Whoosh! Issue 21 - June 1998

The Gabberish Lexicon
-- Fighting and Weapons


Bardbashing:
(When recieved) describes the thrashing one recieved from our potent Poteidaian friend [Post-Hooves and Harlots].
(When given) descibes the thrashing of our Poteidaian friend. (Usually Pre-Hooves and Harlots.)

Bardbarism:
Used to descibe the use of a Gabrification or Gabrification techniques on an unsuspecting victim. Example: Gabrielle had used such fine Bardbarism on the blind cyclops that not only did she convince the cyclops not to eat her, but to stop eating people all together!!! (Well, only until the cyclops discovered he was a victim of a vicious Gabrification.)

Conscientious Gabjector:
A maximum force technique of the ROCswat team: force authorized = maximum Gabalderdash (talk 'em into the ground until they beg for mercy).

Gabalderdash:
A maximum force technique of the ROCswat team: force authorized = maximum Gabalderdash (talk 'em into the ground until they beg for mercy).

Gabassault:
An attack by the bard upon an enemy fortification. (See: The Greater Good)

Gabba-dabba-do!:
War cry by a certain Poteidaian bard when bashing a warrior wanna-be (aka Joxer).

Gabchete:
One of the many uses of the Swiss Army Chakram, the gabchete can make quick work of an eel (See: A Day in the Life). Jingle: "The Swiss Army Chakram is a neutral nation's best defense!"

Gaberets:
A very secret force with refined skills and brave hearts. They are called upon for the most harrowing of Gabdefense missions.

Gabotage:
(Exemplification of the saying "the word is mightier than the sword.") The successful use of words as weapons of trickery to escape a potentially deadly situation. This is the skill many fans would like to see Gabrielle use more often. (See Sins of the Past, for the prototypical example.)

Gabrobatics:
Any difficult or intricate moves requiring great skill or agility, a word usually used in referring to Gabrielle's fighting techniques. See also: Half-Gabber; Full-Gabber.

Gabstab:
A bite suffered at the teeth of our favorite bard after she has been transformed into a vampire.

Gabwhacker:
Gabrielle's fighting staff. The wee bit of white fluff on the staff has yet to be identified, and some of the speculations are much too horrible to contemplate.

Half-Gabber:
A tricky staff-wielding, self-defensive move in which a bard uses the leverage of the aggressor to perform a back flip and regain control of the staff. (See Orphan of War, for the prototypical example.) By extension, a "Full-Gabber" would entail a self-propelled flip. But we haven't seen that - yet.

Joxerposition:
The somewhat incongruous sight of a tall healthy male warrior-wannabe splayed piteously at the feet of the Bard after a direct hit from the Gabwhacker. (Synonym: Splatulence)

K-T Rations:
Vacuum-sealed for your protection in Katy, Texas. Used for extended maneuvers and all-night on-line sessions surfing Renee's Web.

ROCswats:
The ROCker elite security swat team, easily identified by their flowing red hair and leather softball uniforms. Will dispatch anyone heard muttering the words "Joxer" or "Renee O'Conan".

Staff meeting:
An unfortunate and potentially harmful occurrence happening when Gabrielle is forced to defend herself against the baddies.

Staffylococcus:
The bacteria that forms after being injured by a warstaff.

UpperBARDcut:
Rapidly bring your closed fist up from the hip area till it connects with the chin of your opponent and follow through. (This would have been dramatically effective on the Orpheus/scarecrow in Girls Just Want to Have Fun.) Add Gabwhacker for better results.

Whoops!:
War cry of Clan MacGab; the origins of the war cry are still somewhat obscure, but rumor has it that Lucy herself was responsible when, during the resuscitation scene in Is There A Doctor in the House?, her fist missed its mark by a crucial few inches.

Quest's Scouting Lessons:
[Introductory Notes from ArLEEEne, Clan Archivist:
There is little documentation of MacGab Fighting techniques, some say it can be summed up in one word, "ragtag", but the ultra-elite Gabscouts have leaked some of their sensitive material and this is included in the lexicon so that other such organizations may learn from it and no real fighting ever gets done.]

QUEST'S SCOUTING LESSONS - 101

1) Never wear gold lamé on a scouting mission. Hunting tartan or a nice charcoal gray is acceptable, but you'd best be sure it covers you head to toe. Exposed expanses of fair flesh are lovely to look at, but the enemy is likely to put unsightly scars upon it. (Note: those of you with skin tones ranging from fudge to dark chocolate, feel free to wear as little as you like. They won't see you, and the rest of us won't mind either. Unless of course we're heading through heavy underbrush. Then it would be a baaaaad idea...)

2) When scouting, do not holler your regimental war cry, play the pan pipes, or whack rocks out of your way and yell "Fore!" Quiet is good. Absolute silence is better. If you give away your team mates' positions, you may end up playing pin cushion. You wouldn't like that. Especially if your mates have the pins, and they're putting them in reeeeeal slow, like, one at a time, in the most sensitive areas...

3) Either you better have a real good memory, or take along some way to make notes on the enemy position. A good memory is better, really, because then nobody can find your notes. However, at least one of these is mandatory. Coming back to camp and saying, "Well, there were a lot of them. You know, the bad guys. Somewhere over that-a-way... Um, I think they had some horses with them. Or maybe they were centaurs. I can't really recall, Sarge..." will not endear you to your commanding officer. In fact, you may find yourself 'promoted' from scout to front line infantry reeeeeal quick.




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