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“Cyrano de Hercules” Episode 10/110 [TEASER] H: “Look, I-I, don’t, uh-- ” I: “Uh-uh. Come on. Come on.” H: “Guys, listen, I don’t know about this, all right?” Ja: “Come on, Hercules. It’s not gonna hurt.” H: “Well, I’ve never been on a blind date, before, all right?” Ja: “There’s three of them, and two of us. We _need_ you.” I: “Yeah-- do the math.” H: “Whoa!” I: “Not that the situation didn’t have potential.” Ja: “Hey, ladies. This is Hercules. This is Penelope.” H: “Oh-- hi.” Penelope [Pen]: “Hello.” Ja: “Sabrina.” H: “Hi.” Ja: “And Tara-- your date.” H: “Uh-- hi. So, uh-- nice to meet you.” Tara: “Is it?” Hephaestus [Heph]: “Hey-ey-ey! Fellas! What a nice surprise!” I: “Not the words I would have used.” H: “Uh-- ha-ha-- e-everybody-- this is Hephaestus.” Heph: “Hi.” Kora: “Well-- looks like some local boys finally got a date.” Ja: “Ha-- that’s pretty funny. Huh-- well, ladies-- I think that, mh-- it would-- ” I: “So, uh-- how long have you been-- ?” Heph [Interrupting]: “Ah! Bread!” I: “Hercules. Herc!” H: “One second.” I [Whispers]: “You gonna do something about this?” Heph: “Wanna see a neat trick? OK.” H [Whispers]: “Why me?” I [Whispers]: “’Cause-- he’s your brother.” Ja’s [?] Voice: “Ah, it’s-- really neat.” H: “That’s good.” Pen: “It’s-- getting a little late, isn’t it?” Ja: “Huh? No. Wha?” H: “Uh-- hey, Hephaestus-- can I talk to you for a second?” Heph: “Yeah.” H: “OK, uh-- I’m just gonna-- . Uh-- hi.” Heph: “Hi.” H: “How you doin’?” Heph: “Good, good.” H: “Good-- nice to see ya.” Heph: “Yeah.” H: “Uh, listen-- me and the guys-- it’s funny, actually-- we had some plans for tonight?” Heph: “Oh, that’s great! What’re we gonna do?!” H: “Uh, uh-- hey! Hey, guys-- listen. I was just about to tell Hephaestus, here, how much fun he might have if he had a date of his own-- huh?” Heph: “You’d do that? For me?” I: “Uh, we’d do _what_, exactly?” Heph: “Well, ya’d help me find a date! Aw-- what wonderful friends you are! Oh, that’s great.” Ja: “Hold that thought, here.” Pen: “Jason-- ” Ja: “Sum’in’s come up. Uh-- ” Pen: “Jason-- ” Ja: “Uh, I’ll just be one minute, OK?” Pen: “Jason.” I: “OK, OK-- make us proud.” Heph: “OK.” I: “Go.” H [Whispers]: “Come here. Come here, come here-- there’s something on your face.” Heph: “Hey-- what do I say first?” H: “Oh.” Ja: “I, uh-- oh-- ‘Hello.’” Heph: “‘Hello.’” H: “‘Hello.’” I: “Yeah, yeah, yeah-- and then tell her, uh-- she has pretty eyes-- even if she doesn’t. Go.” Heph: “Hello.” Ja: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” I [Whispers]: “The eyes.” Heph [Whispers]: “Oh, her eyes.” Heph: “You have, uh-- very beautiful eyes. Ooh!” Ja: “Sorry, you’re not his type.” Heph: “No-- no.” I: “But, uh-- you do have pretty eyes.” Heph: “Oh, yeah-- they’re great. Hey-- yeah.” Ja: “Where’d they go?” Kora: “They’re gone.” Ja: “What?!” I: “Jas-- they’ve gone.” Ja: “Why did they go?” Kora: “Gee, they probably didn’t wanna sit alone all night.” I: “We can catch ‘em.” H: “Listen, Hephaestus, don’t sweat it, all right? I mean-- we mean well, but-- the truth is-- we have no idea what we’re talkin’ about. Listen-- if I know one thing about women, and that’s it-- you can’t make ‘em like you-- all right.” Heph: “No-- but I can _make_ a girl.” Kora: “Oh, yeah-- sure.” H: “Are you serious?” Heph: “Yeah.” H: “Oh-- uh-- OK. I mean, I-I guess. I mean-- he is the god of making stuff, but-- ” Heph: “Hey-- and you can help me! It’s-- it’s brilliant!” H: “Oh, it is!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT I] H: “Hephaestus-- making a woman sounds like an incredibly bad idea.” Heph: “But I can do it!” H: “It’s not a question ’a ‘Can do it’; it’s a question ’a ‘Should do it’. And trust me-- you shouldn’t do it-- it’s wrong. A person’s too-- you know, unique-- they’re too-- complicated-- [Sighs] uh, especially, a female person.” Heph: “But, why?” H [Sighs]: “I don’t know. Um-- they’ve just always seemed more complicated to me.” Heph: “Look-- I want to know. I mean-- what is it in a woman?” H: “Aw-- Hephaestus-- I don’t know.” Heph: “I want to understand. I’ve lived most of my life alone. I haven’t experienced the world like you. So-- tell me. I mean-- what-- is it about a woman that-- makes her what she is?” H: “It’s-- it’s everything. It’s anything. It’s-- ” Heph: “_W-w-what_ things?!” H: “OK, um-- chk-chk-- a woman is smart.” Heph: “Sm-- ” H: “And-and she _knows_ herself. Well-- she’s got a very strong will.” Heph: “Strong-- like bronze.” H: “Sure, and, uh-- you know, and-- her senses are amazing, OK? She can see and hear things that men can’t and, uh-- well, their hearts are pure.” Heph: “Pure-- you mean, like gold.” H: “Well-- sure, um-- and she’s caring, and she’s generous, and-- she’s full ’a love and affection, and-- ” Heph: “Love?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “Ah! Ah! OK. Oh-ho-ho. It’s done.” H’s Voice: “Hephaestus!” Heph’s Voice: “Galatea.” Heph: “I’ll call her ‘Galatea’.” H: “No-- no, no, no, no, no, no! Hephaestus-- tell me you didn’t.” Heph: “Whaddya think?” H: “Well-- I mean-- it’s beautiful-- ” Heph [Interrupting]: “Ahhh! Chhhhh! Not ‘It’-- ‘She’.” H: “‘She’?” Heph: “OK. All right. It’ll take a minute. I’ve got something for her. OK.” H: “Uh, Hephaestus, I j-- ” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “Yeah.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “Something special. I have to get her something special. A songbird-- well, maybe she’d like that. It sounds so pretty. No-- wait. Even better! Butterflies!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “Amazing. Hephaestus. Hephaestus. You-- uh, Hephaestus! Hephaestus! Um-- she’s-- her-- ” Galatea [Gal]: “Hello.” H: “Y-- uh, you can talk? Oh-oh. And-and-- y-you can move?” Gal: “What’s your name?” H: “Uh-- I’m Hercules.” Gal: “I am-- I’m-- ” H: “Uh-- you-- Galatea. OK?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “I’ll make her a cage-- out of reeds. Yeah! And I’ll fill it with butterflies. Wow, it’ll be beautiful! Just like her. Who am I kidding? It’ll take a lot more than butterflies and birds to get Galatea to like me-- a lot more.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “Uh, what’re-what’re you doin’?” Gal: “Don’t be afraid of me. I’m full of love and affection.” H: “Well-- that may be, but-- y-you see, I-I think that you have me confused for someone else.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hep: “Hercules would know what to do-- he always does. It always seems so easy to him. If I was Hercules, I’d-- I’d-- I’d bring her some _flowers_! Yeah! That’s it! Flowers! OK. All right.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “Hey, Hercules! Do you think she’ll like flowers?” Gal: “Flowers?” Heph [Sighs]: “It’s happened.” H: “Yeah-- uh-- this is Hephaestus. He’s, uh- the guy that made ya.” Gal: “Hello.” Heph: “Hi.” Gal: “Hercules?” H: “Yeah?” Gal: “Is he your friend?” H: “Hephaestus? Oh-- Hephaestus my friend? Yeah-- Heph is the best! Oh, sorry. Yeah, listen, you know what I think? I think that you two kids should go away-- somewhere romantic-- somewhere fun-- huh? Somewhere very far-- oh, so far-- away from here.” Heph [Aside to H]: “Uh-- I still don’t know what to say. Can you come with me?” H: “No.” Heph: “What about the guys? Maybe they’ll help.” H: “Well-- they couldn’t make it any worse.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “So-- you think she’ll like it? It’s got the best views around here.” H: “Yeah. Whoa! If we survive the trip.” Gal: “Thank you for bringing me here.” H: “Oh, Galatea, would you-- ?! Hey-- how about Hephaestus, huh? OK, maybe-- on the outside, a little bit-- a little bit rough, OK? But on the inside? [Whistles] There’s a great guy, huh?” I: “Am I missing something, here?” Ja: “When you figure it out, tell me.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph [Whispers]: “OK, all right. Food, yeah. Uh-- I got cheese, bread-- hi.” H: “Oh [Chuckles]-- ah-- look at that! Goat cheese so fresh, there’s fur on it! Ha-ha-ha. Hephaestus is amazing, isn’t he? Oh, um-- you know, that Hephaestus is gonna make some girl very, very happy some day.” Ja: “That’s Hephaestus’ date-- you gotta back off.” H: “Look-- I’m not doing it-- she is.” Ja: “Well, you better do something, soon, or he’s gonna notice.” H: “Galatea?” Gal: “Yes?” H: “We have to talk, OK?” I: “Is that goat cheese?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H [Sighs]: “Galatea-- ya have to lay off.” Gal: “I can’t do that.” H: “Why can’t you do that?” Gal: “Because I don’t want to-- and I have a _very_ strong will.” H: “You got a strong will? And your senses are keen? And your heart is pure? And-- it’s all because of me.” Gal: “It’s like-- you can see inside me.” H: “Galatea-- stop. Listen.” Heph: “Hercules!” H: “Hephaestus-- I can explain-- all right?” Heph: [Yells] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT II] H: “Heph-- just listen to me.” Heph: “I don’t wanna hear your lies!” H: “I’m not gonna fight you, all right? We’re brothers.” Heph: “I don’t care.” Ja: “That’s enough!” Heph: “Is this what you want, Hercules? I’ll give you the woman you _deserve_. Come with me!” Gal: “Hercules!” Heph: “Get out of the way!” I: “Man, I’ve never seen Heph angry, before. I don’t wanna see it, again.” Ja: “Be careful, Hercules. He may be a nice guy, but he’s still a god.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “If Hercules wants you-- well, he can _have_ you! Your heart burns with passion for him. May your heart be cold as Olympian ice.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “He’s just so lonely, that he did something really wrong, you know?” I: “Poor guy-- he can’t even _build_ a girl to like him. Hmm.” Ja: “Why was she going after you?” H: “Mmm-- how should I know? Uh-- Galatea-- listen-- I know how you feel about-- whoa!” [Fight] Heph: “Wait a minute!” H: “What are you tryin’ to do?” Gal: “I’m tryin’ to_hurt_ you!” Heph: “I wanted her to _reject_ Hercules, not attack him!” I: “Whoa-- their first argument’s a doozie.” Ja: “She’s serious.” H: [Moans] Heph: “Oh, this is terrible. I’ve _got_ to help them!” Ja: “Let me, uh-- . Hey-- how you doin’? I was just-- whoaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ah! Ah! Ah!” Heph: “She’s trying to hurt you-- and them.” I: “Uh-- uh-- hi. Whoa! Ja-sonnnnnnnn!” H: “I’ll get her. You help the guys.” Heph: “OK.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ja: “You’ve put on a little weight, Iolaus!” I: “Tell me about it.” H: “Yeah-- I gotta get a new approach. Jason! Just hold on, guys! Look, I don’t understand. I thought you liked me.” Gal: “My heart is closed to you.” Heph: “Quick-- give me your hand.” Gal: “What are you doing?!” H: “I’m trying to save you!” Heph: “I wanted her to forget him-- not destroy him.” Ja: “Hephaestus!” I: “Can you give us a hand, here?!” Gal: “If you do not let me end now-- I shall only destroy you later! Don’t you believe me?” H: “Yeah, I believe you.” Gal: “Then, why do you _do_ this?!” H: “Because I have to. Why would you-- destroy me?” Gal: “I have to.” Heph: “She’s not real. This is all my fault.” I [?]: “Hercules!” Ja: “Let me pull you back!” H: “Get off!” I: “No, we’re not leaving you here, Herc!” H: “If you get off, we’ll have a chance to swing to safety! If you don’t, we’re all goin’ down!” Ja: “OK. Come on.” Heph: “Galatea-- I can’t leave her! Galatea!” I: “Heph, she’s not real!” H: “On the count of three-- we’re just gonna swing. Let go with your hands. One-- two. This is gonna hurt. Three!” [Yells] Heph: “Nooo! Galatea! Galatea!” H: “Is she OK?” Ja: “The bridge couldn’t hold her.” H: “Hephaestus.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “How you doin’, Hephaestus?” Heph: “I never should have made you. I wanted to believe that you were real. I know she’s not real, Hercules. Why does it still hurt that she’s gone?” H: “I don’t know. I wish that I did.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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