Whoosh! Yes, I lahv peeenk too.
Caught with her hands in the cookie jar again, Lena
can't keep even minor espionage a secret these days

Lena Kundera

March 01, 2004

(Lena on Next on AMC)
Last update: 03/01/04

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode



Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Maggie Stone


Next on AMC: Maggie and Lena have changed places! Maggie is out of the loop and Lena is in! Maggie is surprised to discover that Bianca is planning on moving and Lena knew!


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

No mention of Lena

From About All My Children

To keep Tad from blurting out the truth about Babeís marriage to Paul, Krystal announces that she and Tad are getting married! Adam is delighted sheís taking him off their hands!
When Erica insists she is perfectly fine, Kendall tells her mother she is anything but fine!
Lena looks down at the floor as Maggie tells Bianca, ďYou didnít tell me you were moving!Ē

From Soap Slut

No Lena mention. Alack for the pity.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Greenlee wants Ryan to know what she wants.
  • Kendall works her jeans.
  • Simone wants to watch.
  • I revisit The Other Relationship.
  • Itís almost all Jar-Jar Boobe, but Iím recapping anyway. Because Iím stupid.

The Set-Up Ė At the cabin, Ryan snores. So do I.

In the Jar-Jar Boobe corner, Babe waits to find out the identity of DaddyBoobe. See, if she were gay, none of this would be happening. Oh Ė and then Boobe faints right onto the couch. Oh, and J.R. is BabyBoobeís dad. Or is he? Come on people, care! Oh, wait.

At the penthouse, Erica wears Fruit Roll-Ups wrapped in Devilís Leather and tells Jack that "today is the day [she] start[s] [her] new beginning" and, therefore, he should go watch Lifetime with somebody else.

At Flat Cow Central, Kendall sticks her tongue in Rain Cloudís mouth - but she calls out Ryanís name: is there a greater insult?

The Cabin - Ryan and Greenlee talk about their psychotic connection and bond over The Crossing Wound. Greenlee really wants to help Ryan fix things with Kendall because falling into the Shaft of Self-Pity has given her a new perspective on life Ė but not so new that sheíll let people talk without interrupting while deciding whatís best for them.

The Penthouse Ė Erica wants to put all of her "energy to good use" as far away from Jack as possible and that makes him ask one of the most reviled relationship questions ever: "What are you thinking?"

Yeah, itís cute when youíre asked that every 34 seconds the first month youíre together but, after that, you just wish you had a muzzle.

Opal walks in wearing one of those beaded car seat cover things and lands on breakfast.

Erica: "Maybe you can help save me from this big spread Jack has out here. I mean, itís so much food. As if I could eat all that myself."

As if you ever bothered to eat, Erica: compared to you, Jenny looks positively fat.

While Opal stares at the muffins, Erica pours some Pinot Grigio and starts sipping; her lips talk about the "total beauty" concept, but her drinking elbow says "fuck you" to both Opal and Jack.

Opal: "Iím a little more concerned about that glass of wine you happen to be holding, sitting there as if itís the most normal thing in the world."
Erica: "This? This is not a problem: people drink wine all the time."
Opal: "Not people in recovery, no, and you happen to be one of those. If you are drinking wine like itís no big deal, then you can just bet your trip to Betty Ford that weíve got a problem."

Oh, goody: yet another Very Special Six Months for All My Children. Hey, maybe Erica can go to one of those Beverly Hills centers, bunk with the celebrity of the afternoon and not get better with her! And I can relive my other relationship during which I was continuously told I didnít know what "too much drinking" was since I didnít drink: wonít that be fun?

Erica: "Opal, you know very well that my addiction was to prescription drugs: alcohol was never an issue."

If Betty Ford were dead, sheíd be rolling in her grave.

Opal: "Tell that to the folks working the program: I think they might tell you thatís splitting some dangerous hair."

Oh, look: thereís an echo in my head. Jack, stop nodding: youíre making me nauseous.

Erica insists that drinking alcohol is just fine because, otherwise, how would she self-medicate? She walks out of the penthouse and leaves Opal and Jack to their notes.

Opal: "You pegged it dead on: drinking wine like itís no big deal, talking to us like we got the sense of a couple of mules. It scares the beejeebies out of me."
Jack: "She can be so calm, so lucid: sometimes I think itís me. Sometimes I think Iím the one who is hallucinating."

I know exactly how you feel: once, I asked an alcoholic how much drinking was too much to see whether my opinion was at all skewed by my non-drinking ways: isnít it great when addicts make you question you own, sober judgment? Ah, good times.

Enchantment Ė Kendall is sorry that Boyd sees her for the selfish, spoiled, Ryan-mad user she was before Bianca showed her The Way of the Kinks; he could care less and leaves, heading to L.A. for pilot season Ė I mean, for a lab that deals with burn victims. Burn victims like him! Because his heart! It was burned! By Kendall!

The Last Scenes Ė At the cabin of Self-Delusion, Ryan and Greenlee try to color inside the lines.

At Enchantment, Erica lifts twice her body weight and smashes a perfume bottle against the door.

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Krystal announces that she and Tad will be getting married; Erica reassures Kendall; Biancaís decision to move out surprises Maggie.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Kendall was still at David's.
Kendall: So how about it David? A no-strings, no emotions involved red hot monkey sex affair?
David: Sounds great! Why should Tad get all the meaningless sex in Pine Valley.
Kendall: Oh Ryan, Ryan!
David: What?
Kendall: Er.....I said wine, wine! I'm really thirsty.
David: You're not fooling me Kendall. You're still hung up on Ryan aren't you?
Kendall: It's hard to get over my feelings for Ryan - kind of like one of those fungal infections. But I will get over it. Erica gave me Enchantment and I'm about to become a real power player in this town. But we could still have an affair.
David: Not right now though. Let's wait and see what the focus groups say about us before we go any further.

Ryan and Greenlee were still in the cabin.
Greenlee: Ryan, I'm so sorry. I ruined your happy life with Kendall.
Ryan: What is this about Greenlee?
Greenlee: My character is being reinvented again in an effort to win back audience support.. I went from bitchy but vulnerable heroine, to just plain bitchy, now I'm coming back to vulnerable plus sweet and funny.
Ryan: Funny?
Greenlee: Right. Funny. Knock knock.
Ryan: Who's there?
Greenlee: Orange.
Ryan: Orange who?
Greenlee: Orange you glad that silly mineshaft storyline is finally over? Bwahahahahahaha! ......So do you think the audience loves me again?

Kendall met with Boyd.
Kendall: Oh Boyd, I own Enchantment now and you and I can make it something really special.
Boyd: Frankly Kendall, I don't give a d***.
Kendall: What?
Boyd: You heard me. Thanks to you I never really had a storyline. Sure, I was good enough to have around when you needed me, but I want more from a relationship than a woman who needs corpses disposed of. So I'm leaving you.
Kendall: You've been written out haven't you?
Boyd: Yes. And this is my final scene. Not much of an exit is it?
Kendall: At least you got a goodbye scene. Lots of extras never get that much.
Boyd: *&$*@ I was never an extra!

Jack had plans for Erica.
Jack: I want us to spend the day together. Look, I've even got breakfast ready. I don't think you've eaten in the last few days.
Erica: Don't be silly Jack. My next storyline isn't going to be anorexia. Now I really have to go.
Opal: Don't rush off in the heat of the day. I came over to spend some time with my best gal pal.
Erica: How lovely! This calls for a celebration. Care for some wine?
Opal: For breakfast? Isn't it a little early?
Erica: It's five o clock somewhere. So let me tell you about my plans. I'm going to start designing clothes. I may even move my headquarters to France or Italy - somewhere close to the vineyards.
Opal: Erica, I think this drinking thing is turning in to a problem.
Erica: A problem? Why would you think that? I'm addicted to pills, not liquor. Care for another drink - or 5?
Opal: I still think this is a bad idea. You need to deal with your problems, not drown them.
Erica: Sorry. I know a lot of people were looking forward to a big Erica Kane hissy fit but I decided to take my character in a different direction. But aren't you and Jack sweet to care. I have to go now. Take care you two. See you at the next intervention.
Jack: So is it my imagination or is she acting a little strange.
Opal: Jack, she's as looney as a tune. I'm afraid this may last all the way until May Sweeps.

Joe had the test results.
Joe: I'm now ready to open the envelope and reveal the test results. I just hope the audience managed to survive the weekend without collapsing from the weight of the suspense.
Babe: ::::clunk::::
Krystal: Baby doll, what's wrong?
Adam: Soap cliche # 45 - pregnant woman faints when faced with paternity test results. Seen it a million times. Let's get on with it.
Joe: ::::drum roll::::And the winner is.....Lord of the Rings!
Adam: What?
Joe: Sorry, wrong envelope. The winner is .....JR!
JR: I can't believe it! I didn't think I would win so I didn't prepare an acceptance speech. I'd just like to thank all the people that made it possible. It was such an honor to be in the same category as my brother Jamie, that guy from OLTL and the seventh fleet. All I can say is........Nananananana - I'm the father and you're not!
Babe: Now now. You and your brother shake hands and be friends again. I want everyone to be happy.
JR: Why are you doing this?
Babe: Just reminding everyone once again - Babe=Good.
JR: Dad, you'd better start being nice to Babe or I'll take my ball and go home.
Adam: It's my house you ungrateful little runt.
Producer: Adam!
Adam: Sorry. You're right JR. Babe, I'm sorry. I want you and the baby to be happy. I'll be nice to you from now on. After all, Babe=Good.
Tad: Wait! I have something to say!
Joe: Then say it son.
Tad: I can't. This is the cliffhanger - designed to drive the audience into a frenzy of anticipation to know if Babe's secret will be revealed.
Joe: Zzzzzzzzzzz.


Um, where do I pick up my check?

Au revoir Boyd...we hardly knew ye.

Meet Maggie, the new Lena.

Maggie, Maggie, just buy a clue, will ya?


Maggie: You didn't tell me you're moving.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Next on AMC: Maggie finds Lena moving Bianca out of the apartment]

On the next "all my children" --
krystal: Tad and I are getting married.
Adam: You're taking her off our hands?
Tad: Married?
Erica: I am perfectly, fantastically fine.
Kendall: You are anything but fine.
Maggie: You didn't tell me you're moving.


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
Coming soon

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!