Whoosh! Maggie tries to shoot death rays at Lena with her eyes, but alack, she is unsuccessful
The blossoming triangle take a
field trip to the hospital

Lena Kundera

February 13, 2004

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 02/17/04

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Maggie Stone


Lena and Maggie visit Bianca in the hospital; Lena tells bianca that she feels Maggie has been acting un-Maggie-like lately; Lena asks Maggie what's going on and Maggie and Bianca look like two deer caught in the headlights of a careening automobile; Maggie reminds Lena how Lena felt at the beginning of her relationship and Maggie says she feels the same why about Jamie, giving Lena the opportunity to reminisce and gaze lovingly at Bianca.


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Lena voices her feeling that Maggie is acting strangely to Bianca, who doesn't tell Lena about Maggie kissing her.

From About All My Children

Lena and Maggie arrive at the hospital, and are relieved to hear that Bianca and the baby are going to be all right. Jack asks them to take care of his girl, and leaves. Lena kisses Bianca, who admits she was a little freaked out. She's delighted when Lena offers a gift, saying she hopes it's something sweet and romantic, but is tickled to find it's a CD of singalongs for tots to play for the baby. Maggie feels left out as Bianca and Lena laugh over the correct lyrics to "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and goes to get a soda. Lena asks if something is wrong with Maggie? She's been very un-Maggielike lately! Hasn't Bianca noticed how distant Maggie has been lately? She's hardly been at the apartment, and something is different. Did something happen between them? As Bianca says not that she knows of, Maggie comes back and asks what she missed? Lena asks if she has said or done something? Something is not right, "What happened to you?" Maggie says if she seems weird, it's probably because of this whirlwind whatever between her and Jamie-it's been a while since she was swept off her feet, and that's pretty heady stuff! Lena thinks it feels like more than that, and Maggie asks if she doesn't remember when she and Bianca first drew sparks? Lena smiles that she remembers every moment, and Maggie says they're all cool. She starts to leave with excuses about a term paper, and tells Bianca she's very happy she and the baby are okay, and glad they're not running off to Timbuktu. Bianca agrees she and the baby are here to stay, and Maggie repeats that everybody's fine, "Lucky us! Bye, guys." She leaves, but stops sadly for a quiet moment outside the room.

From Soap Slut

Bianca is later visited by Lena and Naggie. While Binks and Lena flirtily argue semantics about the title of a children’s song, Nags shifts uncomfortably and finally begs off.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Erica hides.
  • Bianca lies.
  • Lena is stubborn.
  • Maggie swings.
  • Greenlee hates metaphors.
  • Lianca: they can’t be recapped.

The Set-Up – At the hospital, Bianca wonders whether she can be a mother while still wanting her "mommy." That depends: is her name Joan?

In the Shaft of Self Pity, Greenlee thinks she’s Siddhartha.

On the road, Ryan is lying unconscious next to his bike. The cotton!snow fluffs him.

The Hospital – Erica and Kendall have a chat about the scissor moments and VolderPouch.

Kendall: "We never meant it to come out that way."
Erica: "I’m curious: how did you mean it to come out?"
Kendall: "We never really – we never actually got that far."

Yeah, because your plan? It was stupid.

Erica: "Don’t misunderstand me, Kendall: you did a very brave, very out there thing for your sister. Thank god she had someone she felt she could confide in. The shame is that you didn’t feel you could confide in me, neither of you."

Why, so that you could wish VolderBaby dead in front of Bianca – again - and chase her around the room with a hook? Shut up, Erica.

On The Road – Ryan regains consciousness - well, consciousness is a relative term when applied to Ryan.

So - Greenlee falls into a mineshaft and all she does in whine like the spoiled brat she is and Ryan falls off his bike and all he does is grimace like a constipated monkey. Great, just great: why can’t anybody just die?

The Hospital – For Valentine’s Day, Chesty LaRue gives Beastmund a signed copy of Hemingway’s A Farewell To Arms.

Signed by whom, Dr. Cortes? That book is a Modern Library edition: Ernest was a sullen drunk, not a moron. By the way: A Farewell To Arms is ranked 74 in Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels list: I guess members of the board were drunk that day, too.

Maria: "Man in gown, you know what? You’ve got a big load of gratitude coming your way."

Please god, no.

In Bianca’s room, Jack and Kendall try to explain why Erica is not there and Bianca tells them that it scares her when Erica shuts down.

You’re scared? There are wire hangers in my girlfriend’s closet whimpering in fear.

Kendall: "Jack, take care of her for me. For me? For us, for everybody."

Yeah, we know what you meant, Kendall. Ah, Kinks.

Erica’s Office – Looking at the new Enchantment campaign, Erica wonders whether it’ll play at the bus stop as well as at Lacy’s – and then backs into Kendall.

I’m thinking The Castro, Erica.

The Hospital – Bianca wakes from her nap when Maggie and Lena arrive.

I can deal with the fact that there have been very few Lianca scenes without Maggie skulking in the room and I can also survive knowing that, apparently, Maggie and Lena either live together in the hallway or share the same phone, but I cannot accept the fact that Maggie is making Lena get dressed in the same lightless closet. What the hell did they put on today? Lena obviously jumped into a potato sac and tied it with the Tin Man’s scarf and Maggie – well, Maggie stole Jennifer Beal’s Flashdance sweater and is wearing it like a dress. Over another sweater. Over hot pants. God.

Lena sweeps into the room, kisses Bianca and they both do that Mini Moan thing.

With all the Mini Moans of late, one wonders whether they’ll skip Carnal Chin Chucks entirely and go directly to fully clothed queefi…erm, carry on.

Lena: "It’s not how I imagined Valentine’s Day, but I guess you should still have this."
Bianca: "You got me something! Sweet and romantic, I hope."

You talk as if Lena were your lover. Oh, wait.

Lena: "It’s to play in the car for the baby."

Hee. You’re such a schmoop. But stupid, too, ‘cause VolderKid will only want to hear that in the car and you’ll be going insane after three days: just wait till you decide to get a movie for her and then you’ll wish you had taken that plane to Prague.

Lena: "It’s got everything. It’s got ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,’ ‘Eencey-Weencey Spider,’ – "
Bianca: "’Itsy-Bitsy Spider.’"
Lena: "What?"
Bianca: "It’s ’Itsy-Bitsy Spider.’"

All right: who has been reading fan fiction, hum? What, you can’t stop at Thomas Hardy, McTool? You have to pilfer from the SSers, too? Stupid hack. But, god, they’re so cute I’m going into insulin shock.

Lena starts singing to prove that her version of the song is the right one and, from the foot of the bed, Maggie tries to chime in to say that she, too, thinks the song is "Itsy-Bitsy," but Bianca and Lena are too busy giggling like the schmoopy dorks they are – aww – to pay any attention.

Lena: "Bianca, it’s written right here: ‘Eencey-Weencey.’
Bianca: "Well, then it must be a misprint."
Lena: "Ok, I’ll take it back if you don’t want it."
Bianca: "Don’t you dare: it’s my favorite CD ever."

Just when I was over you, your weirdo flirting pulls me back in. And the dimples! You’re evil. Damn you, damn you! [/shaking fist]

Maggie decides to leave ‘cause that’s just too much Gay Giggling for one day; as soon as she’s out of the room, Lena asks Bianca whether Maggie is all right.

Lena: "I don’t know. She just seems very un-Maggie like recently."

Oh, you mean gay?

The Shaft Of Self-Pity – "Boohoo, sniff, somebody come rescue me. Boohoo, why am I not in Paris? Sniffity sniffy sniff. Why isn’t Ryan throwing white rose petals down on me? Sniff boohoo sniff. How come Ryan is hollering and I can’t wake up? Boohoo."

Ryan throws the engagement ring into the shaft and closes the opening. And Greenlee’s trapped! In the shaft! Of self pity! Trapped! And no one knows she’s there! At the bottom! Of the pit! Trapped!


Erica’s Office – Erica and Kendall chat, but neither listens without filtering everything through all their years of miserable history.

Erica: "I’m not like you, Kendall: I don’t dump my emotions on everyone who is available."

Oh, I must have been watching a different show the last nine months then.

Kendall: "That child and I, we might have been brought into this world the same way but we’re not at all alike. Bianca’s daughter will be so full of joy and wonder with you and Bianca in her life. I know you can love her, I know you can. Please. You just have to allow yourself to. Please."

Stop crying! Sniff. I hate it when you cry: it’s like the light of a thousand suns right into my eyes.

The Hospital – Lena and Bianca are alone – and you know what that means. That’s right: there where there is no Maggie, there shall be talk of Maggie. Because Lena? She, too, is a tool.

Lena: "Maggie is different: did something happen between you two?"

What? Why, what have you heard?

Bianca: "No. I mean, not that I know of. If I did something that made her angry or ticked her off, - "

You stupid sac of lying tools! Do you plan on telling the truth ever again? Whom are you protecting now, you dimwitted twit?

Maggie walks back in and Lena asks her whether she’s done something to upset her.

Maggie: "I’m lost. What?"

I am just blown away by that bit of news, Maggie.

Lena: "Maggie, something’s not right: what happened to you?"

In alphabetical order or…?

Maggie: "If I seem weird it’s probably because of this whirlwind or whatever between Jamie and me. I mean, it has been a while since I’ve been swept off my feet."

You say Jamie, I hear "penis, scared of The Gay, penis, penis, I like penis, not gay, don’t like Bianca, not gay, I swing and stop for penis."

Lena: "It just feels like it’s more than that."

You know how much I love your spine and how much I long for CorporateRaider!Lena in the streets and Schmoopy!Lena in the sheets but, Lena, shut the hell up: this is not the time.

Maggie: "Don’t kid yourself. I mean, it is pretty heavy stuff. Don’t you remember the way that you felt when you and Bianca threw sparks?"

We all do – and it was nothing like you, Jamie and the Limo of Denial. Why don’t you go rename an M&M or something.

Lena: "I remember every moment."

And it was spectacular. Heh heh.

The Last Scenes – At the hospital, Maggie leans against the Swinging Door of Lies and Deceit.

At the Falls, Ryan is King of the Rock.

At Enchantment, Erica turns Kendall into a parrot.

NEXT WEEK ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Kendall talks with Bianca about the plea; Erica hires Tad; Ryan blames Jack for what happened to Kendall; Greenlee talks to the ring.


The Lianca fans should be happy today, they received an audible kiss and both Bianca and Lena emitted simultaneous moans! The moment was almost as hot as a chin chuck.

I only saw a few minutes of today's ep, but of what I did see? And I never thought I'd say this, but -- Shut up, Lena. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! Gah. It's nice to know that your inner pit bull is alive and well, but don't waste it on Naggie for cryin' out loud. And, for the love of all that is good and schmoopy, don't waste your precious Binky Alone Time wading through the quicksand of Naggie Issues. Make hay while the sun is shining, HPF!

Black Knight
The Lianca interaction sounded cute and there were tons of screencaps on Olga's board in no time at all that were adorable--so I look forward to watching tonight. I noticed Bianca said, in regards to Lena's gift, that she hoped it was romantic--yeah, she's really interested in Naggie... Point of annoyance, though--it's still the same day in showtime, but we've switched from Bianca's birthday to Valentine's Day. Reminds me of when one of JER's soaps--I think it was Passions--ran a show day so long that the day included both Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations.

Black Knight, it looks like you were right about Lena being at Binky's 24/7. How else would she be aware of the fact that Maggie hasn't been home much. Stake out your territory, HPF! I didn't really get Lena's interest in Maggie today either, 2deadcows, especially since Bianca wasn't paying Mags any attention. "No, we don't need anything." says Binky, Mags leaves, and Lena forgets to get her mack on, dammit. These people never do what I tell them to! Hmph.

Lena and Bianca. I don't know what to say: they flirt horribly and they suck me back in anyway: I hate you both.

Black Knight
That's chemistry for you. And they both know how to be adorable.

Yup, I really liked Bianca's momentary WTF? look when she saw her present. Hee! She was expecting some bling but instead got something to pacify Bling. I was rollin', man.

I think the wardrobe department must hate Naggie as much as I do. They must want EH to be as uncomfortable as possible in her scenes. Why else would they put her in a heavy gray sweater, then have her a wear a fugly blue and black striped pashmina thing over it?

I did love watching Naggie squirm during Lianca's "Itsy Bitsy, Eency Weency" debate. Hee!But why was Lena suddenly so concerned for Naggie?

Bianca: "She didn't bug out again did she?" Bwah! I thought that was hysterical.

... regarding Lianca. The writing stinks. If the Kissault [when Maggie kissed Bianca] is indeed leading to a real romantic triangle, with Bianca torn between which woman to choose, well, then, there needs to be some real post-Voldemort Lianca bonding scenes to counter-act all of that BAM, BFF bonding that went on for months on end. And that has nothing to do with being fair to each character (Lena/Maggie) or either coupling, fanbase, whatevercakes and has everything to do with good writing. In order for the audience to care, to root for someone to win, to want to see two of the three characters involved in the triangle wind up together, there has to be a firm emotional base established between the object of desire and the two warring would-be lovers. We've gotten that in spades (it's been poorly done, but done nonetheless) with BAM, BFF. All that Lianca shared pre-Voldemort, in terms of this particular romantic triangle, has been rendered null and void by months of separation. There must be some meaningful interaction between Lianca, as much as possible, in fact, before this triangle goes into full swing. It hasn't happened yet, though a little Lianca on-screen bonding very well should have happened before the Kissault, if for no other reason than to provide the prerequisite tension (and no, McTrash [McTavish], having Lena showing up at the door moments after does not count--it only gave the BFF an easy out) for the onset of a triangle. If, and only if, this does not happen before the triangle truly gets underway, I will be as p***** as the most die-hard Lianca. For right now, though, I think all the anger felt by Liancas is justified to some extent--it's the intensity that I feel is boarding on excessive and, needless to say, I find the venom being spewed toward Kinks to be nothing short of totally unnessessary, ugly and downright silly. I know that I should leave it at that, because I'm mad. And when I'm mad, I go all James Brown "The Big Payback". That's just me. So, I shouldn't say anymore. . .but, I'm going to anyway--

Black Knight
... Bianca was using hugs as an excuse to molest both her girlfriends ... (clever Binky...). I noticed her brushing her finger over Lena's breast at the end of their hug too. And yet Lena goes on about Naggie when they're alone. It's amusing how she really does have no game around Bianca. It's Valentine's Day and Bianca's in the hospital--get her some friggin' flowers in addition to the CD, Lena, you would've had plenty of excuse to pass off the flowers as non-romantic if that had been the way Bianca wanted to play it. But no, Bianca was feeling romantic and Lena decides to talk about Naggie. Sigh. Their interaction over the CD was truly adorable though and I laughed uproariously when the camera cut to a sulking Naggie. I have to admit she also cracked me up later with the confuzzled "They were out of diet?" in response to Lena's out-of-the-blue question. (Did Lena totally forget subtlety? I always find it funny when people are so absorbed in a line of thought that they just assume that everyone else will be able to follow along even if they came in late.) The other thing I really liked about the CD bantering is that it's so obviously one of those couple-y in-joke arguments that will crop up periodically for the next 50 years.

One beautiful subtle look from Bianca that I must comment on--it's when she looks at Lena after Naggie's questioning Lena about whether she remembers what it was like when Lianca first met up. Lena's all soft and gooey and romantic in replying, and Bianca--her look was dead-on. You can see that she loves Lena, but that she's really only happy that Lena loves her and has good memories, that her own memories are totally tainted. Bianca would prefer to largely forget the first six months and just make new memories. She'll never be the one to tell "When we first met" stories. It was an emotionally honest look, very nice work by Eden (that's one reason I think she can't possibly be blind to the Kinks SisYay--she's too intelligent in her acting).

I had noticed the difference of Bianca's look, especially in comparison to Lena's schmoopy one, but was having a bit of a problem identifying it. That makes total sense. I forget sometimes how Lianca is in two very different places. D*** Michael. I do regret that we'll probably never get to see Lianca dealing with the shadow Mikey has cast over them. There's just gotta be a lot of baggage there, for both of them.

I've always been kinda curious about the whole Lena/Michael past. I mean, since we know of the woman in Milan, Michael scumminess didn't just pop out of the ether, it had been there all along. That's where the whole re-write throws me a bit. Just how bad was Mikey? In the beginning Lena had no fear of him that I could see. I was under the impression that she was almost jockeying for position against him. She was constantly taunting him and throwing his incompetence in his face. She slagged him about not getting Kendall under control and tweaked on his insecurities about his dad seeing him as a failure. I guess my question would be, was Lena scared of him before he threatened her mother? Or was it just a business for Lena (and a way to keep her mom taken care of) and his threatening of her came later, after she refused to do his bidding? Anybody got a read on this? I should quickly state that whatever her past with Mikey was (mutually beneficial or under his oppressive thumb) makes no difference because she's not that person anymore. I'm just curious to know what it looked like to other people.

Black Knight
I agree we'll probably never get a discussion (sigh), which is why I appreciated Eden's look so much. She's just really dead-on with the emotions even when AMC is underwriting certain aspects of Bianca's character and SL.

I also think one of the differences between Lena and Bianca here is that Lena's better at the whole compartmentalization thing. But then FEM and Voldemort also didn't hurt Lena directly the way Bianca was hurt. Lena was hurt because Bianca was hurt--there's a degree of separation there. On Bianca's end, it's not just Voldemort and the knowledge that--though it's not Lena's fault--Voldemort likely wouldn't have happened if Bianca had stayed away from Lena (the *sscicle made d*** sure Bianca knew that by bringing up Lena every five seconds and making the whole replacement and revenge vibes so strong, and let's not even talk about the whole "Lena used moves on you that I taught her" bit). But their initial months of flirting, after all, were tainted for Bianca by the fact Lena was screwing Bianca's sister's boyfriend the entire time. Their night of lovemaking is tainted by Bianca finding out the next day that Lena was a liar working for Michael. Lena's declaration of love is tainted by her betrayal of Bianca the next day. Bianca's pretty much just turned her back on all that and chosen to move on, to focus on the fact that Lena's changed, that she can trust Lena now. That's great for Lianca's future, and I don't think it's a bad thing at all--it's just that Bianca's never going to look back on the first six months very fondly. Perfectly understandable. "Ah yes, I remember our lunch at BJ's. Hmmm, I wonder if Lena had sex with Michael after our lunch. Or, god forbid, before." I'm not saying Bianca still holds that against Lena, because I don't think she does, but it just isn't ever going to be something pleasant to think about. She's forgiven Lena and so she'd rather look forward to making new happy memories.

The rewrites [regarding Lena's relationship with Michael] have screwed things up a lot in many respects. But we know, for instance, that Lena had an expensive and excellent education and that she held a number of high-powered jobs all over Europe. Lena's said herself Mikey picked her up off the streets--so that means he would've paid for her education and likely used his name to help smooth her admission into the impressive universities and first couple of jobs. And the Lena/Michael conflict that we saw, before the conflict over Bianca, was mostly Lena wanting to be considered an equal, a partner with Mikey, not as an employee. She didn't fear him. Now after he threatened her mother, she got afraid; once her mother was safe, she stopped being afraid again.

I actually choose to view the whole gagworthy retcon as just Gamer!Lena settling on a version of events that would present her in the best possible light, for purposes of rehabilitating her image and so the entire town wouldn't actively be trying to keep her away from Bianca. I don't think Bianca really buys it, either, but I also don't think she cares. She never focused on Lena's past; she focused on the stuff that Lena did that was specifically hurtful to her and Erica. Interestingly enough, the one thing not related to herself and Erica that Lena did that Bianca criticized her for was turning on Michael. Bianca has some strong ideas about loyalty.

Another thing I'd like to know is just how Lena sees herself now. I know when it comes to Bianca, Lena puts a spin on reality. One of Olga's coolest quotes was that Lena wants to keep Binks innocent, whether that's healthy or not. It seems Bianca's feet will never quite touch the ground in Lena's mind, so how does Lena view herself in this equation

Black Knight
I think Lena feels, and always has, that she can be a good girlfriend to Bianca, and she defines that in large part as taking care of Bianca. I also think she feels she can reclaim her own innocence in this way. It is an interesting issue because I don't think Bianca wants to be taken care of--and frankly any idea of her innocence is long gone--and it's something that Lianca would have to deal with eventually under a writing team who'd be willing to explore their issues. Lena always puts the best spin on Bianca and it'd be interesting to see her deal with Bianca's Kane side. She has Bianca up on a pedestal, and Bianca knows it, and I think it makes her feel uncomfortable because she knows she's only human and flawed like everyone else. (Really, the whole thing has a Xena/Gabrielle dynamic to it.)

I have never heard anyone sing [Itsy Bitsy Spider] as that. It was cool seeing that Lena's anal retentive streak is alive and well. I bet she terrorized Google until she found the perfect baby sing-along CD with the best recommendations possible. Then she promptly memorized the complete song list, including the spelling and proper pronunciation. Heh. I've adored Dorky!Lena since the Lianca does Europe itinerary.

Black Knight
I ... don't get the sense that AMC is fluffing Naggie. I still don't see this as a true triangle or as having any sign of becoming one. Naggie's being shown as a selfish shrew. If anything, for all that Lena barely gets any screentime, she's really the one being fluffed as the perfect girlfriend for Bianca (though it's not fluffing when it's only true, heh).

I think something like the Itsy Bitsy Spider scene is very indicative. In a true triangle, one where the show wants to set up the Naggie role as at the very least a viable and rootable option, the way the scene would've gone down is like this: Naggie and Lena entering, Naggie being really sweet with something for Bianca, like flowers or whatever, and Bianca then ignoring Naggie and her gift completely in favor of Lena, who's maybe not being quite as nice. Then cut to Naggie looking wistful (as opposed to annoyed). That way, you get the reaction of "aw, poor Naggie, when will Bianca wise up and see what's right in front of her?", of rooting for the underdog. Instead, Lena was totally sweet while Naggie was self-absorbed and grumpy, and so Bianca looked like she was focusing her attention on the right woman

I watched Friday's episode with a friend of mine and her husband. He sees AMC off and on with her, and he kept whining while we watched it how horrible and trite it all was...EXCEPT the Kendall/Erica scenes which even he had to admit ROCKED...He thinks Greenlee is hot but begged me to FF the mineshaft scenes, asked "What the F*** is she wearing!?!" when Maggie walked in, and every time there was a Lena/Bianca scene he kept asking "Are they gonna get it on or what?" And he asked at least twice, "Is MYRTLE on today?" ..It's pretty interesting getting a straight man's perception of the show!


This parody is by LizzieT. n

Edmund and Maria celebrated Valentine's Day.
Edmund: What? You mean we're on? What's up with that? Did that Paul guy get lost on his way over from OLTL?
Maria: I guess they wanted a happy couple to celebrate the holiday and we're the only couple in town actually speaking to each other. Here's your Valentine's Day present.
Edmund: How sweet. A book. Paralysis For Dummies.
Maria: I saw it and thought of you.
Edmund: I have something special for you too.
Maria: A violinist? How romantic.
Nurse: Excuse me, could you turn down your violinist? Some of the other patients here in ICU are afraid they're hearing the celestial chorus and they're starting to worry about their chances of recovery.

Kendall confronted Erica.
Kendall: Aren't you going to go in and see Bianca?
Erica: Not right now. Maybe when she has a crisis in her next pregnancy. So how have you been Kendall? I haven't seen you since the night I tried to kill you.
Kendall: I'm OK.
Erica: You do know I thought I was killing Michael don't you? I mean it wasn't just the mother of all "I hate Kendall" days.
Kendall: I understand. I just wish you could understand why Bianca and I kept the baby a secret from you.
Erica: You expect too much Kendall. It's February Sweeps. If I understood everything what would we do for a storyline?

Later Bianca had visitors.
Bianca: The baby really is all right isn't she?
David: She's fine. Here, I'll turn up the heart monitor so you can hear it better.
Baby: If you turn it up really loud you could drown out that annoying violin music from down the hall.
Bianca: So where's Mom?
Kendall: Mom who?
Bianca: Oh no. She didn't have another blackout did she?
Baby: Maybe she's in the psych ward. She's not the most stable person on the show these days - and that's saying a lot.
Jack: The doctors didn't think you should have the stress of having visitors.
Bianca: But you and Kendall are here.
Jack: I've really got to get better at lying.
Baby: Really. You'd think all those years with Grandma would have rubbed off on you a little.

Lena: Bianca, how are you?
Maggie: I was so worried.
Bianca: I'm fine and the baby is fine.
Lena: I brought you a present.
Bianca: What is it?
Lena: A CD for the baby to listen too. Lots of classic nursery songs.
Baby: What? Nursery songs? I prefer classic rock.
Maggie: I'll just leave the two of you alone for a while.
Lena: Is something bothering Maggie?
Bianca: I don't know. Things have been crazy.
Baby: That's right. Don't tell her about the kiss. Apparently the disasters of the last couple of weeks haven't taught you that keeping secrets always backfires.

Kendall went to see Erica at Enchantment.
Erica: You again?
Kendall: We still have to settle things. I know when I came back into your life years ago I was all about revenge but I've changed.
Erica: I can see that. You don't even look like the same person anymore. You're taller for one thing.
Kendall: I just want you to know that I would do anything for my family.
Erica: I believe you. You are truly a good person. How ironic is that.... that both of my daughters would end up being the town saints and Jack's daughter would turn out to be the town villain? Not to mention Brooke English's daughter being such a twisted little psycho.
Kendall: That makes it easier for me to tell you this.....I'm going to plead guilty and serve ten years in prison.
Erica: You can't do that Kendall. You wouldn't survive ten years in prison. Orange isn't your color.
Kendall: But if I get found guilty I might get the death penalty. I don't want that.
Erica: Kendall, listen to your mother and don't plead guilty. Do you understand me young lady?
Kendall: OK Mommy.
Erica: And eat your vegetables.
Kendall: Awww Mom....

Greenlee was still in the mine shaft.
Greenlee: Will anyone come to rescue me? What about Lassie?
Lassie: Forget it. Remember that little dog that Leo bought for you? Poor thing would have starved to death if Sam hadn't taken it up to the attic.
Greenlee: How about a guardian angel trying to earn his wings?
Angel Trainee: Forget it. Wings are over rated if you ask me.
Greenlee: A troop of Boy Scouts?
Boy Scouts: No way. We're all in love with Kendall.
Greenlee: Leo's ghost?
Leo's ghost: Sorry. Movie premiere this weekend.
Greenlee: What about Ryan? Maybe by some chance he's riding his motorcycle out here by the waterfall in the dead of winter.

Ryan: So here I am lying unconcious by the side of the road next to my wrecked motorcycle. Hey, doesn't this seem more like a cliffhanger ending than the beginning of the show? Whatever. Now I'm awake and ranting and raving about something. I wish I had a stronger acting partner than this motorcycle to help carry the scene. Now I'm standing in front of the open mine shaft. I know. I'll just toss the ring down there and roll this stone over the hole.
Greenlee: No! Don't roll the stone over the hole. I still have time left on my contract!
Audience Member#1: No, don't roll the stone over the hole.
Greenlee: See? The audience still loves me. They don't want me to spend eternity down here.
Audience Member # 1: Someone go get Babe and Krystal before we seal up the hole.
Audience Member #2: I'll round up Mia and PFKAJP. No sense in wasting a good hole in the ground.
Angry Villager : Don't seal it up until I get back with Liza.
Audience Member # 3: We should have thought of this years ago.
Greenlee: :::sigh::::::Ryan, come back! You're my only hope!


Ave Vessel of Kane Genes...we who are about to be backburnered salute thee!

Lena comes to Bianca bearing gifts

Maggie? I can crush her with just my little finger. Bwahahahahahahaha!

Lena remembers those sparks very clearly


Lena: It's got everything. It's got "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," "Eensey-Weensey Spider" --
Bianca: "Itsy-Bitsy Spider."
Lena: What?
Bianca: It's "Itsy-Bitsy Spider."
Lena: Well, no, it's Eensey-Weensey Spider.
Bianca: Yeah, except it's the Itsy-Bitsy Spider.
Lena: No!
Maggie: I always heard it as "Itsy."
Lena: Bianca, it's written right here -- "Eensey-Weensey."
Bianca: Oh, well, then it must be a misprint.
Lena: Ok, I'll take it back if you don't want it.
Bianca: Don't you dare! It's my favorite CD ever.
Lena: Really?
Bianca: Mm-hmm. Even if it is wrong.

Lena: Is something wrong with Maggie?
Bianca: What do you mean?
Lena: I don't know. She's just been very un-Maggie like recently.

Lena: Haven't you noticed how distant Maggie's been lately? She's hardly been at the apartment.
Bianca: Well, things have been slightly insane lately, Lena.
Lena: Oh, come on. When haven't they been? This is different. Maggie's different. Did something happen between you two?

Maggie: Don't you remember the way that you felt when you and Bianca threw sparks?
Lena: Hmm. I remember every moment.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Lena and Maggie visit Bianca in the hospital]

[amc030213 starts]
[Door opens]
Bianca: Mom, I -- [Maggie and Lena enter] oh, hi, you guys.
Maggie: Oh, Miss Casual -- "hi, you guys."
[Jack chuckles]
Maggie: No big deal that I come home and hear that David carried you off to the hospital.
Bianca: Oh. Well, you see this face? Do you see this rosy glow? The baby and I are going to be just fine.
Jack: Well, on that note, I'm going to make myself scarce, ok?
Bianca: Oh, thank you so much for being here with me.
Jack: You bet.
Bianca: With us.
Jack: And that's for both of you. Listen, you two, you take care of my girl here, and, you, no marathons.
[Jack leaves]
Bianca: Hi.
[Lena kisses Bianca on the cheek]
Maggie: So are you really ok?
Bianca: Yeah. I'm a little freaked out, but better by the minute.
Lena: It's not how I imagined Valentine's Day, but I guess you should still have this.
Bianca: Oh, you got me something! Sweet and romantic, I hope.
Lena: Ahem.
Bianca: "Sing-alongs for tots."
Lena: It's to play in the car, for the baby.
Bianca: Oh, that's great!
Lena: It's got everything. It's got "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," "Eensey-Weensey Spider" --
Bianca: "Itsy-Bitsy Spider."
Lena: What?
Bianca: It's "Itsy-Bitsy Spider."
Lena: Well, no, it's Eensey-Weensey Spider.
Bianca: Yeah, except it's the Itsy-Bitsy Spider.
Lena: No!
Maggie: I always heard it as "Itsy."
Lena: Bianca, it's written right here -- "Eensey-Weensey."
Bianca: Oh, well, then it must be a misprint.
Lena: Ok, I'll take it back if you don't want it.
Bianca: Don't you dare! It's my favorite CD ever.
Lena: Really?
Bianca: Mm-hmm. Even if it is wrong.
[Bianca and Lena laugh and Maggie can't stand the lahv]
Maggie: You know what? I am really thirsty. I'm going to get a soda. You guys want anything?
Bianca: Oh, I think we're ok, right?
Maggie: Ok.
Lena: Is something wrong with Maggie?
Bianca: What do you mean?
Lena: I don't know. She's just been very un-Maggie like recently.

***** (clip b) [Lena confronts Maggie and asks her what's going on]

[amc040213b starts]
Lena: Haven't you noticed how distant Maggie's been lately? She's hardly been at the apartment.
Bianca: Well, things have been slightly insane lately, Lena.
Lena: Oh, come on. When haven't they been? This is different. Maggie's different. Did something happen between you two?
Bianca: No. I -- I mean, not that I know. If I did something that -- that made her angry or ticked her off--
Maggie: What did I miss?
Bianca: Nothing.
Lena: Maggie, did something happen?
Maggie: They were out of diet?
Lena: Have I said something or done something or --
Maggie: Oh, ok. I'm lost. What?
Lena: Maggie, something's not right. What happened to you?

***** (clip c) [Maggie gives Lena the Jamie excuse for her behavior]

[amc040213c starts]
Maggie: If I seem weird, it's probably because of this whirlwind whatever between Jamie and me. I mean, it has been a while since I've been swept off my feet.
Lena: It just feels like it's more than that.
Maggie: Well, don't kid yourself. I mean, it is pretty heavy stuff. Don't you remember the way that you felt when you and Bianca threw sparks?
Lena: Hmm. I remember every moment.
Maggie: See? So we're all cool. Except me, actually, because I have another term paper that's just waiting to kick my behind. But I am very happy that you're ok, and the baby. And I'm glad that you're not running off to Timbuktu.
Bianca: It's true. Baby and I are here to stay.
Maggie: See? So everybody's fine. Lucky us. Bye, guys.


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
amc040213a.mov (13.4m; 1:59) Lena and Maggie visit Bianca in the hospital
amc040213b.mov (5.1m; 0:45) Lena confronts Maggie and asks her what's going on
amc040213c.mov (7m; 1:02) Maggie gives Lena the Jamie excuse for her behavior

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