Whoosh! Well, you're the BFF! Why didn't YOU kill Michael Cambias?
Lena's evil twin Skippy almost makes an
appearance to slap Maggie upside the head

Lena Kundera

February 20, 2004

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 02/26/04

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Maggie Stone


Bianca tells Maggie about the memory of the coat and then Lena walks in wearing a coat just like what Bianca described to Maggie; Maggie accuses Lena of being the murderer; Lena thinks Maggie's on crack; every Kane woman confesses to Michael's murder, but Bianca wins


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Maggie accuses Lena of killing Michael. Bianca insists on going to Kendall's trial.

From About All My Children

Bianca gets dressed to leave the hospital and suddenly flashes back to a knock at Michael's door on the night he was killed, seeing him open the door, and asking, "Well, what do you know?" She frowns at the memory, and hears his voice, "I will do what I want to you!" As she hears a gunshot, Maggie knocks and comes into the room. Bianca asks if she's seen Reggie? She was expecting him a while ago; he went to Kendall's trial just to make sure her mom was doing okay. Maggie thought Erica was staying away, and asks why she would go? She knows Kendall didn't kill him. Bianca agrees she does, and she thinks she may know why, "Maggie, I'm afraid that the killer is…" Bits and pieces of that night have been coming back to her since the trial started. Everything is much clearer now, but she can't see the woman's face. She knows she saw a woman with dark hair wearing a black jacket; she had her collar was turned up, and she saw her go into Michael's condo. They really had it out, and then she heard a shot. Lena comes in and says the car is right outside the entrance. Maggie watches as Lena fusses over her, and Bianca goes to the nurses' station to get her official release. As Lena packs up her things, Maggie asks if she knows Bianca is remembering certain things from the night Michael was killed? Lena says she didn't, and Maggie goes on that it's real whodunit stuff-a tall, dark, mysterious woman, and a gunshot in the dead of night. When Lena shrugs she's never been a mystery fan, Maggie grabs her arm and asks, "Even if you're the star of the show? Even if you're the woman she saw, the one who shot Michael Cambias?" Lena protests she didn't shoot Michael Cambias, and Maggie questions if she's actually going to let Kendall take the rap, or Erica? That would leave her free at last to be with Bianca! Lena repeats that she wanted Michael dead and poisoned his medicine, but she didn't kill him! Maggie says if she finds out she is the one who killed him and is letting someone else take the rap, "I wouldn't be so worried about the cops-I would worry about me!" Bianca returns with her release papers, and asks who wants to fill her in? Maggie suggests they blow this pop stand, and Lena asks if she's got everything? Bianca says everything but a call from Reggie. Maggie looks at the instructions given to Bianca and notes they call for no exertion and no stress, so they're going straight home. Bianca insists she has to make a stop first. Maggie hopes it involves cheeseburgers, but Bianca says she has to go to the courthouse. Maggie says there's no way-her mother can take care of herself. Bianca argues that her mother told Kendall she wouldn't let her be convicted, and it would be far more stressful if she doesn't know what she meant by that. She hurries from the room, with Maggie and Lena close behind.

From Soap Slut

Bianca is checking out of the hospital and still dealing with memory flashes, which she tells Naggie. Naggie stands with arms pushing on both sides of her boobs, as if to be more enticing to Bianca. Please Naggie, Bianca is so obviously not a boob woman. If she were, Lena and Kendall wouldn’t be given a second thought. Plus, if she wanted to play with boobs, she’d probably just play with her own. Give it up.

Bianca describes to Naggie the woman in her memory having dark hair and a black coat with the collar turned up. On cue, Lena arrives with her coat exactly as Binks described. Bianca goes to sign her discharge paperwork as a suspicious Naggie grills Lena about being the killer. When Lena scoffs at the thought, Naggie tells her that the cops will be the least of Lena’s worries if she’s lying. She’ll have Naggie to deal with. I’m amazed at Lena’s self-control. She managed to NOT laugh herself into a seizure at that threat, unlike me...


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Erica is to peanuts as peanuts are to shells.
  • Zapruder wants his name back.
  • Lena gets stuck in traffic.
  • Kendall and Erica out-murder each other…
  • …but the lesbian gets it.

The Set-Up – At the courthouse, Erica does the Perp Walk.

At The Pit, Picture!Erica drowns in peanuts.

At the hospital, Bianca goes back to her Blue Zapruder and hears *sshat’s voice. Maggie walks in holding on to her coat. Somewhere, a condor is looking for his feathers.

The Courthouse – Special Prosecutor Forehead tries to bring up actual rules of law, but Judge Lampert has no patience for such trivial things and allows Livia to ask Erica whatever she wants.

Kendall: "Jack, I had no idea Erica was going to testify: you have to stop her."

What did you think she was going to do on the stand, sell lemonade?

The Hospital - Bianca tells Maggie that "bits and pieces" of the night *sshat was killed are "coming back" to her: she remembers seeing "a woman with dark hair; she was wearing a dark jacket and she was wearing her collar turned up."

Maggie, instead of looking like the fish in my tank, why don’t you ask Bianca how the hell it is that she saw anything at all that night?

Lena breezes in, in a black coat with the collar turned up, and tells Bianca her car is right at the entrance. While Maggie looks on – because it’s a coat! And it’s black! And a woman is wearing it! With the collar turned up! – Lena helps Bianca pack.

Wow, two bags for an overnight stay? Are you sure you’re gay, Bianca? ‘Cause I would have made it with a backpack.

As soon as Bianca goes to the nurse’s station, Maggie moves and stares at Lena.

Lena: "What?"
Maggie: "Did you know what Bianca is remembering certain things of the night that Michael was killed?"
Lena: "No. No, I didn’t know that."

Yes you did: Bianca told you about it the same day she confessed she stole the plastic baby Jesus from the church that didn’t exist.

Lena tells Maggie she’s not a "mystery fan;" she moves away to fold more of Bianca’s crap, but Maggie grabs her arm and stops her.

Maggie: "Even if you are the woman that she saw, the one who shot Michael Cambias?"
Lena: "I didn’t shoot Michael Cambias: where is this coming from?"

From her jealousy and visceral hated – but that’s just a guess.

Maggie: "Just go with me on this, just for a sec: say you did shoot the rat, ok? Are you actually going to let Kendall take the rap for it, or Erica, or maybe find someone else who is really convenient?"

Convenient the way it’s convenient for you to point the finger at Lena? Maggie, if you were the last woman on earth, only 32 people would take a look at you and they’re the same 32 who’d pimp the plague as a good thing if only it were to give you and your journey of self-whatevercakes more airtime. And what’s this, use as many three-letter words that begin with "r" day? Your concern for Kendall, while laudable, is crap. You’re a hypocrite: when’s the last time you bothered with Kendall at all? The last time you spoke to her, you snapped at her because she dared speak to Bianca so, really, shut the f*** up: listening to a radio station that never quite comes in is more fun than listening to your pathetic *ss.

Lena: "I would never let somebody else take the blame for something I did."
Maggie: "Sure you would, because now this means that you can be free at last with Bianca. I mean, from what I’ve heard, being in the slammer could take a real toll on a relationship."

Have some experience, do you? Kendall is in favor of the hotness and love that is Lianca, you stupid twit: if Lena had any need to get rid of anyone, she’s have played shot put with you a long time ago.

Lena is all hotness and sexiness and good hair and gritted teeth when, exasperated, she finally tells Maggie she poisoned *sshat’s pills but did not kill him.

Maggie: "Ok, but if I find out that you are the one who killed him and you’re letting someone else take the rap, I wouldn’t be so worried about the cops: I would worry about me."

You’re a pathetic little troll: what are you going to do, wrap your dickey around Lena’s ankle?

Bianca walks back in and notices that something is wrong, but neither Lena nor Maggie fill her in and she’s all too happy to continue burying her head in the sand. She and Maggie semi-argue about whether she should be going to the courthouse after which Bianca announces she’ll take a cab and see them both later.

If you knew you were going to take a cab, why the hell did you call Lena to get a ride home? What, did you need her to carry your bags or something? Oh, wait.

The Courthouse – On the stand, Erica tells the truth – as she remembers it – about the night *sshat was killed and confesses to the murder.

Mumbles, shock, mumbles, gaspscakes.

The Witness Room - Jack tries to understand what Erica is doing and why.

Jack: "You may as well have handed them a lighted match."
Erica: "I don’t understand."

It’s a metaphor, Erica: a metaphor.

Adam walks into the room, interrupts Erica’s monologue of guilt, and announces he is the man she shot that night. Palmer, Reggie and Kendall walk in just as the Zapruder is about to start. Again.

Jack: "Erica, listen to me: you know what happened? You were in a blackout: you took Adam for Michael."

Oh, Jack: as chivalrous and as useless as always: Erica and Bianca have been mistaking every piece of furniture in Pine Valley for Michael for months.

Bianca walks in, asks that everyone leave, and remains in the room with Kendall and Erica for what is sure to be the "rape is a love story" part of the murder bore.

Bianca: "Mom, is this because of the promise you made me? I made you swear that you wouldn’t let Kendall get convicted for something you did. Oh god. Mom, did I ruin your life to save Kendall?"

Yeah, Erica: are you sacrificing yourself so that Kinks could be saved? It’s like The Passion, only not.

Erica: "I did it: I killed that bastard and I would do it again."
Bianca: "I didn’t want it to be you. I didn’t want you to be guilty, mom."
Kendall: "This is the truth, finally: I did it. I murdered Michael."

Yes, but are you Spartacus?

The Last Scenes – In the witness room, while Kendall and Erica out-Spartacus each other, Bianca twirls in place, muttering about the "it" she must find, falls back into her Blue Zapruder and realizes that she is the killer.

Thus ends the most boring and drawn-out murder non-mystery in the history of the world – and with the most obvious, unfulfilling ending possible. So, let’s see: we have a murdered lesbian, a raped lesbian, a suicidal lesbian and a killer lesbian. Well, AMC: throw yourself a f***ing parade and choke on it.

NEXT WEEK ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Greenlee thinks of Jack; Erica decides it’s time for the truth.


Black Knight
The Lena/Naggie fight had me giggling from the second Lena snapped, "What?!" at Naggie. I do think Naggie was right in much of what she said, but the idea of Lena being scared of Naggie is just too funny. They hate each other to the point that even Bianca paid five seconds of attention in the middle of worrying about her mother and sister. Watching Lena cart the bags around was amusing--she was totally overloaded. That's what you get for being chivalrous, m'dear...good thing Bianca was too busy rushing for her cab to laugh at you.

I think I might have sprained something laughing at Naggie threatening someone who not only is a foot taller than her but is a former corporate shark, among other things. Lena knows people, Nags, you shouldn't cross her. So your aunt was a psycho, that's not going to instill fear in people when you don't even top out at five feet tall.

And what was with Naggie's shirt? It was totally, "Hey, look at my boobs!" Although the fact that she wore it to see Bianca makes total sense, I guess...

Black Knight
Yeah, I noticed Naggie's choice of shirt too, kariyaki, and also concluded that it was because she was seeing Bianca that day. Clueless. The rack is not the way to Bianca. Hee. I can just see Boobe and Naggie sitting together trying to figure out why Bianca isn't pouncing all over them, while Kendall and Lena snicker and perfect their eyef***ing technique some more.

Well, as for the big "reveal" that Bianca is the killer? I guess that I'm just so jaded by this point that only one scenario would satisfy me. And, just for fun, here it is:

Bianca, Erica, Kendall, David, Adam, Palmer, Boyd, Reggie, Myrtle, Simone, Aiden(no, I don't know why he's included, he just is), Lena and Jack all showed up at Michael's apartment at the exact same moment, and they all conveniently had the exact same make and model of gun (I forgot about 4 months ago what that make and model was supposed to be). All at once, like they had been practicing, they shot Michael at the exact same moment. He didn't die from "a" bullet wound; he died from 13 bullet wounds.

All of them confess, and the jury, disgusted with the lot of them at this point, sentence every one of them to 40 years in prison. Kendall and Bianca share a jail cell, of course. The entire soap is changed to revolve around these 13 people. Greenlee, Tad, and Brooke (for some random reason), are allowed to visit every once in awhile. Everyone else is gone. Never to be heard from again. The entire soap is centered around the prisoners. Now THAT is a soap I would watch. Imagine the possibilities! And the HoYay! Of course, Kinks would finally reign supreme.

Re: Mags- Notice how she added extra attributes to Bianca's Zapruder description? "Tall ... mysterious." Just to make it sound more like Lena. Bianca did not list either one of those.

Black Knight
I noticed Maggie's embellishment of details too. The "mysterious" was one thing because she could have simply been referring to the fact the woman's identity was unknown, but I don't remember Bianca saying one single damn thing about "tall". In fact, she wouldn't have, even offscreen, because until the end, she was worried that she'd seen Erica.

Remember when the Punisher was doing an interesting nod to "firsts" with clothing--Kendall/Ryan talking about some first or other, and then Kendall dreaming of Mikey in the clothes he was wearing when she first met him, and at one point she was also wearing the shirt that IIRC, kariyaki said that she wore when she had her first fight with Bianca. It was some first that was associated with Bianca, I remember that much for sure. Both clothing firsts tied to the two people who have absolutely driven Kendall's thoughts and actions for all those months. Well, the Punisher's doing it again--I recognized Lena's shirt. It's from the purple outfit she wore the morning after she and Bianca first made love. Very appropriately significant for this particular show day, what with the Michael vs. Bianca battle that began when Lianca fell in love coming to an ultimate head.

I just love how Kendall can say with a straight face "I've been lying to everyone all along, but now this is the truth" and promptly reel off a whole new batch of lies. Hee.

I actually thought Liz was fine on Friday. It's not that she's performing, exactly, it's more that the bitchy jealousy thing they have her doing happens to match up well with the bitchface she always has going on these days. But then I'm biased because it also gives the HPF a chance to bare her claws and I love seeing that side of Lena. Like SkiffyPup said, Lena's "What?!" was hot, as was when she threw down the CD (hey, be careful Lena, that's Bianca's very favorite CD ever...) and pointed her finger in Naggie's face. Heh.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Tad was at the local sleazy bar.
Tad: Have you ever seen this woman?
Extra: Erica Kane? Of course I've seen her. She's been on the show for years.
Tad: I meant have you seen her here?
Extra: No, she wouldn't come to a dive like this. Women with class never come here.
Krystal: Howdy Tad. Come here often? This is one of my favorite places. But you've got to stop causing trouble for my baby doll.
Tad: I'm not involved in the Babe storyline today. I'm investigating the Erica storyline.
Krystal: Can I help?
Tad: Why would you want to get involved?
Krystal: Maybe I just want to be nice to you. Maybe I feel sorry for a mother who's had to watch her daughter suffer. Or maybe I'm just as bored by my storyline as the audience is and I'm trying to move into a better one.
Tad: Excuse me sir, have you seen this woman?
Extra: No. Never. Not me. No way, no how. I especially didn't see her on the night that Michael Cambias was murdered.
Tad: I think he knows something but he won't talk to me.
Krystal: I'll get him to talk. Just give me a minute......OK, he's ready.
Tad: What did you do? Use that skanky charm of yours to win him over?
Krystal: No. I told him either he talked to you or I'd make sure that he had to be in the scenes the next time Paul from OLTL showed up.
Extra: For the love of God, I'll tell you anything you want to know.

Bianca was ready to leave the hospital.
Maggie: Are you all packed?
Baby: How much packing would you have to do for an overnight visit? It's not like we're stealing the lovely hospital gown and accessory bed pan.
Bianca: I'm ready. But I keep thinking that I know who killed Michael Cambias.
Baby: Half the audience knows who killed Michael Cambias. Some people just can't resist reading spoilers.
Maggie: What do you remember?
Bianca: It was a woman with dark hair and a coat.
Lena: Hello everyone. It certainly is cold today so I wore my coat which looks very nice with my dark hair.
Bianca: I'm going down to sign myself out.
Baby: And maybe make reservations for the psych ward while you're at it.
Maggie: So Lena, were you the one who shot Michael Cambias?
Lena: Don't be silly. I'm the one who poisoned him. I can understand how you might have forgotten though. That came out months ago.
Maggie: I don't believe you. And if I find out that you killed him and you're letting Kendall take the fall just watch out.
Lena: Oh really? What do you plan to do to me?
Maggie: I'll get rid of all your clothes and pick out your new wardrobe myself.
Lena: :::gasp::::You really hate me don't you?
Bianca: What's going on here?
Maggie: Nothing.
Lena: Nothing.
Baby: I'm betting a catfight - and we missed it.
Lena: Are you ready to go home now?
Bianca: No. My doctor said to rest and avoid stress so naturally I'm going down to the courthouse.
Baby: I would make a sarcastic remark about how all this stress is bad for me, but after sitting through this storyline for months, I want to be in on the grand finale. Let's go.

Erica took the witness stand.
Jack: Wait. I need a recess to talk with my client.
Justin: I need a recess too. Anyone want to play tetherball?
Erica: We don't need a recess Your Honor. Jack always hates it when I get on the witness stand to confess to murder. You'd think he'd have gotten used to it by now.
Livia: Ms. Kane remember you are under oath to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So what do you want tell the jury.
Erica: I lied.
Livia: That sounds like the truth. What did you lie about?
Erica: The night Michael Cambias was killed. I was going to shoot Michael but David wouldn't get out of the way. So I took the gun and I ran out.
Livia: Then what did you do?
Erica: I don't know. I have a little amnesia - Pine Valley is the amnesia capital of the world you know.
Livia: What do you remember?
Erica: I went back to the condo later that night. Michael opened the door and I shot him. I killed Michael Cambias.
Judge: :::gasp::::
Crowd: :::gasp::::
Juror 1: Yesssss! I was right all along!
Juror 2: I don't believe it. I was sure it would be one of the extras like Boyd.
Boyd: *&$@* I'm not an extra!
Juror 3: I still don't think it was her. The show's only half over.
Juror 4: I know who it is . I read it on one of the message boards but I'm not telling.
Livia: Your Honor, I move for a mistrial.
Judge: I'll consider it. I'll see the attorneys in my chambers while the rest of the cast meets to have emotional confrontations.
Jack: Erica, come with me. We need to have an emotional confrontation. Why did you say you killed Michael? Haven't I always told you, only confess to the crimes you actually commit?
Erica: But I did kill him. Just because I have amnesia about that night doesn't mean I don't remember what I did.
Adam: You didn't shoot Michael Erica. You shot me but you thought I was Michael. Then you dropped the gun and ran away. So I picked up the gun and kept it from the police.
Erica: I don't care what you say. I know I'm the one who murdered Michael Cambias.
Bianca: I can't believe this. Well, actually I can since I've been saying it for weeks but still...... We need a scene right now, with just the Kane women.
Baby: Yeah, all you men clear out of here. I wonder if this is a sign that I'm a girl since I'm allowed to stay?
Bianca: Oh Mom, I didn't want you to be the murderer.
Baby: Stick around. In a few minutes she's going to seem like the best alternative after all.
Erica: I did it and I'm going to plead guilty.
Kendall: You didn't do it. I did it. I just made it look like I was protecting someone else.
Baby::::gasp::::What is it about this family and confessions? I hope Oak Haven has a group rate.
Erica: I did it.
Kendall: No I did it.
Erica: No I did it.
Kendall: No I did it.
Bianca: I'm remembering......a shadowy figure....a gun in a purse....a shot rings out....the murderer walks out of the condo....:::gasp::::It's me! I did it! I'm the murderer!
Baby: I could have told you that months ago but did anyone ask me?


Hey Bianca, the hypotenose has arrived!

Excuse me, but I don't see you wearing any ring

Bianca's bags miraculously reproduce overnight to Lena's chagrin

Lena's new job as Bianca's valet


Maggie: Ok. But if i find out that you are the one who killed him and you're letting someone else take the rap, I wouldn't be so worried about the cops. I would worry about me.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Bianca thinks she has figured out why Erica knows Kendall did not kill Michael]

Michael: Well, what do you know?
Michael: I will do what i want to you.
[Knock on door]
bianca: Ahem.
Maggie: Hi.
Bianca: Hi.
Maggie: You ok?
Bianca: Yeah. I'm fine. Have you seen reggie walking around out there at all?
Maggie: No. Are you expecting him?
Bianca: Yeah, a while ago. He went to kendall's trial, but just to make sure that mom was doing ok.
Maggie: Oh, I thought your mother was staying far away from court. Even the thought of michael stirs her.
Bianca: Well, yeah, it does. You've seen her.
Maggie: Ok, so, then, why go? She knows that kendall didn't kill him.
Bianca: I know she does. And I think I may know why. Maggie, I'm afraid that the killer is --

***** (clip b) [Maggie threatens Lena]

Bianca: Bits and pieces of that night have been coming back to me.
Maggie: Ok, and these memories -- it just started happening?
Bianca: Well -- yes, when the trial started.
Maggie: Well, that's weird.
Bianca: Tell me about it. Everything is -- is so much clearer now, but i still can't see the woman's face.
Maggie: Ok, you're sure that this isn't a dream --
bianca: No, I know what i saw. It was a woman with dark hair. She was wearing a black jacket, and she had the collar turned up, and I saw her go into michael's condo. [amc0220b-in2 starts] And then they really had it out. And then i heard a shot.
Lena: Hi. The car's right outside the entrance. I promised it'd only be a minute. You ready?
Bianca: Yeah, I just have to get a couple of things together.
Lena: Here, let me help you. You know, you really should be wearing your coat. It's very cold outside.
Bianca: Well, I will. I just have to take these to the nurses' station so that i can get officially released. I'll be right back.
Lena: Ok.
Lena: What?
Maggie: Did you know that bianca is remembering certain things the night that michael was killed?
Lena: Really? No, no, I didn't know that.
Maggie: Real whodunit kind of stuff. Tall, dark, mysterious woman, dead of night, gunshot, you know?
Lena: No, I don't, actually. I've never been much of a mystery fan.
Maggie: Really? Even if you're the star of the show? Even if you're the woman that she saw, the one who shot Michael Cambias?
Lena: I didn't shoot Michael Cambias. What -- where is this coming from?
Maggie: Ok, just -- just go with me on this just for a sec. Say you did shoot the rat, ok? Are you actually going to let Kendall take the rap for it, or erica, or maybe find someone else who's really convenient?
Lena: I would never let somebody else take the blame for something I did.
Maggie: Sure you would because now this means that you can be free at last with Bianca. I mean, from what I've heard, being in the slammer could take a real toll on a relationship.
Lena: Listen to me, Maggie. I told you and I told everybody else -- I wanted Michael dead. I poisoned his medicine, but I didn't kill him, ok?
Maggie: Ok. But if I find out that you are the one who killed him and you're letting someone else take the rap, I wouldn't be so worried about the cops. I would worry about me.

***** (clip c) [Lena is stuck carrying Bianca's bags]

[amc040220c starts]
Bianca: All right. Signed, sealed, and -- wow. What happened in here, a nuclear explosion?
Maggie: No.
Lena: We were just having a discussion.
Bianca: Really? Somebody want to fill me in?
Maggie: Real boring. Does anyone want to just blow this pop stand?
Bianca: Yes, and not a moment too soon.
Lena: Ok. So, you got everything?
Bianca: Everything except a call from Reggie. Did you hear anything?
Maggie: No. Hey, what's that?
Bianca: Um -- just instructions for my release.
Maggie: Oh.
Bianca: No biggie.
Maggie: The caring and feeding of Miss Montgomery -- very big biggie. Oh, look at this -- no exertion.
Lena: Oh, well, I'll be taking this, then.
Maggie: Oh, here's another biggie -- no stress. Well, I guess that means that you're going straight home.
Bianca: I have to make a stop first.
Maggie: And I hope it involves cheeseburgers.
Bianca: I have to go to the courthouse.
Maggie: Uh-uh, no way. Your mother can take care of herself.
Bianca: Maggie, my mother told kendall that she wouldn't let her be convicted. It will be far more stressful if I don't know what she meant by that.
Lena: We'll find out soon enough. We'll just take you home and we'll wait for the confirmation.
Bianca: Thank you, but I will grab a cab. I'll see you later.
Maggie: Will you hold on?
Bianca: I can't, Maggie. My mother is at the courthouse. I need to know how she is.


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
amc040220b-inc2.mov (12.3m; 1:49) Maggie threatens Lena
amc040220c.mov (9.2m; 1:21) Lena is stuck carrying BIanca's bags

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