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An All Lena Episode, without Lena
Dedicated to Barb,
so that she might be amused

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Tired of no Lena? Well, this is what the characters were really thinking on today's episode....

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Hey, any one see Lena? I'm saving a seat for her.

I'm worried, Palmer. Lena's missing again. She says she's in traffic all the time...but I wonder.

Yeah, Lena's on her way. She told me. Yeah... she told ME that.

You better not be making that up, young man. The last time you said Lena was on
her way, everyone's spirits were devastated when she popped up two weeks later! You cannot
play with people like that, Reggie. No matter how much you think you are helping.

I thought you said Lena would be in the gallery.

Well, she said she was going to do all she could to support me.

Is it my fault that she thinks support means showing up every other week?

Hey guys, I heard Lena might visit us today. Let's go with Polish cuisine, okay? Where are those polka records?

I mean, I can't be responsible for Lena's comings and goings too...can I?

Did you scare off Lena again? I was keeping her seat warm.

Boyd, you actually kissed Lena. What was it like?

Well, it was kinda Polish if you know what I mean.

You do know what I mean, Kendall? Right?

I mean, she actually kissed me. Me! D*****!

But you already knew that. Hey, don't tell me you have kissed her too.

Good god, Kendall! She's your sister's kinda girlfriend.

Hey, did you hear about Kendall and Lena?

No one else gets caught in traffic for two weeks, Jackson. NO...ONE!

Now control yourself Opal, I am sure that Lena will be here in no time,
sitting in the gallery reacting to everything everyone else is doing and saying.

Hey did you hear about Kendall and Lena?

Oh my god. And I was about to tell Lena that I am a lesbian indentified male.

Uh, Kendall, this thing between you and Lena...does Bianca know?

Lena. It was Lena all along. How could I have missed it?

For christsakes people, it was just a kiss.

Oh why can't I get a client like Lena?

Well, Reggie. Lena's still not here. How do you feel now, getting up everyone's spirits just to have them dashed?

Geez, get off my back. I was just trying to help her. How could I know she thinks supporting Kendall means showing up every other week?

Yes...a kiss...

Hmm, Kendall's getting that far away look again. She must be thinking about that conversation we had about Lena over Michael's dead body.

It's like she's my sister's kinda girlfriend but she's so darn hot. What am I supposed to do, Reggie?

I remember thinking they had better not watch The L Word together

And then I said to Lena, "Let's watch The L Word together..."

Ms. Hart, does that mean that either you or Ms. Kundera subscribe to Showtime?

Objection sustained. Jury please disregard the last statement that Ms. Hart downloads The L Word from the internet.

Yes, I kissed her, even though she was my sister's kinda girlfriend and I was engaged to a man. I could not help myself. The L Word was so compelling.

So what, I kissed her too. But I downloaded Queer As Folk instead.

Darn! I should have kissed Aidan. I am such a doofus.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

I wonder where Aidan is sitting...

...there he is. Drat! He's with Mia. Maybe I can find my Queer as Folk VCD...

Yes, Lena is also known as the Hot Polish Fox. And I can vouch for that!

I carry Kane genes. I just have to try to sleep with everyone. I can't help it.

Um, but do you know where Lena is now?

Ah, here it is...it was in my backpack all this time.

So, tell the jury in slow excruciating detail what it was like kissing your sister's kinda girlfriend?

Excuse me, but am I on trial for murder or for making out with Lena?

Ryan, just pretend I am Lena, okay?

It'll be hard. You don't look a thing like Lena

Okay, then you can pretend to be Lena

For some reason I have never been attracted to Lena

This guy is obviously lying.

Sure, Mr. Hayward. And how long have you not been attracted to Lena?

Um, er, a long time. Yes. A looooong time.

This man is lying. Everyone is attracted to Lena.

I even placed myself on the Lena waiting list. What a woman!

Hmmm, maybe I should have gotten on that list. I wonder if it's too late?

Hahahaha! That fool Adam. He thinks he's on the list. I sure took care of that. He doesn't have a chance with Lena.

Yes, Palmer thought he had taken me off the list, but I started a new one!

And how can someone, say, like me, get on this list?

It's on the internet...http://www.DateLenaNow.com.

Where's the Lena list, Adam. If you don't show it to me, I will shoot you.

Jackson, you mean they've kissed Lena too?

Yes, Lena was very busy last year.

I guess we better forget about this murder trial and figure out a way to get accelerated on the Lena list

Well, Reggie, the competition is about to become more fierce.

Well, at least Lena's chair will be warm when she gets here

That Lena list must be destroyed

To be continued? Goodness, I hope not!

Grateful thanks to the Sosnovska Network and CrazyCanuck for the screen caps

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