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A naked body double for Gabrielle is getting whupped by an Amazon with a weed whacker (though it's not plugged in, so it really doesn't hurt). The music is eerie and the whupping Amazon wears a Halloween mask of Kathie Lee Gifford (ooh! scary!).
Ephiny sips from a bottled water as JOXER tries to dispel his image from several mindless comedies, by frowning a lot.
JOXER, in an attempt to wow the critics, frowns even more.We have to do something!JOXER
Gah! What the Hades are you doing in the Amazon village? Security!EPHINY(noticing JOXER)
I love Gabrielle -- I have to be near her.JOXER
Jox, babe, she's into chicks. You? No shot.EPHINY
I kinda like that about her, actually.JOXER
Security!!!!EPHINY
Geez, we call ourselves Amazons?(mumbling)
We have to get her out of there! I can hear the background chants from here and they're getting louder!JOXER
We can't. She has to endure the Amazon purification ritual and that means getting all the toxins out of her body in a new age, 'expel the TexMex she had for dinner last night' kinda way. It's brutal, but Kathius Leah knows what she's doing.EPHINY
Well I'm not going to stand by and watch this from out here. I'm going in there and watch.JOXER
CUT TO:
Xena is wailing, dressed in a blanket. Soap chips doubling as snow fall all around her.
Suddenly, Ares appears next to her.Aeiaeiaei! And on this farm he had some pigs. Aeiaeiaei!XENA(wailing)
GREASE is over. You can stop singing now.ARES
Shut up, ya soulless buzzard! I coulda won a Tony if my run had been longer!XENA
Give it up, Xena. You don't have a Tony. Or even an Emmy -- Rob wrecked your chances by having the show go syndicated. And since you can't get ticked off at him, cuz he's your boss, why not kill Gabrielle?ARES
'Kay.XENA
CUT TO:
Gabrielle, now dressed in a kevlar toga, is having tea with Callisto.
So I says to Xena, I says: 'Sure my kid off-ed your kid, but what are ya gonna do? They're kids!' And she says to me, she says--GABRIELLE
You hate her, don't you?CALLISTO
Hate her? No way! About the only thing that could make me hate her is if she rode in on Argo, whupped the Amazons, tied a rope around my feet, dragged me across half of Greece, then tried to throw me off a cliff -- and what are the odds of that???GABRIELLE
Okay, so it's not hate. But you dislike her, right?CALLISTO
No way. I love her. Said so a hundred times.GABRIELLE
Um... have an eensy teensy bit of resentment that, cuz of her, you had to kill your daughter?CALLISTO
Right! As if Hopeless didn't deserve it!GABRIELLE(laughing)
Feel slightly petulant cuz she snubbed you at the funeral of your kids, wouldn't respond to your 'I love you, Xena' and will never forgive you?CALLISTO
Nope.GABRIELLE
So nothing she does bothers you?CALLISTO
Well...GABRIELLE
there is one thing...(reluctantly)
What?CALLISTO
Oh, it's meaningless. I shouldn't even mention it.GABRIELLE
C'mon! It's me! Callee! You can talk to me.CALLISTO
Well... she won't let me play with her hair.GABRIELLE
And you HATE her for that!CALLISTO
YES! Yes, I hate her!! I hate her!!GABRIELLE(highly emotional)
I wanna touch the weaved-in Spanish lady hair and she won't let me!!(sobbing)
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