Whoosh! Issue 50 - November 2000

CAPTION THIS NO. 12
Exclusive to Whoosh!
By Nicola Guest and Marian Pappaceno
Content © 2000 by authors
Edition © 2000 by Whoosh!



Editor's Note: As a fun exercise, Whoosh! each month presents a cartoon drawn by Nicola Guest and/or Marian Pappaceno, and then invites its readers to send in their ideas of possible captions for the cartoon. All the received captions (unless deemed too wild and woolly) are published in the next month's issue. Submissions must be received by the 20th of the month to be considered for inclusion in the next month's issue.




Caption This No. 12a
Caption This No. 12b
Caption This No. 12c
Caption This No. 11a
Caption This No. 11b
Caption This No. 11c
Past Caption Thises
Biographies



Caption This No. 12





Caption This No. 12a

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

By Nicola Guest
Send your captions to Kym Taborn.




Caption This No. 12b

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

By Marian Pappaceno
Send your captions to Kym Taborn.




Caption This No. 12c

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

By Nicola Guest
Send your captions to Kym Taborn.




Caption This No. 11a

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

01. "Hello, Gabrrrrrrrielle. puuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
(from Joanne)

02. Lucy Lawless: C'mon guys, what is this?
Renee O'Connor: Oh yuck!
Rob Tapert: I'm sorry, but Bruce, Karl and Kevin were busy. Ted was the only one available to appear.
Lucy & Renee: That sounds familiar.

(from Thomas Healy)

03. And Joxer fans everywhere rejoiced as Whoosh fulfilled their fantasies for the 50th issue
(from Beth Ann Valek)

04. Jace: "Everybody put your hands together and feeeel the rhythm! Let's celebrate Whoosh! 50th Issue! Ole!
(from Virginia & Lourdes S.)

05. Joxer: Next, I'm appearing at a Bar Mitsvah in Mobile and on Saturday at Sci-Fi con in Tacoma.
(from ArtemisOK)

06. When Lucy cancels, the Whoosh! staff get desperate.
(from Xenitejen)

07. While the fringe benefits *were* nice, Joxer *hated* filling in for his brother Jace.
(from G_Gruschow)

08. Actor Ted Raimi sank to new professional lows after his character, Joxer, was killed off.
(from Emily Mills)

09. "Hey! Where'd everybody go?"
(from icebear)

10. I _really_ don't think this is going to help Joxer in his quest for the heart of the lovely Gabrielle . . .
(from icebear)

11. "Resting" actors will often do anything for money
(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

12. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(from Jasper Hedger)

13. This has to be the *lamest* way of TPTB bringing a character back to life since the beginning of season 4!
(from Andjam)

14. "You can leave your helmet on" (to music from "The Full Monty").
(from Andjam)

15. The way they are drooling, you'd think they've never seen a cake before. :)
(from Andjam)

16. Salmoneus' latest moneyspinner - Joxergrams!
(from A.L.Shaughnessy)

17. "Form a queue, girls! There's plenty to go round!"
(from A.L.Shaughnessy)

18. Gabrielle, offscreen : ::sigh:: Joxer, they don't call it a birthday_suit_ because you wear it to a birthday _party_....
(from icebear)

19. Looks like Xena and Gabrielle weren't the only ones in the freezer...
(from Andjam)

20. Ted's brave smile masked his anxiety at forgetting his Joxtrap
(from A.L.Shaughnessy)

21. Lucy (offscreen): TED! How drunk are you!?
(from Lauren Cullen)

22. Gabrielle: AHHHH!! Joxer! I'm BLIND!!! Put it away!!!
(from Lauren Cullen)

23. "Everyone! Run for your lives!!!!"
(from Blk13Cat)

24. After years of being a pseudo-sidekick, Joxer gets a REAL job.
(from Diana Hall)





Caption This No. 11b

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

01. Xena: "Are you the doctor or am I hallucinating? Is there a doctor in the house? Where's Gabrielle?"
(from Virginia & Lourdes S.)

02. Xena: "What in the name of Hades are you doing, Callisto?"
Callisto: "My time has come. It is time for me to be reincarnated into the world"
Xena: "YOU gave me THIS child?"
Callisto: "and I cannot find a better mother then you."
Xena: "So, when are you free?"
Callisto: "How about after this scene."
Xena: "Sounds great but where." Callisto: "Same place as always."

(from Joanne )

03. Ultrasounds: The ditzy Callisto angel version.
(from Jeremy Root)

04. Xena: Ummmm. I was a psychopathic warlord, you were a psychopathic warlord. How do we know this child won't be a psychopathic warlord too?
Callisto (winking): Trust me.

(from Thomas Healy)

05. Xena: I thought you were already in there!... Are you *sure* you're a liscenced midwife?... Fine, you can go in...but if I find feathers....I'm busting heads.
(from Xenitejen)

06. Hey Callisto, before you become my baby's soul, howzabout flying off to the store and getting me some pickles and ice cream?
(from G_Gruschow)

07. Callisto: "I'm sorry, Xena, but I won't be able to *afford* paying child support!"
Xena: "Hair's longer, got wings, but you're still an evil b*tch."

(from Emily Mills)

08. Angel Callisto: "Xena, the child that grows within you will herald the downfall of the Olympian gods. Or, it may be a ravenous, slimy gray insectoid that will burrow its way out of your abdomen, killing you and everyone in its path. You never know."
(from icebear)

09. Xena: "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Callisto: "Neither, it's a b*tch."

(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

10. Xena: "If you don't warm your hands next time, I'll rip your wings off!"
(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

11. "Touched by a Callisto"
(from Andjam)

12. Hudson knew that guest spot on "Touched by an Angel" would come back to haunt her.
(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

13. Lucy: "Hudson? What are you doing back on the show?"
Hudson: "RenPics couldn't get Roma Downey."

(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

14. "How many times do I have to tell you, Xena - lay off those doughnuts!"
(from Tanya Golubchik)

15. I didn't know hallucinations were one of the effects of pregnancy!
(from Andjam)

16. The missing teaser for "Them Bones, Them Bones" that was left on the cutting room floor: Callisto: Xena, we have to talk .... I want my soul back
(from icebear)

17. "Just one thing Xena, if its a boy, promise me you'll call him Daimien."
(from Jasper Hedger)

18. Callisto becoming one with Xena's newest child.
(from Blk13Cat)

19. Callisto: D*mn! Junior's got some chops!
Xena: And this is a surprise? Hello? Who's your mommy? Who's your daddy? Yeesh!

(from Diana Hall)





Caption This No. 11c

Hey, this is YOUR job now, cowkids! Send your caption right now!

01. Britney Spears: (singing) "Hit me baby one more time!"
Xena: "You got it!"

(from Virginia & Lourdes S.)

02. Xena: "Sing those words again or you'll really gonna get it!"
Britney Spears: "Ooops, I did it again. Now I annoyed Xena, the Warrior Princess!"

(from Virginia & Lourdes S.)

03. Xena's decendent. It seems like her "warrior ways" still runs in the blood.
Xena decendent: "Stop that music or I'll beat you up."
Girl: "Alright!! Xena!!"

(from Joanne)

04. Xena finds Gabrielle hepped up on henbane and listening to the latest, mass produced, made to order teen pop crap on the radio. (How else would Gabby be listening to that junk anyway? We all know she has better taste than that)
(from Jeremy Root)

05. Xena: I said "NO MORE MUSICALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Aphrodite: Aw c'mon, warrior babe, I can lip-synch just as well as Gabby.

(from Thomas Healy)

06. Xena finally stops world suffering by killing Brittany Spears.
Xena: "I'll hit you 'one more time'."

(from Xenitejen)

07. Gabrielle was about to learn why they called it "Heavy Metal"
(from G_Gruschow)

08. Brittany: "Hit me baby one more time!"
Xena: "Oh now that is just waaaay too tempting."

(from Emily Mills)

09. In an attempt to boost ratings, TPTB tried incorporating more pop culture into XWP. Though fans doubted that "Brittanyus the Evil Sorceress" would be a huge success, they were suprisingly rewarded by getting to see Xena draw and quarter her at the end after Brittanyus tried hitting on Gabrielle.
(from Emily Mills)

10. Gabrielle's latest change of image did not go down well with Xena.
(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

11. Britney: "Hit me baby one more time..."
Xena: "You have no idea..."

(from Lasse)

12. Xena: "Hmm, Auto' or Sal', I'm not sure, but I know a scam when I see one..."
(from Lasse)

13. Xena wasn't one-hundred percent certian Alti had been reincarnated as Britney Spears, but she wasn't in the mood to take chances.
(from Jasper Hedger)

14. RenPic decided to crackdown on bootleg copies of Xena soundtrack CDs.
(from Jasper Hedger)

15. Although not as controversial as The Rift Saga or The Gabchakwhack, Xena's response to Gabrielle's new look did generate quiet a lot of on-line debate
(from Jasper Hedger)

16. "I politely asked you to turn down the volume. Once."
(from Jasper Hedger)

17. When it came to critiqueing contemporary culture, Xena believed actions spoke louder than words.
(from Jasper Hedger)

18. Behind the scenes at the Starfury: Chariots of War 2 masquerade
(from Jasper Hedger)

19. "Sorry for not using a spear."
(from Matthias Roth)

20. "I am not Spock and this is not the Vulcan Nerve Pinch but the result will be the same."
(from Matthias Roth)

21. "Gabby, stop reincarnating this way!"
(from Matthias Roth)

22. "But Xena, I thought you LIKED it when I lip-synced to 'Baby, One More Time'!"
(from A.L.Shaughnessy )

23. "Whoops! I did it again," thinks Xena with evil glee as she grants Britney's request to "Hit me baby one more time".
(from icebear)

24. Brittney: "Hit me baby, one more time..."
Xena: "Hey, little b*tch, trust me, I will hit you"
*POW* (from Blk13Cat)

25. Xena, thinking, 'Ah, this is bliss. I'm going to make her little blonde face look like something my dog threw up last night.' (from Blk13Cat)

26. Gabby: "Xena, don't! That's Hope!"
Xena: "Now it makes sense. I always thought Britteny Spears was evil"

(from Blk13Cat)

27. Nice, stretchy material. Lycra? Spandex?
(from Diana Hall)





Past Caption Thises


Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 10a.
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Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 9a.
Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 9b.
Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 8a.
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Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 7a.
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Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 6a.
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Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 2.
Click here to read the captions for Caption This No. 1.





Biographies

Nicola Guest Nicola Guest

I live "across the pond" in bonny old England, currently doing a Degree in Media Production, specialising in Animation. I enjoy directing, storyboarding and creating comedy scripts (I like comedy alot so that's why the funny episodes of XWP are my favourite!) I'm also getting into web design and have started to produce my own site: http://www.c-gue.demon.co.uk/. At the moment I'm living the typical life of a student and loving every minute of it.
Favorite episodes: A DAY IN THE LIFE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL, IF THE SHOE FITS
Favorite line: Gabrielle: "It's a SACK Xena" IF THE SHOE FITS
First episode seen: IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL
Least favorite episode: ULYSSES

Joxer-impaired Spice Marian Pappaceno
Writer
Marian Pappaceno, now a New Yorker after meeting her love on-line in 1992, was raised in the glitter of Las Vegas, which probably contributed to her sideways sense of humor. Always the tough gal, she was happy to play the role of the bad guy with the neighborhood kids, usually as a thief or alien-come-to-conquer-earth. An artist at heart, she draws constantly when not at her job in nuclear medicine. She shares her home with several animals, including a german shepherd who knows how to work the ice machine.
Favorite episode: BITTER SUITE(58/312)
Favorite line: Gabrielle with centaur dropping in hand: "...don't eat....Oh, thank you...thank you VERY much!" HOOVES AND HARLOTS (10/110)
First episode seen: FISTFUL OF DINARS (14/114)
Least favorite episode: THE TITANS (07/107)



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