend The bridge crew was startled by Seron's warning about the Bajoran wormhole being a possible short cut for the Borg. No one else had thought of that possibility. "Well, what course of action would you suggest, Ensign? We must make our decision before the Borg stop accessing our computer's informations, and before they find out that all the paradoxons are irrelevant." "I don't know, Sir." "I recommend to fire all weapons at them. While they are concentrated on solving our problems, they are maybe not diverting too much power to their shielding." Worf proposed. "But they would be disturbed, and they would stop concentrating on our little puzzles, Mr. Worf. That's too dangerous." Picard objected. "Have the Borg been in contact with Klingons or Romulans before, Captain?" Seron asked. "I don't think so. At least, the Federation has no information on such encounters. Why so you ask?" "If they have not, they probably have never seen a cloaking device. If we could get a cloaking device from the Klingons or Romulans, we could possibly trick them." "Interesting theory, Ensign. Mr. Data, how long would it take us to the Klingon neutral zone?" "Approximately 8 weeks, 2 days and 3 hours, Sir. If we set the direct course, which passes most of the Federation's major worlds." "That's too long. We wouldn't survive that. How long to the Romulan Neutral zone?" "It is not far from here. We can be there in 4 hours and 3 minutes." "Then we'll have to try it. Mr. Data, set a course for the Romulan Neutral Zone. Send a message to the Romulans telling them that we come in peace and we need their assistance to fight a common enemy that could defeat both our civilizations. Ensign Seron, Warp 8. Engage." Chapter Eight: Some Bad News T'Pal, who was farther inside the cave and possibly not detected by the Borg, drew her phaser and aimed it at the Borg. Maybe they would be able to take out the first few Borg. The Borg started speaking to the crew members. "I am Hugh of Borg. I'm glad that, finally, someone has responded to our distress call. Are you aware of the Borg collective?" "Wait" T'Pal thought. "This does not sound like the Borg we have been informed about. I think I shall not fire my phaser until we know more." She moved to get in a better place to fire if necessary. "We are aware of the Borg collective. Listen, we don't want to be assimilated. I'd rather die than..." "Nor would I. Some time ago, the Borg were told what life as individual beings was like. The links between all of us were cut off, and we continued to exist as individuals. You can imagine that the new form of existence led to a chaos in the whole Borg. We were not used to operating on an individual basis. New problems were found every day. We could not be as perfect as we were, before. "That's why some of us decided that the disadvantages of individuality outweigh its advantages. These people have re-established all the links, and they are trying to give the better form of existence to all life in the galaxy. A small group of us was able to remove the computer parts responsible for the link fast enough to prevent from being made part of the Borg collective, again." "This surely sounds interesting. Please wait. I'll inform my ship." Talas tapped his communicator. "Talas to Enterprise." After a while without a reply, he tried again. "Talas to Enterprise." Again, nothing. "I'm sorry. They must have destroyed your ship." Hugh said. The crew members were shocked by the new discovery. Ensign Kyle started crying. His wife had been one of the security people staying aboard. "Talas to Crusher." "Crusher here." "I'm afraid we have bad news..." TO BE CONTINUED... ================================================================= __ __ _____ _____ ______ / // // ___// ___// __ / / // // /__ / /_ / /_/ / / // //__ // __/ / ____/ / // /___/ // / / / /____//____//_/ /_/ The Universal Science Fiction Parody (An Epic of Novel Proportions) by Derek G Bacon: Internet: lightnin@world.std.com ================================================================= ----------------------------------------------------------------- Our Story So Far: While studying the phaser burn on the wreckage of Steve Austin's Experimental Fighter Jet, Geordi and Data determine, quite serendipitously, that there is a Starship orbiting Earth. Since Starships are beyond the technology of Earth at the time, they surmise that it comes from another star system. They also feel that it was the crew of this Starship that is responsible for the rescue of Guinan, and perhaps the pilot of the crashed fighter. There is still no evidence of either. Meanwhile, in Metropolis, a joint attack on the Justice League of America nearly succeeds when the combined forces of Cobra, Dr. Doom, the Kingpin, attack a headquarters guarded only by two teenaged aliens and their pet Space Monkey. The attack, overseen by Cobra Commander, Destro, Sinestro, and Professor Moriarity is going well, when the Superfriends arrive. In order to turn the tide again, Destro fires a bazooka at a nearby volcano, causing it to enter a chain reaction that will culminate in an eruption. Thinking correctly that this will cause at least some of the heroes to divert their attentions to saving the citizens of the nearby village, he did not count on the timely arrival of several heroes from the Marvel Universe. While Zan, Jayna, Reed & Sue Richards, Hercules and Thor work to prevent the volcano from erupting, the Superfriends, with the help of the She-Hulk, the Sub-Mariner, Spiderman, Captain America, and the Wasp fight off the attack of the World Crime League. (sounds like the roster from Odysseus, doesn't it?) James Bond arrives at M's office, and after the requisite flirting with Moneypenny, receiving new gadgets from Q, and the unnecessary debriefing from M, departs for America to look into the problem of the World Crime League. However, at the Muppet Theater there is trouble, just as the Intermission before the 'Secret Agent Sketch' begins, Scooter discovers that their guest star, Don Adams has disappeared. Kermit reacts badly and puts out an all points bulletin. Outside in the street, Maxwell Smart, 99, and Hymie split up to search for Deep Voice (who they think looks like Grover). When Smart knocks on the back door of the Muppet Theater, he is mistaken for Don Adams and rushed into costuming, just in time to fall into 'The Most Expensive Sketch We Have Ever Attempted At The Muppet Theater, Ever'. On the Bridge of the Enterprise (1701-A), all are in awe as they have spotted the huge size of the approaching Dreck Star. As if that weren't enough of a trouble, Chapel calls up, summoning McCoy to Sickbay with a medical emergency. Karth Gator speaks of a strong presence in the Force approaching, stronger even than Skywalker, while meanwhile, we see Guinan approaching in a small interplanetary shuttle. Back on the Enterprise, we see that Guinan, formally in a coma, is now thrashing about. Spock attempts mind meld and finally agrees to help Guinan pull Guinan out of her coma with a healing trance. The Kingpin is seen using Rock Warriors and Doom Robots in a bank robbery of amazing proportions. Sam Beckett (as Oscar Goldman) accompanies Gary Seven to the scene of the Steve Austin crash. While they are talking, they are approached by the Doctor (who can see Al, and realizes that Sam is not who he pretends to be), but before they can get beyond preliminary introductions, they are intercepted by the arrival of a Plymouth Volare' from out of nowhere. On board the War Rocket Ajax, Ming's men determine that in order to proceed with their mission, they must locate R2-D2 and return them to the Rebels, otherwise their planted spy (in the guise of Harry the Bigfoot) will not be able to get to the secret government base and get a foothold on taking over the world. An attack by the Cylons scrambles the Vipers on board the Galactica. Realizing that Slartibartfast has not only encompassed the ragtag fleet, but also a Cylon Basestar, Adama becomes visibly tense. The last thing Slartibartfast warns before Starbuck and Apollo leave is not to exit the Bistromathic Field. "It would be bad." Deep Voice is seen in negotiations, not only with Davros, but also with Jabba the Hut. Deep Voice seems to be offering the Earth to the Daleks, and Han Solo to Jabba the Hut. ----------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene 71. Exterior Shot. Deep Space. The Liberator is approaching some sort of anomaly. It is twice as big as their ship, and glows a deep shade of orange.] [Scene Change. Interior Shot. Flight Deck of the Liberator. The entire crew is there, at various positions, including Gan.] BLAKE: Zen, readings? ZEN: The anomaly is constructed of a form of plasma energy, readings indicate enormous intensity. CALLY: Yes, but what is it? ZEN: No information on that is available at this time. VILA: I thought Orac had fixed that thing. AVON: Obviously, the task was too difficult for him. He just didn't want to admit it. CALLY: We're getting side-tracked. We still don't know what that thing is. BLAKE: Right, let's get some better readings. Move us in closer, Jenna. JENNA: Right. [Scene Change. Exterior Shot. Deep Space. The Liberator moves closer to the bright orange anomaly. Suddenly, a green beam shoots out, engulfing the ship.] [Scene Change. Interior Shot. Flight Deck of the Liberator. Blake and Crew are not happy campers.] JENNA: We're being scanned! AVON: It's going through all of the computer records! BLAKE: Is there any way to stop it? AVON: I'm trying. ZEN: Information. BLAKE: Not now, Zen. Avon, anything yet? AVON: No, I'm heading down to the main computer core, perhaps if I take it off line? JENNA: But then, we'll have to fly without computer assistance, this close to an unknown anomaly... VILA: I don't like it. AVON: We have no choice. BLAKE: He's right. Go ahead, Avon, see what you can do. [Avon starts to head out the door.] ZEN: Information. BLAKE: [Whirling about.] What is it, Zen? ZEN: This unit is receiving a transmission. Origin unknown, language Terran. GAN: What? BLAKE: Avon, hold. On speakers, Zen. VOICE: [on speakers.] Attention Alien Vessel. Through enhanced computer scan, you have been identified as the star vessel Liberator. At this moment, your computer is being programmed with a set of coordinates. You will remain on these headings until you have travelled for three hours at speed Standard by six. Control of your ship will then be returned to you. Thank you. ZEN: Coordinates programmed and received. Speed standard by six. JENNA: Blake, these coordinates take us straight into the anomaly. BLAKE: Quickly, reset them, to anywhere! [Jenna begins resetting the coordinates, as she does so, that panel shorts out.] VOICE: [on speakers.] You will be unable to change coordinates until final position has been reached. This is for your own protection. Out. [Everyone looks at Zen, in disbelief, then Avon rushes out of the room and heads for the main computer core.] BLAKE: Zen, how long for repairs on navigation console to be affected? ZEN: Approximately two hours. [The on ship intercom beeps.] BLAKE: Blake here, what is it Avon? [Scene Change. Interior Shot. Outside the computer core room. Avon is being held at bay by a force shield.] AVON: There's some kind of force shield outside the computer bay. I can't get in this way. BLAKE: [over intercom.] It doesn't matter Avon, the navigational console won't be repaired for two hours. AVON: That's ridiculous, the self-repair circuits shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes to take care of something that simple. BLAKE: [on intercom] I suspect it has something to do with the reprogramming of Zen by that outside force. I guess we'll have to wait and see where it is we're going. AVON: I don't like it. I'll be right up. Out. [Fade to black.] [Scene 72. Interior Shot. Cockpit of a cargo plane. The captain of the plane, Roger Oveur, and his copilot, Clifford Landon are flying along, singing a song, side by side.] OVEUR: Captain Landon? LANDON: No, I'm not landing. Are you? It doesn't look it? OVEUR: No, I just wanted to get your attention, Cliff. LANDON: Oh. [Pause. Pause. Longer pause. Did I mention pause? Pause.] LANDON: What? OVEUR: Huh? LANDON: What did you want? OVEUR: Oh, I just wanted to know our fuel standing, I think there may be a storm up ahead, we may have to reroute our flight path. LANDON: Oh, I'll check. [Pause.] Looks like about two-thirds of a tank on number 2. Ummm... Number 1 almost empty. OVEUR: Ok, switch us over to tank 2. LANDON: Roger. OVEUR: What? LANDON: Never mind. [He reaches over to the control panel marked fuel controls. Right next to it is a panel marked dump cargo. Both have identical switches. He is reaching for the switch when the plane hits some turbulence. His hand bounces over to the next switch, and flips it.] [Scene Change. Interior Shot. The back of the cargo jet. Inside we see a British-type Double Decker Red Bus. It is just sitting on the floor, not fastened down in any obvious way. The rear bay door opens, slowly, showing the daylit sky. The bus begins to slide backwards and out the door. It drops out, and the bay door closes again.] [Scene Change. External Shot. The desert sands of New Mexico. Luke, Han, Flash, Zarkov, et. al. are standing around discussing what to do about the droids.] FLASH: Well, we aren't going to get anywhere looking like this? Maybe if we head for the nearest town, we'll be able to find them a little bit better. LEIA: Flash is right, Luke, they're gone. They probably just wandered off somewhere, they'll turn up soon enough. [A dark shadow appears over them all. They look up.] HAN: Everyone scatter! [They all take off for some point, not under the approaching shadow. The bus drops out of the sky and lands right about where everyone was. Everyone comes back, slightly out of breath.] LUKE: Is everyone all right? [Yells to the effect that they are fine are heard.] HAN: Oh no, not again. [People rush over to Han.] LUKE: What is it? [He gestures.] HAN: Look for yourself. [Camera pans to show Wedge, crushed under the bulk of the double decker bus. He is clearly dead.] HAN: You know, I'm really starting to get tired of this. [Fade.] Series 1 to be continued in next issue!!!! =============== UPCOMING IN RIF =============== FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: 50 Issues and Still Conscious! UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 18 (Sc.73 -80): End of the First Series ============== THE FINE PRINT ============== TRYING TO LOCATE A COPY OF RIF???? WORLD WIDE WEB/FTP: http://www.marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif INTERNET EMAIL:Request free subscription: k.taborn@genie.geis.com LOCAL BBS: There are various BBS distribution centers (when you call, tell them you heard about their BBS from RIF!): AMITREK BBS (407) 348-3365 Kissimmee, FL WARPCORE (516) 243-1698 Long Island, NY U.S.S. 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LEGAL STUFF Permission to use, copy and distribute Resistance is Futile Newsletter (RIF), or parts thereof, by electronic means for any non-profit purpose is hereby granted, provided that both the above Copyright notice and this permission notice appear in all copies of the newsletter itself, and that proper credit is given for any excerpts. Any other format or purpose for distribution requires permission of the author. Reproducing RIF or parts thereof by any means implies full agreement to the above non-profit-use clause, unless upon explicit prior written permission of the author. "Star Trek" and all "Trek" related names and characters are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures Incorporated. No infringement on that trademark registration is intended, either by RIF or by the contributors it represents. RIF exercises it's right to parody and satirize. RIF is distributed free of charge. RIF is provided "as is", and any express or implied warranties, including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose are disclaimed. Resistance is Futile. Copyright (c) 1995, 1996 by Kym Masera Taborn. SOLICITATIONS FOR NEXT NEWSLETTER The next Resistance is Futile (#50 -- Did I type 50??? Yes sirree, I did!!!) will be released on or about January 19, 1995. Send submissions to Oxnardus at the addresses notated below for consideration for a future issue. "RIF" is a non-profit fan publication. All submissions for publication should be sent to the editors. The editors retain editorial control and reprint privileges over the submitted materials and reserve the right to use the material in whatever way they deem appropriate with the original copyrightholders permission. Submitted materials will not be returned to the sender. Editor-in-Chief: Oxnardus of Borg Resistance is Futile BBS (805) 588-9349: Oxnardus Internet: k.taborn@genie.geis.com kym.taborn@peacekeeper.com WEB SITE: http://www.marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp site: ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif Genie: K.Taborn Prodigy: HCMH17A US Mail: RIF BBS, P.O. Box 81181, Bakersfield, CA 93308